Loneliness in medical school...

[welp18]

Not sure why I'm posting this...guess I would just like to feel like I'm not alone. Ever since coming to med school (I'm an M1) I've felt pretty lonely and disconnected from my class. People are nice enough and making small talk is ok I guess, but I don't have any close friends or people I feel like I can really confide in. Part of the problem is me...I'm naturally pretty introverted and don't always feel super comfortable in big groups. For some reason I feel like my general orientation towards life and life experiences really don't jive with the typical medical student outlook/personality. I tend to recoil from cliques, gossip and arrogant attitudes. A lot of my classmates just seem to be so into the whole process, already have best friends and are on their way to making their dreams come true. I often feel like a total outsider in my class....which is usually ok because we have to study all the time. But there are times (like now) when it just hits me that all my relationships at school are pretty superficial and I'm pretty much alone. I know it's still early days...just wondering if anyone else feels this way or has felt this way.

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[Save a life]

I can relate. I’ve felt like I’m not in any of the cliques and am a loner. I’ve been trying to pull myself out of it. I naturally am good with one on one conversations or very small groups of people I know but bigger groups normally intimidate me and I get worried about what others think of me.

Some things I’ve been doing are:

- going to class instead of watching lectures at home
- going to social events like the Christmas party
- saying hi to everyone and making small talk
- introducing myself to med students I don’t know
- eating lunch with another med student everyday.

I simply invite myself along and people are super nice and receptive. This has been helping. It forces me to get out of my loner shell and makes socializing a priority.

Whether I like it or not, as a physician I will be a leader in healthcare. Physicians have to be good at socializing with others and it’s best to that I just get in the habit now. Even if I become a pathologist I will need to become friends with my fellow physicians and Techs.

 

[softball2344]

M1 here in the same boat, I know how you feel

 

[DocFluffy]

Medicine is a lonely road and one which we all travel by ourselves. But if it makes you feel better, we're all lonely together

 

[deleted707454]

We make short term friends and long term friends in our lives. I haven't made any long term friends in med school thus far (M1), and I totally feel you on the superficial relationships. I've come to be more comfortable in the silence rather than any forced small talk. It also blows when the only thing people seem to want to talk about is school, and which exam questions people missed, etc. Even then, I have so little in common with my classmates. I'm just doing my own thing now, and figure I'll vibe with people on my wavelength eventually - or not. Who knows

 

[Polonium-210]

If you are naturally introverted, you may find it hard to be socially involved with classmates. If you tend towards introversion and are not interested/enthused in alcohol consumption, it may be even more difficult. I have found playing community ultimate frisbee and being involved with older people in my church to be helpful.

 

[naijacardriodoc]

We make short term friends and long term friends in our lives. I haven't made any long term friends in med school thus far (M1), and I totally feel you on the superficial relationships. I've come to be more comfortable in the silence rather than any forced small talk. It also blows when the only thing people seem to want to talk about is school, and which exam questions people missed, etc. Even then, I have so little in common with my classmates. I'm just doing my own thing now, and figure I'll vibe with people on my wavelength eventually - or not. Who knows

Love this!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[narla_hotep]

Don't worry, you're not alone in feeling like this. I think more people than you think might be lonely but not admit it... I definitely have moments like that too where I see people doing everything together and posting on social media about how they're best friends already, and realize that my relationships with people are a lot more superficial than that. Like I go to social events and talk to people, but I rarely have deep personal conversations or get asked to hang out more casually in private. No matter where I go, I also feel like I have tons of acquaintances but very few real friends. At least in college, after a year or two I found a small group of people that I got closer to, and over time they became true friends. Hopefully the same thing can happen in med school for both of us.

 

[theonlytycrane]

I just "like" a lot of people's posts on SDN in hopes that they will be my SDN friend.

 

[Kkshake]

You're definitely not the only one. I even went to one of the largest colleges in the US before medical school and didn't make a friend the whole 4 years there. In short, people suck.

 

[Aerus]

This isn't the real world where you have to meet people at a bar or club and find something in common to talk about. You're all students! Use that to your advantage.

The easiest way to form close friendships with students is to ask to study with them. Find someone you think you can get along well with or want to know better and ask if they would like to study with you sometime. You will eventually be introduced to their current group if they all study together once in awhile. Misery loves company. After you grow closer to being around them all the time, you'll probably be invited to their non-study hang outs and will inevitably become even closer to those people. There could be a potential best friend or two in that group that you click very well with.

I've seen this happen quite frequently in med school and this was how I found my best friends here.

 

[Kkshake]

This isn't the real world where you have to meet people at a bar or club and find something in common to talk about. You're all students! Use that to your advantage.

The easiest way to form close friendships with students is to ask to study with them. Find someone you think you can get along well with or want to know better and ask if they would like to study with you sometime. You will eventually be introduced to their current group if they all study together once in awhile. Misery loves company. After you grow closer to being around them all the time, you'll probably be invited to their non-study hang outs and will inevitably become even closer to those people. There could be a potential best friend or two in that group that you click very well with.

I've seen this happen quite frequently in med school and this was how I found my best friends here.

So, you just walked up to a random stranger and was like, hey let's study together?

 

[borderlineinCle]

I was pretty social M1-M2 -- went to a lot of parties, had friends come over for dinner-cooking sessions, etc. But never really felt close to anyone. M3 didn't really see anyone except at random class parties ever 4-5 months. However, I did rock Tinder / Bumble during M1-M2, and eventually met my now-fiance on a Tinder date a couple days after Step 1 . I have 2-3 med school close friends now that i'll see / chat with somewhat often, and I feel pretty good with just that. Keep your chin up, and find just a couple people.

 

[deleted707454]

So, you just walked up to a random stranger and was like, hey let's study together?

 

[QueenJames]

Friendships are temporary.

Board scores are forever.

 

[lagbydesign]

Friendships are temporary.

Board scores are forever.

Reminds me of another comment someone made on here:

"Friends are low yield. Embrace the gunner life."

Classic. I will never forget that, lol.

 

[theonlytycrane]

To OP: no matter how- I think it's important that you find a few people you can say hi to and complain with. I have a small group chat that is just for ranting and it's really nice. Doing med school 100% solo would be miserable.

 

[Kkshake]

You should make a bunch of friends on SDN. You'll have the whole medical school thing in common, but don't have to listen to needless drama/gossip and you branch your network. It's a win-win.

 

[TheIllusionist]

i hear pornhub premium is having a christmas sale. best fireworks outside of firecracker...

 

[tapatio4life]

M3 here. Been lonely since M1 started. Mostly by choice but yeah I can relate not getting along with other classmates. Just try to make a life for yourself outside of medicine through your hobbies

 

[Aerus]

So, you just walked up to a random stranger and was like, hey let's study together?

Not a random stranger. You choose from the people you know superficially, like from mandatory TBLs, class, anatomy lab, etc. Making friends as a student is much easier than when you're out in the real world because at school you are forced to see certain people over and over again and will always have something in common to break the ice and get to know them on a deeper level.

 

[arcus]

You're definitely not the only one. I even went to one of the largest colleges in the US before medical school and didn't make a friend the whole 4 years there. In short, people suck.

People dont suck. There are plenty of good wholesome, wonderful people. You just need to put yourself out there, which is something few people will do today.

check out

Chamath Palihapitiya, who joined Facebook in 2007 and became its vice president for user growth, said he feels “tremendous guilt” about the company he helped make. “I think we have created tools that are ripping apart the social fabric of how society works,” he told an audience at Stanford Graduate School of Business, before recommending people take a “hard break” from social media.

Palihapitiya’s criticisms were aimed not only at Facebook, but the wider online ecosystem. “The short-term, dopamine-driven feedback loops we’ve created are destroying how society works,” he said, referring to online interactions driven by “hearts, likes, thumbs-up.” “No civil discourse, no cooperation; misinformation, mistruth. And it’s not an American problem — this is not about Russians ads. This is a global problem.”

Former Facebook exec says social media is ripping apart society
‘No civil discourse, no cooperation; misinformation, mistruth.’
By James Vincent@jjvincent Dec 11, 2017, 6:07am EST
Former Facebook exec says social media is ripping apart society
​

 

[cali482]

I am a psychiatrist and treated a lot of med students in my practice. It was common for the med students I treated to feel isolated and depressed. Med school has so many challenges and a good support system can make a big difference. I wrote a psychological survival manual for med students that is available on amazon. Maybe it would be a help to some of you. It's called "Combating Med School Blues" I hope it can make a difference for students in your situation.

 

[Snoopy2006]

There's people in every med school class that feel lonely and isolated. Med school is a pressure cooker and exacerbates some people's worst fears/feelings about themselves. Most people have bigger college classes so eventually they're able to find a group of people they get along with, no matter how isolated or introverted someone's personality is. In med school, your # of classmates is limited, so sometimes it's tough to find your people.

It's not the end of the world. The hardest thing for naturally quiet/reserved people is to try to put themselves out there and get invited to social events. If you're not comfortable asking classmates to get dinner, start with asking if you can have lunch with them (in our school, people used to sit outside over the lunch hour and eat together, so it was easier to meet new people). If you're uncomfortable going to a party or bar, try to form a study group and build friends/relationships from there.

Some people don't find their niche in med school, so they end up finding friends and a support network outside of med school. It's frustrating to go through, but it gets better for almost everyone.

 

[Depmonce1133]

It is not you. Right now med students are all probably clinging too those who they feel will help them graduate and are subconsciously worrying about student loans. As soon as yall match, a lot of these people will only see eachother at their weddings and then on facebook. So really, these relationships vaporize. Perhaps you are more of a sentimental type. That is good because when you make friends and relationships you will probably value those and have better social support. I think it's good to just stay on top of your studies. Once you work in your job setting you will have people depending on you and your human experience will change. This is partially how this world works.

 

[thatawkguy]

.