Kushkeeee Journals--Feeling Discouraged

[Kushkeeee]

I'm not sure why I am posting these journal entries. I know the majority of you have absolutely no interest in reading them. I guess my hope is that there is someone out there experiencing the same thoughts/feelings/emotions as I. I guess I'm clinging to the hope that I am not alone in what I am experiencing as I go through this process of pursuing my goals. At any rate, here's where I am at.

I'm feeling rather discouraged at the moment. There is no specific reason for my feeling discouraged. I guess I've just been looking back on my undergrad years thinking, "I could have done more." Sure I aced all my psych classes, and even while working full-time. But I didn't do anything else. No research outside of my classwork. No job experience. No volunteer work. Nothing. Just good grades and a lot of desire. My professors advised me time and time again. "It's important you do outside research," they said. "Graduate schools will want you to have experience." I knew I should heed their words, but at the time I thought it was more important I study hard and get the best grades possible. A high GPA was more important to me than research or experience. Now that I am faced with placing applications to grad schools, however, I'm questioning my past logic and wishing I had sacrificed one or two of those A's in favor of gaining some field experience.

I guess there is no use dwelling on the past. All I have is the present, and the only thing I can do is try to get into a program with what I have going for me now. Should I get rejected I'll just have to work on beefing up my credentials. It's not that I'd have a problem with waiting another year or two before being admitted into a program. I'll do whatever they tell me I need to do, whether it be research, or job experience, or both. It's just that the thought of waitressing for 2, 3... heck, even one more year, just sickens me. I'm so sick of it. I can't get any other job because 1.) I have no experience, and 2.) the job market sucks. I can't even get entry level positions, and the few that I probably could get would not allow for me to support myself. So waitressing allows me to get the most money for my work. But I hate it. Do you have any idea how unfullfilling and thankless of a job it is, to take orders from people day after day, night after night; Hearing the same stupid complaints, getting the same lousy tips, and dealing with the same meaningless, monotonous tasks? I've been doing this since I was 19, and I thought I had said "goodbye" to my server days when I graduated college last year. But, suffice it to say, it's my best option for the time being. I've tried to change my attitude about it. But I can only last so long before it gets to me. It's not even the monotony of the job that bothers me most. It's the fact that I feel like I"m waisting my life away doing something completely meaningless.

Sorry for the rant. I just really want to get into a doctoral program so I can get my life on track already, and I'm so fearful of failing and being a waitress for the rest of my life.

ok... I'm done now.

Game on.

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[twiggers]

Join the club! I wasted my first 3 years working full time with no psychology experience because I had no clue what I wanted to do....and then wasted last year thinking I wanted to be a doctor (ended up getting two bad grades but stuck through the hard classes so I wouldn't have an incomplete on my record). Now with grad school looming in the near future and mine and my husband's futures on the line it's scary!
I grabbed the first research position I could this summer so I would have at least 6 months experience before applying, and I'm starting another this Sept. I also found a volunteer position that allows me to observe MDs and PhDs diagnosing children with behavioral and neurological problems (ie; ODD, ADHD, autism, fragile X, etc.). Who knows if it will be enough......I guess I just pray to the school Gods Although hubby said he did that already and that I'm getting accepted to 6 schools with U of Minnesota (my top choice) being one of them ...gotta love him for trying to keep my spirits up.
Just hold your head high and do what you can. Make sure to address in your personal statements why you didn't do research (ie; a full time job to support yourself through college....not alot of college kids do 40 hour weeks)....maybe try to locate a mental health facility and volunteer a couple of hours a week...or a crisis center, etc. Any type of experience will help.
Or apply to a couple of MA programs as well....I've heard they are somewhat easier to get into, and one website I went to recommended applying to at least 2 MA programs on top of the PhD programs.
Don't give up hope.....keep us posted as you progress through the next 4-5 months of application processing. I'll be going through the exact same thing and would love to have someone to communicate with who is in the exact same situation as me

 

[Kushkeeee]

I"d love to have someone to relate to as well. We can keep eachother updated.

I appreciate your sentiments about being in the same boat for it makes me feel less alone. However, I do not agree we are in quite the exact same boats. You are getting experience right now with your research and volunteer positions, which puts you in the same category as all those other people applying to graduate school who have done research and volunteer work outside of school. I had a professor once tell me some schools place greater credence on doing things outside of class than they do actual grades, for it's the outside work which demonstrates your true dedication to the field. This type of dedication is what graduate schools want to see, for it shows you are committed and will not bail out in a program 3 years into it.

I wouldn't worry at all about your credentials. It sounds like you are doing everything right. How old are you if I may ask? The reason I ask is you said you were married. THis may seem insignificant, but a lot of schools look upon married people as being more mature, more settled, more capable of mature, hard work. I'm 25 and single as a lark; "Footloose and fancy free" as they say. I"m afraid this could be looked upon poorly by some people.

At any rate, it sounds to me like you are doing more than a lot of people. I wouldn't worry at all. By no means would you fall into the category of people who have no experience outside of school. No worries.

 

[twiggers]

Hey Kush,

I'm turning 27 in the next couple of months..been married for about 5 years. I wondered myself if being married would be a disadvantage because people may think that marriage distracts my attention from school Who knows what goes through the minds of the committee...I wish I did so I could do more

We're not i8n exactly the same boat, but nonetheless I too am worried...worried that it looks like I just scrambled at the last minute to do research and didn't start in my sophmore year like everyone else, but I do plan to address that in my personal statement....ya know married, worked, raised a kid (hubby's 12 year old lived with us for awhile)

 

[smeachen]

Kush,

Cheer up. EVERYONE, and I mean EVERYONE who has gone through the process of applying to grad school has found the process completely exhausting and/or soul-destroying at times. I speak from experience. I too toiled through years and years of crappy service jobs, from Smoothie Maker to Coffee Barista, to English Language Conversation Teacher.... I did it all, and it sucked. Unfortunately, for those of us without the benefit of loaded parents, it's just part of the game. There is no avoiding it.

Now, I don't say this to discourage you at all, but rather to help you on your way. Chances are, you WILL need research experience. It is a critical aspect of your application. Not only for the research itself, but in order to get to know someone well enough to ask them to write a quality reference for you (you will likely need at least 3 and most prof's will not write them unless they have worked with you personally). Besides which, what if you HATE research? Many people find that they can't stand research, and if you're going into a Psyc grad program, it's absolutely unavoidable. It's central in fact. You need to do a little bit before you dedicate the next decade of your life to it.

But don't despair. By keeping your GPA high, you've also nailed another critical aspect of your application and for that you should be very proud. Most people are not so lucky and by keeping your grades high,
you are already well on your way. My sincere advice is to take a year off. Volunteer (or if you are lucky, get paid) in a lab with interests that match your own. Depending on your exact field, you could also try volunteering at local mental health hospitals for example. Yes, you will probably need a part time job at the same time, but hey, nobody said it would be easy, right?
Besides, a part time job is more tolerable if you're also working somewhere
you care about.

Taking a year off will also give you time to study for the GRE if you have to take it, and to research grad schools that interest you.

Including myself, almost everyone I know who is entering grad school this fall has taken a year off. It's a much more popular option these days, given that many students have a hard time fitting research into their schedule on top of maintaining straight A's and paying their way through school (just like you!).

Feel free to email me. Cheer up

Sarah