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Long Distance Relationship Between medical students

Discussion in 'Pre-Medical Allopathic [ MD ]' started by aaat2007, 09.28.14.

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  1. aaat2007

    aaat2007

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    c
     
    Last edited: 09.29.14
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  3. DoctorLacrosse

    DoctorLacrosse 2+ Year Member

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    I'm going to respond with some general advice. Every person you will ever be in a relationship with has had a past of some kind. You can't let their past creep in and have a negative impact on your potential relationship with this person. Worry about only what you can control or you'll drive yourself crazy. Have confidence in yourself and what you bring to the table, and things will happen as they will.

    If you both really care for each other, then do what you can to try and make it work. If it works out, then great, if not, then it's better to know sooner rather than later to avoid wasting your time. Just follow the advice from above and don't let worries or paranoia ruin a potentially great relationship.
     
  4. Winged Scapula

    Winged Scapula Cougariffic! Staff Member Lifetime Donor SDN Chief Administrator 10+ Year Member

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    So what is your question?
     
  5. godawg300

    godawg300

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    Looks like you want relationship advice....not sure this forum is the best place for that.
     
    ridethecliche likes this.
  6. elprezidente

    elprezidente 2+ Year Member

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    I can't speak to this personally because I'm not in a "long-distance" relationship, nor is my SO in medical school (yet, though she plans to be :xf:), but I can speak on behalf of some others in my class that have experienced similar situations (both SOs in another medical school and just general long distance).

    First though, I'd just like to say that it is VERY early for you to start thinking about this now. If you are taking a year to travel together, you should be enjoying every moment of that and live in the present with regard to your relationship. The experience may be amazing and you'll grow even closer, or it may distance you (I've traveled with an ex, and it wasn't the great experience that I thought it would be).

    Anyways, I don't mean to worry you, and of course every relationship is different, but in terms of colleagues that have experienced long-distance relationships, they have been pretty unsuccessful thus far, and we're only 7-8 weeks in. It's REALLY difficult to balance a relationship with medical school, especially if it's long-distance. There's so much going on, between studying and getting involved outside of the classroom, plus you want to develop relationships with the other people in your class. Additionally, as exams get closer, your time is more limited, your stress builds, and it takes a toll on the other person. My relatively "short-distance" relationship has been difficult at times, but it's made easier by the fact that my SO and I can see each other every weekend, but it takes a ton of effort on her part, which I am grateful that she is willing to give. But that's just my perspective and, as I said before, every relationship is VERY different - what works between two people may not work between others.

    If you feel strongly for this person, then let things play out over this next year and give it a shot. It may suck if it ends after a year of traveling together, but it doesn't sound like you have any intention of breaking it off now, so what choice do you have but to see what happens?
     
  7. 911 Turbo

    911 Turbo MS-1 Gold Donor 5+ Year Member

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    don't do a long distance relationship OP. just don't do it. She will most likely get attached to someone at work/school who has 8+/10 facial aesthetics, cheat on you (dead serious), and then break down and cry when you find out.

    my honest advice is to break up with her and go no contact when its time to move
     
    Mr Roboto, Tliu91 and DermViser like this.
  8. DermViser

    DermViser 5+ Year Member

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    Anastomoses is that you?
     
  9. cs24

    cs24 2+ Year Member

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    Don't even bother asking this question until

    1. you are still together 2 years from now
    2. you are both accepted to medical school
    3. your medical schools are long distance from each other

    Until then you are just wasting precious time and attention thinking about a hypothetical that can change so, so much by the time it matters.
     
  10. Winged Scapula

    Winged Scapula Cougariffic! Staff Member Lifetime Donor SDN Chief Administrator 10+ Year Member

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    Worrying about something like her leaving you is not very attractive. She's not going to leave for someone better looking but rather someone who's less needy and whiny.

    Stop feeling sorry for yourself and that you don't deserve her. It's a waste of time.
     
  11. DermViser

    DermViser 5+ Year Member

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    Agree. There is already so much bigger **** to worry about. Deal with the problem when it gets there. Don't create an emotional problem from something that has yet to even take place. Letting your emotions thinking she'll leave you at any moment is not the way to continue in a relationship.
     
    Winged Scapula likes this.
  12. 911 Turbo

    911 Turbo MS-1 Gold Donor 5+ Year Member

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    so its better for OP to invest another year of his emotions into this girl only to have his heart shattered when they have to break up?
     
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  13. DermViser

    DermViser 5+ Year Member

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    What do you think he should do? Break up with her and not have any relationship until med school? There is more to life than the premed rat race. Of course, you're an hSDNer living in your mom's basement, per your location.
     
  14. 911 Turbo

    911 Turbo MS-1 Gold Donor 5+ Year Member

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    ayy lmao. can't argue with that bro (im also a virgin)
     
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  15. DermViser

    DermViser 5+ Year Member

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    I kind of figured that was implied by the living in Mom's basement thing. lol.
     
  16. Sportsdude89

    Sportsdude89 2+ Year Member

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    There's no way to predict where you and this girl will be in the future. I personally think you should let things unfold naturally, and whatever happens, happens, don't force anything. You definitely should try to work on yourself more and get more self confidence. Is she your first girlfriend? It seems like you put this girl on a pedestal. Whether she looks like Gisele Bundchen or has the brains of Chelsea Clinton is not the issue. No person, or girl is too good for you and you should value yourself more and see that you're the catch not her. Oh, and if she ever treats you poorly, don't make any excuses for her and just move on.
     
  17. DermViser

    DermViser 5+ Year Member

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    It could be worse. She could have the looks of Chelsea Clinton and the brains of Gisele Bundchen. I kid, I kid...
     
  18. Strudel19

    Strudel19 5+ Year Member

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    I dated my girlfriend for less than a year before she left for grad school. Now she's a dental student and we're long-distance. Granted, it's only three hours, but it's certainly still long distance. If you love her and she loves you, just let things unfold and what happens, happens. Despite what a lot of people on here are going to say, it's doable. It can be rough, but it's doable.
     
  19. looncat

    looncat

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    Your whiny "she's too good for me" attitude is seriously obnoxious (also makes me recall those twilight movies). You need to wait until you know you're not going to the same school and then decide. Personally, I've "seen" several long distance relationships, and they've all crumbled within 6 months because they hadn't been with each other long enough beforehand--if you've been with her two years or less I'd say the chances are grim.
     
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  20. Microglia

    Microglia 2+ Year Member

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    Maybe I missed this- but it's an important question: how long have you two been together so far? It sounds like it's still a fairly new relationship based on the communication difficulties you two face (re: going to a forum of strangers instead of her).

    The key to a successful relationship is this: when you have these fears or insecurities, you can go to your SO with them and receive support and comfort, and vice versa. If you constantly feel like you don't deserve her, maybe she can tell you that you do. However, that level of communication doesn't develop for years, sometimes never for the couples with rocky communication abilities. Having serious conversations about your feelings for each other and how secure you can feel in the relationship's ability to last takes time. It's certainly not something you can do right out of the gate. But after a couple years with someone these conversations should be had.

    If you can't have these conversations with her after a significant amount of time together, then it was never really a solid relationship. When left unaddressed, these feelings can lead to severe jealousy and all sorts of nasty situations. Cheating with classmates destroyed or damaged the majority of other relationships in my medical school class, it happens frequently and I always wonder what people are thinking. It's always better to keep your feelings, doubts, and nervousness in the open once you're both committed to and familiar with each other. Discussing these feelings in a calm, mature, and rational manner (with lots of I and we statements, ie "I feel that," and not "you" statements, ie "you make me feel" so as not to be accusatory) isn't a sign of weakness, but one of strength and self confidence.

    But do remember: all relationships are bumpy at the start, that's part of what makes them fun.

    Source: LDR in med school, quite successful so far, but we'd been together 4 years before I went off to school.
     
    Last edited: 09.29.14
  21. ThankfulOne

    ThankfulOne

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    Bump. Did not want to start a new thread.

    I am in a relationship with a M3 male medical student and I am a M2 female medical student. We are in a long distance relationship ( more than 6 hours away from each other). The long distance is NOT the issue the issue is that I feel he thinks less of my work. When every he wants to talk or meet up he just ask me and I usually meet up no matter what my schedule is. There was only one time I told him I was too busy to chat and right after my exam he just expected me to meet up with him. When I ask to meet up or chat with him he usually claims he too busy and he will tell me when his schedule is cleared. I feel like he does NOT think my work is just as serious as his. When time I was told me I wanted to meet and he told me he could not meet with me because he was too busy working hard so he could provide for me in the future.

    Also he going into surgery and I am not sure what specialty I am going in to yet,I take the boards next summer but, I know it will probably not me as competitive as what he is doing.
     
  22. Microglia

    Microglia 2+ Year Member

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    Doesn't sound that respectful, though everyone says things when they're upset and I don't know him. My recommendation is tell him next time you meet up that you want to talk it out- just be prepared for a negative reaction if you want to have that conversation. Your partner should never diminish the importance of your life goals and vice versa, or else they're not a partner.
     
  23. DokterMom

    DokterMom 2+ Year Member

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    Sorry - A lack of respect and applied power differential are relationship-killers. He's treating you as 'less than' him, and if he's doing this now, pre-marriage, it will only get worse. After all, since he is a year older, he will always be one-year ahead of you in your medical journey. Which means he'll always be in a position to belittle your status and talk down to you -- after all, you're just a 'whatever-he-was-last-year'.

    Living with that kind of disdain and disrespect is corrosive; so dump him sooner rather than later.
     
  24. Gandyy

    Gandyy SDN Gold Donor Gold Donor 2+ Year Member

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    I think its hilarious that relationship advice is being given on this forum.
     
  25. GrapesofRath

    GrapesofRath

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    IF you have to ask whether or not your relationship can work long distance or not, that says a good amount about your relationship as is right there.
     

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