Married Pod Students

[emericana]

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I am a 25 year old male who is currently planning on taking the MCAT in January and (assuming I score > 22... I am studying every day) is planning on applying to Pod school for matriculation in Fall 2011 (keeping fingers crossed I get in somewhere... I really want to do it).

Anywho, I am thinking of proposing to my gf who I have had for two years.

How much of a toll will being in podiatry school take on my relationship? Anyone have any advice? Anyone else go into pod school while married/engaged?

 

[Paulywog]

As a quick background...I went into Podiatry school married with a 2 year old and my 2nd baby was born the first week of school. Being married with no children is the ideal situation. It would be nice if your wife was working or going to school too. I think the easiest situation to be in would be married with no children. You have someone to go home to every day. If your wife is not patient, they will have to learn patience. When you survive Podiatry School and Residency with your wife, your relationship will be quite strong having struggled together. Also remember that your relationship takes effort to keep it strong. You will be fine and don't let people discourage you saying most married couples in Medical programs get divorced. Just work hard at school and at your relationship and you will do fine. It won't be easy at all, but that is how you grow.

 

[ldsrmdude]

In addition to what Paulywog said (which I agree with btw), I would just add that there will be others in similar situations in your class. I can only speak for my school, but right around half of my class is married. The wives tend to get together and hang out while the husbands are studying for a big test (or playing Rockband after passing a big test 😀), so there will be a support system for her as well. It can be challenging, but you (or your wife) won't be alone.

 

[longstech]

I went into school having been married for 3.5 years and no kids (still no kids). I personally can say that school has been very trying on my marriage. To be perfectly honest, if you are giving 85%-100% to school (which I have done since I consider this my job and the only training I am going to get to prepare me for residency) it is difficult to adequately give your spouse the time they deserve too. I am pretty involved with school organizations/activities as well, so this also takes part of my time, however it has helped me make contacts in the profession and I have learned a lot outside of school. My husband supports me in my studies and additional activities which is necessary. If you have a spouse that doesn't support you or doesn't know what they are in for, then it will be extremely difficult. I believe you need to make the decision about how involved you want to be in school, how much time you are willing to dedicate to studying (which kind of equates to what kind of grades are you willing to settle for, b/c I know people in school who study less so they can be with their families and are happy with B's and C's) and how much time is necessary to spend with your significant other. Not to be all counselorish...but your first year of marriage is supposed to be where you are both bonding together etc etc....I don't know when you planned on getting married, but I can only imagine how difficult it would be to really spend a decent amount of time with your new bride in your first year of school. It is a pretty stressful time, esp the first semester...depending on the school the curriculum may be quite hard (I know des moines has a hard first year and their 2nd year is supposedly easier, my school has kind of hard 2nd semester 1st year and hard all 2nd year).

As ldsrmdude said there could be a support system for your wife with other wives, however at my school that is just with other lds members...not for any other students who are not lds (i mean i am not saying that they would not accept your wife ( I am sure they would) I am just saying I know they often do those activities amongst themselves). There really isn't anything at my school to connect other spouses together..we have a club called "support our spouses" but they don't do much. Luckily my husband works and has met friends there.

I am not trying to deter you from getting married, just want you to think of everything and have a good talk with your gf before if you haven't. I told my husband this beforehand about how I would be really busy, but I don't think we expected this.

 

[ldsrmdude]

As ldsrmdude said there could be a support system for your wife with other wives, however at my school that is just with other lds members...not for any other students who are not lds (i mean i am not saying that they would not accept your wife ( I am sure they would) I am just saying I know they often do those activities amongst themselves). There really isn't anything at my school to connect other spouses together..we have a club called "support our spouses" but they don't do much. Luckily my husband works and has met friends there.

Yeah, I think each place has their own "cliques" whether they are grouped by religion, or geography, or kids, or whatever.

That might be something to ask about as you check out different schools.

 

[COIDfeet]

I take the stance that it won't be any easier if you wait to get married until after your finish school or residency. Life is stressful and busy. That's the reality I've seen. I started school with a wife and a 4-month-old. I'll be finishing school with the same wife, and now 2 kids. I've been involved with school activities as much as I wanted to be, have done just fine in classes and feel like I'm in position to excel in residency. I've also been home to build great relationships with my wife and sons. I get up early in the morning, go to bed late at night, but obviously still have a little time to waste on SDN every once in a while . DMU has a great club for significant others that is very active. My wife and I have also made some great friendships with other couples, some who have kids and some who don't. We try to get together as often as we can with them. What I'm trying to say is...if you love your significant other and want to marry that person, then I don't think there's any reason to wait. My experience may be different from others, but I really only see my life getting busier as I finish school and residency and I am glad we've had the extra years already to build our relationship and grow as a family. Financially it may be quite stressful, but once again I see that as an opportunity for growth.

Sorry for the long lecture, I hope it helps. PM me if you have any questions.

 

[Paulywog]

Like many people said...it is going to be hard. As long as your gf/fiance knows going into it what your schedule will be like and understands how much time is involved, it will soften the blow, but it is very hard on a relationship, but your relationship will be strong after the years in school and residency. You will have to be excellent at time management and communication and you and your new bride will survive. It is going to be a blast. There is time to do things while in pod school. I just played in an intramural flag football game tonight and we just destroyed some undergrad kids (our average age for our team is about 28).
If you are ready to jump to the next level, put a ring on it. Good luck!

 

[g squared 23]

Is the opinion of anonymous internet strangers really going to change your decision about getting married now? If you're looking for a way out, I don't think school is a good enough excuse. But I guess she doesn't know that, so go ahead and use that line if you can't come up with anything better.

 

[air bud]

..

 

[air bud]

i think marriage makes school MUCH easier. But if you want to get out, it does make for a great excuse. Its not you, its me...

http://www.businessinsider.com/high...are-the-professions-that-dont-get-divorced-16

 

[dtrack22]

Marriage makes school easier, school makes marriage harder...from my limited experience

[EDIT]: after reading sorham's post I felt the need to qualify my own. By "harder" i mean, harder than if I was simply working a 40 hour week, simply because I'm on campus and or studying for more than 40 hours every week. That simply means less time with the wife than a 9-5 job. By "harder" I do NOT mean impossible, or even unreasonable for that matter...just harder than it could be.

 

[sorham]

I've only been in school for a couple months here but I find that so far it is not any harder to find time to spend with my wife and kids now than it was when I was in undergraduate school. I worked thirty hours a week and went to school full time then, now I spend the time I used to be at work studying and I am still home as much or more than I was then. You get out of marriage what you put in I find, and yes there will be sacrifices, but if you know your priorities, make good goals, and use time management well, you will be fine. Some weeks (where you have multiple tests for instance) are arder than others, but my wife understands that there will be a hard week where we don't see each other much, and then I take her out to dinner or something after it is all over to say thanks for hanging in there. It's definitely doable no doubt about it.

 

[Feli]

Marriage makes school easier, school makes marriage harder...from my limited experience...

Sounds about right^

...same goes for residency, BTW. Married residents I've met - pod or otherwise - seem to have a more even keel and less likely to get totally burnt out... and less likely to become highly type A with letting their work define their self worth. However, there will obviously be some stressful times and rotations where you really wish you could spend more time with your spouse/family; it's hard for them to understand how hard the studying or clinical responsibilities are at times.

 

[jadabrizi]

Just curious...are the married students mostly men with wives or women with husbands? Or is there a fairly even mixture? When I start podiatry school I will have a husband and I am just wondering if there will be many other husbands for my husband to relate to or many married women for me to relate to.

 

[air bud]

At least at my school (DMU) I would say that it is 90/10, married dudes, maybe higher. That is because there is a considerable percentage of mormons though.

 

[Paulywog]

At least at my school (DMU) I would say that it is 90/10, married dudes, maybe higher. That is because there is a considerable percentage of mormons though.

That ratio is about the same for Barry students as well.

 

[Royal Rooters]

At least at my school (DMU) I would say that it is 90/10, married dudes, maybe higher. That is because there is a considerable percentage of mormons though.

Ditto for AZPod. Thankfully, we have opportunities for spouses to be involved. We have a spouses club that my wife is involved with and she is also friends with the wives of many of my classmates. I would think that other schools have something similar, though I do not know for sure.

I think as long as your spouse is outgoing and willing to reach out (and you're willing to introduce them to people) then you should both have a much easier transition.