The Loneliness of the Med Student

[tncekm]

I have to disagree with this, especially if that 'looking' is in reference to a girlfriend. I don't know about you, but not many girls ask me out on dates. When I ask them out, however, I usually get a "yes." I have fun getting to know several different girls and if something clicks I pursue that. It's pretty much standard for finding a girlfriend (I think), and it's a whole lot more fun/productive than sitting around waiting for the magic of detached apathy to bring girls clawing at your door.

If the looking is in reference to friends, same kind of thing. Who is likely to find friends they enjoy more, the person who goes and does things with many different people at different opportunities and then gradually moves toward spending the most time with those he or she likes the most, or the person who sits around waiting for the magic of inaction to bring a good group of friends?

I will not dispute that if you try too hard (look desperate) it turns people away, but I think you can find a healthy balance between putting yourself out there and not seeming needy.

My intention was to state that it may be best to stay single for a while. I definitely didn't mean that the best way to find a SO is by sitting on your ass and hoping something great comes walking into your life. lol

...just to focus on yourself for a while...

---

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[azzarah]

Med school sucks for everyone, especially the first 2 years! Having gone through med school and now being a third year resident, I can tell you that second year of med school was by far the toughest, most overwhelming year. Once you are done with second year, all the fun begins! If you are getting depressed, see psych. Don't wait until you fail some test to get help. There are plenty of people in med school who get seriously depressed, so if you are feeling sad and lonely, go get help. During second year, I either studied at the bright beautiful undergrad library at my med school or went to a coffee shop with my friends who were in the school of public health. There were definitely times when I would study from 7am straight until 11pm at night for an entire block and still never get through all the material even once...It was a horrible feeling showing up to the exams. My co-resident who is sitting next to me concurs.

 

[tncekm]

Med school sucks for everyone, especially the first 2 years! Having gone through med school and now being a third year resident, I can tell you that second year of med school was by far the toughest, most overwhelming year. Once you are done with second year, all the fun begins! If you are getting depressed, see psych. Don't wait until you fail some test to get help. There are plenty of people in med school who get seriously depressed, so if you are feeling sad and lonely, go get help. During second year, I either studied at the bright beautiful undergrad library at my med school or went to a coffee shop with my friends who were in the school of public health. There were definitely times when I would study from 7am straight until 11pm at night for an entire block and still never get through all the material even once...It was a horrible feeling showing up to the exams. My co-resident who is sitting next to me concurs.

OMG... sounds rough. Just to get a comparison, how much did you study during MS1?

 

[Bac Si]

Some say "Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self"
Others say, "You are lonely when you have so much to give but no one to give to."

I think loneliness n sadness are inseparable so I'm going to adress both these issues here.

Trust me, I've been there, I know what loneliness, sadness, depression means n I've come out of that all by myself. If you want to get over your loneliness, just try to look at the glass half full n not half empty. Now I feel that dependence upon other people for happiness is a sign of weakness. Instead I try to find happiness within me.

People tend to ovef look something that loneliness gives you, it gives you time and solitude. When I broke up with my gf, I found that I have all the time in the world to do everything (that might not be the case with evryone else). So what I am saying is, devote that time to take care of yourself.

The best thing you can do is -
Take up a hobby (a serious one) - it can be anything. It can be something you had always wanted to do but never got around doing either because of time constraints or other reasons. It can be music, painting, story books, world cinema, star gazing, photography, cooking... u name it. Basically i'd suggest "whatever helps" but just ask yourself that what u r taking up is it something nice, something beautiful... judge with ur own morality n rationality n b true to urself, n u'll never be wrong. I believe following one's own heart is the toughest n one of the most beautiful things that one can do. (I know u've heard these words many times over, so u might readily want to discard them. But trust me, I've REALISED these in my life, all by myself & after being through a lot, so u can pretty much bet that these have atleast some credibility)

For me it was music - When i was passing through this phase of real loneliness and depression during my 2nd year, I took up the guitar n my life has never been the same again. Music is the most beautiful thing in the world. I started out with rock, blues then went into world music, n now am into indian classical (IMO the greatest form of music in the universe), western classical, fusion jazz/rock, pop jazz.

I'll never forget something my chemistry teacher told me in 11th grade - Good things will never come to you, you'll have to go towards them.
I have realised this during every step in my life.

Finally work hard to achieve your goals, take a break sometimes, relax, have a drink/some good food, go to a movie (all by urself) or just sit in a park or by a river or lake and try to enjoy your solitude. Trust me u'll become addicted to it.

Just remember - Expectations are the source of all sadness (just imagine the last time u were sad n u'll realise tht it was bcuz u were expecting something to happen or someone to do something n it didnt happen). U might need to let go of even the basic expectations from life. If you dont expect then u cannot be sad, there's a saying "A thousand men can't undress a naked man." However the one and only person you can expect something from is yourself, thts because u dont have any control over actions of other people or other things, but only over ur own.

If you c, I don't post much on SDN, thats because most of the times I don't have anything to say n I'm not one of those who speak just cuz they have to say something, rather I speak when I have something to say. I have given a lot of thought to these concepts of loneliness, sadness, happiness, solitude, thats y i cud write so much.

I'll be most glad if it helps someone else to even the smallest extent.

Take care

Do you like philosophy? Reason I asked is because I do and I also enjoyed reading your post

 

[psipsina]

I think that 2nd year can be sooooooo lonely. I switched classes (had to take a year off and have a bunch of surgeries, fun) so the handful of good friends I'd made during 1st year were all 3rd years imprisoned in the hospital and I was left to try and make friends with a class that had already bonded. To make matters worse I don't do well when I go to class or study in groups so I had even less chances to make new friends. I'm married and have friends outside of medschool in this city but I spent most of 2nd year at home at my desk with only my cat to keep me company which got pretty depressing after a while. I just tried to get lost in the material and have faith that 3rd year would be better, which it is Even when I haven't known anyone who's rotating with me on a service I've had alot of fun with my colleagues, even when I don't particularly like my patients the challenge of interacting with them has kept me entertained. I've gotten to know kids in my class I would have never befriended otherwise and had some great laughs. Its not easy by any means and you have to adjust mentally to perpetually being lost and confused (as you switch rotations as soon as you get comfortable) but compared to the isolation of 2nd year its great. There is a light at the end of your tunnel, just remind yourself how close you are to that goal and keep truckin'.

 

[Agent Blueberry]

I'm echoing a lot of what other people have said so far, but I think it's really important to set aside time, just a little bit, for yourself so that you don't go nuts with all of the studying. Even if it is an hour a week to watch your favorite TV show or to read a book (for pleasure), it will make you feel like there is something else in your life.

Another suggestion is to do things you would normally do (eating, laundry, grocery shopping, getting gas in your car, etc) with someone else. This really, really helped me out when I was going through my "I'm so alone in the world" phase of life! Just eating lunch with a friend for ten minutes made me feel so much better about all of the work I was doing. Studying in public places might help you too, maybe getting out of the library, if you are able to focus. Try to meet some people either by engaging in conversation with people in your discussion groups, or go to lecture and make friends with the people you sit near. Study in a coffee shop or something and get to know the "regulars", or even the people who work there!

Being comfortable with being alone takes time, but eventually, you will learn to enjoy the little things that you get to do by yourself. If you think you're alone because there is something wrong with you, try to change your mindset. Don't take your solitude personally-- you're a really busy person, and it's difficult to balance a social life with school. And keep in mind that this isn't forever.

 

[knockoutMice]

Do you like philosophy? Reason I asked is because I do and I also enjoyed reading your post

Check your profile, I've posted a msg

 

[Mr. Itchy]

Wear your white coat to bars and find a woman. Pretty easy if you ask me.

 

[neomedstudent]

Ive got to say its nice to hear that a few other people have been feeling the same way as me. I'll admit I had a rough start connecting to people, but since then I was just pretty underwhelmed by life here. Basically everyone and everything in your life revolves around med school. I go out a fair amount here, at least 1 - 2 nights a non-test week, and every conversation is either extremely superficial or about medical school (drives me crazy!). Call me crazy but medicine is not my life, its a job.

That plus the constant flood of tests and information. I basically took the approach that the situation would improve on its own (from me adapting). I am starting to think that loneliness is part of the life of a medical student. Either it'll get better or I'll just have to go 'lone-wolf' for the next couple of years, and then in years 3 & 4 we'll all be so fed up with all the people we'll have to deal with

Oh and does anyone get that feeling after they go out like their night might've been better had they not gone out at all? I dont go to school in a big city, and i have to say i'm extremely tired of most of the local hangout spots already. And on the note of women, most of my class is spoken for (guys and girls) does anyone else have that situation?

 

[283412]

I just finished a PhD and so I'm five years older than the MS3 class and I don't know anyone. All my friends are off attending somewhere. Still, in 3rd year you're basically around people 80-90 hours a weeks, so it's hard to get lonely, and you're too tired to care when you get home. So hang in there. As for people being spoken for: I honestly haven't seen anyone without a wedding ring in years. Oh well. Too late for me

 

[ULTRON]

I found Sunday religious activities to be helpful.

ULTRON

I'm an M2 who's struggling with what I'm sure at least a few people have struggled with on here: loneliness and isolation.

I remember feeling this a bit last year, particularly during the winter while studying biochem and all that boring stuff. But this year it struck much earlier, and I've been having trouble with it.

I do well in school, but I also find that going to class is a huge waste of time for me, so I don't go. I only attend the mandatory small group activities we have most mornings. Then I feel like most of my time otherwise is spent studying and studying and studying. M2 has more information, so there seems like even less time to do anything but studying (I do try to work out fairly regularly so I don't turn into a slob).

Part of it is isolation from my other classmates I guess. Part of it is having no girlfriend (my girlfriend and I broke up in the Fall of last year . . . then I dated a girl this summer that I turned out to not really like at all, so I dumped her). I've never been one to use women as a crutch, but maybe that's part of my problem. But then again, I can't seem to find the time to go out and meet women outside of med school anyway.

It's gotten me real down lately, and the fact that it's still only October has me concerned, since it seems like it'll only get worse as Step I approaches.

Any advice?

 

[scurred09]

Medical school had really changed him. That is sad when you can't spare a min or two to unload your stress.

Dude WTF is wrong with you?!?!?!?? I swear to god if I had half that kind of good fortune I'd take over the world.

 

[xmsr3]

Damn dude. Maybe it's me but I would've thrown caution to the wind.

Makes me extra motivated to always keep up with my studies so such tragedies never befall me

 

[username456789]

Medical school had really changed him. That is sad when you can't spare a min or two to unload your stress.

To put your worries at ease, I did end up saying "**** it" and went to see her that night. But goddamn, even just on the way over my mind was filled with stupid facts about school and rehearsing things I had been trying to memorize.

This is what I dislike about med school. Not so much the time requirement (which sucks), but the fact that it's become difficult for me to enjoy any time NOT spent studying, because studying is always somewhere there in my mind.

 

[docONcall]

I also find that going to class is a huge waste of time for me, so I don't go. I only attend the mandatory small group activities we have most mornings.

You feel lonely, isolated, blah blah blah and you're not doing ANYTHING about it. Feeling sorry for yourself won't help you. Go out and have some life. Fun won't chase after you, you should chase after it. If you don't chase after it, then just don't sit your ass all day bitching how you feel lonely and isolated. Go and try make some friends - go to bars or anywhere that you can have your social life back. Don't be like those fat teenager girls that do nothing and whine on how they feel left out.

Don't let med school take your social life completely away from you. You need to have some fun while in med school. At least make some good memories while you're at med school!

 

[Humbleness MD]

Some say "Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self"
Others say, "You are lonely when you have so much to give but no one to give to."

I think loneliness n sadness are inseparable so I'm going to adress both these issues here.

Trust me, I've been there, I know what loneliness, sadness, depression means n I've come out of that all by myself. If you want to get over your loneliness, just try to look at the glass half full n not half empty. Now I feel that dependence upon other people for happiness is a sign of weakness. Instead I try to find happiness within me.

People tend to ovef look something that loneliness gives you, it gives you time and solitude. When I broke up with my gf, I found that I have all the time in the world to do everything (that might not be the case with evryone else). So what I am saying is, devote that time to take care of yourself.

The best thing you can do is -
Take up a hobby (a serious one) - it can be anything. It can be something you had always wanted to do but never got around doing either because of time constraints or other reasons. It can be music, painting, story books, world cinema, star gazing, photography, cooking... u name it. Basically i'd suggest "whatever helps" but just ask yourself that what u r taking up is it something nice, something beautiful... judge with ur own morality n rationality n b true to urself, n u'll never be wrong. I believe following one's own heart is the toughest n one of the most beautiful things that one can do. (I know u've heard these words many times over, so u might readily want to discard them. But trust me, I've REALISED these in my life, all by myself & after being through a lot, so u can pretty much bet that these have atleast some credibility)

For me it was music - When i was passing through this phase of real loneliness and depression during my 2nd year, I took up the guitar n my life has never been the same again. Music is the most beautiful thing in the world. I started out with rock, blues then went into world music, n now am into indian classical (IMO the greatest form of music in the universe), western classical, fusion jazz/rock, pop jazz.

I'll never forget something my chemistry teacher told me in 11th grade - Good things will never come to you, you'll have to go towards them.
I have realised this during every step in my life.

Finally work hard to achieve your goals, take a break sometimes, relax, have a drink/some good food, go to a movie (all by urself) or just sit in a park or by a river or lake and try to enjoy your solitude. Trust me u'll become addicted to it.

Just remember - Expectations are the source of all sadness (just imagine the last time u were sad n u'll realise tht it was bcuz u were expecting something to happen or someone to do something n it didnt happen). U might need to let go of even the basic expectations from life. If you dont expect then u cannot be sad, there's a saying "A thousand men can't undress a naked man." However the one and only person you can expect something from is yourself, thts because u dont have any control over actions of other people or other things, but only over ur own.

If you c, I don't post much on SDN, thats because most of the times I don't have anything to say n I'm not one of those who speak just cuz they have to say something, rather I speak when I have something to say. I have given a lot of thought to these concepts of loneliness, sadness, happiness, solitude, thats y i cud write so much.

I'll be most glad if it helps someone else to even the smallest extent.

Take care

Very well put. Kudos...

 

[kevster2001]

why dont you make some friends with the people in class. misery loves company.

You can study together and party together

 

[UES Girl]

Engage yourself in the interprofessional activities - we just had the most awesome med, dental, pharmacy party. Aside from the fact that the party itself was incredibly fun, there was a ton of hot people there.

 

[thecleaner]

You feel lonely, isolated, blah blah blah and you're not doing ANYTHING about it. Feeling sorry for yourself won't help you. Go out and have some life. Fun won't chase after you, you should chase after it. If you don't chase after it, then just don't sit your ass all day bitching how you feel lonely and isolated. Go and try make some friends - go to bars or anywhere that you can have your social life back. Don't be like those fat teenager girls that do nothing and whine on how they feel left out.

Don't let med school take your social life completely away from you. You need to have some fun while in med school. At least make some good memories while you're at med school!

i hope you arent planning on going into psych, seriously

 

[Eggs n Coffee]

You feel lonely, isolated, blah blah blah and you're not doing ANYTHING about it. Feeling sorry for yourself won't help you. Go out and have some life. Fun won't chase after you, you should chase after it. If you don't chase after it, then just don't sit your ass all day bitching how you feel lonely and isolated. Go and try make some friends - go to bars or anywhere that you can have your social life back. Don't be like those fat teenager girls that do nothing and whine on how they feel left out.

Don't let med school take your social life completely away from you. You need to have some fun while in med school. At least make some good memories while you're at med school!

You should listen to yourself speak some time.

 

[username456789]

Haaaaating med school right now.

That is all.

 

[Excelsius]

Some say "Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self"
Others say, "You are lonely when you have so much to give but no one to give to."

I think loneliness n sadness are inseparable so I'm going to adress both these issues here.

Trust me, I've been there, I know what loneliness, sadness, depression means n I've come out of that all by myself. If you want to get over your loneliness, just try to look at the glass half full n not half empty. Now I feel that dependence upon other people for happiness is a sign of weakness. Instead I try to find happiness within me.

People tend to ovef look something that loneliness gives you, it gives you time and solitude. When I broke up with my gf, I found that I have all the time in the world to do everything (that might not be the case with evryone else). So what I am saying is, devote that time to take care of yourself.

The best thing you can do is -
Take up a hobby (a serious one) - it can be anything. It can be something you had always wanted to do but never got around doing either because of time constraints or other reasons. It can be music, painting, story books, world cinema, star gazing, photography, cooking... u name it. Basically i'd suggest "whatever helps" but just ask yourself that what u r taking up is it something nice, something beautiful... judge with ur own morality n rationality n b true to urself, n u'll never be wrong. I believe following one's own heart is the toughest n one of the most beautiful things that one can do. (I know u've heard these words many times over, so u might readily want to discard them. But trust me, I've REALISED these in my life, all by myself & after being through a lot, so u can pretty much bet that these have atleast some credibility)

For me it was music - When i was passing through this phase of real loneliness and depression during my 2nd year, I took up the guitar n my life has never been the same again. Music is the most beautiful thing in the world. I started out with rock, blues then went into world music, n now am into indian classical (IMO the greatest form of music in the universe), western classical, fusion jazz/rock, pop jazz.

I'll never forget something my chemistry teacher told me in 11th grade - Good things will never come to you, you'll have to go towards them.
I have realised this during every step in my life.

Finally work hard to achieve your goals, take a break sometimes, relax, have a drink/some good food, go to a movie (all by urself) or just sit in a park or by a river or lake and try to enjoy your solitude. Trust me u'll become addicted to it.

Just remember - Expectations are the source of all sadness (just imagine the last time u were sad n u'll realise tht it was bcuz u were expecting something to happen or someone to do something n it didnt happen). U might need to let go of even the basic expectations from life. If you dont expect then u cannot be sad, there's a saying "A thousand men can't undress a naked man." However the one and only person you can expect something from is yourself, thts because u dont have any control over actions of other people or other things, but only over ur own.

If you c, I don't post much on SDN, thats because most of the times I don't have anything to say n I'm not one of those who speak just cuz they have to say something, rather I speak when I have something to say. I have given a lot of thought to these concepts of loneliness, sadness, happiness, solitude, thats y i cud write so much.

I'll be most glad if it helps someone else to even the smallest extent.

Take care

I have to say this, the ideas you are trying to convey are not commensurate to the level of language you're using. Using language like "cuz," "c," or "n" really detracts from your point and credibility. Some of your points are just ok, but consider this: when reading your post, it is very easy for someone to see that your woes have made you give up in many areas of your life, more than anything else. Yeah, philosophy is good. But don't forget psychology. So what happened to you? You had social problems that caused you a lot of pain. What you did is you turned your back on your problems without solving anything and instead sublimated your issues by playing your guitar. Do you really think that's the solution? To give up? To become more introverted? Ok, let's say it works for you for now, but let me ask you: how long do you think you are going to play your guitar? So, 10 years pass, you finish your residency, and your life should begin. Will it? Not really. Because you will have spent the previous decade or more of your life avoiding your issues by playing a guitar. I can't help it, but have you seen Animal House? This scene is so perfect for this case:

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9JYq-mXprw[/YOUTUBE]

I don't have time to write a long dissertation here, but I'll say that as an INTJ, I am very introverted myself, perhaps more than many of you here. Even though girls find me very attractive and themselves come on to me, I was so shy that I did not have a gf until well into college and even then it was not ideal for me. I don't like small talk, had never been to wild party, and was so shy that couldn't even ask a girl out even though she was already doing most of the work for me. The main reason I ended up with a gf is because of the law firm where I worked and this older woman was so intrigued by me and my work that point blank asked me out and by that time I was pretty bold myself and from there it started...

Anyway, to get to the point: ask yourself, WHY are you unhappy? You have achieved and are achieving everything in terms of professional and financial accomplishments. What could possibly make you depressed? The answer is one of Freud's three major causes of pain - social pain caused by your outside world. I was unhappy most of my life too until one day I just gave this some thought. Why is it that we're so unhappy? Ok, the meaning of life is pretty depressing so you can't really change that (not that most people think about it in the first place). Let's leave it. What is the other major issue? Social. Now ask yourself: "Self, would I ever get into medschool if I did not peruse my books?" Let me answer that for you: Hell no. So next question is: "Self, can I expect to be socially happy if I don't know the rules?" Allow me to answer that for you as well: **** NO! So do yourself a favor and go get a book about how to grow balls, aka, how to approach a woman so that next time you're driving your car and see this hot chick on the street, you stop your ******* car, get out, and go meet her. I don't know why you guys are bitching and moaning about your medschool class. Isn't there a lawschool around? Don't you have a dental or nursing school? Aren't there any women on the street? And who the **** said that studying and sex are mutually exclusive? I bet that most of you are depressed because you just don't have the balls to do socially what you want to do. By default, girls are frustrated too because there are few real men in their classes. Do you know that some of the most attractive girls have the hardest time finding a guy? Nobody has the balls to ask them out without peeing all over their diapers.

And for all you out there "waiting" until medschool ends before you date anyone or start your life in any shape or form - bullsh*t. Take that philosophy, wipe your ass with it, and flush it down the toilet along with your existential diarrhea. You want real philosophy, read some Nietzsche or Kant. That's real philosophy. Living your life alone because you have no balls to find the right girl is not philosophy, it's self pitying BS and avoidance by using guitars and porn sites. So my suggestion is start living your lives now. Don't wait for nature (even though it has been calling for years) or God (even though it's only in your head). Get some books, do your homework, grow confidence, then go out there and meet some women. Both genders in the class will be happy. I can't imagine anyone will be able to stay mentally stabile by only working hard and not getting some release. Yeah, a guitar is nice. I play the piano. But you know what? My piano won't cook for me or have dinner with me. And sure as hell she won't make love to me either. Now put that chicken down.

 

[VoiceofReason]

Even though girls find me very attractive and themselves come on to me,

high five bro

 

[unsung]

I have to say this, the ideas you are trying to convey are not commensurate to the level of language you're using. Using language like "cuz," "c," or "n" really detracts from your point and credibility. Some of your points are just ok, but consider this: when reading your post, it is very easy for someone to see that your woes have made you give up in many areas of your life, more than anything else. Yeah, philosophy is good. But don't forget psychology. So what happened to you? You had social problems that caused you a lot of pain. What you did is you turned your back on your problems without solving anything and instead sublimated your issues by playing your guitar. Do you really think that's the solution? To give up? To become more introverted? Ok, let's say it works for you for now, but let me ask you: how long do you think you are going to play your guitar? So, 10 years pass, you finish your residency, and your life should begin. Will it? Not really. Because you will have spent the previous decade or more of your life avoiding your issues by playing a guitar. I can't help it, but have you seen Animal House? This scene is so perfect for this case:

[YOUTUBE]a9JYq-mXprw[/YOUTUBE]

I don't have time to write a long dissertation here, but I'll say that as an INTJ, I am very introverted myself, perhaps more than many of you here. Even though girls find me very attractive and themselves come on to me, I was so shy that I did not have a gf until well into college and even then it was not ideal for me. I don't like small talk, had never been to wild party, and was so shy that couldn't even ask a girl out even though she was already doing most of the work for me. The main reason I ended up with a gf is because of the law firm where I worked and this older woman was so intrigued by me and my work that point blank asked me out and by that time I was pretty bold myself and from there it started...

Anyway, to get to the point: ask yourself, WHY are you unhappy? You have achieved and are achieving everything in terms of professional and financial accomplishments. What could possibly make you depressed? The answer is one of Freud's three major causes of pain - social pain caused by your outside world. I was unhappy most of my life too until one day I just gave this some thought. Why is it that we're so unhappy? Ok, the meaning of life is pretty depressing so you can't really change that (not that most people think about it in the first place). Let's leave it. What is the other major issue? Social. Now ask yourself: "Self, would I ever get into medschool if I did not peruse my books?" Let me answer that for you: Hell no. So next question is: "Self, can I expect to be socially happy if I don't know the rules?" Allow me to answer that for you as well: **** NO! So do yourself a favor and go get a book about how to grow balls, aka, how to approach a woman so that next time you're driving your car and see this hot chick on the street, you stop your ******* car, get out, and go meet her. I don't know why you guys are bitching and moaning about your medschool class. Isn't there a lawschool around? Don't you have a dental or nursing school? Aren't there any women on the street? And who the **** said that studying and sex are mutually exclusive? I bet that most of you are depressed because you just don't have the balls to do socially what you want to do. By default, girls are frustrated too because there are few real men in their classes. Do you know that some of the most attractive girls have the hardest time finding a guy? Nobody has the balls to ask them out without peeing all over their diapers.

And for all you out there "waiting" until medschool ends before you date anyone or start your life in any shape or form - bullsh*t. Take that philosophy, wipe your ass with it, and flush it down the toilet along with your existential diarrhea. You want real philosophy, read some Nietzsche or Kant. That's real philosophy. Living your life alone because you have no balls to find the right girl is not philosophy, it's self pitying BS and avoidance by using guitars and porn sites. So my suggestion is start living your lives now. Don't wait for nature (even though it has been calling for years) or God (even though it's only in your head). Get some books, do your homework, grow confidence, then go out there and meet some women. Both genders in the class will be happy. I can't imagine anyone will be able to stay mentally stabile by only working hard and not getting some release. Yeah, a guitar is nice. I play the piano. But you know what? My piano won't cook for me or have dinner with me. And sure as hell she won't make love to me either. Now put that chicken down.

I see what you're saying.

I'd rather date the guitar player, however, than the guy that pulls over to the side of the road to hit on women...

 

[Excelsius]

I see what you're saying.

I'd rather date the guitar player, however, than the guy that pulls over to the side of the road to hit on women...

No, no, no. You missed my point. Playing a guitar has nothing to do with meeting a woman. All I am saying is that if a guy doesn't have the confidence to approach you, you will never meet him regardless whether he plays his guitar or his flute. You won't even know if he plays anything. Playing a guitar is great. Sophistication is very important (at least for me). But if you can't approach someone, that's not going to matter or change anything.

As far as "hitting" on you on the street, does the location really matter? If you like someone, you should tell them that. It's not like you are going to marry the guy or even sleep with him - you are just getting a chance to get to know the person and decide for yourself if you like him or not. If you do, great. If you don't, that's fine too. There are billions of other women and guys in the world. It's not that big of a deal to approach someone and try to get to know them. Some women look great, but their personality is so bad that you wouldn't want to be around them even for a few hours. But you can't know this until you actually talk to them.

If no one dared to ever make the first move, people would not be getting together. That's how it works. I hope you see my point.

 

[shinjiru]

I bet many of your classmates are going through the same thing you are. I think what is amazing to me is the secrecy that goes on in medical school. It is hard for everyone, and I bet a lot of people feel lonely - but they just don't want to admit it.
I wish I could say I had a great suggestion, but I don't. What I have found to keep me sane is a group of people outside of medical school I hang out with a few times a semester. For me, it helps to talk about something other than medicine, or exams, or blah blah. I think that balance really helps.

 

[knockoutMice]

@ Excelsius

Look dude, I seriously have no idea why you chose to attack me! I don't remember asking you to accept my philosophy. I am bothering to reply just to make it very clear that I am not trying to prove a point here. Different things work for different people. From whatever insight I could gather regarding your personality from your post, all I can say that we are two completely different people, our priorities n agendas in life are entirely different; so it follows that you won't like my ideas. If you don't agree with me that's totally fine. I'm cool with that.

Firstly I want to make it clear that I am from India, so I don't have much idea about how Americans form impressions about people from their diction. All I wanted was to convey some ideas which I hoped to be of SOME help to people who need it. I just don't get how it has anything to do with my usage of some standard abbreviations. I would really like to know based on what rationality you made your comment "Using language like "cuz," "c," or "n" really detracts from your point and credibility"

Could you kindly elaborate on the point "when reading your post, it is very easy for someone to see that your woes have made you give up in many areas of your life, more than anything else." So tell me, which "areas" of my life I have given up on?
I think you mistunderstood my comment about giving up your EXPECTATIONs as giving up MANY AREAS of my life! You indeed have deep sense of comprehension. If I'm not wrong, then this beautiful quote from The Geeta translates to "Do your job, don't crave for results." That is all I meant.

Inspite of not having time to write a long dissertation, you have actually written by far the longest post in the thread n the fact that you can study n have sex at the same time... it totally amazes me

Let me explain your philosophy more clearly, which is apparently all you have gathered from Nietzsche or Kant n that book "for growing balls": Okay, I'm sad, depressed and lonely, but I won't give up, I'll just go n pick up some girls n get laid. That is the answer to all of my problems. Yeah! I'm the kewl guy, watch out chicks, I'm coming for you.

I'm pretty sure with that philosophy you'll get a lot of hot babes n get laid plety of times, but one thing I can tell you is that the only thing worse than ending up alone is to end up with people who make you feel all alone. (WGD)

I'll tell you what happened to me. I realised that most (not all) of the people around me were these really big jerks, wannabes and losers (guess what kind of people I'm talking about here ) (and yes I do consider the possibility that I might be all wrong and I am actually the one who deserves those adjectives...). I decided I didn't want to have anything to do with people like these. So! So what I did was I tried to "go towards the good things" (good things according to my perception adn choice, picking up girls and getting laid is definitely not high up there, besides in India the social structure is entirely different n much more conservative so those things are not even options here). I turned my back on only those things that were really beyond my control. You have a better suggestion for that?

"

Do you really think that's the solution? To give up? To become more introverted?"

Geez! You sound like Oprah... goooood!

Since you are a self-proclaimed INTJ, I have just one suggestion for you. Judge me all you can, just keep your judgements to yourself.

Finally all that I woud like to say is that, you have put forth a way of dealing with sadness/loneliness that has worked for you. That is something worth appreciating. What I can tell you is I'll defeinitely try out a couple of things (like going out n picking up girls ) like you said and let you know.

Peace.

PS I am just curious, what is it that you do?
PPS I'm feeling really sorry for having to sabotage this thread, after all its been through

 

[thecleaner]

You feel lonely, isolated, blah blah blah and you're not doing ANYTHING about it. Feeling sorry for yourself won't help you. Go out and have some life. Fun won't chase after you, you should chase after it. If you don't chase after it, then just don't sit your ass all day bitching how you feel lonely and isolated. Go and try make some friends - go to bars or anywhere that you can have your social life back. Don't be like those fat teenager girls that do nothing and whine on how they feel left out.

Don't let med school take your social life completely away from you. You need to have some fun while in med school. At least make some good memories while you're at med school!

i have to say, initially i disagreed with your blunt tone but now i agree with you after reading all of these whiny posts.

 

[Excelsius]

@ Excelsius

Look dude, I seriously have no idea why you chose to attack me! I don't remember asking you to accept my philosophy. I am bothering to reply just to make it very clear that I am not trying to prove a point here. Different things work for different people. From whatever insight I could gather regarding your personality from your post, all I can say that we are two completely different people, our priorities n agendas in life are entirely different; so it follows that you won't like my ideas. If you don't agree with me that's totally fine. I'm cool with that.

Firstly I want to make it clear that I am from India, so I don't have much idea about how Americans form impressions about people from their diction. All I wanted was to convey some ideas which I hoped to be of SOME help to people who need it. I just don't get how it has anything to do with my usage of some standard abbreviations. I would really like to know based on what rationality you made your comment "Using language like "cuz," "c," or "n" really detracts from your point and credibility"

Could you kindly elaborate on the point "when reading your post, it is very easy for someone to see that your woes have made you give up in many areas of your life, more than anything else." So tell me, which "areas" of my life I have given up on?
I think you mistunderstood my comment about giving up your EXPECTATIONs as giving up MANY AREAS of my life! You indeed have deep sense of comprehension. If I'm not wrong, then this beautiful quote from The Geeta translates to "Do your job, don't crave for results." That is all I meant.

Inspite of not having time to write a long dissertation, you have actually written by far the longest post in the thread n the fact that you can study n have sex at the same time... it totally amazes me

Let me explain your philosophy more clearly, which is apparently all you have gathered from Nietzsche or Kant n that book "for growing balls": Okay, I'm sad, depressed and lonely, but I won't give up, I'll just go n pick up some girls n get laid. That is the answer to all of my problems. Yeah! I'm the kewl guy, watch out chicks, I'm coming for you.

I'm pretty sure with that philosophy you'll get a lot of hot babes n get laid plety of times, but one thing I can tell you is that the only thing worse than ending up alone is to end up with people who make you feel all alone. (WGD)

I'll tell you what happened to me. I realised that most (not all) of the people around me were these really big jerks, wannabes and losers (guess what kind of people I'm talking about here ) (and yes I do consider the possibility that I might be all wrong and I am actually the one who deserves those adjectives...). I decided I didn't want to have anything to do with people like these. So! So what I did was I tried to "go towards the good things" (good things according to my perception adn choice, picking up girls and getting laid is definitely not high up there, besides in India the social structure is entirely different n much more conservative so those things are not even options here). I turned my back on only those things that were really beyond my control. You have a better suggestion for that?

" Geez! You sound like Oprah... goooood!

Since you are a self-proclaimed INTJ, I have just one suggestion for you. Judge me all you can, just keep your judgements to yourself.

Finally all that I woud like to say is that, you have put forth a way of dealing with sadness/loneliness that has worked for you. That is something worth appreciating. What I can tell you is I'll defeinitely try out a couple of things (like going out n picking up girls ) like you said and let you know.

Peace.

PS I am just curious, what is it that you do?
PPS I'm feeling really sorry for having to sabotage this thread, after all its been through

Ok, I got a good laugh out of it! I am very sorry that you feel like I was picking on you. Not at all. In fact, I sympathize with you because I know exactly how you feel. I just wanted to get the point across that you don't have to live your life like that and that one of the options is to address the issues bothering you. It is easier to see that we might have a big difference in terms of our upbringing as I am familiar with how strict the Indian upbringing can be, so I am not surprised that my response seemed like an attack to you. Sorry about that. Just know that it was not the intent.

And this part: "Okay, I'm sad, depressed and lonely, but I won't give up, I'll just go n pick up some girls n get laid. That is the answer to all of my problems. Yeah! I'm the kewl guy, watch out chicks, I'm coming for you" was especially funny because if you're picking up girls that don't make you happy, then you're doing something wrong. The whole purpose is for you to meet someone where it "clicks." There are a lot of great girls out there and just because you have the confidence to approach a girl, does not mean that you are going to keep doing it over and over again once you have already found what you're looking for. This is why this was so funny. Do you understand what I am saying? If you meet one girl every two years, your chances of finding someone great are pretty slim. But if you meet a few a year, you might find someone you truly like within a few months... If someone is making you feel alone, you shouldn't be with her.

I can't go into all the details of "what I do" because it would be a lengthy discussion. I can't even recommend you a specific book because there are many different types out there and if I suggest something, I might be leading you towards a method that does not agree with your style. So it is best if you discover this on your own. And you can do this easily. Search on google and amazon, read reviews, compare styles. Finally, just read some books. Even if you don't agree with some things, other parts might make sense to you. Or maybe one book might make it easier for you to understand. If you really cannot find anything on your own, feel free to PM me and I'll be glad to give you some starting tips.

There is no magic - it's mainly about confidence. I mean yeah, you also have to make sure that your breath is not silent but deadly when you're approaching someone, but that's common sense. Just think you're going to a medschool interview, without having to dress up in a suit. Especially if you're only trying to date an Indian woman, that should be much easier for you since I think that most of them are very nice and down to earth.

Finally, even though I quoted you, I was addressing everyone here who came across as vain and hopeless. I only saw one or two posts where the people had some guts and told you guys to address the problem and I think one of those posters was a girl!

Anyway, good luck with whatever you do.

 

[LitleMsMedSkool]

It's must easier for people to throw out suggestions as "solutions" to these feelings than to really go through it. Truth is, a lot of people in medical school feel this way. When you are studying day in and day out, especially when alone and without much external stimulation, it's so easy to feel out of the loop and get into this vicious cycle of unhappiness, self pity, etc. You have to keep a few things in mind: Namely, you've done so much to get to where you're at. Take a few minutes to stop and pat yourself on the back. But more importantly, remind yourself that this will be over soon. Once you are done with second year, you'll be a third year and on the wards. I've found that life is much more exciting - you're doing something different everyday and you learn when you're least expecting it. Also, you're around people all day, so you're just soaking it all in. When you go home at night and need to study alone, you're just fine because tomorrow you'll just see everyone again. Best of luck with all of this. Just remember, it gets better!

 

[swedishfish]

med school is really lonely. i cant wait for winter break!

 

[knockoutMice]

It's must easier for people to throw out suggestions as "solutions" to these feelings than to really go through it.

Just remember, it gets better!

Only if the person is willing to improve his/her situation


"A certain shopkeeper sent his son to learn about the secret of happiness
from the wisest man in the world. The lad wandered through the desert for
forty days, and finally came upon a beautiful castle, high atop a mountain. It
was there that the wise man lived.
"Rather than finding a saintly man, though, our hero, on entering the main
room of the castle, saw a hive of activity: tradesmen came and went,
people were conversing in the corners, a small orchestra was playing soft
music, and there was a table covered with platters of the most delicious
food in that part of the world. The wise man conversed with everyone, and
the boy had to wait for two hours before it was his turn to be given the
man's attention.
"The wise man listened attentively to the boy's explanation of why he had
come, but told him that he didn't have time just then to explain the secret of
happiness. He suggested that the boy look around the palace and return in
two hours.
" 'Meanwhile, I want to ask you to do something,' said the wise man,
handing the boy a teaspoon that held two drops of oil. 'As you wander
around, carry this spoon with you without allowing the oil to spill.'
"The boy began climbing and descending the many stairways of the palace
keeping his eyes fixed on the spoon. After two hours, he returned to the
room where the wise man was.
" 'Well,' asked the wise man, 'did you see the Persian tapestries that are
hanging in my dining hall? Did you see the garden that it took the master
gardener ten years to create? Did you notice the beautiful parchments in m
library?'
"The boy was embarrassed, and confessed that he had observed nothing.
His only concern had been not to spill the oil that the wise man had
entrusted to him.
" 'Then go back and observe the marvels of my world,' said the wise man.
'You cannot trust a man if you don't know his house.'
"Relieved, the boy picked up the spoon and returned to his exploration of
the palace, this time observing all of the works of art on the ceilings and th
walls. He saw the gardens, the mountains all around him, the beauty of the
flowers, and the taste with which everything had been selected. Upon
returning to the wise man, he related in detail everything he had seen.
" 'But where are the drops of oil I entrusted to you?' asked the wise man.
"Looking down at the spoon he held, the boy saw that the oil was gone.

" 'Well, there is only one piece of advice I can give you,' said the wisest of
wise men. 'The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world,
and never to forget the drops of oil on the spoon.' "

The Alchemist - Paulo Coelho

 

[soobiniya]

As M2, I feel same thing too. But I was used be study alone during college, so it was not biggy too. Here is the what I did during medical school season.
1. Swim at the beach at least one per month
2. Jogging at early morning with fresh air
3. Study group with partner who is more motivated than me
4. Study at library/coffe shop not dormatory except exam weekend
5. Going out/hang out with friends right after exam end.
So far, I did fine at medical school and also not that much feel lonely as before. Remember, don't stressed out, enjoy your medical life

 

[HPSPpayissues]

If you are a girl, you can always use a vibrator or washer/dryer !!! If you are a guy, well... you can always your hand, lol.

 

[Mister T]

I have to say this, the ideas you are trying to convey are not commensurate to the level of language you're using. Using language like "cuz," "c," or "n" really detracts from your point and credibility. Some of your points are just ok, but consider this: when reading your post, it is very easy for someone to see that your woes have made you give up in many areas of your life, more than anything else. Yeah, philosophy is good. But don't forget psychology. So what happened to you? You had social problems that caused you a lot of pain. What you did is you turned your back on your problems without solving anything and instead sublimated your issues by playing your guitar. Do you really think that's the solution? To give up? To become more introverted? Ok, let's say it works for you for now, but let me ask you: how long do you think you are going to play your guitar? So, 10 years pass, you finish your residency, and your life should begin. Will it? Not really. Because you will have spent the previous decade or more of your life avoiding your issues by playing a guitar. I can't help it, but have you seen Animal House? This scene is so perfect for this case:

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9JYq-mXprw[/YOUTUBE]

I don't have time to write a long dissertation here, but I'll say that as an INTJ, I am very introverted myself, perhaps more than many of you here. Even though girls find me very attractive and themselves come on to me, I was so shy that I did not have a gf until well into college and even then it was not ideal for me. I don't like small talk, had never been to wild party, and was so shy that couldn't even ask a girl out even though she was already doing most of the work for me. The main reason I ended up with a gf is because of the law firm where I worked and this older woman was so intrigued by me and my work that point blank asked me out and by that time I was pretty bold myself and from there it started...

Anyway, to get to the point: ask yourself, WHY are you unhappy? You have achieved and are achieving everything in terms of professional and financial accomplishments. What could possibly make you depressed? The answer is one of Freud's three major causes of pain - social pain caused by your outside world. I was unhappy most of my life too until one day I just gave this some thought. Why is it that we're so unhappy? Ok, the meaning of life is pretty depressing so you can't really change that (not that most people think about it in the first place). Let's leave it. What is the other major issue? Social. Now ask yourself: "Self, would I ever get into medschool if I did not peruse my books?" Let me answer that for you: Hell no. So next question is: "Self, can I expect to be socially happy if I don't know the rules?" Allow me to answer that for you as well: **** NO! So do yourself a favor and go get a book about how to grow balls, aka, how to approach a woman so that next time you're driving your car and see this hot chick on the street, you stop your ******* car, get out, and go meet her. I don't know why you guys are bitching and moaning about your medschool class. Isn't there a lawschool around? Don't you have a dental or nursing school? Aren't there any women on the street? And who the **** said that studying and sex are mutually exclusive? I bet that most of you are depressed because you just don't have the balls to do socially what you want to do. By default, girls are frustrated too because there are few real men in their classes. Do you know that some of the most attractive girls have the hardest time finding a guy? Nobody has the balls to ask them out without peeing all over their diapers.

And for all you out there "waiting" until medschool ends before you date anyone or start your life in any shape or form - bullsh*t. Take that philosophy, wipe your ass with it, and flush it down the toilet along with your existential diarrhea. You want real philosophy, read some Nietzsche or Kant. That's real philosophy. Living your life alone because you have no balls to find the right girl is not philosophy, it's self pitying BS and avoidance by using guitars and porn sites. So my suggestion is start living your lives now. Don't wait for nature (even though it has been calling for years) or God (even though it's only in your head). Get some books, do your homework, grow confidence, then go out there and meet some women. Both genders in the class will be happy. I can't imagine anyone will be able to stay mentally stabile by only working hard and not getting some release. Yeah, a guitar is nice. I play the piano. But you know what? My piano won't cook for me or have dinner with me. And sure as hell she won't make love to me either. Now put that chicken down.

 

[vanbamm]

Look, you are medical school and believe it or not, not many people have the chance to do so. Also, I hate to say it, but a lot of Doctors don't have great relationships. Many get divorced if they engage too early in something serious, because while we study and study, this takes a hit on our social progression. This results in most people getting into relationships with other doctors who understand the lifestyle and the meaning. But, many doctors do not marry other doctors as well. You have your whole life for a relationship.

I study a lot. I am alone, a lot. But if I had to choos between doing something else and being with someone, or doing what I am doing and struggling from time to time with relationships, I would do what I am doing. People will come and go. You have to go to "work" everyday. And I know some people get very romantic about the whole idea, but there is more than one person out there for everyone, more than one person you are compatible with. Do not get down, remind yourself why you are where you are, and don't you forget it. You will find the relationship you want, trust me. It took me a while as well...night after night of studying, not going out. But what kept me alive is my desire and motivation. And besides, when you graduate, and are a doctor, you are going to go out, people are going to ask what you do, and you are going to be turning people away. It is the way it goes. I rarely tell people what I am in school for unless I trust them. Some people are superficial and gold diggers that know the job comes with a big income. Some people I know take advantage of this, and whatever, it is what they want, power to them. But really, you want to be a doctor, accept everything that comes with it. Part of it is not being the english or communications person who has free time to pass out. Just trust me. It will come.

 

[riverjib]

I'm an M2 who's struggling with what I'm sure at least a few people have struggled with on here: loneliness and isolation.

I remember feeling this a bit last year, particularly during the winter while studying biochem and all that boring stuff. But this year it struck much earlier, and I've been having trouble with it.

I do well in school, but I also find that going to class is a huge waste of time for me, so I don't go. I only attend the mandatory small group activities we have most mornings. Then I feel like most of my time otherwise is spent studying and studying and studying. M2 has more information, so there seems like even less time to do anything but studying (I do try to work out fairly regularly so I don't turn into a slob).

Part of it is isolation from my other classmates I guess. Part of it is having no girlfriend (my girlfriend and I broke up in the Fall of last year . . . then I dated a girl this summer that I turned out to not really like at all, so I dumped her). I've never been one to use women as a crutch, but maybe that's part of my problem. But then again, I can't seem to find the time to go out and meet women outside of med school anyway.

It's gotten me real down lately, and the fact that it's still only October has me concerned, since it seems like it'll only get worse as Step I approaches.

Any advice?

First of all, this should be in the allopathic forum. Medical school is an extremely unique entity of its own, as most med students like to point out. The fact is, for the next few years, you're only going to meet other med students or nurses, PA's, and others involved in medicine...unless you branch out and make an effort to meet other people where you live.

Medical school can be completely alienating, especially if you expected to find a diverse group of people wherever you are. Your classmates are more or less your family right now. Try to make friends. Don't focus on relationships with women. If you happen to find someone who is great for you, go for it. But you have no idea where you're going to end up for your residency. Unless you happen to find the rare person who is willing to stick with you regardless of where you end up, your sole focus now should be on forming relationships with those who understand what you're going through.

It's normal to feel alone right now. Don't let that discourage you. When you find the person of your dreams, you'll know it. Until then, focus on enjoying the company of the people you already know. Maybe you'll meet the love of your life, or maybe you'll meet her when you're ready to settle down as an attending. But you'll find that your life is more meaningful in the company of friends. That's part of med school (and grad school)...just figuring out where you fit in.

 

[username456789]

First of all, this should be in the allopathic forum.

It is.

 

[BennieBlanco]

It is.

and it damn well should be.

 

[scurred09]

If any female med. student ever feel lonely. I can help you meet those needs. Call me.

 

[shreypete]

If any female med. student ever feel lonely. I can help you meet those needs. Call me.

LOL. Get lost gigolo.

 

[deleted116380]

Sounds like you need to buy a motorcycle and go for a ride when you feel down.

This will show why: http://www.advrider.com/forums/showthread.php?t=536451

Please keep all of the "organ donor" comments to yourself...

 

[Cybii]

I bet that most of you are depressed because you just don't have the balls to do socially what you want to do. By default, girls are frustrated too because there are few real men in their classes. Do you know that some of the most attractive girls have the hardest time finding a guy? Nobody has the balls to ask them out without peeing all over their diapers.

And for all you out there "waiting" until medschool ends before you date anyone or start your life in any shape or form - bullsh*t. Take that philosophy, wipe your ass with it, and flush it down the toilet along with your existential diarrhea. You want real philosophy, read some Nietzsche or Kant. That's real philosophy. Living your life alone because you have no balls to find the right girl is not philosophy, it's self pitying BS and avoidance by using guitars and porn sites. So my suggestion is start living your lives now. Don't wait for nature (even though it has been calling for years) or God (even though it's only in your head). Get some books, do your homework, grow confidence, then go out there and meet some women. Both genders in the class will be happy. I can't imagine anyone will be able to stay mentally stabile by only working hard and not getting some release. Yeah, a guitar is nice. I play the piano. But you know what? My piano won't cook for me or have dinner with me. And sure as hell she won't make love to me either. Now put that chicken down.

You speak the truth. I'm so sick of meeting shy guys and guys who are scared of making the move (or, like you stated: too busy pitying themselves). The OP should take your words to heart.

 

[scurred09]

The economy is bad even for manwhores. I thought that this would be a great place to get business. Bro, have your classmates call me. When they call, have them mention "studentdoctor.net" so that I can give bonus mins. Thank you.

LOL. Get lost gigolo.

 

[scurred09]

I'm not shy. Tell all of your female med. peers to call me.

You speak the truth. I'm so sick of meeting shy guys and guys who are scared of making the move (or, like you stated: too busy pitying themselves). The OP should take your words to heart.

 

[JustSomePreMed]

You speak the truth. I'm so sick of meeting shy guys and guys who are scared of making the move (or, like you stated: too busy pitying themselves). The OP should take your words to heart.

The "OP" wasn't who that reply was to.

Don't worry, I have no problem making the move. It's having the time to continue to make moves with the same person that's I'm having trouble with.

 

[Cybii]

The "OP" wasn't who that reply was to.

Don't worry, I have no problem making the move. It's having the time to continue to make moves with the same person that's I'm having trouble with.

I really don't care to whom it was directed. The OP needed advice, and the guy I quoted had the best points in the thread IMHO.

As for making the moves continuously on the same person, I would say find someone else. I was hung up on a guy and kept trying to make a relationship work but it was a total waste of two years. Find someone who will appreciate you. Good luck!

 

[JustSomePreMed]

I really don't care to whom it was directed. The OP needed advice, and the guy I quoted had the best points in the thread IMHO.

As for making the moves continuously on the same person, I would say find someone else. I was hung up on a guy and kept trying to make a relationship work but it was a total waste of two years. Find someone who will appreciate you. Good luck!

Ah I think there's a bit of a communication breakdown here.

I'm the OP, by the way, but I wasn't posting anything about being worried about approaching girls or whatever the guitar kid was talking about.

And to clarify my dilemma, it's specifically that I just don't have time to date much. I'm a bit of a slow studier/learner and am interested in some competitive fields, so studying hard to do well takes up just about all my time, which sucks. Hence, less time to date consistently, and when you can't devote a lot of attention to a girl, most of the time that doesn't last.

 

[scurred09]

Call me. I will make it work for us.

I really don't care to whom it was directed. The OP needed advice, and the guy I quoted had the best points in the thread IMHO.

As for making the moves continuously on the same person, I would say find someone else. I was hung up on a guy and kept trying to make a relationship work but it was a total waste of two years. Find someone who will appreciate you. Good luck!

 

[brickandlace]

I think that 2nd year can be sooooooo lonely. I switched classes (had to take a year off and have a bunch of surgeries, fun) so the handful of good friends I'd made during 1st year were all 3rd years imprisoned in the hospital and I was left to try and make friends with a class that had already bonded. To make matters worse I don't do well when I go to class or study in groups so I had even less chances to make new friends. I'm married and have friends outside of medschool in this city but I spent most of 2nd year at home at my desk with only my cat to keep me company which got pretty depressing after a while. I just tried to get lost in the material and have faith that 3rd year would be better, which it is Even when I haven't known anyone who's rotating with me on a service I've had alot of fun with my colleagues, even when I don't particularly like my patients the challenge of interacting with them has kept me entertained. I've gotten to know kids in my class I would have never befriended otherwise and had some great laughs. Its not easy by any means and you have to adjust mentally to perpetually being lost and confused (as you switch rotations as soon as you get comfortable) but compared to the isolation of 2nd year its great. There is a light at the end of your tunnel, just remind yourself how close you are to that goal and keep truckin'.

i really liked reading this post