Med school and coping with death...

[ndi_amaka]

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Today a close family friend died. He was t-boned as he was driving through a green light by a guy who apparently had some place to go in a hurry. Rather than crying all nght I'm here trying to memorize useless facts about the human body and about every ten minues a memory or flashback of him pops into my head and I start crying again.

i've spent an entire semester among cadavers, learning to objectify them and see them merely as teaching objects. Not as people who once had a wife and kids a struggled through out life and did cool things. Now things are hitting too close to home. Instead of being able to mourn and seeing my family, I am spending the night memorizing where structures are and I feel depressed, stupid, and most of all....angry. Angry that other people's stupid mistakes can mean death for innocent bystanders....angry that I can't do anything about it....angry that it will happen over and over again (maybe to more people close to me....maybe even to me) and angry that I have finals next week and I can't deal with this...because as they say...life moves on. I remember the last time I saw him was at my graduation party in May....he was so proud of me getting into med school....told me I was a role model for his kids. He gave me money when I knew he didn't have much to give.

God I feel like embracing everybody like it might be the last time I ever see them.

 

[care bear]

i am so sorry to hear that. i hope that you are still able to grieve in your own way, even with the stress of medical school.

 

[kenas21]

I am sorry for your loss. I recently went through something very similar that hit home very hard. For me I tried to rationalize my way through it and think my way through my feelings. I thought, because this was the first time something like this hit home, I could concentrate on my work and my emotions would be fine. I was completely wrong. For me it did not show at first, especially academically. Then as time went on my academics started to slip, quit working out, quit eating, not being able to concentrate, losing interest in my goals and you name it started to happen. Thankfully, I started to get help. I realized I could not do it on my own. All my life I have tried to do things on my own and have done pretty well that way. Until now, I would barely ask for help with anything because I knew I could do it myself. Don't do what I did. Just make sure you understand you have resources to help you out.

 

[DubZteR]

Today a close family friend died. He was t-boned as he was driving through a green light by a guy who apparently had some place to go in a hurry. Rather than crying all nght I'm here trying to memorize useless facts about the human body and about every ten minues a memory or flashback of him pops into my head and I start crying again.

i've spent an entire semester among cadavers, learning to objectify them and see them merely as teaching objects. Not as people who once had a wife and kids a struggled through out life and did cool things. Now things are hitting too close to home. Instead of being able to mourn and seeing my family, I am spending the night memorizing where structures are and I feel depressed, stupid, and most of all....angry. Angry that other people's stupid mistakes can mean death for innocent bystanders....angry that I can't do anything about it....angry that it will happen over and over again (maybe to more people close to me....maybe even to me) and angry that I have finals next week and I can't deal with this...because as they say...life moves on. I remember the last time I saw him was at my graduation party in May....he was so proud of me getting into med school....told me I was a role model for his kids. He gave me money when I knew he didn't have much to give.

God I feel like embracing everybody like it might be the last time I ever see them.

Unfortunately there is nothing any of us can do to bring him back 🙁 .

What I want to know is ... are any charges going to be laid against the driver who ran the red?

At this point, I think the most positive thing we can do for you and for his family is to provide our support and actively take measures to help prevent something like this from happening to someone else we love.

 

[phoenixsupra]

Sorry to hear about your loss. Just allow yourself to feel sad. Don't fight it and don't rationalize it. The more you fight grief the more it overcomes you. Oddly enough it takes less energy to face it.

God I feel like embracing everybody like it might be the last time I ever see them.

Hold on to that thought. It's true. Appreciate what you've got.

 

[katrinadams9]

Finally, someone I can relate to! I've had two deaths in my family since med school started. My grandma died the week of orientation. Her funeral was on my first day of med school, so I didn't get to go because I thought I'd be missing something important. Little did I know.... I really wish I could've been there with my family now. I get really lonely when I think about her. She was 88 and it was her time to go, but at the same time it was really unexpected. Then, 2 weeks ago my uncle died in a car accident. That sucked really bad because he was only 45. Way too young to die... His daughters were really close to me growing up, so it was really hard to deal with his death. I spent the two days before Thanksgiving at his wake and funeral. Missed two days of school and I'm still trying to catch up.

Basically, I feel your pain. Just try to remember the good stuff about their life. That's the way my family deals with death.

I've also learned to tell all my friends and family that I love them every time I talk to them, 'cuz you never know when your time's up!!!

 

[labangel]

ndi_amaka, I'm so sorry for your loss. I went through a similar experience during 2nd year when in the span of 2 weeks I lost both my grandmother to a long illness and a cousin who was murdered. I think a lot of people who get into med school are the types of people who try to focus on work instead of dealing with grief. I know that's what I tried to do, and of course it eventually caught up with me a couple of months later. Just know that your school should have a counseling service that may be helpful to go to. Sometimes you just need to have someone as a sounding board who is not involved in your life to listen to you. I'd never been to a counselor before this experience, but I found that it really helped.

 

[lotanna]

Girl hang in there. It is ok to grieve, it helps to do that. They say life happens even in med schl, and its hard, cause ur so preoccupied, yet ur only human. Its hard to rationalize stuff like life and death sometimes, cause stuff doesnt make sense, or at least to us it doesnt. If anything, the most u can do is to be there for his family, his kids. He was proud of you getting in med schl, if anything, u can keep making him proud.

 

[shivalrous]

May his soul rest in peace and I believe you'll make it through this tough time.

 

[anamarylee]

I lost my great granmother last spring (Mom and I were her caregivers) and ended up taking a leave of absence. If your school has counseling services I suggest you make an appointment ASAP. In my school the school's psychologist participates in the Med II committee without a vote, but whenever I slip or have academic problems she can let the other members know that there is stuff going on personnaly and that I'm taking steps to correct the situation (like meeting with her, getting tutoring, etc).

Hope everything turns out OK for you.