Major Predicament

[tabularasa]

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I just need some advice because I'm conflicted here.

I was really interested in a professor's research and I took two classes with him and at the end of May I asked him about working in his lab. He told me that he didn't know if he needed any students, but he would keep me in mind, if he had any active research projects. I emailed him again this month, and he told me that he did have an active research project and told me to contact his grad student. I contacted his grad student and set up a time to meet her. My mother found out that I had done this and was pretty upset, saying that I'm not getting credit for this...etc. I told my parents that I'm not going to give up on this, that I'd regret it if I did and they told me to let the grad student know what time I'd be available.

One week later, my mother told me to contact the prof and the grad student and turn down the lab assistant job. She said that she wants me to focus on my studies. I'm taking 1 science class/lab this semester and 2 in the spring and I will only be taking 13 credits/semester, which is fewer than what I had taken last year.

I don't want to turn down this job because 1) I already told my prof and the grad student I'd do it and it's rude 2) I am genuinely interested in my prof's research 3) I didn't have to provide a resume or do an interview since my prof knows me by name and I had him for 2 classes and 4) My prof will be able to write a good recommendation letter because I had him for 2 classes and was his lab assistant.

I didn't have to email 10 profs about working in the lab, I got this on the first try. I know that if I do not take this on, I will regret it. I'm a sophomore and I'm not taking full load science courses, so I won't be too stressed out. What's funny is that my father keeps saying that I'm almost 20 years old and I need to start making my own decisions, but here I am, crying because my mother is controlling what I should and should not do to get into med school. I know that it will be *me* facing the interviewer answering questions about why I didn't do research or any volunteering, not my parents. My mother doesn't want me doing any volunteering either during the school year for fear of me not handling it.

What do I do?

 

[Captain Fantastic]

Part of going to college is learning to be your own person. It's okay for you to take your own road, even if mom doesn't approve.

Sometimes the experience is worth more than the course credit. Sometimes the professional relationships you develop are worth more than the course credit. If it's something you feel strongly about, I think you should do it.

 

[se2131]

I just need some advice because I'm conflicted here.

I was really interested in a professor's research and I took two classes with him and at the end of May I asked him about working in his lab. He told me that he didn't know if he needed any students, but he would keep me in mind, if he had any active research projects. I emailed him again this month, and he told me that he did have an active research project and told me to contact his grad student. I contacted his grad student and set up a time to meet her. My mother found out that I had done this and was pretty upset, saying that I'm not getting credit for this...etc. I told my parents that I'm not going to give up on this, that I'd regret it if I did and they told me to let the grad student know what time I'd be available.

One week later, my mother told me to contact the prof and the grad student and turn down the lab assistant job. She said that she wants me to focus on my studies. I'm taking 1 science class/lab this semester and 2 in the spring and I will only be taking 13 credits/semester, which is fewer than what I had taken last year.

I don't want to turn down this job because 1) I already told my prof and the grad student I'd do it and it's rude 2) I am genuinely interested in my prof's research 3) I didn't have to provide a resume or do an interview since my prof knows me by name and I had him for 2 classes and 4) My prof will be able to write a good recommendation letter because I had him for 2 classes and was his lab assistant.

I didn't have to email 10 profs about working in the lab, I got this on the first try. I know that if I do not take this on, I will regret it. I'm a sophomore and I'm not taking full load science courses, so I won't be too stressed out. What's funny is that my father keeps saying that I'm almost 20 years old and I need to start making my own decisions, but here I am, crying because my mother is controlling what I should and should not do to get into med school. I know that it will be *me* facing the interviewer answering questions about why I didn't do research or any volunteering, not my parents. My mother doesn't want me doing any volunteering either during the school year for fear of me not handling it.

What do I do?

Simply put, even with good stats (GPA/MCAT), it is going to be very tough to get into med school with no volunteering and no research. Your mother doesn't know what it takes to get in, so get yourself together and take the position (if you want it, and it sounds like you really do). I'm not trying to advocate disobedience, but sticking only to your coursework and not doing anything else will hurt your application a lot (and this is a guarantee).

 

[silverlining1]

Have you told your mother that a) this is what you truly want (it seems you have done this) and b) this is something that makes you very competitive for medical school? If she wants you to have a good future in medicine, she should not prevent you from pursuing extracurriculars.

While I wholeheartedly agree that YOU should be the one making the decisions about your present and future, I completely understand the overbearing parent thing (I have a similar situation myself). Don't let your mom "win" on this one, but do try to make her understand both parts of what I said above.

 

[Oceaner]

whose life are you leading? ____

therefore you must make the best decisions for ____, decisions that will make ____ feel happy, fulfilled, and bring out the best in _____ and allow ____ to pursue their goals.

that's my thought anyway...

 

[quiltlady]

Show your mom some published information about the requirements for med school apps. Show her that it takes more than good grades. Show her that the job will get you necessary experience, letters, possibly a publication, and a mentor. Show her examples from MDapps of students who had good grades only and no acceptances because they lacked experience.

 

[silverlining1]

Show your mom some published information about the requirements for med school apps. Show her that it takes more than good grades. Show her that the job will get you necessary experience, letters, possibly a publication, and a mentor. Show her examples from MDapps of students who had good grades only and no acceptances because they lacked experience.

👍 I agree. As I said before, if she wants you to succeed, she should not attempt to stop you from getting research experience. On top of that, there's the bigger issue of you making your own decisions.

 

[waitforme]

are you asian? tell her to go talk to other asian parents and they'll set her straight.

 

[tabularasa]

She said that I should do it next year, but it's going to be crazy next year (junior year) since that's when I will be taking full science courses, preparing for the MCATs, etc. Also, it's not guaranteed that this professor will have any open positions next year or even an active research project and I really admire this professor. He's one of my favorite professors and I told him about the research paper I just had published and he pushed me to present my paper at a research forum. There's no other professor I would want to work with.

I have one other question though. If I do take this on and I work with the grad students, how will the professor know that I'm actually doing the work? I've been told that I will rarely see the professor, so I'm confused.

And, no I am not Asian lol.

 

[silverlining1]

She said that I should do it next year, but it's going to be crazy next year (junior year) since that's when I will be taking full science courses, preparing for the MCATs, etc. Also, it's not guaranteed that this professor will have any open positions next year or even an active research project.

I have one other question though. If I do take this on and I work with the grad students, how will the professor know that I'm actually doing the work? I've been told that I will rarely see the professor, so I'm confused.

And, no I am not Asian lol.

I work mostly with a grad student as well. He and my PI co-wrote the letter of recommendation and the PI signed it, so I know there's valuable information in there.

As to starting the research next year... it's a good idea to get into it earlier because the more time you commit to it, the more you learn and the more you can contribute. Commitment is good for you, good for the lab, and good for your resume.

Are your grades a valid concern? For example, if you're getting all B's, maybe you do need to focus on your studies more... although I still think you should work a mild amount of ECs in there.

 

[SketchLazy]

What do I do?

Does your mom really know what's expected of you as a pre-med? Grades are important but being able to apply what you learn in something other than an academic setting is also just as important, and that's not just for medical school. You have to learn to be more than just a scholar, and most importantly, you have to be able to make your own decisions. It's time to cut the apron strings. What you're interested in counts way more than how it will be seen in the application process.

 

[barto123]

i dont feel sorry for you since you even admitted yourself that you are controlled by your mother and can't make the obviously right choice without her approval. your father is 100% correct, time to make your own decisions.

 

[WHR]

"I have one other question though. If I do take this on and I work with the grad students, how will the professor know that I'm actually doing the work? I've been told that I will rarely see the professor, so I'm confused." - Most labs have regular meetings during which you can update the lab members on your work.

Like what other members stated, you need to realize that your undergrad studies and your career pursuit should be your decision. It seems that research experience is as common in pre-med preparation as hospital volunteering/physician shadowing, it is probably good to get started on research if you are given the opportunity. Also, by starting your research involvement with this prof early, you may end up with a publication or conference presentation before you complete your undergrad.

 

[tabularasa]

i dont feel sorry for you since you even admitted yourself that you are controlled by your mother and can't make the obviously right choice without her approval. your father is 100% correct, time to make your own decisions.

I don't want people feeling sorry for me. I wanted serious advice, and if you have nothing useful to contribute, then don't comment at all. Trust me, it will save both of us a lot of grief.

In addition, I Did not rescind my offer to be a lab assistant. As of right now, I am a lab assistant. It is rather unfortunate that of the four paragraphs I wrote, you only commented on one particular sentence, instead of the big picture.

I honestly can't stand pre-med/med students like you. If you want to act holier than thou, then by all means, switch to pre-law/law school.

 

[ADeadLois]

Simply put, even with good stats (GPA/MCAT), it is going to be very tough to get into med school with no volunteering and no research.

This is not accurate. Many get in without research and volunteering even with marginal stats. A lot of people get their clinical experience through paid employment. It is also difficult to get an opportunity to do substantive research (stuff that isn't mainly scut work) as an undergraduate. While both certainly are positives, it is certainly ok not to have one, or even both.

While I agree with your overall sentiment, you're perpetuating false information.

 

[ADeadLois]

I don't want people feeling sorry for me. I wanted serious advice, and if you have nothing useful to contribute, then don't comment at all. Trust me, it will save both of us a lot of grief.

In addition, I Did not rescind my offer to be a lab assistant. As of right now, I am a lab assistant. It is rather unfortunate that of the four paragraphs I wrote, you only commented on one particular sentence, instead of the big picture.

I honestly can't stand pre-med/med students like you. If you want to act holier than thou, then by all means, switch to pre-law/law school.

The poster's advice was valid. The answer to your predicament is obvious; either stand up to your mother, or quietly accept her position. If you can't do either, then there's no point in us offering you advice.

 

[SketchLazy]

If you want to act holier than thou, then by all means, switch to pre-law/law school.

Ouch...is that what lawyers do?

 

[Law2Doc]

If you want to act holier than thou, then by all means, switch to pre-law/law school.

It's not an act. 😀

 

[Law2Doc]

Ouch...is that what lawyers do?

Not really. Most lawyers only care about being better than the other lawyers, not the public at large.

 

[inaminute]

I honestly can't stand pre-med/med students like you. If you want to act holier than thou, then by all means, switch to pre-law/law school.

be this nasty to your mom. I dare you.

sheesh, no need to be bitchy about another profession

 

[barto123]

I don't want people feeling sorry for me. I wanted serious advice, and if you have nothing useful to contribute, then don't comment at all. Trust me, it will save both of us a lot of grief.

In addition, I Did not rescind my offer to be a lab assistant. As of right now, I am a lab assistant. It is rather unfortunate that of the four paragraphs I wrote, you only commented on one particular sentence, instead of the big picture.

I honestly can't stand pre-med/med students like you. If you want to act holier than thou, then by all means, switch to pre-law/law school.

sorry i couldnt refrain from posting seeing it is how pathetic you are. are you really looking for honest advice on how to deal with your overbearing mother on this forum? when you're 20 years old? i find your situation rather hilarious, i seriously have every right to blast you. here's the best advice you'll get here: grow some!

 

[inaminute]

sorry i couldnt refrain from posting seeing it is how pathetic you are. are you really looking for honest advice on how to deal with your overbearing mother on this forum? when you're 20 years old? i find your situation rather hilarious, i seriously have every right to blast you. here's the best advice you'll get here: grow some!

👍

 

[Jolie South]

i'm 26, completely independent, and married and my mom is still on my a**. but, i digress, we're supposed to be talking about you. anyways, do what you want. if you don't learn to stand up for what you want, you never will.

it's YOUR future we're talking about not your mom's. if i listened to my mom, i would be an accountant right now or in some other such boring money making profession. you have to live with your choices. you will regret it big time if you don't do it.

 

[capn jazz]

I'm sure you'll feel better with your mother's blessing, but doesn't she have something better to do with her time? I feel like parents like her are the reason colleges need to have a policy where students have to come to them with problems, not their overbearing parents.

I sincerely hope you have moved out of your house and are in a different state. Your mother has no right to tell you what YOU can or can't handle, but it's also time for you to realize that/tell her that.

 

[silverlining1]

I'm sure you'll feel better with your mother's blessing, but doesn't she have something better to do with her time?

OP - is this the issue? If so, I understand... I fully intend to do what I feel is best, but I'm dealing with a situation right now that my parents do not support. I will do what I want, but I also want them to be happy. It's tough.

I'm glad to hear that you didn't turn down the research position.

 

[AlexMorph]

stay with your lab. your mom obviously has zero clue what she is talking about. she is just misinformed, and it's your job to inform her. if you quit, you will only prove her right in thinking that you can't handle it. also, you will be really sorry that you did it. mom's approval does not make up for lost opportunities.

 

[jochi1543]

Have you told your mother that a) this is what you truly want (it seems you have done this) and b) this is something that makes you very competitive for medical school? If she wants you to have a good future in medicine, she should not prevent you from pursuing extracurriculars.

Doesn't necessarily work...I got a friend whose parents very actively discouraged her from pursuing ECs in order to get a higher GPA for med school, and now that she's rejected (certainly not due to her stats), they are giving her crap for NOT doing more ECs in college.

You just have to do what YOU want and need. If you follow someone else's advice and fail, they'll find a way to blame YOU for it anyway.

 

[AlexMorph]

Doesn't necessarily work...I got a friend whose parents very actively discouraged her from pursuing ECs in order to get a higher GPA for med school, and now that she's rejected (certainly not due to her stats), they are giving her crap for NOT doing more ECs in college.

You just have to do what YOU want and need. If you follow someone else's advice and fail, they'll find a way to blame YOU for it anyway.

excellent point (y'all should listen to this guy)

 

[bbg4321]

so you're not getting paid or getting credit for this research?
i would think you could find a lab where you could get class credit for the work you do in lab, but i don't know how big of a research school you go to. and don't worry about working with grad students because i don't know a lab where the pi actually does wet lab work.

that said, you definitely need to be involved in something other than just getting good grades to get in. They are right in that it doesn't have to be research (plenty get in without it), but it could be a unique volunteer position, a leadership board, etc.

i think a lot of people have parents that still weigh in on decisions that their 20-year-old kids make (you're not alone there), but recognize you're at a point in your life now where you are the best person to gauge what you can and cannot handle and what you should and should not do. just keep that in mind and you will be fine

 

[silverlining1]

Doesn't necessarily work...I got a friend whose parents very actively discouraged her from pursuing ECs in order to get a higher GPA for med school, and now that she's rejected (certainly not due to her stats), they are giving her crap for NOT doing more ECs in college.

You just have to do what YOU want and need. If you follow someone else's advice and fail, they'll find a way to blame YOU for it anyway.

I'm not recommending that the OP give in to her mother. Instead, I have been advising her to do what she wants and believes is best for her education, but I sympathize with the desire to make the parents understand so they will not be upset. So, I recommend "this is what I'm doing and why, so I hope you'll understand and be happy for me" instead of "this is what I'm doing, so f*** your opinion".

 

[se2131]

This is not accurate. Many get in without research and volunteering even with marginal stats. A lot of people get their clinical experience through paid employment. It is also difficult to get an opportunity to do substantive research (stuff that isn't mainly scut work) as an undergraduate. While both certainly are positives, it is certainly ok not to have one, or even both.

While I agree with your overall sentiment, you're perpetuating false information.

I didn't actually mean volunteering (my fault). I meant anything besides schoolwork. If an applicant has nothing but grades and MCAT, then they will have a difficult time getting in, I don't think you can deny that.

Doesn't necessarily work...I got a friend whose parents very actively discouraged her from pursuing ECs in order to get a higher GPA for med school, and now that she's rejected (certainly not due to her stats), they are giving her crap for NOT doing more ECs in college.

You just have to do what YOU want and need. If you follow someone else's advice and fail, they'll find a way to blame YOU for it anyway.

Basically what I was getting at, just clearer.

 

[ADeadLois]

I didn't actually mean volunteering (my fault). I meant anything besides schoolwork. If an applicant has nothing but grades and MCAT, then they will have a difficult time getting in, I don't think you can deny that.

Agreed. But you have to understand that the research, specific to what the OP is/wants to do, is superfluous from a med school admissions standpoint. While it's certainly a great experience and the OP should definitely do it, many applicants get into med school without research.

Now, the OP's mother not wanting him to seek clinical experience is troubling and is a counterproductive attitude to have.

 

[etf]

if i listened to my mom (a nurse), i'd be a bond trader right now. with how the cycle is going so far, i kinda wish i had taken her advice.

 

[dazlindz]

agree with the rest of the posters - do the research. don't give in to your mom.

also, you can do homework while in the lab... i do 15 hours/week in the lab and take 4 classes per quarter and i still do fine. you just have to know how to budget your time.

 

[tabularasa]

Thank you for the responses (even the boorish ones). I will take each person's response into consideration for how to go about this.

As for the other profession, I knew a lot of law students who were arrogant, snide, and dishonest. Frankly, I stay far away from those types of people and I don't appreciate a complete stranger treating me like ****. I did nothing to deserve that kind of treatment, and I find that behavior boorish and extremely immature. You tell me to grow a pair, and yet, look who's the one acting like a child? If that's the way your bedside manner is going to be, then I pray I don't become your patient. That kind of behavior is extremely unprofessional and not to mention, rude. If you have nothing nice to say, don't say it at all. Also, I have been a lurker for quite some time and if this is the way you are going to treat a fellow poster, then, I will reconsider posting on this forum.

I wasn't looking for advice on how to deal with my overbearing mother. I was looking for advice concerning giving up something that I might end up regretting due to someone lacking faith in me. At first, I had qualms about this, but I know in my heart that if I gave up this opportunity, a year from now, when I apply to med school I'm going to think "Why didn't I jump on the opportunity my professor gave me?". It's just throwing me off that my parents keep telling me that I need to make my own decisions, and when I finally do, they want to dictate what choices I need to make. It's like they are saying one thing, and doing another. I'm trying to be the best applicant I can be and prevent med schools from giving me an excuse to reject me. I've done a lot of things my freshman year that I never expected to do, and I want to outdo myself this year.

And for all those who bashed my mother: if my mother hadn't pushed me to get an education post-high school, I would be working at a job with no advancement. My parents want me to live the life they couldn't have. I will be the first doctor in my family (hopefully). I love my parents dearly and they worked hard so I can be where I am at right now. So I refuse to join in on the bashing.

Again, thanks for the advice.

EDIT: I will not receive credit for this because I am not at the junior status. The amount of credits I have attained falls into the sophomore status. If I did this next year, I would receive credit if I enrolled in the proper class.

 

[ADeadLois]

I wasn't looking for advice on how to deal with my overbearing mother. I was looking for advice concerning giving up something that I might end up regretting due to someone lacking faith in me. At first, I had qualms about this, but I know in my heart that if I gave up this opportunity, a year from now, when I apply to med school I'm going to think "Why didn't I jump on the opportunity my professor gave me?". It's just throwing me off that my parents keep telling me that I need to make my own decisions, and when I finally do, they want to dictate what choices I need to make. It's like they are saying one thing, and doing another. I'm trying to be the best applicant I can be and prevent med schools from giving me an excuse to reject me. I've done a lot of things my freshman year that I never expected to do, and I want to outdo myself this year.

And for all those who bashed my mother: if my mother hadn't pushed me to get an education post-high school, I would be working at a job with no advancement. My parents want me to live the life they couldn't have. I will be the first doctor in my family (hopefully). I love my parents dearly and they worked hard so I can be where I am at right now. So I refuse to join in on the bashing.

Again, thanks for the advice.

What advice do you want, exactly?

Taking this research position is clearly the best thing for you and your future. The only thing in the way of this is your mother's misunderstanding the med school application requirements. (If you think this is bashing your mother, then I apologize. But she doesn't get it.)

And regarding your comments to the responses you received, you need to relax. You posted a vague question "What do I do". If you didn't want responses with regard to how to deal with your mother, you should have posed a more specific question. More broadly, if you don't want an honest answer, then don't post the question.

 

[DropkickMurphy]

It's not an act. 😀

Acting holier than thou is just compensation for the fact the normally live under large flat rocks.

 

[Compass]

As much as I want to say it's your choice, it's also your mother's choice in part. My parents worry about me spending too much time as well, that's normal. We all know our limits, but if we ever forget them, our parents are there. If you HONESTLY think you can handle the research and an assumed 15 credit load, by all means, do so.

 

[capn jazz]

As much as I want to say it's your choice, it's also your mother's choice in part. My parents worry about me spending too much time as well, that's normal. We all know our limits, but if we ever forget them, our parents are there. If you HONESTLY think you can handle the research and an assumed 15 credit load, by all means, do so.

I'm sorry, but since when does a person's mother have a say in what an independent adult does with her time when not in class? I agree you should ask your parents for advice on decisions you make, but all they have a right to is advice. They don't actually have any say in what you do.

 

[Compass]

Um, they've lived and dealt with you for 18 years of your life. Assuming you still live with them, they also save you a great deal of money on your car insurance.

Your parents should be able to tell YOUR limits. I'm not saying they should tell you what to do, but that you should CONSIDER what they say, because they have lived with you for that long, and have watched your EC/school ratio since when you were playing piano in 2nd grade...

 

[capn jazz]

Um, they've lived and dealt with you for 18 years of your life. Assuming you still live with them, they also save you a great deal of money on your car insurance.

Your parents should be able to tell YOUR limits. I'm not saying they should tell you what to do, but that you should CONSIDER what they say, because they have lived with you for that long, and have watched your EC/school ratio since when you were playing piano in 2nd grade...

Most people are very different in college than in high school, in all regards from what they do with their free time, to what classes they take, to how they study. College is an entirely different setting, and assuming the student has been able to feed themselves/motivate themselves to do all their work so far, they know how much free time they have, and taking a part-time lab job is not going to kill them. Unless your parents live with you, they really have no idea how much free time you do or do not have, so they're really not the best judges of your ability to handle another responsibility.

It's one thing to ask your mother for advice; it's another thing when she TELLS you to email/not email someone about a job. Or when she tells you that you can't handle volunteering - which can be as small a commitment as 4 hours a week. At some point, you have to make decisions for yourself and not listen to your mother when she doesn't really know what she's talking about.

 

[silverlining1]

I'm sorry, but since when does a person's mother have a say in what an independent adult does with her time when not in class? I agree you should ask your parents for advice on decisions you make, but all they have a right to is advice. They don't actually have any say in what you do.

Different cultures have different views on this. In my parents' culture, children should always respect the opinions of the parents and strive to have a harmonious relationship with them, whether the child is 5 or 25. Since I was born in the states, I understand that Americans do not generally accept this philosophy and instead emphasize independence and doing what is best for oneself. My point is that we should be cautious about ridiculing someone for caring about what their parents say because their customs and upbringing might be different, and that's not wrong.

 

[artaxerxes]

Different cultures have different views on this. In my parents' culture, children should always respect the opinions of the parents and strive to have a harmonious relationship with them, whether the child is 5 or 25. Since I was born in the states, I understand that Americans do not generally accept this philosophy and instead emphasize independence and doing what is best for oneself. My point is that we should be cautious about ridiculing someone for caring about what their parents say because their customs and upbringing might be different, and that's not wrong.

Asian parents tend to be more finanically supportive as well, I could basically ask for money when I ever I ran out during college, not that I was spending recklessly. I knew a lot of my white friends couldn't do that. If your financially dependent on your parents, adult or not, they the right to have a say in your choices. Whether or not you listen is completely up to you, as long as you are willing to face the consequences.

TO the OP, are you getting paid for this work? parents like it when their kid have some income.

 

[Virgil]

Um, they've lived and dealt with you for 18 years of your life. Assuming you still live with them, they also save you a great deal of money on your car insurance.

Your parents should be able to tell YOUR limits. I'm not saying they should tell you what to do, but that you should CONSIDER what they say, because they have lived with you for that long, and have watched your EC/school ratio since when you were playing piano in 2nd grade...

"I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to my parents."

Oooh, the Gecko would be maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad! And the caveman would be insulted!

Sorry, Scrubs moment.

 

[Jolie South]

"I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to my parents."

Oooh, the Gecko would be maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!

Sorry, Scrubs moment.

hahahaha

 

[Easy E]

Stick with the research assistant job and start volunteering NOW...Good grades mean next to nothing without EC's. Furthermore, med schools want to see that you can balance EC's with school. Your mother may want what is best for you but she clearly does not know what is best for you.

 

[Virgil]

Seriously, though--my parents are also the "overbearing" type. I'm constantly thinking of ways to expedite my "moving out," but it seems that I am doomed to stay at home until I am accepted to medical school. Until then, it is best to forgive their faults (as they only want the best for you), and educate them as to what is truly beneficial for your career. As posters have said again and again, your parents are laypeople when it comes to medical school admissions. Despite being such, they will continue to stubbornly advise you as they feel it is their "job" to do so. Forgive this, and try not to be so sensitive about these matters.

 

[jdh71]

I just need some advice because I'm conflicted here.

I was really interested in a professor's research and I took two classes with him and at the end of May I asked him about working in his lab. He told me that he didn't know if he needed any students, but he would keep me in mind, if he had any active research projects. I emailed him again this month, and he told me that he did have an active research project and told me to contact his grad student. I contacted his grad student and set up a time to meet her. My mother found out that I had done this and was pretty upset, saying that I'm not getting credit for this...etc. I told my parents that I'm not going to give up on this, that I'd regret it if I did and they told me to let the grad student know what time I'd be available.

One week later, my mother told me to contact the prof and the grad student and turn down the lab assistant job. She said that she wants me to focus on my studies. I'm taking 1 science class/lab this semester and 2 in the spring and I will only be taking 13 credits/semester, which is fewer than what I had taken last year.

I don't want to turn down this job because 1) I already told my prof and the grad student I'd do it and it's rude 2) I am genuinely interested in my prof's research 3) I didn't have to provide a resume or do an interview since my prof knows me by name and I had him for 2 classes and 4) My prof will be able to write a good recommendation letter because I had him for 2 classes and was his lab assistant.

I didn't have to email 10 profs about working in the lab, I got this on the first try. I know that if I do not take this on, I will regret it. I'm a sophomore and I'm not taking full load science courses, so I won't be too stressed out. What's funny is that my father keeps saying that I'm almost 20 years old and I need to start making my own decisions, but here I am, crying because my mother is controlling what I should and should not do to get into med school. I know that it will be *me* facing the interviewer answering questions about why I didn't do research or any volunteering, not my parents. My mother doesn't want me doing any volunteering either during the school year for fear of me not handling it.

What do I do?

It's painfully obvious what the problem is . . .

You know what to do, and don't need our help

 

[radi0headfan]

do what you gotta do mayne...maybe you don't have to tell your mom about it?...i know you're in a bind b/c you're not sure whether to trust yourself or your mom...but go with yourself on this one...worst that can happen is that it'll be too overbearing and you'll be forced to quit...but if you don't take it, it may end up being a missed opportunity...gluck!

 

[littlealex]

What advice do you want, exactly?

Taking this research position is clearly the best thing for you and your future. The only thing in the way of this is your mother's misunderstanding the med school application requirements. (If you think this is bashing your mother, then I apologize. But she doesn't get it.)

And regarding your comments to the responses you received, you need to relax. You posted a vague question "What do I do". If you didn't want responses with regard to how to deal with your mother, you should have posed a more specific question. More broadly, if you don't want an honest answer, then don't post the question.

👍

Listen to the man. You evidently know what you SHOULD do. There's no advice to give you, you're the only one who can choose to take control of his own life. Likewise, you can choose to continue to let others run your life.

I'm not saying the latter is wrong, I'm saying at some point when you feel ready as a person, you should step up and tell your parents: "No, I think my decision is the best one in this scenario, and this is why...."