LDR (long distance relationship) question for med student - PhD couple

[eldarion3141]

Hello,

Here is the situation that I have
ME: 4 years of med school @ LECOM, 2-3 years of residency
Significant Other: 4-6 years of Graduate studies (for PhD) and 2-4 years of Post Doctoral work

The Situation:
How are we supposed to manage being apart for the next 6-10 years?
Significant other doesn't want to get married until we can be together.
Any tips? Advice? Suggestions?
I know that it is going to be hard, but how do other couples deal with being apart for YEARS at a time, and only seeing each other on the occasional weekend?

Background: No kids, been going out for 19 months, really strong relationship.

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[ArcherM2]

I'm in a very similar situation. I've been together with my girlfriend for 4 years (since high school) and next year we are both moving on to Doctoral Programs. I , at the present time, am going to attend LECOM while my girlfriend has two interviews for Psy.D. Programs in Florida. Regardless of where we end up, we will be apart. It will be the first time we are not living in the same county. I imagine it will be fairly difficult, but I'd really like to hear from some people that have tried.

 

[UNE2009LMD]

It can work! My friend is actually in a relationship with a guy from Ireland. They've been together for practically 4 yrs now and they're in a very strong relationship too.Their almost engaged!! Although neither one are on the med/PhDtrack....He's working abroad and she's in the states working to get her masters in ed. They communicate ALL the time through phone and fly out to visit one another on wkends AND huge holidays. I really admire that. Dedication and communication is essential.

They're relationship is awesome and I admire them for it. I mean, the right guy can only come around once in a lifetime....so don't let go. Visit the guy. Have him visit you. LDRs are difficult but possible. I'm not talking through personal experience just through my friend's experience...but I hope this helps

 

[KHep]

I know a couple who got through it. One was in med school on the east coast and the other was working and getting a masters in Chicago. They flew to see eachother whenever their schedules allowed, which helped. It wasn't always easy though. They split up a couple of times, never for more than a week or two each time. But, they managed to get through that phase of their lives and now they are happily married.

 

[docbill]

Sorry to say... but yeah... it will be difficult. And may lead to ending the relationship. My gf and I have done long distance for 3/6 years... and I tell you not easy at all.

The best thing you can do is do two years at LECOM and 2 years rotation closer to you partner. Residency will have to be in the same place as well.

I applied to LECOM cause it would be close to where my spouse lives. Only 2 hours drive... but that did not work out. Now I will have to drive 10-12 hours.

If you have only been dating for a short period of time it will be even more difficult to keep it together. People change a lot over the year or better yet over 4 years.

 

[richarDsOn]

Upon graduating from college I moved 4 hours away from my boyfriend (we've been together for 4 years next month). I have to say, it is tough...we see each other about once or twice a month, but it is always worth it. I am glad to know that even though we have changed over the past 9 months, our relationship has remained a constant. This is like a "trial period" for us, since I hope to go to medical school this year and will likely still not live close to him. We have a really great relationship though, and we know that eventually we will get married, but now isn't the time. LDRs are doable, but both people have to work at it, and both have to be respectful of the other's schedule (which sometimes stinks). Good luck...you'll figure out what works for you.

 

[Karine04]

Just to throw my own story into the mix: my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 and a half years, long distance Sept.-Dec. (with 2-3 nice weeks to see each other during winter break) and Jan.-May (then summer vacation in the same town!). We went to high school together and began dating right before we both went off to college, he in Ohio and me in Massachusetts. We do try to visit one another every month or so, but that doesn't always happen. Our relationship has evolved over the time we've been together, but it's only gotten stronger. Sure, the distance is difficult, especially after those luxurious summers. It's completely worth it, though; I wouldn't give him up for anything.

At this point, we're kind of on auto pilot. We talk on the phone just about every other day for close to an hour (sometimes more if we get into a really good conversation). We're hoping to be in the same city next year - he will be starting law school and I'll be starting a DO program. Even if we're not in the same city, I'm sure it'll work out. It takes some time and committment, but it's not impossible. I promise.

 

[Doc2B-Finally]

Nothing is impossible, just difficult enough to be impossible. Well, I chose to attend NYCOM, turned down LECOM and UNECOM to be close to loved ones. I figured, that way you can emotionally support each other. With LECOM, core rotations will be at Erie primarily, but for electives you can come back home.
Good luck.

 

[michelleDO]

This is exactly my same problem. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and some months. We practically live together and still can't get enough of one another. When I start lecom this august, he will be done with his phd and off to a job somewhere. I am very scared of the fact that I will still miss his presence even though I'll be real busy with studies. I mean, I am afraid that I could not handle missing not only his companion, but also the days when I was studying for college exams and how he would be close to me walking around the house. Just for him to be near me to walk around the house made me real happy and for some reason i gain concentration while studying. I don't know why, its unexplainable, or maybe I guess I just felt safe. We went through a lot together good and bad. We support each other just as if being together we both transform to become one whole stronger person. He cooks and cleans when Im busy, I do the same when he has no time. We live off each other's love, feelings, emotions, and laughter . Its rather weird, but together we make our individuality to achieve some balance in all aspect of personhood. We even plan to get married this winter time even though we wont be living together after the occassion. We both Hope this plan will work out even with all the upcoming stress (my school, his and my families, etc) but, we really wanted this at 24 and 27.

All in all, I am confident things will be okay because the separation will soon pass and we will be together again. If things are meant to be, then they will be, and I have no doubt that things will work out for the both of us. We know that we needed to do this minute separation not only to pursue our own dreams, but also for the well being of our future together. In a sense, this is also an investment to a healthy relationship for our future so its worth it.

trust and sincerity
michelle

 

[eldarion3141]

This is exactly my same problem. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and some months. We practically live together and still can't get enough of one another. When I start lecom this august, he will be done with his phd and off to a job somewhere. I am very scared of the fact that I will still miss his presence even though I'll be real busy with studies. I mean, I am afraid that I could not handle missing not only his companion, but also the days when I was studying for college exams and how he would be close to me walking around the house. Just for him to be near me to walk around the house made me real happy and for some reason i gain concentration while studying. I don't know why, its unexplainable, or maybe I guess I just felt safe.

This is what my girfriend says about having me close to her too, lol