INTERVIEWING: boyfriend/girlfriend

[PreMedAdAG]

I'm not in the interview process, but I have a question :

What's the deal about talking about a boyfriend/girlfriend. I understand that you're not MARRIED, but I've been in the same relationship for almost three years, it will be 4+ by they time I go to med school and I feel like he's important to me and shows that I am a committed person... how have people handled this while speaking to interviewers...

also.. this is weird, but on the same note... people with pets like horses, reptiles, cats, dogs, exotics.... also shows that you are a committed person because you take care of something.. I know that's really weird, but it always touches my heart when I talk to people who are in long term relationships or have a pet that is truly special to them..

feedback please!

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[jlee9531]

its not a question they typically ask unless you bring it up....

but i guess what they might ask is if you can handle an LD relationship if your bf isnt following you along.

but yeah...i dont know what else to say haha. if it comes up im sure you will answer whats in your heart and that will be that.

 

[J33]

I would recommend not mentioning a significant other in your interview, because you're just opening up a topic that probably can't help you, but can definitely hurt you. If you mention it, the conversation will inevitably lead to questions like "do you two plan on staying together through med school?" "are you getting married?" and "medicine is a very demanding profession...how do you think you will be able to handle this while maintaining a relationship (long distance or not)?" I even heard someone say that in a similar situation they were told what a high divorce rate doctors have.

There is not much time in an interview to convey everything you want about your ambitions and love for medicine, so why unnecessarily clutter the conversation with other things and potentially leave the interviewer to remember you as "the candidate who always talks about a boyfriend/girlfriend"? (As you can tell I've thought about this a lot myself). On the other hand, if it somehow comes up in the conversation, definitely be straightforward and mature about it.

 

[NDESTRUKT]

In my interviews, it was brought up a few times and it didn't hurt at all. When your interviewers are cool and laid back and not anal, they're pretty warm and open. I had one that was a mom and another that was a grandfather and they were really into my relationship and asking good questions, not negative ones. They even joked about how if if I chose to go to their school, my gf would be going to the rival school (rival undergrad institutions).

Then again my interviews were all conversations and no ethical questions or even "why do you wanna be a doctor?".

pretty lucky i guess =)

the best policy is not to bring it up, yes...but if your interviewers are cool and you have the intuition to know they will be more open to you, then i think it's ok - it lessens the walls that are put up from the formality of it all.

 

[Mrs.S]

i did talk about my finace as one reason, although behind many stronger reasons, as to why i wanted to attend the medical school i was interviewing at. however, i don't think it negatively or positivly affected the outcome of my interview. the only thing i can think is that it was a slight positive, as i spoke about him and my family already being established in the area, and they would be apart of my support system.

 

[twinklz]

Actually both my pets and my so came up in an interview.

One of the (many) reasons I'm looking at a few of the schools is because he's also applying there for a PhD program. And I told them that (while listing the other reasons). I don't see how it could hurt you.

Oh, and my bunnies came up when they asked how I handled stress. And I said I like to play with/watch my bunnies to help keep it under control. They then asked if I planned on bringing them with me to medical school, and I said definitely.

 

[ewing]

Yeah...good interview idea: don't bring up anything that will distract the interviewer from your accomplishments and your application. This includes (but is not limited to): parents, pets, siblings, boyfriends, hairdressers, wierd apocalyptic cults, etc.

Basically, if you go in there and have a fascinating hour-long discussion on any one of these topics, no matter how much your interviewers enjoys the chat and likes your viewpoint, you haven't given him/her material to use to recommend you to the committee.

I dunno...just my take on it.

 

[say aaahh!]

Originally posted by J33
If you mention it, the conversation will inevitably lead to questions like "do you two plan on staying together through med school?" "are you getting married?" and "medicine is a very demanding profession...how do you think you will be able to handle this while maintaining a relationship (long distance or not)?" I even heard someone say that in a similar situation they were told what a high divorce rate doctors have.

Not invariably. I interviewed at 14 schools. Got into 5 so far. Mentioned my girlfriend at, I think, all of them. None of these follow-up questions were ever asked. If someone is important to you, or something, like say a hobby or something, I don't think that would distract from your medically related achievements. I think they make you a whole person, and I hope that's what schools are looking for.

Moreover, if you're going to keep mum about a relationship that's important to you, I'd advocate not telling that person that you are specifically not mentioning them. I'd be hurt.

 

[KarateGirl]

I pretty much agree with what everybody's said. If the subject doesn't come up, don't introduce it. If asked about it, don't lie. And I'd prepare something in advance so that if you are asked about it, you can give an answer that puts you in the best possible light.

It's all about marketing yourself. You can spin almost anything into a positive by the way you present it. If you want your relationship to show how committed you can be, then stress that. There are several things on my app that could be construed as negative. When I interviewed with my premed advisory committee, they basically told me that I have to turn every possible negative into a positive, by showing how it brought me to medicine and why it makes me a better applicant.

I have also always carried with me something that my elementary school French teacher used to say about essay exam questions--"The more you write, the more you're wrong". I think this goes for interview questions, too. The more topics you introduce into the discussion, the greater the possibility that the interviewer will dislike something you said. I think the view on committed relationships, like any other commitments, is that they are a potential distraction from your studies. Even pets can be a problem. What are you going to do with your dog when you're pulling 24-hour shifts at the hospital? And a horse--I used to have one, and they take a hell of a lot of time. You can pay someone else to care for it, but then you lose a lot of the commitment. So you'd be entering the topic at a disadvantage, and if you don't successfully convince your interviewer why it's not, you've lost critical points. I'd say best to leave it alone unless specifically asked.

 

[rackd8ball]

you guys are too scheming. just be who you are. if your girlfriend means a lot to you and the topic comes up, talk about it! your interviewer isn't asexual or devoid of feeling, he or she will understand.

this all parallels the need to be yourself. you're not at the interview to re-sell what your application already says. you're there to show them who you are. i spoke at length about my girlfriend at a few interviews actually--even the fear that she might be too far from the school i was applying at. hasn't hurt me yet, cuz i got accepted to that very same school.

 

[premed2]

i talked about my girlfriend in one of my interviews when they asked why i wanted to go to that school (my gf might be going there for grad school also), and my interviewers loved it. they noted it down immediately and said "its great that you will have a support system here!" id say it wont help you or hurt you...but it shows another aspect of who you are as a person....

 

[J33]

I agree that bringing up a bf/gf or fiancee is ok if that person has ties to the school or area and will be part of your support system. I think some of you are taking my advice the wrong way...I don't mean to be scheming, I just think that there are many things to talk about and don't go out of your way to bring up the topic of your personal life. I certainly wouldn't lie or hide anything, and if it comes up, then it's ok to openly discuss it. I'm also not saying it will automatically hurt your application...I have been accepted to schools where I talked about my girlfriend, and schools where I haven't. Just my opinion...

 

[asama527]

Funny...I've been asked this question twice. I just try to steer the topic onto something else. After all, they are supposed to be interviewing YOU, not your significant other.

 

[ironey]

I think it all depends on which school you are interviewing at. Schools definitely differ on their views of relationships and what kind of students they are looking for. I tried to apply and interview only at schools which I perceived to be especially interested in the social/family support and well-being of their students. Because I have a very committed relationship and am from Oregon, my partner and I recognized that I would probably have to move away from our home in order to go to med school. My so is a very important part of my life, so I was very open about our relationship in interviews and in some of the essays.

It is only my opinion, but I think you've just got to be yourself at the interviews. They already know that you're smart. They know about your accomplishments, they've read your mission statement, they know WHAT you are. In the interview they want to know WHO you are. If your current relationship is an important part of your life, then why should you be embarrased to discuss it? It's not like you take an oath of celibacy before you enter medical school! Doctors do get married and they do have kids.

At most of my interviews, I was asked in one way or another what I was most proud of. To answer honestly, I told them that I was proud of my personal relationships. I think that this answer let them know something important about me. I also think it helped me weed out the schools that I really wouldn't want to attend.

 

[PreMedAdAG]

This is really good feedback....
I am in a serious relationship and I feel like I have to justify it in order for people to take it seriously. In other words, why do I feel like I have to be married or engaged to prove that I am committed to someone? I just thought it was weird. That, and my boyfriend's dad has played a significant role in me wanting to pursue medicine... it would be hard not to bring something like that up if a question was asked

 

[asama527]

I agree that significant relationships, especially ones that have had a long term committment say a lot about you as a candidate. I don't think there's anything harmful in discussing it in an interview so long as you have some idea about how a medical education will affect it. I don't have a problem talking about it; I've already talked about it in at least one interview. You just have to make sure the interviewer doesn't get off track and ask more questions about your significant other than about you. That's my 2 cents.

 

[Rendar5]

I've talked about it at a lot of interviews, and the only ones where it seemed to matter were ones that were out-of-state.

Though it doesn't matter much anymore because I just broke up with my long-term girlfriend today 🙁
Oh well, med school is probably a good place to meet new people.