Marital status of members

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psych84

psych84

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So I'm curious of the marital status of the members here. Going to grad school may be a bit less time consuming than attending med school, but it isn't easy either. Has grad school impacted your status?
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I'm married (got married a year before grad school), and while juggling grad school and the rest of my life (including my marriage) can be very tough at times, grad school has not impacted my marriage in a negative way. But my husband is incredibly supportive and understanding, so that's a big factor. He also works a lot, so that helps too. We're both very busy. But we make time for each other and it all works out.

Edit: Since others are commenting on pets, I will too. I have two cats who are very very spoiled. And they are Siamese. :)
 
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Married. 2 children. 2 cats. One Goldfish.
 
I met my husband during my first year of grad school and we got married the summer before I applied for internship.
 
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cara susanna said:
I met my husband during my first year of grad school and we got married the summer before I applied for internship.
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Good for you. The odds that he was gay were pretty high.
 
Oh, he isn't in psychology at all. And actually, all but one of the male clinical psych students in our dept were heterosexual.
 
Married the summer after my first year. 3 furry pets. As with a previous poster's husband, my husband works a great deal so we're generally on similar schedules.
 
I also got married while in grad school... to another psych grad student whom I met during my first year (not clinical, though).
 
I'm married (gay married = real in Mass., fake here in Texas) :p...I kid, but really, I am married. My employer marks me as in a civil partnership despite having a marriage certificate from the state of Mass....but I digress.

In terms of "impact"...no real big impact. Husband is also in school, he is a pharmacist from Brazil and applying to medical school this next month. We see each other every day, I usually wait for him until 1am to get home from work. We are committed to each other, we don't model it off of any other relationship or some psychological theory one could learn...some might say there is a hint of co-dependence between us, but we both accept that and work with that, never been a hinderance. Best rule of thumb I learned was actually from a community college intro. to psychology professor who had a Ph.D.in social psychology...."communicate." Save yourself $1000 in therapy and just communicate. :p
 
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I was a widower and returned to work on my doctoral degree the year after my wife passed away. I was in a EdS school psych program in the 80's with my first marriage and that marriage suffered and we divorced shortly after I graduated. She was in the doctoral Social Psychology program at the same time but she did not pass her comps to continue to the doctoral phase.

About the gay male.. This time around versus back in the 80's. Many males were in my school psych program and most all were straight but now almost all are females with few males. A much larger percentage now are gay males or openly gay males with partners they call wives.

Stereotyping among society is if you are male and a psychologist then you are probably gay. Seems that having empathy as a therapist make male become stereotypically gay even if we are straight.

Stress of graduate school due to demands and time away from spouse frequently ends up in marital discord and divorce. Almost everyone in my cohort who was married when I worked on my doctorate degree ended up in divorce. It is somewhat of a given in the psychology faculty department that these degrees are divorce makers similar to in my case widow makers!!!
 
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G Costanza said:
What?
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Obviously a joke. It is a joke that was made by a lot of people at my Uni...first and second year psychology classes were majority female, and people assumed that the few guys there were gay.
 
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pavlove said:
I also got married while in grad school... to another psych grad student whom I met during my first year (not clinical, though).
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+1. Who knew research methods II could be life changing? ;)
 
I started grad school married and got divorced during my third year. My ex-husband was NOT supportive of my schooling, expressing a profound distaste for psychology (something about how it wasn't a real science). I like to say that grad school was far more supportive of me than my ex was.

Met husband number 2 during my internship year. He's not in psychology. He followed me across country for my job and we married a year later.
 
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My husband and I got married while I was working on my BA. 1300 miles, a Master's degree, and 2.5 kids later, we're still married.
 
Married with one kid and 16 fish (varying tetras, African cichlids , different aquariums). Although that marriage may not be lasting, but that is not because of school.

erg923 said:
Married. 2 children. 2 cats. One Goldfish.
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why do you have ONE goldfish? You should really expand upon that, what type of goldfish?

Can't help myself.....I love aquariums.
 
OneNeuroDoctor said:
Stress of graduate school due to demands and time away from spouse frequently ends up in marital discord and divorce. Almost everyone in my cohort who was married when I worked on my doctorate degree ended up in divorce. It is somewhat of a given in the psychology faculty department that these degrees are divorce makers similar to in my case widow makers!!!
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Your personal experience is not an empirical study of the subject. I don't think we need to be so "drama " about the issue. Healthy marriages can survive much worse than grad school or temporary geographic distance.
 
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LupaCupcake said:
why do you have ONE goldfish? You should really expand upon that, what type of goldfish?

Can't help myself.....I love aquariums.
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I try to limit goldfish mass murder by well intentioned, yet clueless 3 year olds. :)
 
*grin* I can only imagine what a 3 year old may put into a fish tank
 
WisNeuro said:
I want to express my condolences for the loss of half of your child.
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On the contrary - work in progress. Should have the finished product shortly after Christmas.
 
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Lisa44201 said:
On the contrary - work in progress. Should have the finished product shortly after Christmas.
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Oh, that changes things then. I would now like to express my condolences on your loss of any semblance of a normal sleep cycle in the 2015 calendar year.
 
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Got married after 1st year of grad school. We had already been together for awhile. Two grown kids and three cats. No fish.

I also heard the Grad School Legend about divorce during grad school but saw most of my cohort stay married or get married during the process.
 
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no fish? but your cats would love it!
 
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Yeah they would, especially Buffy the Rodent Slayer. We gave her that name when she was still a baby feral cat in the wilderness of Wyoming. She still just loves to gobble up anything that moves.
 
Doctor Diaries ruined it for me :p...I flat out told my husband when he gets into medical school that there will be structured times that we will have our time as well as having time that will be free for just the two of us (informal time). :p
 
smalltownpsych said:
Yeah they would, especially Buffy the Rodent Slayer. We gave her that name when she was still a baby feral cat in the wilderness of Wyoming. She still just loves to gobble up anything that moves.
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maybe you don't need a fish....
 
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I got married after my first year in grad school. My husband is in medical school, though, so I think that makes it a lot easier.
 
Been married two years in December this year. Was with her nearly 3 years before that.
 
psych84 said:
So I'm curious of the marital status of the members here. Going to grad school may be a bit less time consuming than attending med school, but it isn't easy either. Has grad school impacted your status?
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Ok...I hate to be "that" guy, but I think we should address the elephant in the room: Surely there must be a point as to why you have asked this specific question, is there something that may be of concern to you about being in grad/professional school and having a romantic/LTR? Of course, only if you feel comfortable discussing it :).
 
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CogNeuroGuy said:
Ok...I hate to be "that" guy, but I think we should address the elephant in the room: Surely there must be a point as to why you have asked this specific question, is there something that may be of concern to you about being in grad/professional school and having a romantic/LTR? Of course, only if you feel comfortable discussing it :).
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Really, you are going to ask the obvious question underlying the OPs question? You must want to be a psychologist or something. :p
 
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CogNeuroGuy said:
Ok...I hate to be "that" guy, but I think we should address the elephant in the room: Surely there must be a point as to why you have asked this specific question, is there something that may be of concern to you about being in grad/professional school and having a romantic/LTR? Of course, only if you feel comfortable discussing it :).
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lol..well was just curious if it be difficult to have a relationship during that time. Most of you seem to suggest, it is def possible.
 
It definitely is...personally, I always find gay relationships to be the most intriguing. Taking the sociological route here; the idea of family and marriage is different in our community, granted, while many do try to conform or align with what the "majority" does, many others do not; the schemata and personality development amongst LGBT people and how they become romantically involve has always fascinated me. I've actually been looking into several Ph.D. programs that look at social cognitive neuroscience, psychological anthropology, cultural anthropology to look into this. I figured, if I couldn't cut it in applied psychology, I would like to spend my time researching this. :)
 
i met someone right before i started my program (non psychology). we got married right before i started the internship process.....and did not get divorced despite the internship process :) we have one cat and two goldfish
 
I was single throughout graduate school.
 
Rivi said:
I was single throughout graduate school.
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Try a dating website...seriously, with everyone in here at least somewhat familiar with psychometrics, we should know best the variables that are being measured (regardless of how subjective or unreliable that they might be :p). One of the psychologists at UNT ( my alma mater) is on the patent for Match.com (Dr. Thomas Parsons) that designed the research and measurement parameters and algorithm for their matching program.

Intuitively, it makes sense, plug in the variables you deem attractive from your potential partner, variables about yourself and a written statement about yourself (it's the GRE all over again, minus the frivolous measuring shaded areas of a triangle in a square).
 
MCParent said:
o_O Having a preference for particular kind of relationship does not mean one is "conforming to the majority."

Some People Are Different From You.
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I realize that, but there are huge social psychological/ sociological implications and some really good studies that have looked into this, especially in the study of marriage and family studies. There are over 7 billion people on this planet, of course everyone is different, but in terms of social structure, social stratification and social inequality, there remains significant trends for many reasons in such phenomena like this. Simply saying people are "different" doesn't investigate as to why they are different. Just like within the LGBT community, the running joke on "what happens to two gay men on their second date....what second date?" The joke playing on a lot of the perceptions that the gay lifestyle is just that, a different way of living, with not any single person the same but clusters of several trends.

At any rate, I think these are important questions to look into, if you look at racial and ethnic tendencies, a lot of sociological studies have often merged the concepts of racial and ethnic stratification, identity and group cohesion for similar purposes in explaining LGBT phenomena.
 
CogNeuro, I don't think MCP was saying that view was not important. Rather, I think he took offense to your glib remark about "conforming to the majority" as if it were a terrible thing. You may have meant it a different way, but that's how it came across.
 
WisNeuro said:
CogNeuro, I don't think MCP was saying that view was not important. Rather, I think he took offense to your glib remark about "conforming to the majority" as if it were a terrible thing. You may have meant it a different way, but that's how it came across.
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I should clarify, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it, it is how we run our marriage, we have modeled a lot of our marriage and commitment from what has been seen as a 'majority" perspective in terms of comparing a relationship to a heterosexual schema if you will. Nothing about our marriage resembles much of the more non-traditional, ne0 perspectives of marriage. Nothing I am saying is judgmental, I really do wish there was a way to convey that, but I think MCParent has my perspective completely wrong. I am fascinated with the fact that these tendencies and trends DO happen.
 
...let me put it in a different context: there is definitely a pressure to adopt a heteronormative monogamous relationship in order to be socially acceptable. You can see it in the debate over marriage. *disclaimer*: This is in no way an advocacy of one vs. other lifestyles for LGBT relationships, it is a substantial trend. I'm not really sure why there is so much hostility about the wording of "majority." I suppose I could provide a working definition, but it is variable (e.g. white, heterosexual, male Christian). There are people in monogamous relationships who are attempting to negotiate them so they are not heteronormative. In queer communities of color, there are relationships that mirror hetero relationships -- ie, matrifocal households, etc., especially when there are kids.
 
Married for 15 years (I had an arranged marriage in infancy..ha! Just kidding). With 4 kids (but most of you know that b/c I share it often). One big awesome Pup (11-yr German Shepherd) who passed away in January (he went downhill fast, the weekend after my last internship interview. I miss him so.)

My marriage is solid and has made it through 'graduate school dependency' and 'maternal leave dependency' but he is stymied by how long this doctoral process takes and how intense it can be at times (particularly around deadlines, and ESPECIALLY having kids during the process). He has this irrational thought that I will leave him (ha-w/ 4 kids!?) after I get my degree/job but I believe that stemmed from 3 break-ups, 2 divorces in my cohort....but (as I always point out the positive to naysayers) there have been 2 new marriages and 7 marriages (including mine and many new babies born) sustained during this tenure. Half of my cohort has finished and those that were single all seem to be happily dating (or not) now. And our cohort marriages were mostly straight but we had a few same sex marriages in our program & the couples started their families now too.

I agree with the communication advice. It is key...so is growing together, not apart or separately.
 
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