LDR during residency

[cactus99]

I'm looking for some advice on LDRs...

I have been dating someone for about 6 months and we totally click. We have only recently became exclusive (past 1-2 months). Things are going great, but he starts his residency this summer and will be relocating 8 hours away. Granted, his residency is only 1 year, but I am wondering if we can make this work, if others have gone through similiar LDR situations and can offer any advice.

A few facts:
We haven't discussed being exclusive while he is away yet, but I'm trying to figure out if it's even a feasible option.

I am not a fan of LDRs and would never consider it if I didn't have such strong feelings for him.

We have had some trust issues in the past that we are trying to work through. Right now, things are really great, but deep down I still do not trust him 100% and not sure I want to consider an LDR with him.

He has stated that he loves me and would like to "try to make things work". Again, we haven't had "The Talk" about this yet, but it is coming soon. I'd like to gather some info on how these situations have worked out for others and what I should consider here.

Appreciate any advice...thanks!

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[xanthines]

If you ask this magic 8-ball, I'd say the outlook is not good.

LDR's are hard enough when you're madly in love, been dating for years, and trust each other completely. It doesn't sound like your relationship is any of those things, so I don't think it's going to go so well. Even though his residency is only 1 yr (really? you mean his "intern" year?), it's still a long time. Things are going to be especially hard when he's working long hours (he will definitely be working a lot) and may not have a lot of time to talk on the phone or visit. This is where the trust issue is going to rear its ugly head.

The only thing I can say is to use email and phone to keep in constant contact. Absence may make the heart grow fonder, but being out of sight and out of mind is practically being single. You'll need to figure out how to get him to talk to you, even though the only thing he can think about is work and probably doesn't want to talk about that. Either he won't think you're interested or he just won't want to re-live it. He WILL have some time off every now and then, so try to meet-up. Even if all he wants to do is vegg out, it's kind of nice to do that with someone too.

Good luck!

-X

 

[veggie lee]

On the long distance issue I would have said it's not a good idea maybe 8 mos ago but at that time I met a great couple who made a long distance relationship work for 3 yrs and now have been happily married over a year. So, it can work if it's meant to be and my friend told me she felt that the long distance actually improved thier ability to communicate. On the other hand, the trust issues concerns me. If by trust issue you mean he was unfaithful in any way I would say just cut your losses. Make sure you're not making excuses for his mistakes.

 

[cactus99]

Thanks for the replies.

To clarify a few points, he is doing a 1 yr dental residency, so he won't be ridiculously swamped and should be able to make time. And the trust issue was regarding my finding anonymous online posts he made regarding his dating/sexual conquests that were quite disturbing, but nothing that revealed his being unfaithful - it was mostly prior to our relationship / our being exclusive. It does make me question his ability to be in a committed relationship though, so I suppose that will be a part of our discussing a potential LDR.

The point about now long distance amplifies existing issues in a relationship really hit home and made me realize how much I probably won't be able to trust him when he is so far out of sight and mind...but maybe that will change in the next 1-2 months before he leaves...ugh I just don't know!