Major Predicament

[WantsThisBad]

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What do I do?

I think it's pretty obvious that you should be doing whatever you want with your spare time while you're in college. You're not even obligated to tell your mother what research or volunteering you're doing. I think it's safe to assume you are an adult, and adults make these types of decisions on their own. Stop listening to your mother and if you're going to share your interests with her you need to learn how to deal with her rejection of these interests. Really this makes no sense to me though, my parents love the fact that I work in a lab and volunteer at a hospital. They eat it up. If you can't make these decisions on your own then maybe that reflects somewhat on the reason your mother is acting like this in the first place. Do you have a history of relying on your parents for everything?

 

[Blade28]

Agree with all of the above advising you to stay your own course.

 

[Medicine929]

That is messed up. Although your mom is obviously just trying to help you get a better G.P.A, even if it is crossing many boundaries. The upside to being completely financially independent from your parents for educational expenses is that you don't have to deal with them trying to control your life. Of course the bad part is that you are in debt well over a hundred thousand dollars.😀

 

[inaminute]

Thank you for the responses (even the boorish ones). I will take each person's response into consideration for how to go about this.

As for the other profession, I knew a lot of law students who were arrogant, snide, and dishonest. Frankly, I stay far away from those types of people and I don't appreciate a complete stranger treating me like ****. I did nothing to deserve that kind of treatment, and I find that behavior boorish and extremely immature. You tell me to grow a pair, and yet, look who's the one acting like a child? If that's the way your bedside manner is going to be, then I pray I don't become your patient. That kind of behavior is extremely unprofessional and not to mention, rude. If you have nothing nice to say, don't say it at all. Also, I have been a lurker for quite some time and if this is the way you are going to treat a fellow poster, then, I will reconsider posting on this forum.

apply the rules to yourself, little girl---you got nothing nice to say about the legal profession, say nothing atall. Thank yew very much.

as for the rest of it, you are a mess. you whined and complained about your mother yet you object when others tell you she's (as you yourself complained) out of touch. such drama, tsk.

 

[inaminute]

I'm sorry, but since when does a person's mother have a say in what an independent adult does with her time when not in class? I agree you should ask your parents for advice on decisions you make, but all they have a right to is advice. They don't actually have any say in what you do.

does this "independent adult" live at home rent free? drive a car mom and dad pay the insurance on? let mom and dad pay their college expenses? then they abdicated the privilege of complaining about mom and dad trying to tell them what to do. If you don't like it? become independent for real

 

[capn jazz]

does this "independent adult" live at home rent free? drive a car mom and dad pay the insurance on? let mom and dad pay their college expenses? then they abdicated the privilege of complaining about mom and dad trying to tell them what to do. If you don't like it? become independent for real

Why are you telling me about this? My parents pay the very very minimal "parental expectation" and I pay everything else, including my own rent. And I don't drive, let alone have auto insurance.

If you fall on hard times and your parents lend you a helping hand at 28, do they suddenly have a say in your decision about what you want to do with your free time? No. You don't buy a share in someone's life. College students should make their decisions on courses, ECs, and jobs without parental input. This isn't a case of the poster wanting to work at a strip club to pay the bills - she wants to work at a lab. As all of us who have had jobs know, having a job will not ruin someone's educational career, and if it is too much to handle, they probably aren't going to make it through med school, so it's better they find out early on.

 

[barto123]

Thank you for the responses (even the boorish ones). I will take each person's response into consideration for how to go about this.

As for the other profession, I knew a lot of law students who were arrogant, snide, and dishonest. Frankly, I stay far away from those types of people and I don't appreciate a complete stranger treating me like ****. I did nothing to deserve that kind of treatment, and I find that behavior boorish and extremely immature. You tell me to grow a pair, and yet, look who's the one acting like a child? If that's the way your bedside manner is going to be, then I pray I don't become your patient. That kind of behavior is extremely unprofessional and not to mention, rude. If you have nothing nice to say, don't say it at all. Also, I have been a lurker for quite some time and if this is the way you are going to treat a fellow poster, then, I will reconsider posting on this forum.

in all honesty my first post on this thread was nothing more than a pointed response, you were the one that reacted with belligerence. in addition this is a online forum somewhere we can actually write crude and unprofessional remarks. it makes no difference to me if you want to post on this forum or not but if you can't take criticism or "boorishness," leaving this forum might be the best option for you. i must say though that at least you are defending yourself, albeit poorly, something worth practicing when dealing with you mother. and you made the right decision in the end! good day!

 

[voirlesetoiles]

OP, you wrote.... "I don't want to turn down this job because 1) I already told my prof and the grad student I'd do it and it's rude 2) I am genuinely interested in my prof's research 3) I didn't have to provide a resume or do an interview since my prof knows me by name and I had him for 2 classes and 4) My prof will be able to write a good recommendation letter because I had him for 2 classes and was his lab assistant."

Personally, I think reason #1 shouldn't apply. There are plenty of nice ways to word a letter turning down a research or job position - and end up with both parties still feeling friendly and having no resentment.

But reason #2... if you are genuinely interested and have the time, go for it! Maybe you could tell your mom about how helpful the research would be for getting into med school, especially regarding the recommendation letter? You could also tell her about how students continue their research experiences in med school. And you could explain to her how this experience could help you secure other research positions in med school.

I know how frustrating it must be, I have very strict and conservative parents myself. Although I have wanted to rebel more times that I can count, explaining the situation to them works in most situations. If explanation doesn't work, then I resort to rebellion 😛

 

[inaminute]

Why are you telling me about this? My parents pay the very very minimal "parental expectation" and I pay everything else, including my own rent. And I don't drive, let alone have auto insurance.

If you fall on hard times and your parents lend you a helping hand at 28, do they suddenly have a say in your decision about what you want to do with your free time? No. You don't buy a share in someone's life. College students should make their decisions on courses, ECs, and jobs without parental input. This isn't a case of the poster wanting to work at a strip club to pay the bills - she wants to work at a lab. As all of us who have had jobs know, having a job will not ruin someone's educational career, and if it is too much to handle, they probably aren't going to make it through med school, so it's better they find out early on.

my point is simply this: if you take money from your parents you can hardly complain when there are strings attached, and if you don't care for the strings, decline the money

 

[Oceaner]

I told him about the research paper I just had published.... If I do take this on and I work with the grad students, ....

Um... you've published? And you can't make this decision? Who did you work with the last time. You'd almost certainly always have to work with a grad student.

 

[tabularasa]

Um... you've published? And you can't make this decision? Who did you work with the last time. You'd almost certainly always have to work with a grad student.

I don't mean a research "groundbreaking research" paper under the direction of a grad student, I mean a 15 page paper my group and I wrote about a certain topic (that was research based) under the direction of our writing professor. I guess the term for it is "research report" and it was published in an undergraduate journal.

Sorry for the confusion.