In over my head; doubt.

[sarahkristy117]

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I've deferred my admission to my PsyD program for the past year because I had a baby in December. I've had a lot of time to think about attending this fall and a lot of time to doubt myself and my decision.

Before having my son, I was 100% all about psych and becoming a clinical psychologist. Now...I'm not so sure. Not only do I feel like I have NO brain power in order to succeed in a rigorous program (probably due to lack of sleep/having a newborn), but I am doubting my decision to become a clinical psychologist. I feel like I might have just jumped at the first thing that I felt like I should do. What if I'm meant for other things?

I don't have the time to figure this out.....I'm feeling super stressed and even went to counseling about this whole issue...."classic adjustment disorder" I guess.

Then there is the whole issue of attending a non-funded program....but at this point I'm more worried about this being the "right" thing for me. How can I ever know?

Anyone else feeling this way?😕

 

[psychmama]

Hi. I'm not sure if this will be helpful to you or not, but I remember feeling very muddled about my career goals after having my first and second children. Let's face it, becoming a parent is a huge change in role status for every woman. It's understandable that you may feel differently now than you did a year ago.

None of this is probably useful in helping you sort out what to do. But it might at least prevent you from pathologizing your response. I think what you're going through is very normal for someone in your situation.

Good luck as you work through the decision, and enjoy your baby!

 

[CheetahGirl]

I've deferred my admission to my PsyD program for the past year because I had a baby in December. I've had a lot of time to think about attending this fall and a lot of time to doubt myself and my decision.

I don't have the time to figure this out.....I'm feeling super stressed and even went to counseling about this whole issue...."classic adjustment disorder" I guess.

Then there is the whole issue of attending a non-funded program....but at this point I'm more worried about this being the "right" thing for me. How can I ever know?

Anyone else feeling this way?😕

Hey,

When I had my first kid (I have three), I debated on the "right" time (to have kids) for a long time...then, it happened and it opened so many doors to beautiful aspects of life that I would not have otherwise known. You'll never know if being a clinical psychologist is the right thing for you unless you try it and you have the privileged to have been accepted and on your way. Do you remember the energy you put in to getting in to your program? Right now, you may not feel that energy because motherhood has a tendency to be lovingly draining.

If you're still thinking about being a working mom, what kind of job would satisfy you? That's what I had to ask myself, and I couldn't come up with an answer. It was the end all of all for me…if I was going to be a working mom. I treat school like a (unpaid ) job, but I can't wait to be the kind of mom to my kids that I've always wanted to be.

One of my biggest motivators is my program itself, which is a great support system. If you decide it's the right time, you'll find what works for you to get the work done, and if you find it overwhelming, you'll learn that, too. If you're planning to stay home with your pudding-pie baby, that's a different story. The flip side is the hours of enjoyment your baby will get from listening to you read Freud aloud…or it may just put him/her to sleep.😉

BTW...I don't really do that.

 

[deleted176373]

Hi. I'm not sure if this will be helpful to you or not, but I remember feeling very muddled about my career goals after having my first and second children. Let's face it, becoming a parent is a huge change in role status for every woman. It's understandable that you may feel differently now than you did a year ago.

None of this is probably useful in helping you sort out what to do. But it might at least prevent you from pathologizing your response. I think what you're going through is very normal for someone in your situation.

Good luck as you work through the decision, and enjoy your baby!

I think you hit the nail on the head with this post. There is a lot going on when you have that first kid, in addition to the general fatigue that comes with having to adjust to that first child. It is a huge life stressor (good and bad) and it's to be expected that you would rethink your position. It's a lot easier to go into a graduate program when you only have to feed and care for yourself!

Mark

 

[StephanieTitus]

I do not have a child, but, I completely support myself and am graduating with my masters in about 2 weeks 🙂 In the fall I will start my doctoral program...I was going to go full time, but, I've decided that I need to do a little self care since I literally have not had a break from going to school full time since I was 4 years old. (There was literally only 2 weeks in between my B.A. completion and starting my M.S!!!!) So, I've decided to attend my doctoral program part time. I am going to work full time and go to school part time and who knows! I might actually have enough $ to buy food that isn't mac and cheese 🙂. I think we, especially as counselors, psychologists, social workers, tend to put others first and think about what we "should" be doing....and not reflect on what might be best for us, truely best for us, at this time/stage in our lives. Right now, at this stage in your life, you (the new mommy, congrats!!!) might need to take a break from school, or only go part time. I think the world puts so much pressure on us already...we don't need to do it to ourselves!

 

[Eruca]

I'm not sure you can ever be 'completely sure' of most paths all of the time. I'm nearly done with my program, and love what I do. Is it the only thing I can or would love to do? Nope. I have many passions.. this is one. I also put off having children in order to finish this venture, am I sure of this decision? Nope. You have to go with what feels right at the time, and hope that you're in tune with yourself enough to know when things change. I decided to be a psychologist when I was 16. I'm in my early 30s, nearly finished, love what I do - and yet, maybe one day I will do something else (like have children, lol).

I think sometimes, we just have to learn to deal with the uncertainty of our decisions. Because really, there's just no way around it. A lack of a decision, is still a decision. Consider all the things you must now that you're a mother, but try not to overthink it. You can always change your mind.

 

[psychmama]

Making mistakes is not so bad. I started off in another profession, had three kids, and then decided to get a doctorate in clinical psychology. The good thing is that I'd already had a number of years of mothering under my belt before committing to grad school. On the downside, it hasn't been easy trying to integrate my education and training into my existing life and all of the complicated relationships I have. Not to mention that I have very little free time! On the other hand, I'm living in a nice house and am more financially secure than most of my cohort. Anyway -- the point (I think there's one here anyway...) is that there is no absolutely right or wrong decision, and most decisions can be tweaked if it turns out that they're not right for you.🙂

 

[sarahkristy117]

Hmm.

Yeah. I have no idea still.

There are so many variables working against each other here.

1. I'm already in a large (I'm talking...LARGE) amount of debt from undergrad and either need to go on to school to defer my loans or get a higher paying job (however, the last thing I want to do right now if work MORE and put my baby in daycare more often- also, a higher paying job probably won't happen because a BA in Psych doesn't command much).

2. I would like to take some time off but I would need to stay in psych related jobs in order to reapply later competitively and any higher paying jobs are not psych related.

3. If I put that all aside and decide to go, I'm worried about the work load. Just looking at syllabi from 2008 classes and I'm astounded at the amount of writing required per week. How much writing do you typically do per week? (I think I'll start another thread on this)

Can I really succeed at this? Am I looking for excuses not to go? Or just feeling the same anxiety that everyone else feels before making such a huge decision?


Sorry for dumping this on the thread. It's therapeutic.

 

[psychmama]

I'm not sure where you are in terms of your age, but if you're pretty young I'd be tempted in your shoes to take some time off. I don't know that it will be a problem to do this and reapply to programs down the road if you decide this is really what you want. Right now you don't sound so sure. Maybe that's a good reason to wait?

 

[docma]

Enjoy parenthood. Get the undergrad debt under control doing something part-time that keeps your mind engaged or contributes in ways you value--but don't tie yourself to grad school stress (to be followed by the licensure ordeal) this early in his/her life. Unless you have funding for the PsyD you will be way too in debt to be able to enjoy parenthood plus professional life because there would be pressure to take the most high paid (versus best fit with family life) job. Once your child is in school you can explore all the options. PsyD programs will not go away; maybe they will even develop some funded positions....Life has many options...and the early childhood years zip by...

 

[sarahkristy117]

Enjoy parenthood. Get the undergrad debt under control doing something part-time that keeps your mind engaged or contributes in ways you value--but don't tie yourself to grad school stress (to be followed by the licensure ordeal) this early in his/her life. Unless you have funding for the PsyD you will be way too in debt to be able to enjoy parenthood plus professional life because there would be pressure to take the most high paid (versus best fit with family life) job. Once your child is in school you can explore all the options. PsyD programs will not go away; maybe they will even develop some funded positions....Life has many options...and the early childhood years zip by...

Oh man. Literally having completely pendulum swings in how I feel either way. Ever have a dilemma where you couldn't decide but when someone told you to do one thing, you defended the other decision and vice versa?

As far as my undergrad debt goes, either I need to go to school to defer loans or get a much higher paying job- which I can't find in psych. If I did not attend this fall, I would have to take a different position non-psych related for the money and would not be able to keep up my resume, therefore making admission to another psych program later on more unlikely.

The other thing is that I won't have to be away from my son 5+ days a week all day like a full time job. I will be at school 2 days for the first year and doing studying from home. Obviously, my time away will increase with each year but he won't be so little either.

I truly do want to go to this program. I was working today and felt completely convinced of my decision to pursue clinical psych...I just let fear and doubt get in the way. I think I'm really afraid of failing.

I think I will always make excuses about it being the right time to do this. When my son is in school, I'll be finding other reasons why it won't work.
It's not a funded program but the Income Based Repayment Program looks promising as well as the National Health Service Repayment Program.

So. At this point, I'm waiting to see if my husband can find a higher paying job in the area where I will be attending school. If so, it's a go. If not, then I'll just accept it and try to figure out a way to keep with psychology so I can apply later.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I hope my complete indecisiveness doesn't make me go insane.

We'll see where I am in the fall.

 

[sarahkristy117]

Would a good option for me be to pursue an MSW with a clinical concentration? I could go to school part-time on weekends and finish in 3 years. I would be able to be home with my son and it would cost about 80k less than the non-funded PsyD. Of course, the income wouldn't be a high but definitely much higher than the 30k a BA commands.

Opinions? Do MSW's ever go back to school for a PsyD? Would an MSW/experience increase my chances of being admitted to a funded PsyD?

I really do want the more extensive training of a PsyD but I don't think I am ready to commit 6+ years to it as well as 30+ hours a week away from my baby.

 

[psychmama]

If your primary goal is clinical practice, the MSW might prove a very good option for you. There are MSWs who go back for Phds or Psyds later on. If you decided you need the doctorate, that might be a route to consider. I can understand your hesitation about doing the Psyd right now. You have a lot on your plate and it sounds like your heart may not really be in it (at least for now).

 

[Psychstuca]

I saw a post in another thread here somewhere about MSW people having problems to get credits for their courses when applying for PsyD/PhD. The advice was to go into Master's in Couseling Psych because Counseling courses are more transferable to PsyD (and PhD?) programs, so you will be able to apply maximum units for credit if you later decide to pursue your doctorate... You might want to get more info on this...

Regarding motherhood and doubts, I can only share my own experience, even though it is not so relevant to your situation. Having gone through multiple careers, before and after immigration with my two young children, building my way to high paying jobs in corporate world to raise these children, having mid-life crisis after realization that working for survival isn't my life purpose (my daughters are now college graduates), and finding my true calling in pursuing a psychologist career, I still have doubts from time to time, whether this was a right decision, given the degree of financial (and social) sacrifice. People have doubts about big goals they undertake.

Sometimes I wish I had my degree earlier so that I could have been a more psychologically minded mom than I actually was🙂 Not that one needs a doctoral degree for that🙂 On the other hand, when I was raising kids I was working full time most of the time and going to school (for other, non-psych stuff) at night. I wonder where those years went. I can't believe my children grew up before I knew it, and I feel guilty now (oh, yes) for not spending enough time with them when they were younger.

The resume is don't voluntarily get yourself stressed out, especially if you have motherhood to enjoy, unless absolutely necessary. Your baby needs you, right, and you will be able to enjoy him so much more if you have less stress and more time to do so, and this is not from books.

In terms of loan repayment, I thought you could also defer your loans if you are unemployed, at least this is what I did when finishing my previous degree. But this was a while ago, and things might have changed since then.

One more thing (one more lesson learned), if you feel doubtful about making a decision, you might simply not be ready to make it. Not terribly novel idea, huh. In my life I have often had situations when I felt I had to make a decision right then, and that I didn't have time to wait (for whatever reason), and later it turned out totally different. (I apologize if this sounds like "learn form my mistakes, kids" type of stuff, of which I get sometimes accused by my grown daughters 🙂
Anyway, you are doing the right thing, listening to your both sides.

Good luck to you. Enjoy your baby!

 

[compassionate1]

Regarding your loans:

I do not have all the pertinent information, but I recall reading about forgiveness / deferment plans, where you work with vulnerable populations, and in return -- do not have to pay back your loans. You get somewhat compensated for your work, although it is not much. But if this is a viable option, it might take the pressure off and ensure that you do not make decisions that are stress-based, but rather work in your own best interset.

I am on a similar boat: Have two kids; dreamt about getting that PhD / PsyD my entire life but may have to go for clinical social work after all.
The most difficult part for me is getting rid of my preconceived notions about the field, and being able to feel good about making this choice, rather than feeling resentment about the "compromise" I've had to make.

BTW -- another options may be: Going for the MSW and later getting a PhD in social work. This way, you get the full credit for your MA and do not have to repeat it. I found a good program in the latter that would consider addmiting me with an MA in a different sub-field in psychology but I would not be able to practice if I went that route ( without getting the MSW first), so it is probably not an option for me. But i think it is important to keep considering all of your options and do what is going to be best for you and your family, short term, as well as long term.

Good luck! I can relate to your struggle!

Enjoy the little one,

Compassionate1

 

[starsinnight]

I think that you are just settling with the idea of an MSW since you even said it isn't what you really want. And you also already said that you are afraid of failing and making up excuses, right?

I was so indecisive after undergrad. I wanted to get a Master's in teaching, who knows what I wanted to do. I finally decided on a MHC and am happy I did. But I didn't even bother applying to PhD's first, I knew I wasn't ready.

You sound like you are, just very worried - which is normal. It is going to be a lot of stress but it can be done. My boss has had 3 kids in the middle of pursuing her PhD. She just gave birth again recently and is waiting some more. I know another PhD student who got pregnant during her program and she is doing just fine too. I think that they are good examples of it being possible. Of course it'll be tough but I am sure the school will be accomodating if you need it.

About the debt, it's there regardless. Whether you start or not, it's there. So just forget about it. I know that sounds terrible but I went to a private undergraduate school and I have alot of debt that I had to try and convince myself to not worry about. As well as what will be added on if I do get a PhD. Everyone has been telling me not to worry about school loans, because you can basically pay them off in small increments forever if you need to. Not that anyone would want to.

Plus there are the loan forgiveness program -like Teach for America or working in the military or Peace Corps as a psychologist? I've heard about these but don't know the specifics.

But this is all just my opinion. I really do think though that you should take some time figuring it all out before you jump into anything you are unsure about. And in the moment, sometimes things seem like good ideas and later they dont. I can't believe I even considered dropping my MHC program and starting a new one in teaching! Good luck! I think you can do it. 😉