Im in a bit of a conundrum about what to do, perhaps SD can give their expert opinion haha. I have deposits on my state school and a very expensive and much less prestigous out of state private school. The only reason I had a deposit on the private school is my gf of 3 years (who Ive lived with for 2) got into her dream graduate school in that city. She really wants me to move with her, and is pretty unsupportive of any kind of LDR, saying we would break-up.
She's at the point now where she wants a ring, however, Im not quite ready to get engaged, especially with so much stress about to come my way. Her program is 2-3 years. Not sure what to do considering i would be paying 400,000 vs 200,000 before interest. Anybody had a similar experience? Ive told her its 2 years apart to save 200,000, but that doesn't seem to sway her lol.
You know, I'm going to come back in here and offer a slightly different perspective. I think your girlfriend may be getting painted in a light that is not entirely fair. If anything, I'd say that
both of you don't have your priorities laid out. I'm sure you are both very smart people, but when relationships are on the line, some of us act immaturely and harshly.
My gut feeling is that right now, your girlfriend is spouting off ultimatums that she doesn't really believe. I have not been *precisely* in her situation, but I've been in a pretty similar one. My boyfriend and I started dating in high school and then went to the same undergrad. After one semester, I knew that the school was going to make me absolutely MISERABLE for four years and that I needed to transfer. It had been his dream school for life, though, and he had no intentions of leaving. It was an incredibly stressful time. We both knew that we were going to be lonely and things were going to be hard. The thought of 4 years of a LDR is certainly not a rosy situation. We fought.
I said things I didn't mean. He said things he didn't mean. I laid down ultimatums that I would never have actually followed through with. Was it immature? Certainly. However, in our defense, it wasn't an easy situation. And I will freely say that I was the one drawing more lines in the sand than him.
He put up with my bouts of craziness, and I put up with his (which were less numerous than mine). The distance got more tolerable, but it was never
easy. We still had arguments about it, borne out of sadness and wishing we were together. But, really, it was all worth it.
Here we are now, though, with just 2 months left remaining of this whole being apart crap. Crap is the right word for it. It wasn't pleasant. We made MANY more sacrifices than most people our age would ever even have to consider doing for a relationship. I mean, I'm 22, and he is 21. We will
finally be together next school year.
We had a bit more going for us than most, though, in terms of the relationship. We had been best friends since the 8th grade. We pretty much know every single thing there is to know about one another. There is nothing for either of us to hide.
In my opinion, I don't think your girlfriend is totally in the wrong for putting a bit of pressure on you to make a decision at this point. Three years is a long time, especially if you've lived with each other for two. Sure, in the ideal world, your timing would have lined up perfectly. However, maybe she just feels a little bit more strongly about your relationship than you do... and maybe
that says something about your relationship. It's okay to not feel the same as her (though it will certainly suck for her), but you shouldn't lead her on. Three years is more than enough time for most people to decide if they want to get married. If you still aren't there, will you ever be? Or are you with her because it is comfortable?
$200,000 is a lot of
money. However, considering 2-3 years apart is a lot of
time and has real potential for a lot of
sadness. When feelings become involved, it is sometimes hard to look at things objectively. And, when we're talking about love, where do you draw the line for doing what makes you happy vs. being pragmatic? Not everything is black and white. You can't put a price on happiness, but I will EASILY admit that 200k is a LOT of money.
This is not an easy choice. But it certainly isn't all her fault. Her wishes and emotions should play a role in this. When it comes to her career and what she wants in life, she seems to be doing an extremely good job of having her stuff together. It is hard to turn down a dream school, especially if it will really set her up for doing well in her future career.
If you two are in this together, I think you can make it work either way. You just need to make sure you're in this for the long haul. Right now, she is upset and trying to reconcile things within herself. Let's be real--we women have hormones and sometimes say things we don't mean. She probably feels pretty dang desperate right now at the thought of what is essentially "imminent doom" and is just not thinking straight.
Give it some time for the issue to simmer down a little bit, even if it's just a week or two. You both need to decide what you really want out of life and out of each other.
