Lost -- Need Advice

[Boolean]

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[deleted407021]

How on Earth can they think you are lazy simply because you take naps? Do they not know what your schedule is like and what you do on a weekly basis? How is your communication with your parents, because that could be the problem. Alternatively, your parents sound like are holes, sorry to say. Yes, you could take out loans. Almost everyone does. Is your UG very expensive? Try and answer these questions for me and we may be able to give you some solid options.

 

[Reckoner]

They're planning on kicking me out and removing my insurance policy/taking away the car I drive to school (my mother's old car). If/when this happens, I will have only my bike, and no place to live. Additionally, as they paid for my laptop, and they plan on taking that as well.

By planning, do you mean they've already decided to do this? Or are they threatening to if the napping and such continues? If it's the latter, the obvious solution is to stop napping, or find somewhere to take naps away from home.

If it's the former....wow. That's some harsh parenting. It sounds like loans would really be your only option, given your intense course load and time commitments.

 

[Boolean]

How on Earth can they think you are lazy simply because you take naps? Do they not know what your schedule is like and what you do on a weekly basis? How is your communication with your parents, because that could be the problem. Alternatively, your parents sound like are holes, sorry to say. Yes, you could take out loans. Almost everyone does. Is your UG very expensive? Try and answer these questions for me and we may be able to give you some solid options.

My parents think I should be working a lot harder than I already am. Their standpoint is "we worked when we were in undergrad, you can do the same"
Neither of them are M.D. but they're both fairly familiar with the healthcare field.
They know what my schedule is like and what I do on a weekly basis, and they both work very hard in their own regards.
My UG costs 600$ a semester, I believe I mentioned that above. I'm on practically full scholarship.

I can understand why naps could be looked upon as a negative. I could be doing more productive things during that time, such as studying or perhaps volunteering. I don't do anything on Monday after school other than study so I could perhaps fill in something else there to be more productive instead of coming home and napping for an hour or so, who knows.

 

[Boolean]

By planning, do you mean they've already decided to do this? Or are they threatening to if the napping and such continues? If it's the latter, the obvious solution is to stop napping, or find somewhere to take naps away from home.

If it's the former....wow. That's some harsh parenting. It sounds like loans would really be your only option, given your intense course load and time commitments.

The napping is not regular. We're talking maybe twice a month for an hour tops. They've taken away the laptop so I've resorted to borrowing a friends for the time being (so I can print some paper copies of the assignments I have due)


EDIT: The car + housing bit deadline they've seem to have set at two weeks from now.

 

[Ismet]

Take out a loan and move out. Your parents have absolutely ridiculous expectations. A nap once in a while isn't hurting anything, and you are literally above and beyond the average medical school applicant. There's no need to spread yourself even thinner than you already are, or else something (like your GPA) will suffer.

Do they want you to help with finances? Why do they think you need to get a job in addition to all the things you're doing?

 

[deleted407021]

It sounds like taking out loans for living expenses would be a good option. It wouldn't that much in the end, especially compared to your med school debt, and it sounds to me like you will probably be getting in, too.
Your parents sound way too old fashioned and appear to have a delusional view of the realities of contemporary college work/life/expectations. I suggest moving out.

 

[Boolean]

Take out a loan and move out. Your parents have absolutely ridiculous expectations. A nap once in a while isn't hurting anything, and you are literally above and beyond the average medical school applicant. There's no need to spread yourself even thinner than you already are, or else something (like your GPA) will suffer.

Do they want you to help with finances? Why do they think you need to get a job in addition to all the things you're doing?

I'm not sure how to properly phrase this but my parents make a decent bit of money and certainly have no trouble paying for things. They just don't wish to do so. They just think I could get a job and be working, they expect me to be more productive. They do not like the fact that every once in a while they pay for my gas (I'd say about maybe once a month or so). Admittedly I pay for my gas all the other times I refuel, but once a month is once a month too many, if that makes any sense. While at this point I'll have to be getting a job so I do not end up homeless and on the streets (this is ultimately my largest fear), they want me to get one because they figure I should be able to be making my own money while in school (I had a job over the summer at a software development company when I was a computer science major. That money is in my savings, which I'm using to pay for school)

 

[Boolean]

Also, sorry if my writing is a bit hurried and sloppy, my wifi access here is spotty at best.

 

[Ismet]

I'm not sure how to properly phrase this but my parents make a decent bit of money and certainly have no trouble paying for things. They just don't wish to do so. They just think I could get a job and be working, they expect me to be more productive. They do not like the fact that every once in a while they pay for my gas (I'd say about maybe once a month or so). Admittedly I pay for my gas all the other times I refuel, but once a month is once a month too many, if that makes any sense. While at this point I'll have to be getting a job so I do not end up homeless and on the streets (this is ultimately my largest fear), they want me to get one because they figure I should be able to be making my own money while in school (I had a job over the summer at a software development company when I was a computer science major. That money is in my savings, which I'm using to pay for school)

Sheesh. As much as the whole situation sucks, I'd still advise taking out a loan, unless you really think you can handle adding a job on top of what you already do. I would just be concerned with getting burned out or letting your GPA suffer.

 

[Boolean]

Sheesh. As much as the whole situation sucks, I'd still advise taking out a loan, unless you really think you can handle adding a job on top of what you already do. I would just be concerned with getting burned out or letting your GPA suffer.

Alright. Do you know any in particular that would be advisable? (I've heard some horror stories about loans, hence my concern)

 

[hubriz]

The napping is not regular. We're talking maybe twice a month for an hour tops. They've taken away the laptop so I've resorted to borrowing a friends for the time being (so I can print some paper copies of the assignments I have due)


EDIT: The car + housing bit deadline they've seem to have set at two weeks from now.

I take a nap almost everyday. They would hate Spain. Loans sound like a phenomenal option for you - I mean, seriously, get the hell out of there and do what you want. I'd even suggest cutting back on those semester hours to accommodate more naps. And, like Charlie Brown says, "when you don't know, take a nap". Don't harbor resentment towards your parents, just get away from them.

I'm tired from writing this post. I think I'm going to go take a nap...

 

[hubriz]

Alright. Do you know any in particular that would be advisable? (I've heard some horror stories about loans, hence my concern)

You'll have to do the FAFSA. See if you qualify for subsidized Stafford loans. Go talk to your financial aid office, or whatever they call it. It's been forever since I've dealt with undergrad loans, but it seems that yours will be miniscule since they are only for living expenses. Tuition and fees is what gets you.

 

[BlackBox]

@Boolean
If your parents want you to contribute, take out loans and come up with a fair price to pay them in rent. It will be more expensive to get your own place, and they might be satisfied just getting some money from you each month.

 

[Ismet]

Alright. Do you know any in particular that would be advisable? (I've heard some horror stories about loans, hence my concern)

Fill out FAFSA. You should qualify for federal loans.

 

[hubriz]

@Boolean
If your parents want you to contribute, take out loans and come up with a fair price to pay them in rent. It will be more expensive to get your own place, and they might be satisfied just getting some money from you each month.

Yah - but then you can't lay around in your undies playing Xbox waiting for your DiGiorno pizza to finish cooking without catching flak. It's the good life and there is a small window of opportunity to take advantage of it 🙂

I mean, if I did that now my wife would be like...oh wait I wouldn't have a wife.

 

[deleted407021]

Man, you need a hug.

I'm fairly certain that you will need your parents tax information for FAFSA. I do.

 

[Boolean]

@Boolean
If your parents want you to contribute, take out loans and come up with a fair price to pay them in rent. It will be more expensive to get your own place, and they might be satisfied just getting some money from you each month.

I already pay a decent bit for rent. Nothing that I would be paying outside, but decent enough to subsidize the time I do spend in the house.

 

[Boolean]

Fill out FAFSA. You should qualify for federal loans.

I believe I do. I just checked finaid on my school's website and apparently I qualify for about 5500 (I can't tell if that is a semester or a year though)

 

[BlackBox]

I already pay a decent bit for rent. Nothing that I would be paying outside, but decent enough to subsidize the time I do spend in the house.

Sounds like they're being obsessively obstinate.

I wonder how they'll feel when you move out?

 

[Boolean]

Sounds like they're being obsessively obstinate.

I wonder how they'll feel when you move out?

Hopefully happy. I'm not wanting to cause them more trouble than I'm worth, but in the same boat I feel that I'm not entirely in the wrong on this one.

 

[deleted407021]

Hopefully happy. I'm not wanting to cause them more trouble than I'm worth, but in the same boat I feel that I'm not entirely in the wrong on this one.

You're in no way wrong. They are being ridiculous. You have to move out eventually, anyway, so go for it.

 

[Mt Kilimanjaro]

Plot twist: OPs mom is LizzyM.

Seriously though, many/most people end up borrowing for college. Your debt will be extremely small in comparison to your less fortunate peers.

Sounds like maybe they are ready for you to bounce. Unless you have younger siblings, you're what separates them from sex in the kitchen.

Embrace independence. And buy furniture from ikea.

 

[Goro]

I am appalled at your parent's cruelty.

Perhaps it might be worthwhile to find a room-mate, and go to school part time and work full time, until you can go back to school full time?

I hope things work out. Maybe you can get them to some family counseling?

Agree with the idea of more gym and less naps at home. Crash in the library like my students do at times.

I'm fairly certain this sounds like an average teenage rant, but I honestly don't know what to do right now.
I'm living at home going to a state university as my parents do not feel like paying for my schooling (thanks to scholarships, I pay under 600 a semester including books, this money comes out of my savings).
However, my parents seem to believe I'm somewhat of the anti-christ, and terribly lazy.
This is understandable, I suppose, as when I get home, I'm fairly tired. Sometimes I'll take naps, although it does not happen too often.

My parents see this as extreme laziness. I'm currently taking 22 credit hours (I've managed to keep a 4.0, thankfully), hospital volunteering once a week (6hrs a week), mentoring (4hrs a day twice a week), researching (which is a nice break from school and volunteering), and working on a non-profit I founded a while ago.

That being said, I'm not terribly physically active when I get home because of this. I work out at the gym at school, but not as often as I'd like.

Now, the real issue I'm currently having is my parents see this laziness as absolutely horrid and that I'm wasting their time by having them house me. They're planning on kicking me out and removing my insurance policy/taking away the car I drive to school (my mother's old car). If/when this happens, I will have only my bike, and no place to live. Additionally, as they paid for my laptop, and they plan on taking that as well.


While I'm sure I can manage a job on top of what I'm doing already, I'm quite lost on what to do next. I've managed to keep up with all my classes and EC's, but I feel this will probably shake things up quite a bit. Would loans be worth it so I could find housing? The volunteering and mentoring is quite a bit of a drive away, and occasionally they pay for my gas. I would hate to let down my unit and the kids I mentor.

At this point I'm simply beyond lost with what to do. Any help is greatly appreciated.

 

[Boolean]

I am appalled at your parent's cruelty.

Perhaps it might be worthwhile to find a room-mate, and go to school part time and work full time, until you can go back to school full time?

I hope things work out. Maybe you can get them to some family counseling?

Agree with the idea of more gym and less naps at home. Crash in the library like my students do at times.

Working on the room-mate idea right now, attempting to see if I can get a cheaper on campus dorm through my research (put in some extra lab work in any lab that would need it so I could have some place to sleep)
I'm considering part time. Right now, I'm around 60 credits from graduation, and this is only my second semester post high school, so I'm not too worried about time wise (with the way my schedule is set up, I would be graduating around spring of next year, being about 19.5y/o.
Despite both having a decent background in medicine, neither of them really think counseling is a positive influence (mental health to them is not held in too terribly high a regard) so counseling is really not an option.
I'll see if I can crash in the library more, I'm certainly there enough. I've also taken to jogging a bit more, definitely helps with the stress, and it is a bit more rewarding than a nap (at times).
Thank you very much for your insight, I truly appreciate it. Hopefully something positive can come out of this situation.

 

[dieanotherday]

Your parents are dicks.
If everything you say is true and I knew you id let you live with me free of charge! You'd be the easiest/best roommate ever

 

[Boolean]

Your parents are dicks.
If everything you say is true and I knew you id let you live with me free of charge! You'd be the easiest/best roommate ever

Glad to hear that. The real issue is, I barely even need a place to stay. If I knew there was somewhere that my stuff wouldn't be stolen and that I wouldn't be attacked in the night, I would most definitely sleep there. As I said, hopefully something good can come of this. If anything, it is a learning experience, and learning is what I strive for.

 

[dieanotherday]

Glad to hear that. The real issue is, I barely even need a place to stay. If I knew there was somewhere that my stuff wouldn't be stolen and that I wouldn't be attacked in the night, I would most definitely sleep there. As I said, hopefully something good can come of this. If anything, it is a learning experience, and learning is what I strive for.

Rent a local storage unit,
Take a basic permit test for a motorcycle the reading multiple choice one and buy yourself a moped/scooter which depending on model will be under 1k if you lose everything this is the cheapest way to go

 

[Boolean]

Rent a local storage unit,
Take a basic permit test for a motorcycle the reading multiple choice one and buy yourself a moped/scooter which depending on model will be under 1k if you lose everything this is the cheapest way to go

I didn't think of this. Thank you. I'll look into this now. I really appreciate it.

 

[amazing tekkers]

I feel like there's two sides to this. Try sitting down with your parents and have a serious talk. Try and talk about how you can remain under them, what are their expectations of you. Academically you seem fine, are there some other things going on, do you not take out the trash or handle other responsibilities (yes I live with my parents as well and I have to do all this other crap lol).

 

[DrCharlemagne]

Holy hell, your folks sound ridiculous. I know you said you sniffed around the interbutts to get some info on student loans, but I'd still make an appointment at your financial aid office to talk with someone about what's up. There may be institutional aid or somesuch to help you out. Do you have an academic dean or advisor? They might be worth talking to too. Honestly, as onerous as housemates can be sometimes, none of them will give you flak for napping periodically. I've had great luck with craigslist straightup, but you may have other resources through your school to find roommates or housing arrangements. It will be worth a few loans to have a safe, non-judgmental place to recharge.

 

[Boolean]

I feel like there's two sides to this. Try sitting down with your parents and have a serious talk. Try and talk about how you can remain under them, what are their expectations of you. Academically you seem fine, are there some other things going on, do you not take out the trash or handle other responsibilities (yes I live with my parents as well and I have to do all this other crap lol).

Believe me, I've tried this. I think the only reason I was not kicked out earlier is because I have been helping one of my parents complete their doctoral coursework (they are absolutely horrid with anything remotely relating to computers, including basic office functionality...)

 

[Boolean]

Holy hell, your folks sound ridiculous. I know you said you sniffed around the interbutts to get some info on student loans, but I'd still make an appointment at your financial aid office to talk with someone about what's up. There may be institutional aid or somesuch to help you out. Do you have an academic dean or advisor? They might be worth talking to too. Honestly, as onerous as housemates can be sometimes, none of them will give you flak for napping periodically. I've had great luck with craigslist straightup, but you may have other resources through your school to find roommates or housing arrangements. It will be worth a few loans to have a safe, non-judgmental place to recharge.

I thankfully got a financial advisement meeting today (my school really does care about the wellbeing of their students, I'd like to think). Hopefully they can help set me on the proper path.

 

[amazing tekkers]

Believe me, I've tried this. I think the only reason I was not kicked out earlier is because I have been helping one of my parents complete their doctoral coursework (they are absolutely horrid with anything remotely relating to computers, including basic office functionality...)

Hmm..tough scenario then. If they want you to get a job, then a student job on the side wouldn't hurt--i'm sure you could obtain meaningful experience and gain a good work ethic.

 

[Boolean]

Hmm..tough scenario then. If they want you to get a job, then a student job on the side wouldn't hurt--i'm sure you could obtain meaningful experience and gain a good work ethic.

Certainly. I've actually been working on getting one. The issue isn't the job, so to speak, it is what to do in the interim with the loss of housing.

 

[kyamh]

What about friends and other family members?

Personally, I would take the loans (and I did). Unfortunately, I didn't qualify for too many with my family's income, so I took out a substantial amount in private loans. If you are a full time student and have a bit of credit history, you can take out some smaller loans without a co-signer.

 

[lalax]

I'm fairly certain this sounds like an average teenage rant, but I honestly don't know what to do right now.
I'm living at home going to a state university as my parents do not feel like paying for my schooling (thanks to scholarships, I pay under 600 a semester including books, this money comes out of my savings).
However, my parents seem to believe I'm somewhat of the anti-christ, and terribly lazy.
This is understandable, I suppose, as when I get home, I'm fairly tired. Sometimes I'll take naps, although it does not happen too often.

My parents see this as extreme laziness. I'm currently taking 22 credit hours (I've managed to keep a 4.0, thankfully), hospital volunteering once a week (6hrs a week), mentoring (4hrs a day twice a week), researching (which is a nice break from school and volunteering), and working on a non-profit I founded a while ago.

That being said, I'm not terribly physically active when I get home because of this. I work out at the gym at school, but not as often as I'd like.

Now, the real issue I'm currently having is my parents see this laziness as absolutely horrid and that I'm wasting their time by having them house me. They're planning on kicking me out and removing my insurance policy/taking away the car I drive to school (my mother's old car). If/when this happens, I will have only my bike, and no place to live. Additionally, as they paid for my laptop, and they plan on taking that as well.


While I'm sure I can manage a job on top of what I'm doing already, I'm quite lost on what to do next. I've managed to keep up with all my classes and EC's, but I feel this will probably shake things up quite a bit. Would loans be worth it so I could find housing? The volunteering and mentoring is quite a bit of a drive away, and occasionally they pay for my gas. I would hate to let down my unit and the kids I mentor.

At this point I'm simply beyond lost with what to do. Any help is greatly appreciated.

Replace napping with drinking coffee.

Problem solved.

 

[Frostbite22]

My parents were exactly the same when I was in undergrad. I lived there for two years before transferring to another University (which was my plan all along). I would usually take a nap everyday because I had a similar schedule to yours. The problem with mine is that they are very blue collar and think working at walmart equates to being a better person than college (rednecks I know). When I had to move back to the same town to do a clinical lab science program at the hospital I lived with my boyfriends parents because I couldn't stand being told I'm lazy anymore. Its honestly very draining to be told you are lazy because of taking a nap. My advice would be to calculate what all bills would cost and take out extra loans find a roommate or two.

 

[medic86]

Wow.

Your parents suck.

 

[Boolean]

My parents were exactly the same when I was in undergrad. I lived there for two years before transferring to another University (which was my plan all along). I would usually take a nap everyday because I had a similar schedule to yours. The problem with mine is that they are very blue collar and think working at walmart equates to being a better person than college (rednecks I know). When I had to move back to the same town to do a clinical lab science program at the hospital I lived with my boyfriends parents because I couldn't stand being told I'm lazy anymore. Its honestly very draining to be told you are lazy because of taking a nap. My advice would be to calculate what all bills would cost and take out extra loans find a roommate or two.

Looking at this right now, basically. Glad to know that someone has been there before. Thank you. Knowing that really does help.

 

[LizzyM]

Plot twist: OPs mom is LizzyM.

Nearly spewed coffee all over the screen.

I do have a kid in college who lives at home and who naps. Also studies hard, works hard, plays hard and has time for volunteering. Not pre-med and under no pressure to move out soon.

Seriously though, many/most people end up borrowing for college. Your debt will be extremely small in comparison to your less fortunate peers.

Sounds like maybe they are ready for you to bounce. Unless you have younger siblings, you're what separates them from sex in the kitchen.

Embrace independence. And buy furniture from ikea.

Another coffee spewing moment.

 

[Boolean]

Replace napping with drinking coffee.

Problem solved.

I actually gave up coffee for lent. I used to have a pretty serious addiction to caffeine. So far, I'm glad I've kept it up.

 

[Boolean]

What about friends and other family members?

Personally, I would take the loans (and I did). Unfortunately, I didn't qualify for too many with my family's income, so I took out a substantial amount in private loans. If you are a full time student and have a bit of credit history, you can take out some smaller loans without a co-signer.

I don't qualify for too many either. I'm thinking I landed a job with the library (I'll know soon) on campus, so hopefully I can pay for a roof over my head with that money. The largest issue I'm finding here is that my volunteering and mentoring will be hindered quite a bit (I realize I probably sound like a neurotic premed here, but I made a commitment to the children in the program and I having to step down from that position is really an option of last resort.

 

[LizzyM]

Despite both having a decent background in medicine, neither of them really think counseling is a positive influence (mental health to them is not held in too terribly high a regard) so counseling is really not an option.

Getting a loan to pay for housing, and a roommate to reduce your costs sound like good ideas. As for the counseling, why not call it "mediation". You need a neutral third party (like a marriage counselor) to hear both sides of the story and mediate a mutually agreed upon path forward. This has nothing to do with mental health and more like a business or labor union negotiation.

Your parents have gotten this far but they seem to be lacking in the parenting skills department (they think that they can control you by taking away your privileges such as driving Mom's car or using a family laptop.

 

[Boolean]

Getting a loan to pay for housing, and a roommate to reduce your costs sound like good ideas. As for the counseling, why not call it "mediation". You need a neutral third party (like a marriage counselor) to hear both sides of the story and mediate a mutually agreed upon path forward. This has nothing to do with mental health and more like a business or labor union negotiation.

Your parents have gotten this far but they seem to be lacking in the parenting skills department (they think that they can control you by taking away your privileges such as driving Mom's car or using a family laptop.

I hadn't quite considered the first half of your post, you're right. Hopefully I can convince them to considering some mediation in the matter.

I can understand their standpoint somewhat, as I don't have much else to take away. I don't club, I don't go out, I pretty much just volunteer, shadow, and study and occasionally do independent research of things I am interested in. There isn't much they can do punishment wise to influence me, and they know how much academics means to me, so they're effectively hitting me where it hurts. Only thing is, this obviously causes some serious issues in the long run.

 

[LizzyM]

I hadn't quite considered the first half of your post, you're right. Hopefully I can convince them to considering some mediation in the matter.

I can understand their standpoint somewhat, as I don't have much else to take away. I don't club, I don't go out, I pretty much just volunteer, shadow, and study and occasionally do independent research of things I am interested in. There isn't much they can do punishment wise to influence me, and they know how much academics means to me, so they're effectively hitting me where it hurts. Only thing is, this obviously causes some serious issues in the long run.

If you've given up coffee for Lent, perhaps you have a priest you could ask for help with mediation with your parents?

 

[Boolean]

If you've given up coffee for Lent, perhaps you have a priest you could ask for help with mediation with your parents?

It isn't so much a religious commitment as it is "can I survive forty days without coffee"
I was drinking three or four cups a day, and I figured that perhaps it wasn't the /best/ thing to be doing to my body. Nobody in my family is too terribly religious. Sorry, should have clarified that one.

 

[LizzyM]

It isn't so much a religious commitment as it is "can I survive forty days without coffee"
I was drinking three or four cups a day, and I figured that perhaps it wasn't the /best/ thing to be doing to my body. Nobody in my family is too terribly religious. Sorry, should have clarified that one.

Try "student services" or whatever office your school has that is along those lines. There should be someone who can provide some advice. Even your parents accountant, if they have one, might be pressed into service. If you are under 22 and living at home while in school they might be getting a tax deduction for you. Moving out on your own could result in a higher tax bill for them next year. Plus, as a family unit, you are better off financially if you live with them for a small fee than to borrow and pay more for your living expenses.

 

[Frostbite22]

Looking at this right now, basically. Glad to know that someone has been there before. Thank you. Knowing that really does help.

Not a problem. Its hard having parents that don't understand your commitments. Especially for me since I was the first one in college they just didn't understand the time it takes to study/work/volunteer. Best of luck on your journey.

 

[Boolean]

Try "student services" or whatever office your school has that is along those lines. There should be someone who can provide some advice. Even your parents accountant, if they have one, might be pressed into service. If you are under 22 and living at home while in school they might be getting a tax deduction for you. Moving out on your own could result in a higher tax bill for them next year. Plus, as a family unit, you are better off financially if you live with them for a small fee than to borrow and pay more for your living expenses.

Alright. I'll see if I can gain a bit more insight at student services and then diplomatically bring this up to them. Thank you very much. The advice this forum has provided when I truly need it has been downright amazing.