In Need of Advice

[infloodlife]

Ok so I will be very honest in this. Since the beginning of high school I have said that I have wanted to become a doctor. Since then I have spent two years on Ski Patrol working with physicians and boosting my confidence as well as my passion. Also since my first year of high school, I have essentially become psychologically addicted to weed, and have begun to dabble in more potent drugs. I smoke heavily and consitantly and I can admit it is 100% to cover up some underlying mental illness.
I never did awful in higschool, I graduated with a weighted 3.3, I took as many AP classes I could and did not get below a C, yet I struggled very hard to put in any effort to my schoolwork. I am infatuated by anything biology, I have read anatomy textbooks and tons of scientific journals in my free time out of pure interest, but I am terrified that this passion I have will not translate to success in college or possibly med school. My senior year of high school, this year, my dad died of a heart attack after he battled leukemia for 6 years. This event has made me physically ache for the chance to save a life, to pursue this career. I have seen how medicine had given me that 6 years with him. Still, I struggle with drugs and fear that when I start college next year, it will only become worse. I hope there may be somebody who could shed some light into how to harness that passion and actually apply it to education, because I do love to learn. If, possibly, there are other people who have struggled with drug abuse yet have overcome it to pursue a medical career, I would love to hear your advice. Thank you!

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[OraOraOra]

First of all, sorry for your loss OP.

It is clear that you have a lot of things going on with your life right now, and I think the worst thing you can do is throw yourself into college curriculum (which i'm sure many will agree is a lot more fast paced than high school). Depending on your course load, I can see college exacerbating your self cited drug addiction. This could lead to you spiraling down a rabbit hole that could impede your goal to become a physician. (Getting bad grades, potentially getting caught with drugs leading to an IA, etc.)

My advice would be to try and defer your enrollment into college if you can. Don't jump right in, and take some time out side of school to heal, seek some help from a professional, reach out to your family or support system. You're entering undergrad with a clean slate, I would hate for you to start off badly and regret it years down the line when it is time to apply for medical school.

I see your passion and desire to become a physician from your post. I know my advice is passive in nature, and not the "how to channel my desire to success while in college right now" advice that you would've preferred. It's just that i didn't see any responses to your post and wanted to give you some iota of advice. Hopefully someone better experienced than me could give you better advice. (hopefully my post here bumps this thread higher so someone more qualified than me can speak on this)

All of the best,
-OraOraOra

 

[lull]

Still, I struggle with drugs and fear that when I start college next year, it will only become worse.

You've acknowledged the problem, which is great. It's better than a lot of people who face the same problems, but I think it's best to seek professional help. Talk to your PCP or school counselors and go from there.

 

[DZimmy16]

While it is great to see that you have acknowledged your problem it is quite worrisome that you are unable to quit on your own. This is a clear indication of addiction and the fact that you have began experimenting with other drugs is dangerous. I am glad that you are reaching out for help but most of us here are not professionals. In order to overcome your addiction as well as the underlying issues associated with the loss of your father you are going to need professional help as well as a huge amount of commitment and effort on your end. I myself have struggled with alcohol addiction and I will share some of my story before making any other recommendations.
I didn't start experimenting with alcohol until the later part of my senior year of high school and was not aware of my problem until my sophomore year and unwilling to quit until my junior year. However, I only quit long enough to take the MCAT before returning to my previous lifestyle. It took me quite a while to even discover and then admit that I had a problem. You are far ahead of me in this respect and the fact that you are aware of this early on has the opportunity to be an advantage. I really don't want to go into too much detail here on my addiction or my story in this thread but am willing to discuss this more in a private setting, just message me. Anyways, my problems with alcohol got worse and worse until I reached my breaking point/rock bottom. It was at this point that I decided to turn my life around and get my **** together.
My advice to you would be to would be the following:
1. Seek professional help and begin attending therapy of some sort. There are plenty of options out there for you i.e. Narcotics Anonymous, rehab facilities/programs, therapists, etc.
2. You need to be honest and open with those who love and support you. This was probably the hardest part for me. I felt as though everyone held me to such high standards and thought that I was perfect. I thought that by me telling them about my addiction that they would think less of me, I would let them down, and that they wouldn't love me anymore. However, all of these turned out to be untrue. Anyone who truly had my best interest in mind continued to love and support me. Sobriety is a lifelong challenge and believe me when I say that you will, at some point, need to lean on someone to prevent relapsing. Not being open and honest with those around me was one of the main reasons that I relapsed several times.
2.5 (Added this in late but it relates to 2) You need to change your circle. While this doesn't mean you need to eliminate everyone in your life, you need to take a hard look at people in your life and decide who is going to help you move forward and who is going to hold you back. This is part of being honest. You will lose some people who you thought were your friends but you need to understand that you are going on to a better place and have taken a new path, and not everyone is going to come with you. I unfortunately had to let go of my 2 longest and closest friends, however, 1 is currently dead and the other is in prison serving a 10 year sentence. I have no doubt that if I hadn't decided to change my life that I would be in one of those situations.
3. You need to give this your full effort and I would advise you to not go away to college until you have a grasp on your addiction. Adjusting to life on your own, not having any supervision, and the added stress of college will only exasperate your addiction/self medication. You need to be surrounded by people who love and support you as well as hold you accountable for your actions. I do not think that going away is a good idea for you. I would recommend staying home and attending a community college until you are able to transition safely without a high risk of relapsing. Also, this is only if you think that you are capable of becoming sober and attending school at the same time. Your health comes first and do not take on too much. When it comes to applying to medical school your GPA is extremely important and not performing well early on, especially at a community college, will be a huge disadvantage when it comes time to apply. It is more beneficial to take a full year off and focus on your health than to spend a year earning subpar grades. If you attend college and earn poor grades your going to need to take a gap year, post-bacc, or SMP to get in anyway so you might as well take the break early on.

I hope that I was able to give you insight and some advice. If you want to talk more feel free to message me but I want to make it clear that while I am more than willing to speak with you, I am not a professional and you need to seek other sources of counsel beyond myself. You can do this!!!