Inferiority complex as a resident..

[proletariat_1]

I know hundreds (maybe thousands) of books/articles have been written about this exact issue but I was just hoping to get some advice or words of encouragement from fellow residents.

I am a PGY-3 resident in a surgical sub-specialty at a "name brand" program. Over the past year or so, I have been feeling myself develop an increasing inferiority complex. There are two other residents in my program (out of about 20 total), a PGY-4 and a PGY-5, who are absolutely crushing it. Our attendings love operating with them, their research output is fantastic, and the PGY-5 has been almost unanimously been called as the best resident any of our attendings have ever seen clinically and in terms of research. Both of these residents have reached regional and/or national recognition in our field already (panelists in regional/national meetings, invited talks, etc.).

I have also been doing very well in residency, am about as clinically competent as the PGY-4 was at my stage, attendings seem to really like me, and research-wise I am doing well for a resident, including several publications per year, occasional talks at regional/national meetings (but less high-profile than the other two), and some independent funding, all of which I know is really great for a resident to have achieved.

I am lucky to be independently doing well in residency and that these two guys are my close friends, but I can't help but feel a little bad, while also being happy for them, when PGY-4 gets another paper in our field's top journal or when our chair tells the department (somewhat in jest) that he would rather have the PGY-5 operate on his family member over any of the attendings. It does not help that people often lump the three of us together and say things like "proletariat_1, you could be the next Dr. PGY-5!" since I know that I am not on the same trajectory as either of these two guys and comments like that just draw more attention to our contrast.

All this feels especially silly because I am not even sure I want to do academics, so research output and even surgical skill are secondary to the three A's, and we are likely to all end up in different areas of the country. Still, I can't shake the frequent pangs of inferiority.

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[BoardingDoc]

I know hundreds (maybe thousands) of books/articles have been written about this exact issue but I was just hoping to get some advice or words of encouragement from fellow residents.

I am a PGY-3 resident in a surgical sub-specialty at a "name brand" program. Over the past year or so, I have been feeling myself develop an increasing inferiority complex. There are two other residents in my program (out of about 20 total), a PGY-4 and a PGY-5, who are absolutely crushing it. Our attendings love operating with them, their research output is fantastic, and the PGY-5 has been almost unanimously been called as the best resident any of our attendings have ever seen clinically and in terms of research. Both of these residents have reached regional and/or national recognition in our field already (panelists in regional/national meetings, invited talks, etc.).

I have also been doing very well in residency, am about as clinically competent as the PGY-4 was at my stage, attendings seem to really like me, and research-wise I am doing well for a resident, including several publications per year, occasional talks at regional/national meetings (but less high-profile than the other two), and some independent funding, all of which I know is really great for a resident to have achieved.

I am lucky to be independently doing well in residency and that these two guys are my close friends, but I can't help but feel a little bad, while also being happy for them, when PGY-4 gets another paper in our field's top journal or when our chair tells the department (somewhat in jest) that he would rather have the PGY-5 operate on his family member over any of the attendings. It does not help that people often lump the three of us together and say things like "proletariat_1, you could be the next Dr. PGY-5!" since I know that I am not on the same trajectory as either of these two guys and comments like that just draw more attention to our contrast.

All this feels especially silly because I am not even sure I want to do academics, so research output and even surgical skill are secondary to the three A's, and we are likely to all end up in different areas of the country. Still, I can't shake the frequent pangs of inferiority.

Do you even want to be either of those people? If you do wish you were in their shoes (both with the accolades and with the significant amount of time they are clearly dedicating to research, studying for clinical work etc etc) then yeah, you should feel like you could be doing better.

That said, you have already stated that you aren't even sure you want to be in academics, which I'm sure means that publishing papers and doing all the side research that these 2 are doing is not a priority for you, nor should it be. Not wanting to dedicate your entire life to surgery isn't a crime. This isn't to say that you should aim for mediocrity, but you don't have to be the next DeBakey to be a good surgeon. Yeah, you're not going to get asked to lecture at the next national conference. You'll probably spend that time with friends/family doing something you love instead.

 

[Gastrapathy]

So you’re in a 20 person program and the attending think you’re third best (and the junior of the three)? Congrats on doing so well.

 

[DokterMom]

You gotta do you. Find 30 minutes of quiet time and go for a walk, and allow yourself to daydream about the career you would like to have if no one was looking and nobody was pressuring you and you were not pressuring yourself to live up to the stellar examples set by your two colleagues and friends.

That's your own yardstick. Success means different things to different people, and you need to find your own definition -- one that's not dictated (or even influenced) by others.

Refine that vision and measure yourself against that yardstick only.

 

[Psai]

I don't think I even crack the top 50th percent of residents in my program

 

[Saddleshoes]

"Little brothers" always feel this way.
You are normal. Your time will come just keep your head down and keep plugging.

 

[Winged Scapula]

Small fish swimming in large "name brand" pools always look smaller by comparison. I'll bet if you were elsewhere, you'd be the best resident they'd ever seen.

It sounds as if you're doing extremely well. As noted above, comparing yourself to your big brother when you haven't reached that level of maturity is unfair and unwise. If anything, the fact that your faculty treats you as they do, should be very reassuring. Take their words to heart and know that you are on track to be an excellent surgeon - academic or not, whatever you want to be.

 

[dpmd]

You need to quit comparing yourself to others and just be the best you you can be in whatever form that takes.