Med School and Relationship Tips?

[jungleland]

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I will be sure to mark this thread and return in 4 years to update the relationship status, as I hope each of you individuals do too... Likely outcome is that most of you will either be single or in a new relationship by then. [Can't wait to hear why it didn't work out for those that it didn't! ]

Bring on the heartbreaks, breakups, cheating and divorces that result even after your idealistic views and "mutual heart-to-heart" conversations.

🙂

Frazier-- I honestly wish you the best in your relationship and acknowledge that whatever works for your should work for you. and if it doesn't work, then hey! learning experience. I hope you guys remain happy! I think everyone who has commented has wished you the best as well, and has only tried to be helpful, albeit maybe unrequested and unnecessary.

I do think it's funny, though, that the only person on this thread who has gleefully expressed a wish that a stranger's relationship end BADLY is you. But I guess I can chalk that up (and everything else) to the fact that I suspect that you are a major weirdo.

Good luck!
-jungleland

 

[Frazier]

peeps getting angry

 

[Geekchick921]

Sacrebleu, what an army of dr. phil's...

LoL to each of you ladies and gents that are getting so excited over the matter. Fact is that you don't know how my relationship will turn out nor do you even know how your own relationship will turn out.

I will be sure to mark this thread and return in 4 years to update the relationship status, as I hope each of you individuals do too... Likely outcome is that most of us will either be single or in a new relationship by then. [Can't wait to hear why it didn't work out for those that it didn't! ]

I'll stick to doing everything I can to keep my relationship going strong, and if gradually easing into the typical med school schedule will reduce any [preventable] stress in the future for us -- damn right I am going to give it a shot. "Talking about it" is fine and has been done, but to simply end there is a rather weak effort. Obviously if you value your relationship you should do everything you can think of to keep it going strong. If doing what I'm doing is "overkill" or simply extraneous measures, so what? No harm, only possible gain.

If a group of strangers do not like how I word fast comments on a random pre-med message board -- so what? No harm again, just wasted effort on your part of trying to demean me/my relationship in order to make you feel better about your own insecurities in regards to your own situation.

Bring on the heartbreaks, breakups, cheating and divorces that result even after your idealistic views and "mutual heart-to-heart" conversations.

🙂

Any and all sympathy I had for how many flames you have been catching in this thread just went right out the window. 👎

 

[Frazier]

wheres the popcorn????

 

[nikster1217]

I'm so excited about this thread because I have basically been freaking out over this for the last week or two. No matter what, the BF and I will be in different locations while I am in medical school (unless some wacky miracle happens.. and even then, he will still be at my current location for for my first year of medical school). We managed long-distance for over half a year before, with a good chunk of it with me not being sure we would ever live in the same region of the country ever again... but man, that was tough. I can't imagine doing that for 4 years but I can't imagine life without him either... I wish I could just be a stepford wife and not have dreams of being a doctor <sigh>

SOOOOO true. I've been to so many bridal showers, baby showers, and weddings this year, and I keep thinking about whether I would be in the same place if I weren't so ambitious. But alas, I cut out my 4-year relationship because I decided that I'm going to med school next year and he decided he's not coming. Ohhh well... off to meet some hot doctors 😍

 

[Geekchick921]

Oh bull, I didn't need any sympathy in regards to catching flames to begin with. It means nothing.

Point is, I was giving you the benefit of the doubt, but that last post made it pretty clear that you actually are that much of a twit. I also can't grasp intentionally spending less time with your SO just to get them acclimated to how much you really won't be around when you actually start medical school.

Please do keep us posted on how this little training exercise pans out.

 

[rhesuspieces]

Any and all sympathy I had for how many flames you have been catching in this thread just went right out the window. 👎

+1

Frazier, are you trying to get flamed?

 

[pullupthepeople]

i've been dating my boyfriend for about 8 1/2 years (we started sophomore year in HS) and it has definitely been a challenge. he is a chef and a mixologist (not your typical bartender) and has a totally different lifestyle than i do. i dont think he has actually ever studied for a test in his life! but i also dont work until 6am on saturday nights. our relationship works because we are best friends, and although our lifestyles are different, we both love doing the same things and have the same goals (outside of our careers, obvi).

one of the most important things to remember is that your problems/stresses cannot overshadow your SO's. they have problems too. they get stressed out about things too. you can't make them feel like they don't have a right to be stressed out or worried about their jobs/futures just because you are almost bleeding from your eyes from studying so much (biochem major here) or spending thousands of dollars and tons of energy applying to med school. you have to take some time to listen to their concerns. i made the mistake in the past of becoming really self-centered and forgetting that he was just trying to make it through life too. you have to learn to be partners, not competitors. dont forget to ask them how THEY are doing, if THEY are having a bad day, etc. and really listen. show them support when they need it and they will return the favor come exam time.

 

[accidentprone]

I was the SO then spouse of a med student, so I can weigh in from the other side. One thing that I think is helpful is for your SO to have social engagements outside of the relationship, particularly if you will be relocating to a new place. You will enter into a new social world in med school, and it'll be good if your SO can also get plugged into some kind of community. Having a variety of hobbies and volunteer activities to spend time on while my wife studied enabled me to feel socially involved and offered an outside support system. I also befriended a few community physicians through our shared love of gardening, and they offered support as well. If your SO is an independent person, then they'll probably find social interactions on their own like I did. If they're not so independent, then you may want to help them get plugged in to some community organizations so that they don't feel lonely while you're studying.

My wife and I occasionally went on dates, and I tried to help out at home by handling most of the cooking, errand running, cleaning and domestic file keeping; although, to this day I can't seem to get the laundry right 🙂

Where you choose to live may impact the number of social options available, so if possible, try to find a neighborhood that reflects your interests. If you have the option of picking between multiple schools, you may also want to consider attending one in a city that your SO likes because if they're happy, you'll have less stress.

Next year I'll start med school, and I'm sure the change will require quite a bit of adjustment. We got married when my wife was an MSII and have been together for 10 years now.

 

[Frazier]

this thread is madness!

 

[AGLAIA]

I was the SO then spouse of a med student, so I can weigh in from the other side. One thing that I think is helpful is for your SO to have social engagements outside of the relationship, particularly if you will be relocating to a new place. You will enter into a new social world in med school, and it'll be good if your SO can also get plugged into some kind of community. Having a variety of hobbies and volunteer activities to spend time on while my wife studied enabled me to feel socially involved and offered an outside support system. I also befriended a few community physicians through our shared love of gardening, and they offered support as well. If your SO is an independent person, then they'll probably find social interactions on their own like I did. If they're not so independent, then you may want to help them get plugged in to some community organizations so that they don't feel lonely while you're studying...
Where you choose to live may impact the number of social options available, so if possible, try to find a neighborhood that reflects your interests. If you have the option of picking between multiple schools, you may also want to consider attending one in a city that your SO likes because if they're happy, you'll have less stress.

My husband and I married the week between his graduation from residency and beginning of fellowship. We likely only succeeded as a couple initially because we started dating when he was a chief resident and no longer had in-house call. I agree with the advice of this respondent. My year away from home with him was terrible because I went from being a FT student and employee to being a housewife in a town I didn't know. Hindsight being what it is, I know I would have been a happier woman if I had better used my time to make a life there instead of traveling home each month, reminding myself of my homesickness.

Fortunately, where I end up, he will be able to find a place to practice and won't succumb to the same fate himself.

lol you are merely getting emotional at a charged term of "train". You obviously equated it with being "trained like a dog" like the guy up above did...

I think you could have saved a lot of typing if you had used the phrase "I'm helping her acclimate".

 

[Polymer Based]

[Case where the two partners will be relocating together to new city. AKA will not be long distance.]

The trick is in the gradual exposure.

While I have been finishing up the prereqs [non-trad student by definition], I have slowly given my gf [of 3 yrs] a taste of what med school holds by putting myself in "study mode" for longer and longer periods of time (whether it be away at the library or in the bedroom with the door shut) -- sometimes I am actually studying, sometimes I am just hanging out on SDN/facebook. The important part is that she thinks I am studying and sees the appropriate amount of time that will be spent doing it in the future.

Since I was a business major she was "spoiled" by the times when I only had a few hours of homework per week and could spend the rest of the time hanging out, partying, etc. When I started school again, it followed a smooth gradient of one hour per day, to two hours per day, to three hours per day. Currently, from her perspective it likely looks like I devote about 4 hours per day to studying outside of the classroom. [However, for example, I am actually sitting here chatting on SDN.] Analogous to med school exam weeks, when I have my exam weeks for the pre-reqs I am "studying" even more per day.

At first when it was only an hour per day she was like "wtf - you study so much now! I hate your schedule." Then as with all things, she adapted and at this point in the exposure things are going quite smoothly. My goal is to get it up to 6 hours of apparent studying per day by the time I head to med school (and she re-locates with me). By then, hopefully, there will not be much of a lack-of-time-spent-together shock to the relationship.
😀

If she was having initial issues when I had to study just a couple measly hours per day I can't imagine what would have happened if we made the sudden transition to med school schedule... Likely we would have broken up. It prob would have played out like the typical "I had to look for attention elsewhere because [all of a sudden] you don't spend time with me, you neglect me, etc."

It's all about the gradual transition.

When you are together just keep your partner laughing, feeling loved, appreciated and 'physically' satisfied and chances are you will do aighhht.

EDIT: it just occurred to me that I forgot to mention that I volunteer at various organizations for about 15 hours/wk, do research for about another 10 hours/wk, and teach chemistry for about another 4 hours/wk, then work the midnight shift [thus am gone from the apartment at midnight on]... Hell, by the time we pick up the med school schedule it may feel like a vacation!

This is so manipulatively brilliant...I applaud your objectivity.

 

[juliedi]

When people think of the first year of medical school, they often think about new doe-eyed medical students fearfully cutting up a cadaver in their first week. Now, medical school curriculum is continually changing to keep up with changing scientific and cultural demands that doctors face. The idea behind the new teaching methods was that medical students were not able to apply subjects such as anatomy until they started doing clinical rotations. The Association of American Medical Colleges has suggested scrapping the list of undergrad course requirements for pre-med students. These courses would be replaced by a set of ideas that students will have to understand before entering medical school.

wat?

 

[tabascosauce]

just make it rain

 

[Mithril]

.

 

[MCATism]

Similar problem for me. My boyfriend is Finnish and we knew each other when I lived in europe. Now, we've been together ultra-long-distance but with several visits per year for 3 years. If/when I get into med/grad, he intends to come to US and live with me. I'm worried about:

(1) Even if I get in, getting into a non-metropolitan school only, since his field of work is concentrated almost exclusively in big cities

(2) It being a rough start to our non-LD relationship, since I'll be working a million hours a week on school and not having a huge amount of time to be a "good" girlfriend.

Advice?

I've been considering asking him to stay back for a year or 2 extra, but I don't know if it would make things better or worse.

 

[phnerd1105]

I'm in an intense long distance relationship. My bf of a little over 2 years and I went to undergrad together, but now he's an M1 at a Texas med school since he is a resident there. I'm not a resident of Texas, so there's really no possibility of me going there for med school (not to mention I live around 1000 miles away, and also want to go home to Chicago for med school to be around my family). We see each other around once ever 3 months when I go down there to visit. Its really hard man. When you're not with them, its kind of like "out of sight, out of mind". You really need to put thinking about them out of your head otherwise you can't go on with your daily activities. Regardless, we know we're both in it for the long haul, so we're doing our best to make it work.

Skype is also a godsend 🙂