long distance relationships

[elz787]

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Just curious, for those who have a significant other in a different state, how do you cope with that? What do you do to keep your relationship strong? I've heard of long-dist. relationships that tend to fade over time and was interested in a few pointers. Thanks. 🙂

 

[TucsonDDS]

I am currently in Buffalo and my wife and children are in Arizona. Sure it sucks but our relationship is as strong today as it ever has been. We came into this knowing that we would be apart for the first year so we knew what we were getting into but that doesn't make it any easier. Our situation may be different from yours in that we are married and have children but if you are in love and you are with the person you plan on spending the rest of your life with then you will get through it.

 

[gatorfan99]

Unless you are married or on your way to getting married... dump her/him

Believe me, I tried to stick with my undergrad girlfriend (Florida) and it made my first year hell. I spent a ton of money flying down to see her, she got paranoid about me cheating, etc... ITS NOT WORTH IT! 👎

 

[elz787]

i guess its different for everyone

 

[WestCoast]

Unless you are married or on your way to getting married... dump her/him

Believe me, I tried to stick with my undergrad girlfriend (Florida) and it made my first year hell. I spent a ton of money flying down to see her, she got paranoid about me cheating, etc... ITS NOT WORTH IT! 👎

what he said

 

[StarGirl]

Unless you are married or on your way to getting married... dump her/him

Believe me, I tried to stick with my undergrad girlfriend (Florida) and it made my first year hell. I spent a ton of money flying down to see her, etc... ITS NOT WORTH IT! 👎

👍

 

[gryffindor]

Unless you are married or on your way to getting married... dump her/him

Believe me, I tried to stick with my undergrad girlfriend (Florida) and it made my first year hell. I spent a ton of money flying down to see her, she got paranoid about me cheating, etc... ITS NOT WORTH IT! 👎

gatorfan, WestCoast, StarGirl -

Why is it not worth it? Were you so consumed by studying and labwork and not failing out of dental school that the relationship became a burden? If a relationship is about trust, why would there be paranoia about someone cheating? What was the ultimate goal - marriage? to move near the other person after dental school graduation? just continue dating until things fizzle out or someone more convenient comes around?

It seems like I had too much stress and work in dental school to be able to even think about an LDR. But I think it would have been entirely possible to do one in my GPR - most weekends off, 4 weeks vacation, no exams or studying necessary, income to spend on travel.

So maybe it depends on where you are in life? I just don't buy the blanket "it's not worth it" so I am interested to hear a little more about your opinions.

 

[1FutureDDS]

gatorfan, WestCoast, StarGirl -

Why is it not worth it? Were you so consumed by studying and labwork and not failing out of dental school that the relationship became a burden? If a relationship is about trust, why would there be paranoia about someone cheating? What was the ultimate goal - marriage? to move near the other person after dental school graduation? just continue dating until things fizzle out or someone more convenient comes around?

It seems like I had too much stress and work in dental school to be able to even think about an LDR. But I think it would have been entirely possible to do one in my GPR - most weekends off, 4 weeks vacation, no exams or studying necessary, income to spend on travel.

So maybe it depends on where you are in life? I just don't buy the blanket "it's not worth it" so I am interested to hear a little more about your opinions.

So, I'm not sure if I'm reading this correctly. Your first paragraph seems to be asking questions in a negative tone towards why they disagree with it. Then, in the second paragraph you agree that it is a bad thing to do???

Look, you all have your whole life ahead of you. TELL this significant other that you are going to go and complete your dream in life, and if they love you they will wait!!!

Break it off while you’re in d school. Tell them you need the time to focus and you better believe how true I am when I say that!
Plus, what about in the future when you get into some dumb little argument and they say "BUT I HELPED YOU MAKE IT THROUGH DENTAL SCHOOL", IMO you need to be able to say NOPE I DID IT ON MY OWN.

 

[gryffindor]

So, I'm not sure if I'm reading this correctly. Your first paragraph seems to be asking questions in a negative tone towards why they disagree with it. Then, in the second paragraph you agree that it is a bad thing to do???

Look, you all have your whole life ahead of you. TELL this significant other that you are going to go and complete your dream in life, and if they love you they will wait!!!

Break it off while you’re in d school. Tell them you need the time to focus and you better believe how true I am when I say that!
Plus, what about in the future when you get into some dumb little argument and they say "BUT I HELPED YOU MAKE IT THROUGH DENTAL SCHOOL", IMO you need to be able to say NOPE I DID IT ON MY OWN.

The first paragraph was in reference to the 3 above posters, they had a negative opinion of LDR and I was just wondering why the overall feeling was such a hugely negative one.

The second paragraph was my opinion of being in an LDR during the 2 different phases I've experienced so far - Dental School, GPR. However, I was not in an LDR in either of them so it is entirely a perception, not based on any experience.

Although I don't think I could have handled an LDR while in dental school, I think it is a very individualized decision to make to decide if it is "worth it" or not. TucsonDDS has given the only positive response, but he is married. The OP was looking for positive pointers - how to cope, keeping it strong.

 

[phremius]

I'm in a LDR and it's just fine, but we've been going out for a few years.

In fact I can't figure out what is so purportedly hard about it, yeah so you don't see each other for a few months but it's called "phone" and the occasional fake-play victorian letter.

 

[EyeAmCommi]

gatorfan, WestCoast, StarGirl -

Why is it not worth it? Were you so consumed by studying and labwork and not failing out of dental school that the relationship became a burden? If a relationship is about trust, why would there be paranoia about someone cheating? What was the ultimate goal - marriage? to move near the other person after dental school graduation? just continue dating until things fizzle out or someone more convenient comes around?

It seems like I had too much stress and work in dental school to be able to even think about an LDR. But I think it would have been entirely possible to do one in my GPR - most weekends off, 4 weeks vacation, no exams or studying necessary, income to spend on travel.

So maybe it depends on where you are in life? I just don't buy the blanket "it's not worth it" so I am interested to hear a little more about your opinions.

Awww, fresh optimism makes me so giddy.

 

[cheerios]

Just for all you pessimists out there....I am now a 4th year dental student and did long distance with my boyfriend for almost 3 years of dental school. Long distance as in a plane ride, NOT a quick driving trip. Now in my fourth year, we finally live in the same city and both of us couldn't be happier. 😍 So the moral of the story is that anything is possible! If you both want to make it work, then it will! Not to say it wasn't hard and there were ups and downs but we both knew the long distance was just temporary! The key is to make sure that you talk daily and see each other at least once every 6 weeks, but sometimes we went 3 months before we got to see each other at times. The plane rides got expensive but was worth it in the end! GOOD LUCK!

 

[gatorfan99]

Just for all you pessimists out there....I am now a 4th year dental student and did long distance with my boyfriend for almost 3 years of dental school. Long distance as in a plane ride, NOT a quick driving trip. Now in my fourth year, we finally live in the same city and both of us couldn't be happier. 😍 So the moral of the story is that anything is possible! If you both want to make it work, then it will! Not to say it wasn't hard and there were ups and downs but we both knew the long distance was just temporary! The key is to make sure that you talk daily and see each other at least once every 6 weeks, but sometimes we went 3 months before we got to see each other at times. The plane rides got expensive but was worth it in the end! GOOD LUCK!

whatever, not worth it for most.. we're future docs, attracting mates shouldn't be a problem

 

[v&andy_yankee]

Just curious, for those who have a significant other in a different state, how do you cope with that? What do you do to keep your relationship strong? I've heard of long-dist. relationships that tend to fade over time and was interested in a few pointers. Thanks. 🙂

I'm a first-year and still holding on to a long-distance relationship (about 1000miles inbetween the two of us!). So far, so good--but it is with the understanding that this is a temporary situation, that hopefully he'll be able to move closer to where I am soon. And we haven't even been able to visit each other all that much (too broke and too little time!) but it still works because we BOTH extremely busy people. It really depends on YOU and the other person. You both have to be independent, trusting, and BUSY. If either one of you is insecure, likes to latch on, or has too much free time on your hands, it won't work. With that free time, you/she/he'll just be worrying and fretting about why the other person hasn't called.

whatever, not worth it for most.. we're future docs, attracting mates shouldn't be a problem

You've never been in a serious relationship, have you? A relationship longer than 2 years?
I disagree. Attracting a mate isn't a problem at all, but to find a quality one that suites you in terms of personality, intelligence, humor, looks, etc--THAT is a problem. I've been in NYC for half a year now, and nothing shiny has even come close to catching my eye (then again, I've been mainly stuck in school--but still, out of all the classmates, all 4 years, all the residents--nada). And before the current bf, I almost always dumped every guy I met after the 2nd date. It's harder than it sounds to find someone who fits you.

If the person you're with now suites you in all the categories--try to make the relationship work, because it actually is hard to find a keeper.

 

[Solid Snake DDS]

Girlfriend dump me after 3 months apart. Her excuse, "We're just not spending enough time together".
What I regret most is that I missed out on some action b/c of my relationship status at that point. Darned!!

Seriously, long time bf and g/f relations are not worth it.....unless she/he allows the "friends w/ benefit" option in the relationship.

 

[NavyDentistKC]

Just curious, for those who have a significant other in a different state, how do you cope with that? What do you do to keep your relationship strong? I've heard of long-dist. relationships that tend to fade over time and was interested in a few pointers. Thanks. 🙂

It works if it's worth it. We see each other a minimum of once a month, talk on the phone several times a week, and mail stuff to each other a lot. Then again, this is someone I hope to marry at some point, so you just stick with it because you know that it's only a few more years in school 'till you're free. 🙂

 

[Kinski]

It's like physics. The longer the distance, the lesser the gravitation. 😀

 

[drengineer]

It did not work out for me. I guess we both were too promiscuous.

 

[WestCoast]

gatorfan, WestCoast, StarGirl -

Why is it not worth it? Were you so consumed by studying and labwork and not failing out of dental school that the relationship became a burden? If a relationship is about trust, why would there be paranoia about someone cheating? What was the ultimate goal - marriage? to move near the other person after dental school graduation? just continue dating until things fizzle out or someone more convenient comes around?

It seems like I had too much stress and work in dental school to be able to even think about an LDR. But I think it would have been entirely possible to do one in my GPR - most weekends off, 4 weeks vacation, no exams or studying necessary, income to spend on travel.

So maybe it depends on where you are in life? I just don't buy the blanket "it's not worth it" so I am interested to hear a little more about your opinions.

well, i think for those entering dental school, it may not be worth it. virtually all of my classmates broke up with their bf/gf, including myself. perhaps maybe becuase of the age?? but i agree with you in that once one graduates dental school, i think the relationships could work out, due to maturity, seriousness of relationship, age, etc.

 

[rocknightmare]

i concur. ldr do not really work out often.. it may work for some though.. it maybe the perfect getaway that everybody needs in ds

 

[IWuvTeef]

I'm a first-year and still holding on to a long-distance relationship (about 1000miles inbetween the two of us!). So far, so good--but it is with the understanding that this is a temporary situation, that hopefully he'll be able to move closer to where I am soon. And we haven't even been able to visit each other all that much (too broke and too little time!) but it still works because we BOTH extremely busy people. It really depends on YOU and the other person. You both have to be independent, trusting, and BUSY. If either one of you is insecure, likes to latch on, or has too much free time on your hands, it won't work. With that free time, you/she/he'll just be worrying and fretting about why the other person hasn't called.


You've never been in a serious relationship, have you? A relationship longer than 2 years?
I disagree. Attracting a mate isn't a problem at all, but to find a quality one that suites you in terms of personality, intelligence, humor, looks, etc--THAT is a problem. I've been in NYC for half a year now, and nothing shiny has even come close to catching my eye (then again, I've been mainly stuck in school--but still, out of all the classmates, all 4 years, all the residents--nada). And before the current bf, I almost always dumped every guy I met after the 2nd date. It's harder than it sounds to find someone who fits you.

If the person you're with now suites you in all the categories--try to make the relationship work, because it actually is hard to find a keeper.

Amen! It's def worth it if you are truly in love with the person and know you want to marry them. I've spent my entire engagment 1000 miles from my partner. It's been 7 months. Only 5 more to go. I've seen him 3 times since then. Once in Sept, Nov, and Dec. We'll marry in June and he'll come up and live with me next semester.

Elz, if you and your partner are in love, it will work, but you have to be willing to put in the effort. Communication is key. We talk on the phone or e-mail everyday, even if it's just for 5 mins. We send each other pictures and carepackages.

Good luck!

 

[Truedat]

Just curious, for those who have a significant other in a different state, how do you cope with that? What do you do to keep your relationship strong? I've heard of long-dist. relationships that tend to fade over time and was interested in a few pointers. Thanks. 🙂

I think the mexicans say it best.... when they say

"Amor de lejos es cosa de pendejos"

Who would have thought such great wisdom would have come from our friends down south!!!

 

[Gulch]

I think the mexicans say it best.... when they say

"Amor de lejos es cosa de pendejos"

Who would have thought such great wisdom would have come from our friends down south!!!

Yeah, I think our friends of the southwestern persuasion have it straight. The ldr thing has never really worked out for me personally. But maybe thats due to a personality flaw, like being a total PENDEJO!!!! 😀

 

[gatorfan99]

I'm a first-year and still holding on to a long-distance relationship (about 1000miles inbetween the two of us!). So far, so good--but it is with the understanding that this is a temporary situation, that hopefully he'll be able to move closer to where I am soon. And we haven't even been able to visit each other all that much (too broke and too little time!) but it still works because we BOTH extremely busy people. It really depends on YOU and the other person. You both have to be independent, trusting, and BUSY. If either one of you is insecure, likes to latch on, or has too much free time on your hands, it won't work. With that free time, you/she/he'll just be worrying and fretting about why the other person hasn't called.


You've never been in a serious relationship, have you? A relationship longer than 2 years?
I disagree. Attracting a mate isn't a problem at all, but to find a quality one that suites you in terms of personality, intelligence, humor, looks, etc--THAT is a problem. I've been in NYC for half a year now, and nothing shiny has even come close to catching my eye (then again, I've been mainly stuck in school--but still, out of all the classmates, all 4 years, all the residents--nada). And before the current bf, I almost always dumped every guy I met after the 2nd date. It's harder than it sounds to find someone who fits you.

If the person you're with now suites you in all the categories--try to make the relationship work, because it actually is hard to find a keeper.

Actually, I was in a relationship with that person for 3 years.
I think its sad how some of us work so hard at keeping around people who really don't deserve us.
I think many of us are just so increadibly blinded by the fear that we won't find anyone else that we just try to "stick with it".
It took me a while to realize that this fear is garbage (well, the whole first year of dental school), but when the light bulb finally came on and I saw the light that foolishness was over. It took me 2 months (I was amazed at how quickly it happen, all I had to do was to let go of the fear) to find a new a girlfriend and, boy, SHE IS SO MUCH BETTER then my undergrad one..

Don't be afraid!

 

[berryfremont]

i have been dating my fiancee for 5 years and 4 of them from a different state in undergrad...we will marry this summer and spend the whole first semester married in states further away...you might ask why get married and then have to be apart for another semester...well, it's b.c. we can truely be together for the summer and have congigal(sp) visits throughout...the rule about LDR's from our parents is old and outdated...there is aim, emails, cell phones, and webcams (ha)...it will and can work

 

[gryffindor]

Actually, I was in a relationship with that person for 3 years.
I think its sad how some of us work so hard at keeping around people who really don't deserve us.
I think many of us are just so increadibly blinded by the fear that we won't find anyone else that we just try to "stick with it".
It took me a while to realize that this fear is garbage (well, the whole first year of dental school), but when the light bulb finally came on and I saw the light that foolishness was over. It took me 2 months (I was amazed at how quickly it happen, all I had to do was to let go of the fear) to find a new a girlfriend and, boy, SHE IS SO MUCH BETTER then my undergrad one..

Don't be afraid!

I have followed this exact scenario before.

Now I find myself similarly approaching vandy_yankee's problem, minus the D-school stress and with some money in the bank.

But without a ring on my finger, now I have to wonder if the SO would use gatorfan's line of thinking on me. 🙁

Thanks to everyone for their replies, it's good to read the positives and negatives.

 

[dentalhunny]

What do u think of a long distance rela. where ur significant other is also in dental school (the same year as you)?

 

[BlueToothHunter]

You mean to say that you both are at different dental schools (and possibly in different states)?

Unless you two are committed, religious and/or already married with kids, the chances (of successful long dist relationship) are pretty slim. I'd tell you both to cut your losses now and find someone new for the dental school days. Sorry for that. Do what you feel is necessary, I'm no fortune teller!

 

[ElCubanito]

whatever, not worth it for most.. we're future docs, attracting mates shouldn't be a problem

Word!!!