Male residents calling patients female family member "sweetie?"

[Melanie2423]

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I saw a young male resident doctor go up to a patients family member and ask her "How are you doing sweetie?" The girl was simply staring at her mother minding her business, but she seemed a bit tired and worried. She looked to be around 16-21.

The girl answered coldly that she was fine and walked away.



I can understand calling a patient sweetie after becoming acquainted and building rapport and realizing that they feel comfortable around you. But I personally don't see residents/doctors usually refer to patients family members in terms of endearment unless they know them well.

I am an RN, and sometimes if the patient is a young kid I will call them sweetheart or honey, but is it not strange for a younger male resident to talk to a girl/woman in the 16-21 age range and refer to her as sweetie?

Also in general is it ever okay to call a patient or their family member sweetie? I know some consider it demeaning.

 

[neoexile]

I saw a young male resident doctor go up to a patients family member and ask her "How are you doing sweetie?" The girl was simply staring at her mother minding her business, but she seemed a bit tired and worried. She looked to be around 16-21.

The girl answered coldly that she was fine and walked away.



I can understand calling a patient sweetie after becoming acquainted and building rapport and realizing that they feel comfortable around you. But I personally don't see residents/doctors usually refer to patients family members in terms of endearment unless they know them well.

I am an RN, and sometimes if the patient is a young kid I will call them sweetheart or honey, but is it not strange for a younger male resident to talk to a girl/woman in the 16-21 age range and refer to her as sweetie?

Also in general is it ever okay to call a patient or their family member sweetie? I know some consider it demeaning.

So you've returned. Is this another troll thread?

 

[deleted480308]

I saw a young male resident doctor go up to a patients family member and ask her "How are you doing sweetie?" The girl was simply staring at her mother minding her business, but she seemed a bit tired and worried. She looked to be around 16-21.

The girl answered coldly that she was fine and walked away.



I can understand calling a patient sweetie after becoming acquainted and building rapport and realizing that they feel comfortable around you. But I personally don't see residents/doctors usually refer to patients family members in terms of endearment unless they know them well.

I am an RN, and sometimes if the patient is a young kid I will call them sweetheart or honey, but is it not strange for a younger male resident to talk to a girl/woman in the 16-21 age range and refer to her as sweetie?

Also in general is it ever okay to call a patient or their family member sweetie? I know some consider it demeaning.

You’re the resident girlfriend from chicago right?

It’s not uncommon in the south to call people sweetie/sweetheart/honey, women do it to men all the time here. It’s certainly not formal but it’s not necessarily hitting on someone like you seem to be implying

 

[NuttyEngDude]

If someone calls you "sweetie" the only appropriate course of action is to wait 30 years then report it as assault.

 

[Entadus]

:troll:

 

[Stagg737]

You’re the resident girlfriend from chicago right?

It’s not uncommon in the south to call people sweetie/sweetheart/honey, women do it to men all the time here. It’s certainly not formal but it’s not necessarily hitting on someone like you seem to be implying

Yea, this is way too vague of a question without some type of cultural background. I've worked in some places where stuff like this was the norm and other places where it could get someone reported for sexual harassment.

 

[Osminog]

OP, thank you for sharing this important, timely story with us. I wish more users would have the courage to start threads like this.

Anyway, let's all go ahead and judge the character of this resident on the basis of one word he allegedly used in one social interaction.

 

[whatisthisstuff]

Sometimes people say awkward things

 

[OrthoTraumaMD]

Lmao.
If not a troll then yes. Perfectly fine to call people whatever you want as long as it’s not said condescendingly. I call my patients “hon” sometimes, the old men and ladies and the younger ones too. It’s a term of endearment for me, especially if the patient is in pain, and no one has ever taken offense.

Edit: never mind. I read OP’s original thread and it’s clear she is either a troll or an absolute raving man-hating lunatic. But I think my statement still stands because I’ve seen this sort of question before.

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[mehc012]

Lmao.
If not a troll then yes. Perfectly fine to call people whatever you want as long as it’s not said condescendingly. I call my patients “hon” sometimes, the old men and ladies and the younger ones too. It’s a term of endearment for me, especially if the patient is in pain, and no one has ever taken offense.


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Ehh, there's almost no way to refer to a grown woman as 'sweetie' or 'hon' without it being condescending. And I say this as someone who grew up in the south...it's one of the reasons why I hated living there, and have no desire to move back.
Just because nobody says anything to you, doesn't mean nobody has ever taken offense. Probably most of them haven't. But just as likely, there are a few who were bothered by it but aren't going to try and contradict the entire subset of our culture that loudly proclaims 'this is perfectly fine, and only annoying people with thin skin are bothered by it!' No sense in being ignored, insulted, and then dismissed over something that trivial...all it does is make the people who use 'sweetie' or 'hon' dislike you, everyone still does it, and somehow you end up being the jerk in the situation.

 

[neoexile]

Perhaps. But I’m pretty good at reading facial expressions, and literally no one has ever even batted an eye. I usually reserve “hon” for the elderly, which I tend to like the most anyway.
My patients often call me that as well. And I’m a female surgeon, I would have every right to be “offended” but I don’t care...I have pretty thick skin and I let my work speak for itself.


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Regardless the OP has bigger issues than this to deal with. OP, concerning yourself with something as trivial as this shouldn't be your priority.

 

[mehc012]

Perhaps. But I’m pretty good at reading facial expressions, and literally no one has ever even batted an eye. I usually reserve “hon” for the elderly, which I tend to like the most anyway.
My patients often call me that as well. And I’m a female surgeon, I would have every right to be “offended” but I don’t care...I have pretty thick skin and I let my work speak for itself.


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Again, it's trivial, and not worth bringing up. But since we all end up priding ourselves on our thick skin, it's hardly surprising that people don't bat an eye, either. I figured you were also a woman...that's usually the crowd that uses those terms, which makes it really, really hard to argue against since it's always my teachers or mentors and if it doesn't bother them, it oughtn't to bother me, right? 🙄

So I also don't argue against it in person, and I control my facial expression, and I go along with it. But I hate it every time it comes up. It's condescending and motherly and uncomfortable...my own family wouldn't use language like that, so it feels uncomfortably familiar for teachers or bosses or colleagues to do so. It hasn't stopped bothering me, and I doubt it ever will. Just something to keep in mind.

Note: there has been one person where I got used to it and wasn't bothered by it, but she was a phenomenal mentor, and she applied it equally to every med student, of any gender or personality type, and her daughter was my classmate so I suppose it felt more natural. And she still apologized for it frequently, asked if it bothered anyone, and if it did she offered to try and rein it in.

 

[OrthoTraumaMD]

Again, it's trivial, and not worth bringing up. But since we all end up priding ourselves on our thick skin, it's hardly surprising that people don't bat an eye, either. I figured you were also a woman...that's usually the crowd that uses those terms, which makes it really, really hard to argue against since it's always my teachers or mentors and if it doesn't bother them, it oughtn't to bother me, right? 🙄

So I also don't argue against it in person, and I control my facial expression, and I go along with it. But I hate it every time it comes up. It's condescending and motherly and uncomfortable...my own family wouldn't use language like that, so it feels uncomfortably familiar for teachers or bosses or colleagues to do so. It hasn't stopped bothering me, and I doubt it ever will. Just something to keep in mind.

Note: there has been one person where I got used to it and wasn't bothered by it, but she was a phenomenal mentor, and she applied it equally to every med student, of any gender or personality type, and her daughter was my classmate so I suppose it felt more natural. And she still apologized for it frequently, asked if it bothered anyone, and if it did she offered to try and rein it in.

I also apply it equally, to both women and men. Haha, I think I call more men “hon” than women actually.


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[neoexile]

And...OP is banned. Loooool

 

[DBV]

Lmao.
If not a troll then yes. Perfectly fine to call people whatever you want as long as it’s not said condescendingly. I call my patients “hon” sometimes, the old men and ladies and the younger ones too. It’s a term of endearment for me, especially if the patient is in pain, and no one has ever taken offense.

Edit: never mind. I read OP’s original thread and it’s clear she is either a troll or an absolute raving man-hating lunatic. But I think my statement still stands because I’ve seen this sort of question before.

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Trauma + hon= maryland

U of maryland who are you??

 

[mehc012]

I also apply it equally, to both women and men. Haha, I think I call more men “hon” than women actually.


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And I honestly, genuinely expect that you'd be a good enough mentor that I'd suck it up and just cringe internally whenever you referred to me or anyone else around that way, because some things just aren't worth passing up good clinical experience or even good conversation with well-meaning people for. That's called living in the real world where not everyone has the same expectations, perceptions, or reactions as you. Cheers!

 

[OrthoTraumaMD]

Trauma + hon= maryland

U of maryland who are you??

Nope not even close. But curious who from that crew calls patients hon.


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[deleted480308]

Lol that’s fine and I hope I’m good enough as a mentor, but I am genuinely curious why it’s “cringe” to you. I don’t say “hon” or “dear” condescendingly but as an actual term of affection. I don’t use it unless I like the patient, actually. Many of our perceptions happen because of past experiences or internal biases, so I’m just curious why you consider it cringeworthy. Is it a south thing where it’s often said condescendingly? Cause up here in the north it doesn’t seem that way...


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It’s affectionate in the south too.....

 

[mehc012]

Lol that’s fine and I hope I’m good enough as a mentor, but I am genuinely curious why it’s “cringe” to you. I don’t say “hon” or “dear” condescendingly but as an actual term of affection. I don’t use it unless I like the patient, actually. Many of our perceptions happen because of past experiences or internal biases, so I’m just curious why you consider it cringeworthy. Is it a south thing where it’s often said condescendingly? Cause up here in the north it doesn’t seem that way...


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It's as I said earlier...even my own family wouldn't use a term like 'hon' or 'sweetie' or 'dear', so it feels overly presumptuous/saccharine/familiar to me for other people to do so. To me, those are words you would use for a small child, or someone you're currently treating like a small child.

And sure, the South uses those words 'affectionately'. As in, they use them in place of calling you an idiot outright. Admittedly, sometimes they mean it endearingly, but just as often - especially with someone you don't know very well - when someone starts using overly kind language for you, it means they really want to insult you, but would consider that improper...so they kill you with kindness. "Bless your heart" is the most classic example of it, but the hons and dears and sweeties come out more at those times, too.

 

[VA Hopeful Dr]

It's as I said earlier...even my own family wouldn't use a term like 'hon' or 'sweetie' or 'dear', so it feels overly presumptuous/saccharine/familiar to me for other people to do so. To me, those are words you would use for a small child, or someone you're currently treating like a small child.

And sure, the South uses those words 'affectionately'. As in, they use them in place of calling you an idiot outright. Admittedly, sometimes they mean it endearingly, but just as often - especially with someone you don't know very well - when someone starts using overly kind language for you, it means they really want to insult you, but would consider that improper...so they kill you with kindness. "Bless your heart" is the most classic example of it, but the hons and dears and sweeties come out more at those times, too.

That's a popular exaggeration.

 

[Gilakend]

I don't know what sort of places you guys come from or what kind of elaborate greeting ceremonies you perform as to not offend anyone. But I can't imagine any man being offended by a young female doctor say "How are you today hon/sweetie?".

 

[jw3600]

I’ve always found it strange the battles well off working professionals choose to fight...

 

[neoexile]

I’ve always found it strange the battles well off working professionals choose to fight...

I'm going to ask honestly. The OP is banned and it seems like there is a consensus here that it's not out of line. Is there any point to continuing the thread?

 

[Perrotfish]

I don't know what sort of places you guys come from or what kind of elaborate greeting ceremonies you perform as to not offend anyone. But I can't imagine any man being offended by a young female doctor say "How are you today hon/sweetie?".

The greetings don't need to be elaborate, just formal. The military, I think, teaches good habits here. Patients are Mr. or Ms. lastname. Nurses are RN last name. MAs are MA lastname. Some people think it's awkward but no one has ever been offended by formality. .

 

[mehc012]

That's a popular exaggeration.

It's a straightforward description of how the people I grew up around acted.

 

[VA Hopeful Dr]

It's a straightforward description of how the people I grew up around acted.

And it's an inaccurate exaggeration of the people that I grew up around. Checkmate?

 

[mehc012]

And it's an inaccurate exaggeration of the people that I grew up around. Checkmate?

You seemed to be implying that I was echoing a popular misconception/exaggeration. I was actually just reporting what I'd seen, repeatedly, in person, in response to directly being asked why I didn't like such language. This wasn't a competition to say that one or the other of us is 'right' about the entirety of the southern US. Neither of us can be, really.

My experiences color how I interpret being called 'hon' or 'dearie' or 'sweetie'. Other people may feel similarly. You do not. There's no checkmate; there's not even an argument to be had here.

 

[VA Hopeful Dr]

You seemed to be implying that I was echoing a popular misconception/exaggeration. I was actually just reporting what I'd seen, repeatedly, in person, in response to directly being asked why I didn't like such language. This wasn't a competition to say that one or the other of us is 'right' about the entirety of the southern US. Neither of us can be, really.

My experiences color how I interpret being called 'hon' or 'dearie' or 'sweetie'. Other people may feel similarly. You do not. There's no checkmate; there's not even an argument to be had here.

Actually you specifically said that half the time when someone used those terms they were meaning it in a negative way (ie. the part I put in bold in my original response). That's the part I was commenting on.

I'm well aware that it happens as you have experienced. I just disagree that it happens all that often.

My suspicion is that a small percentage of Southerner's mean it that way a majority of the time. The rest of us use it in the nice way the majority of the time.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

And it's an inaccurate exaggeration of the people that I grew up around. Checkmate?

Agreed. While I grew up in the north, I lived in the south for years and have definitely experienced doctors, nurses, and patients calling each other “hon” and the like in a completely normal, not condescending way all the time.

 

[neoexile]

Agreed. While I grew up in the north, I lived in the south for years and have definitely experienced doctors, nurses, and patients calling each other “hon” and the like in a completely normal, not condescending way all the time.

I think people are just too sensitive if people are getting offended by this

 

[mehc012]

I think people are just too sensitive if people are getting offended by this

I mean, nobody is talking about doing anything about it. You can't exactly change the fact that something bothers you.

I love how it's always a knee jerk reaction to criticize the person just saying "hey this bugs me", which isn't even a criticism of the person taking a completely voluntary, unnecessary action that bothers other people.

 

[You shall know the Truth]

I mean, nobody is talking about doing anything about it. You can't exactly change the fact that something bothers you.

I love how it's always a knee jerk reaction to criticize the person just saying "hey this bugs me", which isn't even a criticism of the person taking a completely voluntary, unnecessary action that bothers other people.

Trigger warning! Thumbs down. If you were being harassed I would understand, but this is a term of endearment. If this is bothersome to you, hold on tight as life is going to be a bumpy ride.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

I mean, nobody is talking about doing anything about it. You can't exactly change the fact that something bothers you.

I love how it's always a knee jerk reaction to criticize the person just saying "hey this bugs me", which isn't even a criticism of the person taking a completely voluntary, unnecessary action that bothers other people.

Coincidentally, every time I see your avatar, I immediately think of Miss Congeniality.

 

[mehc012]

Trigger warning! Thumbs down. If you were being harassed I would understand, but this is a term of endearment. If this is bothersome to you, hold on tight as life is going to be a bumpy ride.

Noted. I'll continue not mentioning this to people at all when it happens and not letting it affect my life, but I'll be sure to go home at night and feel ashamed of myself for being bothered in the first place. It's clearly a grave personal failing.

PS: You're using Trigger warning way wrong and clearly have no idea what you're talking about.

Coincidentally, every time I see your avatar, I immediately think of Miss Congeniality.

Nooooo, it's River Tam! Way more badass!

 

[ZanB]

I saw a young male resident doctor go up to a patients family member and ask her "How are you doing sweetie?" The girl was simply staring at her mother minding her business, but she seemed a bit tired and worried. She looked to be around 16-21.

The girl answered coldly that she was fine and walked away.



I can understand calling a patient sweetie after becoming acquainted and building rapport and realizing that they feel comfortable around you. But I personally don't see residents/doctors usually refer to patients family members in terms of endearment unless they know them well.

I am an RN, and sometimes if the patient is a young kid I will call them sweetheart or honey, but is it not strange for a younger male resident to talk to a girl/woman in the 16-21 age range and refer to her as sweetie?

Also in general is it ever okay to call a patient or their family member sweetie? I know some consider it demeaning.

RN...

 

[deleted853480]

Looks like someone is triggered!!

 

[ZanB]

Looks like someone is triggered!!

in her eyes i believe this constitutes as sexual assault

 

[coldcase331]

It's a straightforward description of how the people I grew up around acted.

Literally the only phrase you have to worry about is “bless your heart.” Literally everything else is just being nice.

Sources cited:
Me living in the south most of my life


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