LOA from med school for valid but tragic/uncomfortable reason

[reviliver]

So basically, I took a leave of absence from med school at the end of third year and will end up graduating a year later, and I'm wondering how to talk about it with residency programs and address it on my application.

The reason for the leave is that I had a complicated pregnancy, my baby was born early, and died after 3 weeks in the NICU. Obviously this is a horrific thing, and not super fun to discuss with total strangers. I don't want to make everyone uncomfortable, I haven't turned into a sad weirdo, and I don't want people to hesitate in hiring me because of my story. I'm still a hardworking and fun person, and I am wondering if anyone has any tips for how I should deal with this issue.

I'm applying to family med if that helps (I have good scores and grades; family med was just far and away my fav rotation), and I would love to match at my home program which is not highly competitive but is pretty small.

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[Trauma Surgeon]

Seriously, what has the world come to?
For a person to be afraid/anxious that having a year off after such a tragic life experience would be a reason not to hire her is just absurd! Since I'm trained in Europe and based here I have no tips for you, but wish you all the best and if you did not get the position of your desire that it was not based on this issue.

 

[Smurfette]

I'm sorry for your loss and hope you and your family are coping as best as can be expected with this tragedy.

It depends as to how comfortable you are talking about it. Some places won't even ask. You could simply say that you had medical issues that are now resolved (most people will not ask more details in an interview situation), or a complicated pregnancy and needed time off. If you are comfortable talking about it, being brief but to the point is ok (i.e. I had a complicated pregnancy with premature delivery, but my baby was too sick and didn't make it. I took some necessary time off afterward, with the support of my school, to get me through that difficult time). 90+% of people will express sympathy and move on to other unrelated questions. This is not going to make people reluctant to hire you, this is a tragic thing that happened that will not be held against you. In fact, taking time off to deal with this is expected and appropriate. I would not worry about this limiting your chances of matching into FP.

 

[IMPD]

So basically, I took a leave of absence from med school at the end of third year and will end up graduating a year later, and I'm wondering how to talk about it with residency programs and address it on my application.

The reason for the leave is that I had a complicated pregnancy, my baby was born early, and died after 3 weeks in the NICU. Obviously this is a horrific thing, and not super fun to discuss with total strangers. I don't want to make everyone uncomfortable, I haven't turned into a sad weirdo, and I don't want people to hesitate in hiring me because of my story. I'm still a hardworking and fun person, and I am wondering if anyone has any tips for how I should deal with this issue.

I'm applying to family med if that helps (I have good scores and grades; family med was just far and away my fav rotation), and I would love to match at my home program which is not highly competitive but is pretty small.

As a parent, my deepest sympathy for your loss. There no adequate words.

As a program director, I need to know the broad outlines of why you took time off in your application ("Death in family, extended leave to due to grief and related issues, now resolved"). Your leave is unusual in duration but not in cause. You should be fine with the match this year. Best of luck.

 

[gutonc]

Agree with all of the above, including my sympathy. This is a horrible situation (my wife and I lost 2 pregnancies during med school which was hard enough...I can't imagine losing a child) and it needs to be addressed somehow.

At the bare minimum (which is more than enough), you need to do as IMPD suggested. If, OTOH, this experience has in any way affected your choice of specialty, or positively impacted your life and career choice, AND you're comfortable discussing it, you could put it in your PS and, if anything, it will be an asset to your application. But in no way will this negatively impact your application or options for residency.

 

[reviliver]

Thank you all, sincerely, for the advice. This whole thing was terrible enough without having to worry about the impact it will have on my career, so I'm very relieved to hear that it probably won't be a factor if I explain accurately and succinctly. Sometimes medicine can seem so brutal when it comes to personal stuff, but really we're all human and it's good to see that the empathy exists for real for most people.

 

[PTPoeny]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I would like to echo the advice above that this will not be seen negatively. I had a similar loss and was very worried about addressing my leave and experiences in my application and interviews. I worked with a phenomenal advisor to fine tune the wording in my application and practice interviews until I was comfortable with everything. Afterwards I felt like I worried about the details much more than I needed to. Please PM me if you would like to discuss specifics regarding applying or just being a resident after similar experience.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-J120AZ using Tapatalk

 

[Gastrapathy]

I'm sorry for your loss. We had a similar experience during my fellowship.

Do whatever you think is right. You are going to match. But, since you asked for advice, I'd recommend being specific and brief if you are up to it (I think IMPD is being kind, most of his compatriots will really want to know). " 1 year leave of absence due to pregnancy complications and my child's subsequent death at 3 weeks of life." Basically, just like your post. I know its none of their business but from the 30,o00 foot view, LOAs suggest drama and if you take all the people with drama and compare them to the rest of the population, PDs are more likely to have issues with the folks who've had drama before. Whether getting out of that group (which you will 1000%) is worth the price of losing some privacy is totally up to you. If you choose to be vague ie "medical LOA", you may lose some flexibility but you will still match FM somewhere.

Oh, and expect to have some strong emotions when you walk into the NICU next time. I didn't have to go in but I found myself taking other stairs so I wouldn't even have to walk by. You are going to do NICU rotations.

Also, if you don't have to be a full year late, talk to your home program about an off-cycle spot outside the match. Maybe someone quits and you can start halfway through the year.

 

[hallowmann]

I'm very sorry for your loss. In my experience, you'd be shocked at how many people know others or have experienced a similar (or basically the same) tragedy themselves, and because of that are insanely sympathetic and understanding of what a life changing experience it is. Why you don't seem to ever hear or see that before something happens, seems to be because its hard for other people to talk about, and understandably so. No one expects that you'd go through such an experience and not be affected permanently, let alone for it not to affect your life at that moment.

If people ask about it and you're comfortable, say as much as you feel comfortable to say. Again in my experience, a shortened version of the events is usually enough for people to just accept it and move on.

When you fill out an explanation for a gap in your training, again, explain it, and everyone will understand. This isn't going to hurt your residency app, and it certainly won't hurt you in FM. And in all honesty, if there is anyone that would hold something like that against you, my guess is you'd never want to be associated or work with that individual. I know I wouldn't.

 

[Doctor4Life1769]

Sorry for your loss.
Good luck with the application process, I wouldn't worry

 

[dpmd]

I will add that you may cry when you talk about it. Don't worry too much about it if it happens. I got teary during an interview over something much less tragic and my interviewer was very good about it. After matching there he mentioned that the tears didn't negatively affect his thoughts on me as a candidate. Obviously best to not fall apart completely but i would understand if i was the interviewer and you were sharing your story.

 

[criticalelement]

Simply I took time off for a serious medical issue. Period. If any further probing occurs unleash the gory details on em..

This is a non-issue.

For example, I had a surgical procedure last week that is why I took a few days off.
If further questioning occurs.... I tell them.. I had warts on the end of my penis that had to be fulgurated off. Thank goodness I did not have any on my anus.

 

[NotAProgDirector]

I'm going to agree with the chorus above, ignoring the post directly above mine which is crass and uncalled for.

You need to decide whether you want to be vague about it and simply state that you took a medical (or personal) LOA and leave it at that. If you do that, no one should ask you any further about it as it would be considered illegal. That said, you should expect that someone will ask you about it -- probably because they think they are being helpful and don't realize they are not allowed to ask. You could answer that it is a private matter and that you don't want to talk about the details, but that it is resolved and has no/minimal chance of ever recurring and leave it at that.

Or, you can disclose the overall details as in your post. No need for further medical description. If you disclose it in your app, it is allowable as a topic of discussion -- more about how it has affected you and/or affected your life goals.

If you remain vague, some programs may assume it's something more concerning (i.e. a recurrent substance problem, or a severe psychiatric problem, etc) and pass on your application -- as they are not allowed to ask. So, if you're comfortable discussing it you should plan on disclosing the overall details as above. And as mentioned, if you become emotional it's not a big deal at all -- no one would hold that against you.

 

[Apollyon]

ignoring the post directly above mine which is crass and uncalled for.

That is exactly, word for word, what I was going to post, and why I opened SDN right now - "crass and uncalled for".

 

[gutonc]

I'm going to agree with the chorus above, ignoring the post directly above mine which is crass and uncalled for.

+2

If you remain vague, some programs may assume it's something more concerning (i.e. a recurrent substance problem, or a severe psychiatric problem, etc) and pass on your application -- as they are not allowed to ask. So, if you're comfortable discussing it you should plan on disclosing the overall details as above. And as mentioned, if you become emotional it's not a big deal at all -- no one would hold that against you.

And this is the bigger issue. Being silent about the details (which you are well within your rights to do), allows people's minds to run wild. That's not "fair", but that's humanity.

If you are at the point now where you can talk about it (whether you become emotional or not), including some detail, and discussing it if asked, can only help you.

 

[QofQuimica]

And this is the bigger issue. Being silent about the details (which you are well within your rights to do), allows people's minds to run wild. That's not "fair", but that's humanity.

If you are at the point now where you can talk about it (whether you become emotional or not), including some detail, and discussing it if asked, can only help you.

Agree.

OP, it's always tough when people come on SDN and ask how to deal with actual red flags on their apps. I'm specifically talking about LOAs for things like substance abuse, psych hospitalization, etc. This is not one of those red flags, and there's no need to hide it or give anyone the impression that you're hiding something just to spare their feelings. I can't think of too many people in medicine who wouldn't immediately respond with sympathy to hearing something like this; even those of us who aren't parents ourselves have certainly been intimately involved with other people's difficult losses and emotional experiences during our training and practice. I say this as someone who has been on the other side as the bearer of bad news and has cried with patients and families.

 

[northernpsy]

If you remain vague, some programs may assume it's something more concerning (i.e. a recurrent substance problem, or a severe psychiatric problem, etc) and pass on your application -- as they are not allowed to ask. So, if you're comfortable discussing it you should plan on disclosing the overall details as above. And as mentioned, if you become emotional it's not a big deal at all -- no one would hold that against you.

I think this is really good advice from aPD as usual. If you do feel that you can handle talking about it, I think it would be better for the residencies to know what happened rather than have people jump to conclusions that it was something like a drug problem. Most people would probably be very empathetic and also feel a great deal of respect for your resilience in the face of something so heartbreaking. I think there is a chance that someone who means well might accidentally say something insensitive because people (even some doctors) can sometimes be weird when it comes to talking about loss, but I can't imagine anyone thinking this reflects badly on you.

 

[Law2Doc]

Just say you had a delayed graduation because of a "pregnancy related health issue". That way they'll know enough of a reason to know its not a chronic recurrent issue and most won't pry further. If they do pry, the "good" news is that though uncomfortable to talk about this isn't something that will reflect badly on you or hurt your standing in terms of admissions.

 

[ThoracicGuy]

Just say you had a delayed graduation because of a "pregnancy related health issue". That way they'll know enough of a reason to know its not a chronic recurrent issue and most won't pry further. If they do pry, the "good" news is that though uncomfortable to talk about this isn't something that will reflect badly on you or hurt your standing in terms of admissions.

But would they worry about taking a risk knowing she could potentially become pregnant again?

 

[Law2Doc]

But would they worry about taking a risk knowing she could potentially become pregnant again?

Any woman of child bearing age has the potential to become pregnant. It's not legal to discriminate based on this.

 

[ThoracicGuy]

Any woman of child bearing age has the potential to become pregnant. It's not legal to discriminate based on this.

But no way to prove that was the reason to not match or get a interview either...

 

[Crayola227]

Any woman of child bearing age has the potential to become pregnant. It's not legal to discriminate based on this.

They still asked me about my family plans at my interviews.

I said I was waiting until after residency, which was true.

 

[reviliver]

Yeah, I'm a 30 year-old woman going into family med. I'm pretty sure most PDs will expect that I will have/have had children some time during training, especially if they meet me. I'm definitely not going to flaunt that fact but not interested in hiding it either.

I really appreciate the advice about how much to disclose. I was worried about what many of you have mentioned re: "medical leave" sounding like a substance abuse or psych problem. I really do feel for my colleagues dealing with those issues, but it isn't me and I don't want PDs to mentally file me away in that category. I think by the time I apply I will be able to give a short explanation without tears and move the conversation along. Most people probably won't ask for details, but since my daughter had a rare and complicated diagnosis, I might be ok talking about that and about how being the patient and the patient's family has affected my perspective. Thanks again, y'all!