smallsecret
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- Jan 13, 2024
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Hello all. My path in college was a bit unconventional and personal, and I will try to share it to my best ability below.
I was a very gifted student beginning in elementary school and all through high school; in elementary school, I was always two years ahead in my projected reading and math levels, and I thus was able to skip a year of math early on in school. It was a lifelong dream of mine to be a doctor. In high school, I shadowed a surgeon for a year. I went to community college my first two years of school; there, I took 22 classes and received 17 A's, 5 B's. I worked incredibly hard to knock all these classes out in two years while working 20 hours a week; I studied day and night and I very often would set the high on my exams back then. I knocked out my pre-med requirements during this time (all except for the biochem courses). The summer of 2020, I did an REU internship with a chemistry professor, but due to the state of the world, it was conducted in a remote format and I thus did not gain proper experience from it. I began to experience a burnout and the beginnings of a depression during this time.
In the fall of 2020, I transferred to UCLA. At this point, my burnout and depression had begun to worsen significantly. The isolation in quarantine was beginning to really affect me. I lived in a home with my domestically abusive and alcoholic father (who I have PTSD from living with), and I struggled with mild OCD and severe depression. My mental state was sharply declining, and I reached a point where I was beginning to have persecutory delusions. I was in school for about a year before my C's turned into failing grades. After two quarters of failing grades, I was dismissed. I took months off of school and worked in a bio lab and in the service industry before returning, only to mess up in my courses once again and receive failing grades. I continued onwards and received B's and C's in my next few courses. At this point, I was walking a tight line with the school, and was at risk of not having a chance to return at all if I continued to slip up academically. I simply did not invest in myself for all those years; I had become suicidal and I was completely apathetic to any future aspirations because I did not plan to have a future at all. I had become such a passive person in my own life. Regardless, this apathy was paired with an overwhelming level of stress and shut down. I began to experience chest pain from the level of anxiety I was experiencing on a daily basis for years surrounding my academic failings. I would go on walks because I didn't trust myself to be home; I was tempted each day to take the entirety of my roommates' pill bottle to end the suffering and deep shame I had felt.
I took some more time off, afraid to continue and further jeopardize myself academically, but also afraid of the way I had become a danger to myself. During my time off, I moved back home with family. I worked a job that was incredibly rewarding, and I really started to consciously address my mental health issues. I began seeing a therapist that helped me immensely. I know it probably sounds confusing that it had taken me so long to do so, but in the midst of my severe depression, I couldn't bring myself to take the steps to take care of myself. I lost years of my life in this haze of mental illness.
As of lately, between my therapy appointments and my coming home, something has shifted in me. I feel as if I have woken up from this bad and long nightmare. This time around, my time off has made all the difference. I returned and changed my major and took my last 12 classes and received only A's in them. I also just recently began volunteering for the Crisis Text Line 5 months ago. Depression took so much of me for four years, and it has been rewarding to give back to and hear the stories of others who have struggled with their own mental health struggles and crises.
I will be beginning a volunteer program at a hospital this fall, and I also have just been offered an unpaid medical assistant/scribe internship this fall with a doctor in the area, which I will look into taking if I cannot find a paid position. I have been emailing professors to see if I can find a lab to do research in this year, hopeful that one of them will not request to see my transcript, or will take me in despite my grades.
I am immensely grateful for my time in college, and I recognize that the struggles I have faced along the way have shaped me into a less arrogant and more empathetic person. These years have been a lesson for me in many ways. However, I am worried for the dreams that I have potentially lost through my pervasive academic failures. I do not know that future efforts will be enough to combat the depth of my failure. I had written medical school off as something that was now out of reach due to my failings given how competitive the admissions process is, but in speaking with a doctor friend recently, he heard my story and rather than look down on it, told me that it was incredibly inspirational to him, and encouraged me to continue onwards. I don't know that I see it this way; I see my journey as an absolute mess and embarrassment.
In posting this, I suppose my intention is to see if others, upon hearing my story, think this is still a worthwhile pursuit and to seek advice as to the best ways to approach attempting to continue in a pursuit of a medical school admission (what kind of extracurriculars should I be pursuing, how should I tell my story, etc). I am wondering in particular if I should look to applying to a post-bacc program, a one year master's program in a hard science, a special master's program, etc. I am not sure if a post-bacc program would benefit me; I had received all A's in B's in the pre-med courses aside from biochem/biochem lab, which I received C's in.
I finished my time at UCLA with a 2.7 GPA. I had a 3.71 in community college. Because I had completed a bit more units in community college, my cumulative (all institution) GPA is a 3.28. I have recently taken the AAMC free practice MCAT exam and received a 507 on it without studying. It has been years since I have taken the pre-med courses however, and I do believe that in reviewing material over the course of this year that I can improve this score. I have recently purchased an MCAT review book set and plan to go through it this upcoming year.
Any advice or insight is greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read about my academic journey.
I was a very gifted student beginning in elementary school and all through high school; in elementary school, I was always two years ahead in my projected reading and math levels, and I thus was able to skip a year of math early on in school. It was a lifelong dream of mine to be a doctor. In high school, I shadowed a surgeon for a year. I went to community college my first two years of school; there, I took 22 classes and received 17 A's, 5 B's. I worked incredibly hard to knock all these classes out in two years while working 20 hours a week; I studied day and night and I very often would set the high on my exams back then. I knocked out my pre-med requirements during this time (all except for the biochem courses). The summer of 2020, I did an REU internship with a chemistry professor, but due to the state of the world, it was conducted in a remote format and I thus did not gain proper experience from it. I began to experience a burnout and the beginnings of a depression during this time.
In the fall of 2020, I transferred to UCLA. At this point, my burnout and depression had begun to worsen significantly. The isolation in quarantine was beginning to really affect me. I lived in a home with my domestically abusive and alcoholic father (who I have PTSD from living with), and I struggled with mild OCD and severe depression. My mental state was sharply declining, and I reached a point where I was beginning to have persecutory delusions. I was in school for about a year before my C's turned into failing grades. After two quarters of failing grades, I was dismissed. I took months off of school and worked in a bio lab and in the service industry before returning, only to mess up in my courses once again and receive failing grades. I continued onwards and received B's and C's in my next few courses. At this point, I was walking a tight line with the school, and was at risk of not having a chance to return at all if I continued to slip up academically. I simply did not invest in myself for all those years; I had become suicidal and I was completely apathetic to any future aspirations because I did not plan to have a future at all. I had become such a passive person in my own life. Regardless, this apathy was paired with an overwhelming level of stress and shut down. I began to experience chest pain from the level of anxiety I was experiencing on a daily basis for years surrounding my academic failings. I would go on walks because I didn't trust myself to be home; I was tempted each day to take the entirety of my roommates' pill bottle to end the suffering and deep shame I had felt.
I took some more time off, afraid to continue and further jeopardize myself academically, but also afraid of the way I had become a danger to myself. During my time off, I moved back home with family. I worked a job that was incredibly rewarding, and I really started to consciously address my mental health issues. I began seeing a therapist that helped me immensely. I know it probably sounds confusing that it had taken me so long to do so, but in the midst of my severe depression, I couldn't bring myself to take the steps to take care of myself. I lost years of my life in this haze of mental illness.
As of lately, between my therapy appointments and my coming home, something has shifted in me. I feel as if I have woken up from this bad and long nightmare. This time around, my time off has made all the difference. I returned and changed my major and took my last 12 classes and received only A's in them. I also just recently began volunteering for the Crisis Text Line 5 months ago. Depression took so much of me for four years, and it has been rewarding to give back to and hear the stories of others who have struggled with their own mental health struggles and crises.
I will be beginning a volunteer program at a hospital this fall, and I also have just been offered an unpaid medical assistant/scribe internship this fall with a doctor in the area, which I will look into taking if I cannot find a paid position. I have been emailing professors to see if I can find a lab to do research in this year, hopeful that one of them will not request to see my transcript, or will take me in despite my grades.
I am immensely grateful for my time in college, and I recognize that the struggles I have faced along the way have shaped me into a less arrogant and more empathetic person. These years have been a lesson for me in many ways. However, I am worried for the dreams that I have potentially lost through my pervasive academic failures. I do not know that future efforts will be enough to combat the depth of my failure. I had written medical school off as something that was now out of reach due to my failings given how competitive the admissions process is, but in speaking with a doctor friend recently, he heard my story and rather than look down on it, told me that it was incredibly inspirational to him, and encouraged me to continue onwards. I don't know that I see it this way; I see my journey as an absolute mess and embarrassment.
In posting this, I suppose my intention is to see if others, upon hearing my story, think this is still a worthwhile pursuit and to seek advice as to the best ways to approach attempting to continue in a pursuit of a medical school admission (what kind of extracurriculars should I be pursuing, how should I tell my story, etc). I am wondering in particular if I should look to applying to a post-bacc program, a one year master's program in a hard science, a special master's program, etc. I am not sure if a post-bacc program would benefit me; I had received all A's in B's in the pre-med courses aside from biochem/biochem lab, which I received C's in.
I finished my time at UCLA with a 2.7 GPA. I had a 3.71 in community college. Because I had completed a bit more units in community college, my cumulative (all institution) GPA is a 3.28. I have recently taken the AAMC free practice MCAT exam and received a 507 on it without studying. It has been years since I have taken the pre-med courses however, and I do believe that in reviewing material over the course of this year that I can improve this score. I have recently purchased an MCAT review book set and plan to go through it this upcoming year.
Any advice or insight is greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read about my academic journey.
