Is anyone else losing touch with even good friends?

[medstudent87]

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During MS-I, I had my friends from college come visit me (or I'd visit them) on weekends following exams, when I didn't have anything to study. Then, near the end of that year, I met my current boyfriend, with whom I'm in a serious long-distance relationship. We live 5 hours apart so we only see each other about every 3-4 weeks. Since the start of MS-II back in August, I've been using all my "free" weekends after exam periods or during breaks to see my boyfriend and I've been repeatedly blowing off my friends. Sure, I miss them...but not nearly as much as my boyfriend. I've never loved anyone before so the feeling is new to me...he truly makes me happy. Anyways...if I were to see my friends instead of my bf one of these weekends, I wouldn't be able to see him for 5-6 weeks. I'm honestly not willing to pay that kind of price just to see some old drinking buddies. What do you think?

Also, now that Step I is approaching, I have even less free time. HELP! 🙁
I don't have any close friends at school because most of our class goes out on these same weekends, and I seem to be losing touch with all my high school and college friends. I REALLY REALLY want this relationship to last...are close friendships going to have to be sacrificed? Is this a normal part of getting older?

 

[MilkmanAl]

Is there any particular reason hanging out with friends and your boyfriend are mutually exclusive? Get him to come see you every now and then. One of the (many) things that caused my college relationship to fail was that my girlfriend was reluctant to hang out with anyone but me when she came to visit. We had it better, though, since she was only 45 minutes away and drove towards home (an extra 15 minutes or so away) when she came back. She was in town nearly every weekend for one reason or another, too. We also were obviously in college and had a fair amount more free time to work with. Still, she knew my friends back home better than I knew hers, despite mine being 1000 miles away.

In other words, you're going to have to find a balance somehow if you want everything to keep going. There's a reason that the married people in your class hardly ever come out; maintaining a serious relationship takes a whole lot of work. I was in a similar situation last year - girlfriend 5 hours away - and just had to make time for her whenever I could. Not going to class helped immensely, and I decided to spend my fall break with her instead of going home. You're definitely going to have to make significant sacrifices on both ends, and probably with school, if you want to keep your friends and boyfriend.

Generally speaking, though, try to make time for your friends during the week. Go to dinner, watch movies, etc. None of that will crush your study time, but it'll let you stay connected.

Now for the downer section of the post: med school is the ultimate relationship killer. It often just plain requires too much of you to make anything substantial work over the long term. Adding distance to the equation is very often fatal. That is, you might not be so quick to dismiss your "drinking buddies." Chances are pretty decent that you'll have to fall back on them at some point. I know plenty of people who've made a relationship such as yours work, but I know plenty more who've tried and failed, distance or no. I'm not saying you should write your man off, by any means, but do have realistic expectations about your situation. Try like hell to make it work, but if it doesn't, don't be terribly shocked.

 

[medstudent87]

The reason I don't hang with my bf and the "drinking buddy" friends at the same time is because they don't live in my town...they're 2 hours from here so if they were to come visit, I'd need to be a good host to them for a weekend when I'd much rather have alone time with my bf.
Regarding the long-distance situation....yes, I realize how difficult it will be and I worry about it constantly. Sometimes I even wish I never went to med school so that my situation would've been a bit more flexible. But this is how things are...all I can do is hope and pray that it works, and that I somehow land a residency closer to him...


Btw this doesn't really change anything, but we're both dudes and we both realize that there aren't that many "dream-guys" lying around of our persuasion, so I'm hoping that'll work in our favor haha

 

[MilkmanAl]

Ah, I see. I guess that would be a bit tough to coordinate. In that case, I'd just let your friends know how you feel about this guy and that you're trying to make things work. If they're really your friends, they'll understand. They might be a bit hurt, but they'll understand. My friends certainly did/do. Good luck to you, and I hope everything works out.