Letting Things Get To You

[Virgil]

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These things make me feel like I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders:

-The desire for an upwards trend in GPA.
-The desire to do well on the MCAT.
-The desire to go to a competitive school to help my chances of matching into my choice specialty.
-Worrying about the competition. If I'm only hovering at the 50th percentile in an undergrad biochem class, I will be screwed come medical school.
-Feeling miserable about myself because I know I have the intelligence but my horrible work ethic is holding me back.

I suspect all these pressures (and more which I have not listed, but those are the main ones) are overwhelming me to such a degree that instead of attacking my academic and personal challenges head on, I cower and indulge myself in pleasurable activities so I can forget them, albeit for only a moment.

Do you have any advice for mustering the courage to attack any challenge head on and not let all these worries get to you and undermine your efforts?

 

[g8terboi]

Four pieces of advice from me:
1. One thing at a time. Whenever athletes and coaches are interviewed about future opponents or a future playoff game, they always say the same thing: they're only focused on their next opponent. don't worry about tomorrow when you have so many things to take care of today. And there are problems that are too big to solve in a day (such as a rising GPA), so don't freaking think about it as one problem. Rather, just take it one class at a time, and forget the big picture.

2. Do something. Really, thought and talk are absolutely useless. Action is the only thing that matters. Stop complaining and do something about what you're unhappy about. And quit feeling bad about yourself. You will only feel better when you do something, and look back, and be proud of your accomplishments (However, heed advice #3 so you don't quit).

3. Have realistic expectations. Like any skill, perfect focus is something that you can't just wake up one day and suddenly posess. It takes time and training develop a strong focus. that said, like any skill, you can get better at it. So work on it, but be realistic about the time it takes to cultivate strong focus.

4. Don't compare yourself with other people. Do what you can in the thigns you can control. Completely forget about things you can't control (like the past).

Hope that helped. Good luck...you're young, you're talented, and you have a bright future ahead of you.

 

[neuro1617]

Four pieces of advice from me:
1. One thing at a time. Whenever athletes and coaches are interviewed about future opponents or a future playoff game, they always say the same thing: they're only focused on their next opponent. don't worry about tomorrow when you have so many things to take care of today. And there are problems that are too big to solve in a day (such as a rising GPA), so don't freaking think about it as one problem. Rather, just take it one class at a time, and forget the big picture.

2. Do something. Really, thought and talk are absolutely useless. Action is the only thing that matters. Stop complaining and do something about what you're unhappy about. And quit feeling bad about yourself. You will only feel better when you do something, and look back, and be proud of your accomplishments (However, heed advice #3 so you don't quit).

3. Have realistic expectations. Like any skill, perfect focus is something that you can't just wake up one day and suddenly posess. It takes time and training develop a strong focus. that said, like any skill, you can get better at it. So work on it, but be realistic about the time it takes to cultivate strong focus.

4. Don't compare yourself with other people. Do what you can in the thigns you can control. Completely forget about things you can't control (like the past).

Hope that helped. Good luck...you're young, you're talented, and you have a bright future ahead of you.

That is really good advice. I think we all feel that pressure sometimes. Especially the first part, to look at the bigger picture, is important. Just remember days only come one at a time. Everything you mentioned won't all be thrown at you at once and, as mentioned, things like your GPA and MCAT need to be taken one step at at time. You can't freak out over your GPA so much that it stops you from doing well in your classes. And remember, one test or one grade is not going to determine your future. If you stay consistent with your work ethic & grades, your GPA will follow.

 

[TexasTriathlete]

You have to learn from your failures, and then forget them. If you dwell on them, you will become an overly-sensitive candy ass, and you will be pissed off or feeling sorry for yourself all the time, and never perform up to your potential. Let the pressure work for you instead of against you.

I started the pre-med process at 26 years old, with ~150 semester-hours and a 2.2 GPA. Despite all that, never once did I feel any of the things you are feeling now. And I had a lot less room for error. One bad semester, and I was probably finished. So what did I do? In my hardest semester, I performed my best. Only time I ever made the dean's list.

Don't worry about any of that ****. Just do your best, and have fun with it. You are at a university, taking interesting subjects, and you have the opportunity to learn things that a good portion of the population will never know. Enjoy the privileged position that you are currently in.

And you're going to be a physician. If you think horse**** undergrad is a lot of pressure, how are you going to react when you are responsible for someone's life?

 

[ChubbyChaser]

Go back to your number 4. work ethic. That is something that is totally in your control. Focus on improving that and the GPA and MCAT will come.

 

[Virgil]

Thank you all for the thoughtful advice. I really appreciate it.

I'm going to try to take things one step at a time (focusing on a class I'm currently taking instead of my entire GPA), but what should I do when I find myself worrying about nonsense again?

 

[Virgil]

Go back to your number 4. work ethic. That is something that is totally in your control. Focus on improving that and the GPA and MCAT will come.

How? I have all the reasons and justifications in the world to improve my work ethic, but being a lazy and passive procrastinator has become so ingrained in me it's almost a part of my personality. Just the thought of studying or working out (or other things that require effort) makes me want to do something to get my mind off of it. Unlike many people I know, I wasn't raised to be a hard-working, type A individual, nor was I ever placed in a situation that compelled me to work or achieve (spoiled). What's a reasonable way to get past these negative traits/habits? I really hate the person I've become.

 

[TexasTriathlete]

Maybe see a therapist? You could have depression or something.

 

[ChubbyChaser]

How? I have all the reasons and justifications in the world to improve my work ethic, but being a lazy and passive procrastinator has become so ingrained in me it's almost a part of my personality. Just the thought of studying or working out (or other things that require effort) makes me want to do something to get my mind off of it. Unlike many people I know, I wasn't raised to be a hard-working, type A individual, nor was I ever placed in a situation that compelled me to work or achieve (spoiled). What's a reasonable way to get past these negative traits/habits? I really hate the person I've become.

Well, this may sound corny, but whenever I feel lazy I just think about my future patients. What I am learning now may someday have an effect on someone, and who knows may cause me to make a life or death decision one day.
😎

 

[Virgil]

try o'dweeds, it's all the reefer w/o the guilt!
it's like o'dools, except for weed!

I'm not in the mood. Sorry.

 

[0Complications]

Well, this may sound corny, but whenever I feel lazy I just think about my future patients. What I am learning now may someday have an effect on someone, and who knows may cause me to make a life or death decision one day.
😎

I do this as well. But sometimes I think that it adds just a little bit too much pressure at this stage in the game.

 

[sylus]

What has helped me is scheduling out my day to the last millisecond, designating free time, study/homework time, etc. If I just let myself go with the flow, I never get around to it. But if I write it down and designate, say, 6-7 to a certain subject, I force myself to stop at 6 and start doing that work, and if I can get my work done quickly then I earn more free time. I hate meticulous scheduling, but just having the schedule and making myself follow it every day has helped a lot.

 

[ChubbyChaser]

What has helped me is scheduling out my day to the last millisecond, designating free time, study/homework time, etc. If I just let myself go with the flow, I never get around to it. But if I write it down and designate, say, 6-7 to a certain subject, I force myself to stop at 6 and start doing that work, and if I can get my work done quickly then I earn more free time. I hate meticulous scheduling, but just having the schedule and making myself follow it every day has helped a lot.

Man, I wish I could do that. I think I found a new "New year's Resolution"😀

 

[notdeadyet]

How? I have all the reasons and justifications in the world to improve my work ethic, but being a lazy and passive procrastinator has become so ingrained in me it's almost a part of my personality.

Consider taking a couple years off and pay your own way for a while. You'll find out what your actual work ethic is when you get paid for it. Some folks find working a whole 40 hours per week absolutely exhausting. I'd these folks not look in to medicine. Others reallly miss studying all their science. They're extra motivated to apply to med school.

Not to damper anything, but keep in mind that while premed is busy, med school will be much longer hours for four years and then residency will be a lot harder for another 5-8 years (maybe less, but I have a hunch someone worried about the Match as a premed probably doesn't have his eye on family practice).

Some folks don't like working hard, but make sure that you're enjoying what you're doing now, because it will be a lot more of it soon.

Also, keep it real. Half of folks who apply to med school don't get in at all. Right now you should work very hard just to get in. Don't sweat things like being the youngest CT surgeon in Miami or walking the quad at Harvard. Just get in, then look at your next goal. Thinking too far ahead can cause you to stumble, and premed is the worst time to do that.

Good luck to you...

 

[FrickenhugeMD]

its like the old saying: "How do you eat an elephant?"

answer: "One bite at a time"


I guess the best way to go about this is to chip away a little pieces at a time to keep the whole picture manageable. Use all of that frustrated energy and channel it into positive energy, or into work. Otherwise, its just wasted!

 

[Jolie South]

Consider taking a couple years off and pay your own way for a while. You'll find out what your actual work ethic is when you get paid for it. Some folks find working a whole 40 hours per week absolutely exhausting. I'd these folks not look in to medicine. Others reallly miss studying all their science. They're extra motivated to apply to med school.

Seriously, I was totally burned out and tired of studying at the end of grad school. During the 3 years that I have been out, either doing Peace Corps or working, I have missed school and the intellectual challenges so much. I never thought before that I would have the motivation to make it through med school, but now there's not a doubt in my mind.

Maybe if you get some perspective as I did, you will feel differently. I was totally spoiled before and getting out there on my own taught me a lot.

 

[dabiophyz]

Hey you're in better shape than me. At least you can improve your work ethic and do well. I have been busting my ass and the grades aren't coming.

 

[Luxian]

You know what they call the person who graduates last in his class in medical school?

Doctor.

Don't worry about how you'll do once you're there. Just work on what you can for now. Work on grades. Study for the MCAT. The rest will all fall in in good time.

 

[tourniquet1963]

How? I have all the reasons and justifications in the world to improve my work ethic, but being a lazy and passive procrastinator has become so ingrained in me it's almost a part of my personality. Just the thought of studying or working out (or other things that require effort) makes me want to do something to get my mind off of it. Unlike many people I know, I wasn't raised to be a hard-working, type A individual, nor was I ever placed in a situation that compelled me to work or achieve (spoiled). What's a reasonable way to get past these negative traits/habits? I really hate the person I've become.

you and i are the same my friend.. im just a bum, (although i am not spoiled)

 

[Virgil]

Consider taking a couple years off and pay your own way for a while. You'll find out what your actual work ethic is when you get paid for it. Some folks find working a whole 40 hours per week absolutely exhausting. I'd these folks not look in to medicine. Others reallly miss studying all their science. They're extra motivated to apply to med school.

Not to damper anything, but keep in mind that while premed is busy, med school will be much longer hours for four years and then residency will be a lot harder for another 5-8 years (maybe less, but I have a hunch someone worried about the Match as a premed probably doesn't have his eye on family practice).

Some folks don't like working hard, but make sure that you're enjoying what you're doing now, because it will be a lot more of it soon.

Also, keep it real. Half of folks who apply to med school don't get in at all. Right now you should work very hard just to get in. Don't sweat things like being the youngest CT surgeon in Miami or walking the quad at Harvard. Just get in, then look at your next goal. Thinking too far ahead can cause you to stumble, and premed is the worst time to do that.

Good luck to you...

Thanks again to everyone. Although I won't go into details, the mentality you describe was drilled into me as a child by my mom. Now, I have the intense desire to 1-up everyone and be "the youngest CT surgeon in Miami" like you say. As a result, I have all these unrealistic expectations of myself and my horrible work ethic has left me feeling depressed. The thing is: I'm disgusted by this mentality. There's people who don't care if they're not the top of their class--they're just happy that they did their best. I admire that. I want to be like that. How do I get rid of this disgusting attitude?

Someone in the past gave me the advice to take a year or two off to get things in order, and personally I think it would work. However, my parents are relying on me to finish my training ASAP (I'm taking 5 years to graduate instead of 4 and they're very upset about this) and would very much frown on that idea. They're paying for everything, and I kinda feel it's my duty to hurry up and finish school. My dad just got in really bad accident and they're adding even more worries on my plate: how am I going to pay for and go to school if something happens to my dad (in other words, finish up now while you have a golden opportunity before something horrible happens)? Are there any other steps I can take short of moving out for a year?

 

[Nataliemay24]

here's some corny **** that works well for me: be nicer to yourself. When you start thinking about how much you hate this attitude you recognize in yourself, think about how it's good that you're recognizing it. try to change your "do this!!!!" thoughts to "i know i'd feel better if i did this, so it really makes sense to do this..." be patient with yourself the way you'd be patient with someone else you cared about in your shoes. maybe think about yourself in five or ten years as a nice patient person and think about what this person would say to yourself now to motivate you and also to stop making you feel so bad. try getting rid of your all or nothing mentality, and think about how it's a good thing that you've done ______, which would be a step towards doing or thinking what you want to be thinking or doing. i know, i'm a big cornball, but that helped me with another problem i had a few years back. i realized that trying to make myself do things and think about things differently wasn't working, and that it worked better when i was nicer to myself.

 

[Nataliemay24]

oh, i guess my attempt to make myself look less like a loser by using the s word didn't work, it turned into stars. 🙂

also, it sounds like you've got some serious anxiety, and pot, guided relaxation CDs, and lexapro are all helpful in this area.

 

[Jolie South]

Thanks again to everyone. Although I won't go into details, the mentality you describe was drilled into me as a child by my mom. Basically, I was picked on a lot as a kid and my mom consoled me by teaching me that the best way to get back at them is to succeed and basically "beat them up in class." I know how outlandish this sounds, but I'm totally serious. Now, I have the intense desire to 1-up everyone and be "the youngest CT surgeon in Miami" like you say. I admit it--I'm a little bit of a gunner. As a result, I have all these unrealistic expectations of myself and my horrible work ethic has left me feeling depressed. The thing is: I'm disgusted by this mentality. There's people who don't care if they're not the top of their class--they're just happy that they did their best. I admire that. I want to be like that. And I don't want to have an acute malicious agenda against my classmates. After reading this, I'm pretty sure 90%+ of you hate me, but I hate what I've become even more. How do I get rid of this disgusting attitude?

Someone in the past gave me the advice to take a year or two off to get things in order, and personally I think it would work. However, my parents are relying on me to finish my training ASAP (I'm taking 5 years to graduate instead of 4 and they're very upset about this) and would very much frown on that idea. They're paying for everything, and I kinda feel it's my duty to hurry up and finish school. My dad just got in really bad accident and they're adding even more worries on my plate: how am I going to pay for and go to school if something happens to my dad (in other words, finish up now while you have a golden opportunity before something horrible happens)? Are there any other steps I can take short of moving out for a year?

Wow, writing everything out makes me realize how jacked up I am. And no, I'm not trolling. I would really appreciate it if everyone continues to respond in kind.

This is about your life, not your parents'. Take time off and get a job. Become independent of them financially, you'll learn that you are a lot tougher than you thought. I did the Peace Corps which is taking it to the extreme, but I'm sure you could learn a lot of the same things by just working as a research assistant or an EMT or the like. Maybe save up a little money and do some travelling. That will open your eyes to what's important as well.

I'm 26 and married and it was only a few months ago that I got my parents off my back. Seriously, when you're making your own money, they will have little to say in what you do, and maybe you should explain to them that you appreciate their opinions, but they will not live with the consequences of your decisions. you will.

You don't need their money to go to school. It is helpful, but not the end of the world if you don't have it. People take out loans and get through school every day. My parents are extremely well off and I still managed to qualify for loans.

 

[Jolie South]

i also agree with what nataliemay said. be nice to yourself and let yourself make mistakes.

don't harp on what you did wrong. learn from it and do better next time. nobody can do everything perfect the first time. this strategy helped me change my ridiculous perfectionist attitude.

you're already recognizing your flaws and that's the biggest step to working on them. and, it's happening to you sooner rather than later.