Is it worth it?

[brettevan]

After a seven year relationship my girlfriend broke up with me because she was not willing to wait around for me to go to medical school. I am obviously heartbroken and questioning my decision to go down the long road to med school and beyond. I have yet to second guess myself once since going back to school until now. Is this worth giving up someone I thought I would spend the rest of my life with for my dream of becoming a doctor?

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[silleme]

That all depends. I have a boyfriend of 10 years who is more than willing to support me through my journey through medical school because he just wants me to be happy. My situation might be different than yours though. I'm currently in a career field that's unstable and he can see that I'd have to go back to school anyway; and I'm moving closer to his family for the opportunity to go to a MUCH cheaper state school to minimize the debt burden.

If this is a pattern where you jump jobs, maybe she just sees it as more debt and less time she'll get to be with you with no real benefit in the long haul. If you told her you won't marry her until after med school...maybe that's a big reason why she broke up with you. Waiting for 7 years is a long time, and med school is a LOT longer. I don't know your situation, but I can guess....and if that was what happened...I'm not gonna say I don't blame her, but it's unfair to ask her to wait that much longer with no promises. If it's not, I apololgize for jumping to conclusions, but I've had too many guy friends tell me they want to be financially stable before getting married...and that's a crock and a cop out IMHO.

 

[FutureDrB]

After a seven year relationship my girlfriend broke up with me because she was not willing to wait around for me to go to medical school. I am obviously heartbroken and questioning my decision to go down the long road to med school and beyond. I have yet to second guess myself once since going back to school until now. Is this worth giving up someone I thought I would spend the rest of my life with for my dream of becoming a doctor?

What you need to be asking yourself is, do you really want to be with someone who is willing to leave you over that. A healthy relationship is based on supporting one-another. I've been in your shoes, except mine was 5 years. Looking back now, I can't believe I was about to marry that person. Love truly does blind you when you're in the moment...the moment being a relationship.

That all depends. I have a boyfriend of 10 years who is more than willing to support me through my journey through medical school because he just wants me to be happy. My situation might be different than yours though. I'm currently in a career field that's unstable and he can see that I'd have to go back to school anyway; and I'm moving closer to his family for the opportunity to go to a MUCH cheaper state school to minimize the debt burden.

If this is a pattern where you jump jobs, maybe she just sees it as more debt and less time she'll get to be with you with no real benefit in the long haul. If you told her you won't marry her until after med school...maybe that's a big reason why she broke up with you. Waiting for 7 years is a long time, and med school is a LOT longer. I don't know your situation, but I can guess....and if that was what happened...I'm not gonna say I don't blame her, but it's unfair to ask her to wait that much longer with no promises. If it's not, I apololgize for jumping to conclusions, but I've had too many guy friends tell me they want to be financially stable before getting married...and that's a crock and a cop out IMHO.

Not at all. I'm 32 and I can't wait to get married, but I'm no where near being financially stable. I'm just hoping to meet someone after med school. The problem is, nowdays people get married too soon. Blame that on society I guess. You should never get married to someone unless you'd be completely fine (financially) if you came home and they were gone. Marriage isn't about rainbows and butterflies. That's for the people who get married too soon and end up divorcing. Marriage is a partnership, mainly a financial one. IMHO

 

[silleme]

Not at all. I'm 32 and I can't wait to get married, but I'm no where near being financially stable. I'm just hoping to meet someone after med school. The problem is, nowdays people get married too soon. Blame that on society I guess. You should never get married to someone unless you'd be completely fine (financially) if you came home and they were gone. Marriage isn't about rainbows and butterflies. That's for the people who get married too soon and end up divorcing. Marriage is a partnership, mainly a financial one. IMHO

I'm 34, so I know it's not all sunshine and rainbows. I had a crappy engagement when I was 21 because no one would tell me what was really going on with him. I've grown a lot since then and now I believe that marriage is a partnership where long-term success is determined by whether you can stand to be around the person day in and day out. Money comes and goes...I'll get more. People that I truly enjoy being around that don't annoy me after a while are few and far between so I cherish the ones I do have in my life.

Maybe I have a different financial view on life than you, but I've done everything from eaten out of dumpsters and lived off ramen to made more than $200k a year...and I'm happier with money, but it's empty if you don't have someone to share it with, be it family or a loved one. Maybe that's a female perspective...but it's mine nonetheless.

 

[beckhunter116]

Ending a 7 yr long relationship will probably make you question everything. That's normal, you planned and probably imagined your future with her and now those plans are gone. Take some time to heal, but don't lose sight of YOUR dreams. Did you want to be a doctor for her or you? Good luck and take things day by day!

 

[MedPR]

After a seven year relationship my girlfriend broke up with me because she was not willing to wait around for me to go to medical school. I am obviously heartbroken and questioning my decision to go down the long road to med school and beyond. I have yet to second guess myself once since going back to school until now. Is this worth giving up someone I thought I would spend the rest of my life with for my dream of becoming a doctor?

Yes.

 

[drewS21]

Count me in the "it's for the better" boat.

If someone you've been dating for seven years won't stick around to see you achieve your dream, then you're better off without them.

 

[FrkyBgStok]

Gotta agree. My wife and I are excited about me starting med school, but it isn't about what I want, it is about what we want. She is just as excited about it because it is our dream, not my dream she is accommodating. If you don't have that with someone, maybe the relationship isn't right.

 

[kyttykat]

Gotta agree. My wife and I are excited about me starting med school, but it isn't about what I want, it is about what we want. She is just as excited about it because it is our dream, not my dream she is accommodating. If you don't have that with someone, maybe the relationship isn't right.

Agreed. My other half works magic to make my schooling possible. Doubles working on big trucks is not his idea of a good time, but he does it so we can survive. Its our dream, and worth a heck of a lot of sacrifice.
Better now than down the road in residency, with a couple of kids. Still hurts though... that I get.

 

[GenusTide]

First off, as you are probably more aware of than anyone here, there had to be problems in your relationship to begin with. I cannot think of a single girl I talked to who would say " it's either me or Medschool." I actually think you would normally have to sift through the ones who only want to be with you because your going to be a doctor.

Secondly, feel fortunate this has happened now an not after you started since the last thing you need is this kind of distraction while you should be studying. So, I would look her straight in the eye and tell her thank you for not pretending to be in love with you and then subsequently sucking the life and your money out of you when you turn 40 and taking half of all your shizz!

Trust me when I tell you, DO NOT LET SOME GIRL RUIN YOUR DREAMS OR MAKE YOU QUESTION WHAT YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE!!!! There are way to many other people out there that you will meet that will treat you just as good if not better! Ask anyone on here with a little bit of time under their belt and I am sure you will get a similar answer.

Hope it all works out for you

 

[dbizzy]

What you need to be asking yourself is, do you really want to be with someone who is willing to leave you over that. A healthy relationship is based on supporting one-another. I've been in your shoes, except mine was 5 years. Looking back now, I can't believe I was about to marry that person. Love truly does blind you when you're in the moment...the moment being a relationship.

I completely agree.

OP, it was for the better. If she was already having this much doubt before you even entered school, imagine how much crap she would have given you for the rest of your life as a physician, being on call, working crappy hours, etc.

This is gonna sound cliche, but I'm gonna say it anyway because it's true: you can do better. She was being selfish, and she has every right to be, but you will find someone who can appreciate you for you and accept your career for what it is (especially when you're bringing in decent dough). Just watch out for them gold diggers

Mark my words on this, five or ten years from now, your newly-single ex will be the first person to call you and tell you how big of a mistake she made. I've seen it happen all too often for various reasons.

I've had too many guy friends tell me they want to be financially stable before getting married...and that's a crock and a cop out IMHO.

Financial stability is an extremely important reason to hold off on marriage. Much of the divorces that happen in this society are due to lack of mental, emotional, or financial maturity. For men especially, so much of our self-worth is tied into our wallets. We can't help it, that's just what society has ingrained into our minds since day one. If a man feels he is financially incapable of supporting his family, no matter how unfounded his logic may be, you bet it will take a toll on a relationship. It would behoove women to try to understand this.

 

[GenusTide]

I completely agree.





Financial stability is an extremely important reason to hold off on marriage. Much of the divorces that happen in this society are due to lack of mental, emotional, or financial maturity. For men especially, so much of our self-worth is tied into our wallets. We can't help it, that's just what society has ingrained into our minds since day one. If a man feels he is financially incapable of supporting his family, no matter how unfounded his logic may be, you bet it will take a toll on a relationship. It would behoove women to try to understand this.

Hahahaha So true and well put but it will not happen. Men and women want the same but go about it totally differently. Good, bad or indifferent, but that is just the way it is.

 

[startoverat40]

what does she mean by "wait around" for you? Does she want kids sooner rather than later? Then maybe you can still have kids and go to med school. it's been done by many people before, so you can do it too. find out what her real concern is, and try to address it. but in the long run if she's not willing to work with you to come to a mutual understanding, then forget it, and follow your own dreams.

 

[mauberley]

"You tell me where my suit is, woman! We are talking about the greater good!"
"'Greater good'? I am your wife! I'm the greatest good you are ever gonna get!"

Echoing startoverat40 when I ask what she meant by "wait around" for you. Also, was becoming a physician always in the cards when you started a relationship with her, or was that a recent development? I can't say I'm willing to give an opinion without knowing more history.

 

[Mila T]

"You tell me where my suit is, woman! We are talking about the greater good!"
"'Greater good'? I am your wife! I'm the greatest good you are ever gonna get!"

LOL. Nice One.

I didn't live long enough to say if there are individual who would wait on you while you are accomplishing something big in ur life. (Time wise speaking). But I did come across those, who would jump the mountains & personal challenges to hold on to u.
As it is not for every1 to be able to accomplish something big, it is not for every1 to be able to be patient. Being prosperous & happy takes ALOT of ingredients .

 

[LegendaryPunk]

Tough to pass judgement without knowing both sides of the story. After seven years, I doubt you just received a text one morning saying, "We should see other people."

How long have you been trying to enter med school?
How much longer does she / do you think it will take?
Was she on board at the beginning?
Were you upfront about the committment (both time and $$$) required?
What are her future education / career plans?

 

[dbizzy]

Hahahaha So true and well put but it will not happen. Men and women want the same but go about it totally differently. Good, bad or indifferent, but that is just the way it is.

Haha this much I know, but can't a man dream?

 

[Silent Cool]

That all depends. I have a boyfriend of 10 years who is more than willing to support me through my journey through medical school because he just wants me to be happy. My situation might be different than yours though. I'm currently in a career field that's unstable and he can see that I'd have to go back to school anyway; and I'm moving closer to his family for the opportunity to go to a MUCH cheaper state school to minimize the debt burden.

If this is a pattern where you jump jobs, maybe she just sees it as more debt and less time she'll get to be with you with no real benefit in the long haul. If you told her you won't marry her until after med school...maybe that's a big reason why she broke up with you. Waiting for 7 years is a long time, and med school is a LOT longer. I don't know your situation, but I can guess....and if that was what happened...I'm not gonna say I don't blame her, but it's unfair to ask her to wait that much longer with no promises. If it's not, I apololgize for jumping to conclusions, but I've had too many guy friends tell me they want to be financially stable before getting married...and that's a crock and a cop out IMHO.

No, it's not. It's actually the best reason I can think of. Getting married (and likely having kids) is extremely financially stressful, not to mention stressful in other ways.

 

[mcloaf]

No, it's not. It's actually the best reason I can think of. Getting married (and likely having kids) is extremely financially stressful, not to mention stressful in other ways.

 

[silleme]

No, it's not. It's actually the best reason I can think of. Getting married (and likely having kids) is extremely financially stressful, not to mention stressful in other ways.

Thanks for the necro-bump. [sarcasm font] Did you see where I'm 36 (now, 34 then)? No kids in the cards for us, and your version of financial stability might be different than your partners. I'm happy having enough to pay the rent/mortgage and rest of the bills, with a little left over to save for contingency funds. Where I live that would only come to about $35k/year, so I stick with what I said. I'm working while going through school, and he supports me 100%. If we didn't communicate and I thought he wouldn't support me, I'd still be overseas working 14-16 hour days and missing out on this journey. I wish you the best, but for me, I'd rather have him than tons of money anyday.

 

[MsFutureDr]

Thanks for the necro-bump. [sarcasm font] Did you see where I'm 36 (now, 34 then)? No kids in the cards for us, and your version of financial stability might be different than your partners. I'm happy having enough to pay the rent/mortgage and rest of the bills, with a little left over to save for contingency funds. Where I live that would only come to about $35k/year, so I stick with what I said. I'm working while going through school, and he supports me 100%. If we didn't communicate and I thought he wouldn't support me, I'd still be overseas working 14-16 hour days and missing out on this journey. I wish you the best, but for me, I'd rather have him than tons of money anyday.

I agree with you. After being around many male physicians earning over quarterly million dollars annually and are currently on their 3 to 4th divorces, none are surgeons, i do not want to end-up a lonely miserable physician making all this money. I knew a GI fellow that relationship problems drove him to commit suicide. My desire to become a physician is just as strong as finding and being with a great mate. OP really needs to decide what is important to him and what makes him happy. No there are no guarantees in life and you are not entitled to a great partner just because you are a physician. It still takes work to find the one. It may take you 5,10,20 years after completing your training to find another good mate. So i suggest you do a pros and cons list, and if you think she is worth it, then you both sit down and talk about all the concerns she has and yours and you both find a workable solution. Hopefully you both can come to a compromise that is mutually beneficially.

 

[Darth Doc]

The way OP phrased his comments about the break up with the ex "being tired of waiting around", she sounds more like a gold digger. She thought she had a money meal ticket and gave up the wait to find greener pastures.

Is it worth it? Of course. Go for your dream and you'll find someone to share it with who appreciates who you are and supports you (as so many on here said).

 

[Silent Cool]

Thanks for the necro-bump. [sarcasm font] Did you see where I'm 36 (now, 34 then)? No kids in the cards for us, and your version of financial stability might be different than your partners. I'm happy having enough to pay the rent/mortgage and rest of the bills, with a little left over to save for contingency funds. Where I live that would only come to about $35k/year, so I stick with what I said. I'm working while going through school, and he supports me 100%. If we didn't communicate and I thought he wouldn't support me, I'd still be overseas working 14-16 hour days and missing out on this journey. I wish you the best, but for me, I'd rather have him than tons of money anyday.

The difference between men and women:
http://vivas.fi/what-is-the-difference-between-women-and-men/

Most notably:
-A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
-A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

'nuf said