Indian culture

[lumbering]

Nearly all of my residents/interns went to medical school in India. I feel like it's very diffult to make small talk with them. What am I supposed to say? "So how is your arranged bride?" Any general info on indian culture or tips on how to relate to Indians would be much appreciated.

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[surrender903]

you re an idiot.

 

[chicago13]

yes douche bag please ask that

 

[Top Gun]

Here's your first tip on Indian culture:

Not all marriages are arranged. While that may have been true in the past, today more Indians are choosing their marriage partners on their own, instead of relying on the parents to make the decision for them. If you ask your resident how his arranged bride is, he will definitely want to smack you upside the head.

 

[OncoCaP]

Nearly all of my residents/interns went to medical school in India. I feel like it's very diffult to make small talk with them. What am I supposed to say? "So how is your arranged bride?" Any general info on indian culture or tips on how to relate to Indians would be much appreciated.

I take it you didn't go to school with many people from India? I find them to be very friendly and easy to talk to. Because they have a lot of British influence in their country, they are actually very easy for an American to relate to, in my opinion. As far as the arranged marriage custom, I would just ask the way you would ask about a non-arranged marriage. For example, you can ask how their wife / fiance is doing if you think it would be appropriate. That's not normally a conversation starter for me, however. I would just start by talking about work, maybe asking them what sports they like ... that kind of thing. I think you're in for a pleasant surprise on how friendly and social many people from India are.

 

[Taty]

Nearly all of my residents/interns went to medical school in India. I feel like it's very diffult to make small talk with them. What am I supposed to say? "So how is your arranged bride?" Any general info on indian culture or tips on how to relate to Indians would be much appreciated.

Whats the...? My fiancee is Indian and I am not Indian...we were NOT arranged to marry by our parents. Do not generalize please...

 

[Taty]

Nearly all of my residents/interns went to medical school in India. I feel like it's very diffult to make small talk with them. What am I supposed to say? "So how is your arranged bride?" Any general info on indian culture or tips on how to relate to Indians would be much appreciated.

Just imagine that they are American trained doctors and talk to them.

 

[OncoCaP]

While the arranged marriage issue may not apply to all Indians, I have a friend on facebook who is from Egypt and lives there (yes, I know, not Indian, but perhaps relevant with respect to relating to a different culture). He's a neurology resident and had an arranged marriage with a girl who looks like she's about three years old. He comes across like a smart, professional, nice guy, and I get the impression that he was very respectful to her (I'm not sure that he is even allowed to kiss her at this point) and that him marrying a 3-year-old was ordinary in his culture. Anyway, I was confused initially initially when he was talking about when he was talking about his bride and there is this very young child that he is holding in his arms -- in his wedding pictures. It takes some adjustment when you are talking to a 20-something year old guy who is in love with a 3-year-old "bride." He spoke about her very lovingly and in a certain sense, romatically, and it was culturally difficult for me to make conversation along these lines. I don't have anything against him, but I had to really think about what was appropriate to say and what was not. I even hesitated to ask questions for clarification because I was worried that they could come across as insulting. Anyone else encounter anything like this before? Is it possible for an arranged marriage like this to take place in rural India or are there age requirements without exception?

 

[OncoCaP]

Do you know what her age actually was? I had a friend that was dating a girl that looked underage: turns out she's just short with a pudgy face. Then she found that I said she looked 12 and said some very adult words at me.

And if I ever meet someone married to a 3 year old I'd feel no particular obligation to be respectfully of their decision or culture.

These were pictures of a man holding a toddler / very young child. There is no way this tiny child could have been even 7 years old, let alone 12.

Here is a bit of information about the situation in India with respect to child marriages. They are illegal but supposedly still occur:
http://www.haverford.edu/engl/engl277b/Contexts/arranged.htm
"First comes marriage, then comes love"

The Indian writer Ira Mathur begins her article on arranged marriage with this twist on the old rhyme. Despite her initial mocking tone, she proceeds to argue for the benefits of arranged marriage and points out the much lower divorce rate among couples whose marriages were arranged. Ninety-five percent of marriages in India are still arranged.

In the past children could be bound into marriages at very young ages; in some parts of India children as young as five years old were married. Child marriages have since been outlawed but still occur in some areas. Unmarried or abandoned daughters are a great source of shame in Indian families and women who reject their husbands are not treated well. Finding a suitable partner is important not only for the happiness of the couple, but also for the honor of the bride's family.


http://www.country-studies.com/india/marriage.html
"Some parents begin marriage arrangements on the birth of a child, but most wait until later. In the past, the age of marriage was quite young, and in a few small groups, especially in Rajasthan, children under the age of five are still united in marriage. In rural communities, prepuberty marriage for girls traditionally was the rule. In the late twentieth century, the age of marriage is rising in villages, almost to the levels that obtain in cities. Legislation mandating minimum marriage ages has been passed in various forms over the past decades, but such laws have little effect on actual marriage practices.

 

[Taty]

While the arranged marriage issue may not apply to all Indians, I have a friend on facebook who is from Egypt and lives there (yes, I know, not Indian, but perhaps relevant with respect to relating to a different culture). He's a neurology resident and had an arranged marriage with a girl who looks like she's about three years old. He comes across like a smart, professional, nice guy, and I get the impression that he was very respectful to her (I'm not sure that he is even allowed to kiss her at this point) and that him marrying a 3-year-old was ordinary in his culture. Anyway, I was confused initially initially when he was talking about when he was talking about his bride and there is this very young child that he is holding in his arms -- in his wedding pictures. It takes some adjustment when you are talking to a 20-something year old guy who is in love with a 3-year-old "bride." He spoke about her very lovingly and in a certain sense, romatically, and it was culturally difficult for me to make conversation along these lines. I don't have anything against him, but I had to really think about what was appropriate to say and what was not. I even hesitated to ask questions for clarification because I was worried that they could come across as insulting. Anyone else encounter anything like this before? Is it possible for an arranged marriage like this to take place in rural India or are there age requirements without exception?

I heard about this but it is very hard to accept.

So the guy just going to wait until his bride will be like 16 or 18 and marry her..hmm he will be like what 40-50. Very hard to understand...

 

[Top Gun]

While the arranged marriage issue may not apply to all Indians, I have a friend on facebook who is from Egypt and lives there (yes, I know, not Indian, but perhaps relevant with respect to relating to a different culture). He's a neurology resident and had an arranged marriage with a girl who looks like she's about three years old. He comes across like a smart, professional, nice guy, and I get the impression that he was very respectful to her (I'm not sure that he is even allowed to kiss her at this point) and that him marrying a 3-year-old was ordinary in his culture. Anyway, I was confused initially initially when he was talking about when he was talking about his bride and there is this very young child that he is holding in his arms -- in his wedding pictures. It takes some adjustment when you are talking to a 20-something year old guy who is in love with a 3-year-old "bride." He spoke about her very lovingly and in a certain sense, romatically, and it was culturally difficult for me to make conversation along these lines. I don't have anything against him, but I had to really think about what was appropriate to say and what was not. I even hesitated to ask questions for clarification because I was worried that they could come across as insulting. Anyone else encounter anything like this before? Is it possible for an arranged marriage like this to take place in rural India or are there age requirements without exception?

That strikes me as very odd. In India, Sri Lanka, and other South Asian countries, I think the parents usually try to find a bride who is somewhere around the age of the groom. Maybe, in Egypt, they have a different viewpoint.

 

[OncoCaP]

That strikes me as very odd. In India, Sri Lanka, and other South Asian countries, I think the parents usually try to find a bride who is somewhere around the age of the groom. Maybe, in Egypt, they have a different viewpoint.

My impression of India is that there are many cultures and practices.

Here is some info about arranged child marriages in India:

http://encarta.msn.com/encyclopedia_761574825/Marriage.html
"The most extreme form of parental influence is an arranged marriage in which the bride and groom have no say at all. For instance, in traditional Chinese practice, the bride and groom meet for the first time on their wedding day. In some upper-caste Hindu marriages, children are betrothed at a very young age and have no voice in the decision. In a less extreme form of arranged marriage, parents may do the matchmaking, but the young people can veto the choice. Some small cultures scattered around the world have what social scientists call preferential marriage. In this system, the bride or groom is supposed to marry a particular kind of person—for example, a cousin on the mother’s or father’s side of the family.

...

"Although arranged marriage persists in many cultures today, as modernization proceeds and many areas become part of the global economy, parental influences on marriage continue to decline. Young people who work for wages rather than on the family’s land no longer depend as highly on their parents’ resources. As Western popular culture—including motion pictures, television, music, and fashion—spreads around the world, many young people are drawn to Western notions of love, romance, and individual choice. In some places, such as Japan, people combine modern Western and older cultural practices. For instance, parents and computer matchmaking services help find prospective mates, and the individuals can accept or reject the proposed match.

 

[arthrodisiac]

oh people, get the stick out of your asses, he was just kidding around. grow some armor for god sakes.

 

[dizzle69]

These were pictures of a man holding a toddler / very young child. There is no way this tiny child could have been even 7 years old, let alone 12.

Here is a bit of information about the situation in India with respect to child marriages. They are illegal but supposedly still occur:
http://www.haverford.edu/engl/engl277b/Contexts/arranged.htm
"First comes marriage, then comes love"

The Indian writer Ira Mathur begins her article on arranged marriage with this twist on the old rhyme. Despite her initial mocking tone, she proceeds to argue for the benefits of arranged marriage and points out the much lower divorce rate among couples whose marriages were arranged. Ninety-five percent of marriages in India are still arranged.

In the past children could be bound into marriages at very young ages; in some parts of India children as young as five years old were married. Child marriages have since been outlawed but still occur in some areas. Unmarried or abandoned daughters are a great source of shame in Indian families and women who reject their husbands are not treated well. Finding a suitable partner is important not only for the happiness of the couple, but also for the honor of the bride's family.


http://www.country-studies.com/india/marriage.html
"Some parents begin marriage arrangements on the birth of a child, but most wait until later. In the past, the age of marriage was quite young, and in a few small groups, especially in Rajasthan, children under the age of five are still united in marriage. In rural communities, prepuberty marriage for girls traditionally was the rule. In the late twentieth century, the age of marriage is rising in villages, almost to the levels that obtain in cities. Legislation mandating minimum marriage ages has been passed in various forms over the past decades, but such laws have little effect on actual marriage practices.

How can you compare arranged child marriages to an arranged marriage involving a grown man and a 3 yr old?

In those certain parts of India, arranged marriages occur between 2 children of similar age range, not a grown man and a toddler.

The Egyptian who had an arranged marriage with a 3 y/o is in a culture that in my opinion deserves no respect. The custom is despicable, once again, IMO.

Please, don't compare Indian customs to something of that nature. That is offensive and if you don't know anything, don't assume. You know what they say about making assumptions ...

Your posts are almost as bad as the OP's thread.

 

[OncoCaP]

I heard about this but it is very hard to accept.

So the guy just going to wait until his bride will be like 16 or 18 and marry her..hmm he will be like what 40-50. Very hard to understand...

I'm sure it makes perfect sense in that culture. I'm sure there are things that Egyptians would find objectionable about some aspects of American culture as well. This is certainly an extreme example. Most things seem to be easy to relate to in different cultures, as far as I can tell, anyway. Part of that is probably the "globalizing" influence of the West as our culture displaces aspects of other traditional cultures and makes them more like ours. This seems to be happening with marriage as arranged marriages seem to be on the decline.

 

[Top Gun]

I'm sure it makes perfect sense in that culture. I'm sure there are things that Egyptians would find objectionable about some aspects of American culture as well. This is certainly an extreme example. Most things seem to be easy to relate to in different cultures, as far as I can tell, anyway. Part of that is probably the "globalizing" influence of the West as our culture displaces aspects of other traditional cultures and makes them more like ours. This seems to be happening with marriage as arranged marriages seem to be on the decline.

Yeah, but why would they want the guy to wait until he's 40 to marry? I mean, by the time the bride reaches her forties, there's a chance she could be a widow by then. Or maybe they don't really care about that?

 

[OncoCaP]

How can you compare arranged child marriages to an arranged marriage involving a grown man and a 3 yr old?

In those certain parts of India, arranged marriages occur between 2 children of similar age range, not a grown man and a toddler.

The Egyptian who had an arranged marriage with a 3 y/o is in a culture that in my opinion deserves no respect. The custom is despicable, once again, IMO.

Please, don't compare Indian customs to something of that nature. That is offensive and if you don't know anything, don't assume. You know what they say about making assumptions ...

Your posts are almost as bad as the OP's thread.

I wondered about the age difference myself. It certainly doesn't compute with my western values. However, I can also see that we have high divorce rates, common infidelity (>10%?), and lots of unhappy relationships, whether between formal or common-law partners. I'm not sure that we have a perfect system either. Some arranged marriage proponents claim that arranged marriages have some benefits. I personally perfer the western system, because that is what I know and it seems to have worked well for me (I'm happily married in a non-arranged relationship). It's always interesting when someone says that one culture's way of doing things is "better" on the basis of values of the "better" culture.

All the married Indians that I know with parents in India had some form of arranged marriage among adults (usually college grads); I was under the impression that the groom and bride were involved in the process and it worked out really well for them. I'm under the impression that it filters out some bad decisions and works well overall.

 

[dizzle69]

I wondered about the age difference myself. It certainly doesn't compute with my western values. However, I can also see that we have high divorce rates, common infidelity (>10%?), and lots of unhappy relationships, whether between formal or common-law partners. I'm not sure that we have a perfect system either. Some arranged marriage proponents claim that arranged marriages have some benefits. I personally perfer the western system, because that is what I know and it seems to have worked well for me (I'm happily married in a non-arranged relationship). It's always interesting when someone says that one culture's way of doing things is "better" on the basis of values of the "better" culture.

Your little rant on arranged marriages of the world, of which you know little to zilch about, reminds me of a Genetics rant for genetic counseling. Useless.

 

[OncoCaP]

Your little rant on arranged marriages of the world, of which you know little to zilch about, reminds me of a Genetics rant for genetic counseling. Useless.

The OP just asked about making small-talk in a situation s/he seemed uncomfortable with; this doesn't require a great deal of insight into arranged marriages.

I wasn't suggesting that Indian adults marry children (large age-gap). I was simplying saying that arranged marriages take place, even involving very young children, and it can be difficult to make small talk with someone who is excited about something that you don't agree with (even if it doesn't involve marriage of a young child). I have known a number of people in arranged marriages, including one of my best friends (an Indian). I'm not sure that arranged marriage is a secret topic that is difficult to grasp or to talk about. As far as I can tell, it's well documented. If there is some important/useful information that you don't think is well known, please share it.

Interacting with various cultures and dealing with unfamiliar practices does seem quite relevant to me. These topics are sensitive, which is why I think an anonymous place like this is a great place to ask questions or comment with perspectives that we might otherwise just avoid talking about in real life.

 

[SLUser11]

Could somebody please either murder this thread or move it to the premed forum?

 

[71263]

This is hilarious. I would love to see the OP ask that, and then watch the hilarity that ensues, for my own amusement.

P.S. I am indian.

 

[chintu]

I was born and brought up in India and currently MS IV here. I have worked with many indian residents and attendings as well and given my cultural background and experiences I can give you some insights into the culture. I would agree with many of the above posts. They indeed are very friendly people and most are trained in a british system. The thing you have to realize is that the residents you work with probably belong to some of the most educated and wealthier class of people in their home country and are well versed with the american culture even if they are new. I would stray away from bringing the whole arranged marriage thing as some have mentioned not all indians have arranged marriages and the ones who do go through the arranged marriage system still end up choosing their own bride. Some may find it offensive. but as someone mentioned its perfectly fine to bring up families and wives/husbands in the conversation. Modern day arranged marriages are like a match making system where parents just play an active part in helping choose a bride but the decision on choosing the partner rests on the groom for the most part. As I mentioned the residents you see here are highly educated and are very westernized in their thoughts if not the culture itself. I would advise you to just treat them like other residents and give them some time, you will be surprised how quickly they will pick things up. A couple of general things that might apply to most (but not all) is that many of them are vegetarians and are aversed to eating any kind of meat for religious or family reasons and many don't believe in drinking alcohol. Otherwise they are very social people in general and are eager to make friends with their american counterparts. As far as your education goes many of them were excellent students/physicians back home and generally have a strong fund of knowledge and you really can learn a lot from them especially things like physical diagnosis, etc. that isn't emphasized enough in this country. I would certainly take advantage of any opportunity to learn anything i can as you may not get this opportunity later in your career. This also helps them realize that you as a student are very eager to learn. Other than that if you just want to strike a conversation and shoot the breeze then talk about world politics, religion, traveling, sports, etc and you will realize there are more things in common between you and them then you may have thought at first. Hope this helps.

 

[Llenroc]

That would be like an Indian asking you, "So, how's your colonialism going ****face? What about that war in Iraq?"

 

[DOCTORSAIB]

Nearly all of my residents/interns went to medical school in India. I feel like it's very diffult to make small talk with them. What am I supposed to say? "So how is your arranged bride?" Any general info on indian culture or tips on how to relate to Indians would be much appreciated.

Arranged marriage is so YESTERDAY dude. (But that story about the Egyptian man holding his 3 year old fiance in his hands was funny as hell! haha. I can't believe people on here actually fell for that story).

Alright, listen up. Your homework is to read up as much as you can on Bollywood. In fact, go to your local Indian store and rent a movie or two and watch them over the weekend. If you don't know what's good, just ask one of the Indian guys working behind the counter. Most Bollywood movies these days have English subtitles so language is not an issue. These movies tend to be long (~3 hours) so be prepared.

Come Monday, strike up a conversation with your resident/intern about the movie you just saw. Wow them with your cultural knowledge. That way you'll look like less of a red-neck, despite your mullet (j/k!).

 

[Roy7]

Alright, listen up. Your homework is to read up as much as you can on Bollywood. In fact, go to your local Indian store and rent a movie or two and watch them over the weekend. If you don't know what's good, just ask one of the Indian guys working behind the counter. Most Bollywood movies these days have English subtitles so language is not an issue. These movies tend to be long (~3 hours) so be prepared.

Come Monday, strike up a conversation with your resident/intern about the movie you just saw. Wow them with your cultural knowledge. That way you'll look like less of a red-neck, despite your mullet (j/k!).

I concur. Best advice in the thread. Small talk = bollywood. You may actually like it - no matter which movie you pick it's like "You've got Mail" w/songs and less shirts/acting.

Edit: They've got some movies in blockbuster too in case you're checking - I'd recommend anything w/the words a Kal, Kuch, or Ho in the title. That gives you aboue 250,000 options.

 

[surprisedgirl]

I concur. Best advice in the thread. Small talk = bollywood. You may actually like it - no matter which movie you pick it's like "You've got Mail" w/songs and less shirts/acting.

haha so true!

 

[don_Genaro_27]

Actually, the story goes like this...two guys are fighting about a bad topic, and bam, when the third person steps in they start punching him....


Anyway, enough education, guys, let's step right to the point.

By way of intro, I am an Indian-born, raised American guy. If you have a background like mine, you love to talk about your transformation more than anything else, because, as I see it, your love for your country grows more than anything else as you grow up. That is to say, I love both the US and its culture, and treat India as a wonderful home.

speaking of the discussion, i was rather surprised to see a wonderful attitude from a colleague who ventured to boldly ask how to make small talk to an indian man. Had he persisted with this boldly and not resorted to a farcical internet board -- yes, that's this website -- for help, i would have hoped for a better solution.

As it is, life is nothing but a play as the bard opined.....

Anyway, my comments are as follows:

Arranged marriage or not, your opinion of India is drastically different from mine. Growing up there, I have witnessed arranged marriage both defended and praised. So, let us talk about it briefly. I myself have attended several marriages and almost all were arranged affairs.

Since you are unfamiliar with this process, PM me and I'l fill you in as I can.
But for now, please believe that there is no lack of love in between the couple before and after the marriage. There is plenty of time to correspond, talk, meet and decide to get hitched. Often, people break up, remarry and so on.

So, can you fault the biggest democracy in the world for trying to bring a certain order to its civilization? Maybe not!

As an aside, I enjoy receiving arranged marriage offers all the time. Despite the fact that I am dating and have done so for a while. Yeah, she is hot...and nope, no pictures

Although you may find it strange, a lot of western people get introduced by parents, church members, friends -- guys, this is your arranged marriage! If you didn't meet your SO in a bar, then, I am considering yours an arranged affair. (btw, i met mine through a job, so, hmm.. i guess it doesn't count now, does it?)

Also, for the primary response: I am very happy that you decided to talk to your Indian friend. He is probably a little shy. And scared of the American view of his lifestyle, which may consist of eating Indian food while watching Indian TV and discussing life w/ Indian friends.

You, as a friend, should spare him your bs of how things can be different, and simply spend time with him and discuss American affairs. He or she, as a general case, should be more than happy to bring his knowledge and questions, and perhaps even suggestions to the table.

If all else fails, just go to an Indian restuarant, and watch as your friend starts opening up very quickly.... just remember, dont say i didn't warn you about this

best of luck to the OP, and may you never post here again unless you come back with positive news - or we're branding you a troll, as initiall suspected.

 

[blz]

i'm indian, but borned and raise in the usa. i'm pretty white washed and if some punk med student started talking to me about bollywood i would smack him so hard. we're all regular people, just treat me like one. it's kind of sickening to even see that people think this way.

 

[docc23]

No matter what the skin color, people are people...seriously, Indians are not aliens! Talk to your interns/residents like they are people...why do you care so much about whether they had an arranged marriage or not? There is nothing more annoying that a person always starting the conversation with "so in india..." Do your job, treat them with respect and talk to them like you would anyone else.

 

[Final]

oh people, get the stick out of your asses, he was just kidding around. grow some armor for god sakes.

ok whitey.

 

[lumbering]

Special thanks to Chintu and don_Genaro_27 for the replies.

To clarify:

1) I am not a troll
2) I am genuinely curious about Indian culture and social practices.
3) I was joking about the Indian marriage question.
4) I have had a lot of experience with Indian Americans, but all of them have been in the US a while and have assimilated.

Two of my Indian interns were super nervous during the first week of my internal medicine rotation. They had to make a huge adjustment in starting their internship-learning a new computer system, fighting a language barrier, learning the hospital floorplan, dealing with long hours, and so forth. Since then, things have lightened up a little bit, and I'm interacting with them more smoothly. We've even had a number of laughs.

I just wanted to know about some basic broad sweeping characteristics of Indian culture.

1) How would you describe the culture's attitude towards touch and violation of personal space?

2) What are common topics of discussion?

3) Why do so many Indian medical graduates come to the US?

4) How does the style of practicing medicine differ? More/less paternalistic, aggressive, laid back, etc.?

...and so forth.

I realize, of course, that Indian medical graduates are heterogeneous, but at the same time, it is likely that they differ dramatically on average from US born interns in certain areas.

 

[Dr JPH]

I just wanted to know about some basic broad sweeping characteristics of Indian culture.

1) How would you describe the culture's attitude towards touch and violation of personal space?

2) What are common topics of discussion?

3) Why do so many Indian medical graduates come to the US?

4) How does the style of practicing medicine differ? More/less paternalistic, aggressive, laid back, etc.?

There you go. You just solved your communication problem and outlined areas of small talk to make with your Indian interns & residents. Good luck.

 

[ericdamiansean]

I have a lot of Indian friends, attendings, residents etc, my take on this would be that Indians all over the world are changing, adapting and evolving when it comes to the issue of marriage.

From what I have gathered:
a) Indians from India, if it is impossible for him to find a suitable bride/groom on his/her own, that is when the parents step in to match make or arrange a marriage, and yes, there is still the practice where you only get to know who you are marrying on that day itself. I do know of a friend who had been matched since he was 1 year old, he's a doctor, but he has no idea who the girl is or how she looks like but they are getting married next year. He doesn't even bother to go out with other girls nor is he interested to know anyone else. It seemed like he left the whole marriage thing to his parents so that he could concentrate on his studies and career.

b) Indians who have migrated to other countries in Asia, this practice still holds true

c) Indians who have migrated to another country and has currently the 2nd or 3rd generation, this may still hold true but they are given more free rein to choose their own partners, but when they come to a certain age in which they are unable to find someone, their parents or relatives would step in and help them find someone, even going all the way to India.

But always keep in the mind the caste system which still holds until today, regardless of whether you are a doctor or a lawyer. I have seen a few cases where the guy/girl was from a higher caste, and yet the parents objected to them marrying another person (also whom is a doctor) but is from a lower caste

 

[ericdamiansean]

I just wanted to know about some basic broad sweeping characteristics of Indian culture.

1) How would you describe the culture's attitude towards touch and violation of personal space?

2) What are common topics of discussion?

3) Why do so many Indian medical graduates come to the US?

4) How does the style of practicing medicine differ? More/less paternalistic, aggressive, laid back, etc.?

.

1) How would you describe the culture's attitude towards touch and violation of personal space?

Indians are rich culturally, touching and violation of personal space is a no no. However, if you go to India, and if you're a female, as long as they know that you are a foreigner, be prepared to have hordes of guys following you around, at times oggling at you. It's frightening

2) What are common topics of discussion?

Politics

3) Why do so many Indian medical graduates come to the US?

When a country produces thousands of doctors (apparently there is still a shortage) but pay them so little, you too would want to seek greener pastures elsewhere. Doctors from India can be found all over the world, and with current tightening of intakes in Europe, alot of them are now moving on to the US, Australia, Malaysia, Singapore, New Zealand. But I foresee alot more coming over to Malaysia and Singapore (after the UK bombing plot involving doctors and medical students). What happens in the UK will always spill over to the US and Australia

4) How does the style of practicing medicine differ? More/less paternalistic, aggressive, laid back, etc.?

It really depends..I've had a myriad of different personalities teaching me. But get used to the way they talk, unless they have been overseas for a long time

 

[don_Genaro_27]

If this discussion is about arranged marriage, then I'll have to gracefully decline any answers, because the way I see it, it is a culturual structure. The way you look at it will, as an American person, automatically make it foreign and different.

Thus, no matter how much you justify it -- in so many words -- it will still sound like an alien and harsh practice. It probably depends on how liberal your understanding is, but regardless from a perspective of difference, yes, it is a very different practice.

If you are truly looking to vilify, criticize or so-to-speak condemn it, be my guest. There is no shortage of people who do so. But, in the longer run, this will antagonize your Indian friends and colleagues, who will probably be mentally hurt and bothered by an attitude which they might interpret as, variously, culturalism, colonialism, or, LOL!, red-neck syndrome for lack of a better word.

Take a last bit of advice, and leave the arranged marriage bit to Indian parents. <with a smile>

Personally speaking, Indian kids, no matter where they grow up, attempt to respect and honor their traditions. If, by pluralism, we try to encourage that, then we have an awesome culture where everybody loves the country, and tries to tie in their own culture into that love. OTOH, if you try to push them away from their culture by an attempted criticism, no matter how subtle, two results appear from a psychoanalytic perspective: an introversion of this love, followed by an extroversion of love for an external symbol -- aka, whiting out (in the bad sense), turning into a rebel and so on. Or, simple hatred for a superiorly perceived agent/authority that steals your identity and therefore must be fought on all fronts.

Let's leave this personal agonization bit for a while. If you were in my shoes as an Indian guy, just keep thinking in my shoes, and walk a mile in them first. You'll find the world different enough that you'll appreciate the differences.

By all means, I love to be in the US. I also love being Indian. There are no contradictions here. But, to get to this stage, and be extremely successful at defending every belief that you carry means that you made peace with so many people along the way.

Finally, I want to give out a message to some Indian friends out there who have reacted a bit prematurely, in my humble opinion, by criticizing the OP. If you are ever asked/caught unawares by a question re: your culture that you cannot answer honestly, don't assume that you or the other guy is at fault.
In all manners of meetings, there is a common ground. Try to find it.

That's pretty much my attempt nowadays -- to find common ground and common principles that I can hold on to without compromising basic ethics and philosophy. Funnily enough, I *am* a philosophy major; took me this long to realize that I could act like one.

cheers!

 

[Balle]

First, don't be a jackass. Is the life partner of your co-worker the first question you normally ask? Just be NORMAL. Talk about sports, movies, or whatever else it is that you normally talk about.

Second, ignore any specific "advice" you may get on this thread. India was formed as a country only after the British were forced out. It is as different as can be from region to region.

In summary, just try to hold a normal conversation that you would with anyone else, which from the question you just asked I somehow doubt you are able to do.

 

[fakin' the funk]

Nearly all of my residents/interns went to medical school in India. I feel like it's very diffult to make small talk with them. What am I supposed to say? "So how is your arranged bride?" Any general info on indian culture or tips on how to relate to Indians would be much appreciated.

Instead of the answering the OP's question, which I and many others have wondered myself, most responses have focused on the nature of Indian marriage and calling the OP a redneck.

The question "how am I supposed to make small talk with people from X different culture" is a valid one. Don't act like this is a dumb question because FMGs (from whatever country) are always culturally in tune with the U.S.

 

[don_Genaro_27]

Dear fakin' the funk: Thank you for the post. I hope you are not offended by my saying that you have somewhat missed the mark, in my opinion.

No one here has tried to call the OP a redneck or anything else. It is a culturally diverse country here, and name-calling will only hurt the process of our getting to know each other.

By the way, the last time I was at a party/get-together, I didn't need any introductions to talk to the new people there -- I always assume they are there to make friends and move on. This is pretty much all I was trying to say...

To assume that foreign people are unaware of this practice of making friends seems somewhat strange, don't ya think so?

You don't need any special skills to talk to someone new -- just a friendly attitude and so on. I used to be new to this country 15 years ago, and was a good worker when I started. People had no trouble talking to me about anything they had in mind. I suppose shy people have it a little more difficult, but that's a truth the world over.

Hope this helps,

ai