I'm trying to help, but I don't know how.

[Gibby0731]

Hi everyone,

I found your forum because my boyfriend is a member on it and has been using it while applying to medical schools this year. A little backstory:

-I am not a pre-medical school student; my boyfriend (4 years) is.
-He applied to 12 different schools this cycle. (8 rejected, 2 still waiting on a response, and 2 invited him to do secondary apps but never sent an email or letter about interviews).
-He got a 33 on his MCAT, volunteered in Ghana, Africa for a month summer 2014, works as an ER tech at a hospital here in town, shadowed/volunteered (don't know the exact number on this though), 3.89 GPA (one of his 3 B's was a hs dual-credit course), etc.

I'm wondering if any of you out there would have any advice for how I help him cope with his recent rejections and the possibility that he may not be going to med school next year. I wasn't able to attend any of the interviews he went on, so it's hard for me to figure out if there was a way he could improve on that, as well as not being able to get a feel for the different schools he went to.

What are some volunteer opportunities that medical schools find appealing from applicants? Do med schools focus majorly on how many leadership positions you held (because he wasn't a part of many organizations on campus)? Are there any sites that are helpful for determining what schools he should reapply for that he might receive a better chance at next cycle (should he need to reapply)?

I'm trying to be as supportive as possible when it comes to this and telling him not to take it personally because I know these schools are going off of LOR's, MCAT scores, transcripts, and interviews, but I know that all of this is starting to affect him. It just hurts me to see someone I've been with for 4 years struggling through this, when I know what all he's been through to get to this point. I know that everyone has their struggles before med school, but I just really love him and can see how much this hurts him. The way he comes home every night from the hospital after working and talking about his job, you can see how much he is in his element. It's the same way I talk about music and theatre (I'm a theatre/marketing major by the way), and I know how hard it is when you don't get something you really want.

Anyways, I'm sorry for this long post. I'm just trying to be as supportive as I can without being too overprotective but at the same time not trying to bring many negatives into it. Any and all advice would be appreciated.

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[frosted_flake]

What schools did he apply to? If he applied to only top-tier schools that might be the issue.
What about clinical experience or shadowing? His numbers are pretty good, so I doubt that is the issue here.

As far as being supportive, guys are strange about receiving support. Some want others to be involved, some want to do it all themselves. I would just be there to listen to him vent or cook him a nice dinner if he has had a particularly rough day.

 

[italiancowgirl]

Honest opinion, he is going to have to deal with the struggle and us telling you how to help him actually doesn't help. He has to dig inside himself and find the drive to put all pride aside and lay it all out to figure out how to improve. And as someone who has been married for 5 years (together over 13 years) to a strong willed, motivated silent sort of man, you should be very careful. You sound like a helicopter parent only as a girlfriend. Does he have any friends who have gone through a similar struggle? YOU should go talk to their significant others so you can better understand how to support and not fix. People don't want to be fixed, they want to be supported through a struggle. Sometimes the best thing I do for my husband is give him the space to deal with his emotions and struggles. My husband takes forever to ask for help, but he does in the end. You should work on patience because if he does get in, he will have many years of struggle and frustration (though with the satisfaction of being on the track you love). If he wants it bad enough he will find a way, it just might take some soul searching and heartbreak first.

 

[Goro]

He should contact Admissions Deans at the schools that rejected him and seek feedback (not advice) on his rejections. I agree that he might have aimed too high, or applied too late.

The month in Ghana will most likely be viewed as "medical tourism" or similar.

I'm wondering if any of you out there would have any advice for how I help him cope with his recent rejections and the possibility that he may not be going to med school next year. I wasn't able to attend any of the interviews he went on, so it's hard for me to figure out if there was a way he could improve on that, as well as not being able to get a feel for the different schools he went to.


Some types of volunteer activities are more appealing than others. Volunteering in a nice suburban hospital is all very well and good and all, but doesn't show that you're willing to dig in and get your hands dirty in the same way that working with the developmentally disabled (or homeless, the dying, or Alzheimers or mentally ill or elderly or ESL or domestic, rural impoverished) does. The uncomfortable situations are the ones that really demonstrate your altruism and get you 'brownie points'. Plus, they frankly teach you more -- they develop your compassion and humanity in ways comfortable situations can't.

Service need not be "unique". If you can alleviate suffering in your community through service to the poor, homeless, illiterate, fatherless, etc, you are meeting an otherwise unmet need and learning more about the lives of the people (or types of people) who will someday be your patients. Check out your local houses of worship for volunteer opportunities. The key thing is service to others less fortunate than you. And get off campus and out of your comfort zone!

Examples include: Habitat for Humanity, Ronald McDonald House, Humane Society, crisis hotlines, soup kitchen, food pantry, homeless or women’s shelter, after-school tutoring for students or coaching a sport in a poor school district, teaching ESL to adults at a community center, Big Brothers/Big Sisters, or Meals on Wheels.

What are some volunteer opportunities that medical schools find appealing from applicants?

No. AdComs want to know that you know what you're getting into, and show off your altruistic, humanistic side. We need to know that you're going to like being around sick or injured people for the next 40 years.

Do med schools focus majorly on how many leadership positions you held (because he wasn't a part of many organizations on campus)?

One can find great advice here on SDN. You have to just avoid the angst and neuroticism.
Are there any sites that are helpful for determining what schools he should reapply for that he might receive a better chance at next cycle (should he need to reapply)?

Only 40% of applicants get into MD schools in any given year. Being able to deal with rejection is part of this game. Your BF should also be considering DO schools because frankly, it's a very competitive environment and only 1-2% of all applicants ever matriculate into any given med school.

I'm trying to be as supportive as possible when it comes to this and telling him not to take it personally because I know these schools are going off of LOR's, MCAT scores, transcripts, and interviews, but I know that all of this is starting to affect him. It just hurts me to see someone I've been with for 4 years struggling through this, when I know what all he's been through to get to this point. I know that everyone has their struggles before med school, but I just really love him and can see how much this hurts him. The way he comes home every night from the hospital after working and talking about his job, you can see how much he is in his element. It's the same way I talk about music and theatre (I'm a theatre/marketing major by the way), and I know how hard it is when you don't get something you really want.


On the basis your BF's stats alone, here are the schools I'd recommend. If he reapplies to schools where he was rejected, he's going to need to show significant improvement. His numbers are competitive so something is either lacking with his ECs, or his essays, assuming he doesn't have a lethal LOR or some other red flag, like an IA or criminal activity.

U VM
USF Morsani (maybe)
Duke (maybe)
Case (maybe)
Mayo (maybe)
Miami
St. Louis
Albany
Albert Einstein
Rochester
Rush (note: very service/experience oriented with a 150hr service requirement. Avg student has 800 hours of community service, and >1800 hours of health care exposure.)
Rosy Franklin
BU
MCW
Hofstra
NYMC
VCU
EVMS
Wake Forest
Jefferson
Temple
Drexel
Creighton
George Washington
Emory
USC/Keck
Tulane
Dartmouth
Loyola
Any new MD school. Skip Central MI and the three new FL schools. I can't recommend CNU.
Your state school(s).
Any DO program