Med school and relationships

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tompi90

tompi90

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  1. Pre-Medical
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Ok ok I know that this is a pretty common thread on this website and most of you have probably gotten tired of seeing this but I had to ask:

I'm a sophomore in college in a critical academic situation (see my previous posts). My dream for getting into a good med school is on a knife's edge right now. That being said, my main goal is strengthen my academics.

That being said I can't help but think about the million dollar question, med school and relationships. is it possible to find one? is it possible to maintain it?

Ive never had a gf before because in high school I never had the balls to approach a women due to my super conservative and nosy indian parents. I just had no way around them. When I came to college and became more independent, I found that I was clueless on approaching women and I have gotten rejected more times than I care to count till now.

It really does make me feel like $@(# inside and lonely as hell especially when I watch my other friends with great relationships. Im not gonna just give up yet though, i will keep getting better at this until something works out.

My question is, if im at the point where im single when I go to med school (considering im pretty pathetic at this) is it over then? I hear all decent to attractive women are all taken in med school, is this true?
 
tompi90 said:
Ok ok I know that this is a pretty common thread on this website and most of you have probably gotten tired of seeing this but I had to ask:

I'm a sophomore in college in a critical academic situation (see my previous posts). My dream for getting into a good med school is on a knife's edge right now. That being said, my main goal is strengthen my academics.

That being said I can't help but think about the million dollar question, med school and relationships. is it possible to find one? is it possible to maintain it?

Ive never had a gf before because in high school I never had the balls to approach a women due to my super conservative and nosy indian parents. I just had no way around them. When I came to college and became more independent, I found that I was clueless on approaching women and I have gotten rejected more times than I care to count till now.

It really does make me feel like $@(# inside and lonely as hell especially when I watch my other friends with great relationships. Im not gonna just give up yet though, i will keep getting better at this until something works out.

My question is, if im at the point where im single when I go to med school (considering im pretty pathetic at this) is it over then? I hear all decent to attractive women are all taken in med school, is this true?
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Even if you don't meet anyone in med school, life does go on afterwards. There are plenty of people on SDN and in the real world who have gf that are not medical students. I personally know a few couples that have either met in med school or at the end but it still worked out for them. Don't rush it and don't lose hope about relationships. At this point, you need to worry more about your academia anyways.
 
I'm pretty sure a decent amount will be single entering med school and a some with relationships going in won't last long. Plus not like you have to date someone from med school. There are many other people in other professions that are out there.
 
You could always work on social skills without trying to ask girls out. Sounds like being around girls just to be comfortable would do a lot for you.

But yes, you can date and have it work in med school.
 
badapplestix said:
You're asking if all hot girls are accepted into medical school?
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He's asking if all the attractive women are married/engaged/in a serious relationship. I've heard that opinion a lot here.
 
Hmmm well im not exactly looking for someone in med school, i honestly don't care as long as they are a great person, i was just wondering about the probability of that happening? and yea academia is my main concern atm.
 
Don't go looking for a gf... Relationships in college aren't usually worth it / don't workout in the long run. If I were you I would focus on school right now and not worry about gf's. I'm not saying lose all social contact, especially with girls... Sounds like you have issues of confidence with them, so ýou need to work on those. Learn how to grow a pair and ask a girl out, then learn how to be comfortable with girls by going out on dates! This will serve you well when you meet someone that you are really into. Also, you mentioned you had Indian parents... Do you have any societal/cultural pressures that prevent you from dating?
 
Ive actually gotten exponentially better at that whole thing. I have several female friends and have even asked a few ladies out (i guess after a million rejections you don't really care about getting one more lol).

As for my parents/culture, its fine for me to date, thats something ill have to deal with later.

The point still stands that even though I am making progress and getting better, I am still single and I don't know when thats going to change (if ever). Of course my main goal right now is my academics but this is something that I just cant help pondering especially when I see all my other friends doing it.

What im trying to ask is, should I be concerned if im still single by the time i get to med school? because it doesnt look like many women in med school are....
 
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why be worried about being single going into med school? you have the rest of your life to find someone. life doesn't end at med school.
 
I have gotten rejected more times than I care to count till now.
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'

hey man, thats all that matters
 
Am I the only one that wants to hook up tompi and KatieRedBull?
 
sdn=student dating network.

im a big advocate of this idea. It'd make a killing
 
im more partial to random craigslist nsa hookups 😛
 
gotta know what its like if you're gonna treatem 😀

not sure if my sarcasm got through in my last few posts....
 
He2 said:
sdn=student dating network.

im a big advocate of this idea. It'd make a killing
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He2 said:
gotta know what its like if you're gonna treatem 😀

not sure if my sarcasm got through in my last few posts....
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Haha, Student Dating Network has a lot of potential. It may actually make a killing. 😀
 
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OP, just be yourself. If you end up with a girlfriend, great. If not, oh well, you will at some point. Actively "searching" for a girlfriend isn't going to work. If something is going to happen, it will happen on it's own.

I wouldn't be too worried about any of this. If you get a GF now, it will either last through college and med school or it won't. If you don't get one now, you'll meet someone in med school or afterwards. No need to stress about it. 🙂
 
christ... what is it here that seems to bring out all the i'm-single-pity-partiers? there are billions of people in the world, chances are there will at least be a few that will settle for you. get over it and hit the gym.
 
you know blergh, normally i agree with your pov on things, but i do think this is one thing that is a legitimate topic for people, especially med students. First of all, people just like talking about this kind of stuff. Doesn't matter where you are: US, China, Tanzania, Costa Rica, Antarctica, people talk about the birds and the bees. just just human nature.

second, for the most part, we're all in our early twenties. No one in their early twenties has a fully developed sense of maturity. Some people get the love game early, but dont have the life game yet. Med students are much more stable in the life game, but may need the love or emotional development. Nothing wrong with that man.

continuing the thread....
 
tompi90 said:
My question is, if im at the point where im single when I go to med school (considering im pretty pathetic at this) is it over then? I hear all decent to attractive women are all taken in med school, is this true?
Click to expand...

I want to give you a few things to think about.

First, you have done a very good thing by separating yourself from your parents and not let them have as much control over your life. You've done it kind of late, but it sounds like you still have a long way to go. Don't stop asking questions and trying to figure out who you are.

Are you trying to become a doctor and go to a top school because that is what your parents want you to do? It is extremely important for you to figure out whether you want this because it's what you want to do with your life. I'm worried that you may only be interested in this career because your parents demand it of you or because you think it will make women attracted to you, which leads me to my second point...

Are you only interested in dating very attractive women? If so, can you answer why? There is nothing wrong with chasing after the pretty ones (it's biological after all), but it makes an absolutely horrible basis for a modern relationship/partnership (which is not biological). What about only dating women who only have a certain educational status? Both of these things are superficial and say nothing about the character of the person. Since it sounds like you are more interested in a relationship, you should focus on finding a woman whose character you admire and respect. A wife should be a partner to share your life with, not a trophy to impress your family and friends.

I feel for you, that is why I am giving you this advice. Stop focusing on having what others think is "the best." Don't choose a career because your parents think it is the best. Don't choose a girlfriend because your friends think she is the hottest. Figure out who you are and what you believe and try to live the life that is most in accordance with your character. A quick way to sadness is to only do things in order to make others envy you rather than do things to satisfy your inner self.
 
tompi90 said:
What im trying to ask is, should I be concerned if im still single by the time i get to med school? because it doesnt look like many women in med school are....
Click to expand...

Nah. The people you meet in med school don't know your previous history, therefore it has no effect on your endeavors once you're in med school (so long as you don't let it). It's just like between high school and college you got the guts to actually ask girls out. Developing takes time, that's all.

From what I hear many attractive women in med school are indeed taken...but not necessarily on day one. The thing is that guys in the class will grab the top rate girls as quickly as possible. The idea is basically to strike while the iron's hot. Of course, you could also just be patient. You're going to have lots of time to get to know your med school classmates and vice versa. If 2 of you are really compatible, you'll make it happen eventually.

Even if you're not compatible with your fellow classmates, you should be close enough with several to create a solid team of wingmen/wingwomen who can help you find someone. In fact, you should just find some good wing-people now. It's easier when you have someone keeping an eye out for you, helping to break the ice, and making you look good. I'm a great wingman, but I'm way too far to benefit you lol. Well...I did recently hook up a friend in NYC from down here, but I've known him for years and it required a crazy coincidence meeting a particular girl on the interview trail.
 
@thefritz:

You do bring up a very good point in that I should do what I feel is right. My parents are actually against me being a doctor because they feel that I would be in school to long, and even try and convince me to get out of it today. I don't care how long or hard it is, I know I love medicine and that is what I want to do because I can't picture myself doing anything else.

About the women point. I actually am not interested in dating an attractive women just because she is hot. I don't care if she is in med school or not, Im not out there to get a doctor wife. I care a lot about a women's personality and character, and it is more important to me than her looks. Looks come second to personality as far as I am concerned because I would rather date a pretty women who was an amazing person to a hot bombshell who is a complete #$%*.
 
I think anyone who isn't sympathetic to your situation clearly hasn't experienced it. It's frustrating to be the single one in your group/school/ supermarket, lol. But like another poster said, when it's meant to happen it will. You can't force a square peg into a round hole...that's how people end up getting divorced after like an 18 month marriage, lol. And as a side note...I would love to be a fly on the wall when you bring home a girl to meet your parents...bring on the margaritas! j/k 😉 I'm sure you will find an awesome girl...just have faith 🙂
 
I can understand why it's a popular topic. We all basically agree that once med school starts, you're signing on to a 7-11 year trip that leaves a lot less time to nurturing a relationship...certainly less time than other suitors out there will be willing to give.

However, I'm a firm believer that it will happen when it's time and to let it come. That doesn't mean don't put in any effort, but I do feel that it means you can't stress too much about those sort of things.
 
Im in the same boat, though I'm a girl. People don't believe me when I tell them I've never had a boyfriend. I'm not unattractive or overweight, but I seem to have a lot of people crushing on me (that I'm not interested in) and a lot of my crushes go unreciprocated. What gives, guys?
 
Buttermellow said:
Im in the same boat, though I'm a girl. People don't believe me when I tell them I've never had a boyfriend. I'm not unattractive or overweight, but I seem to have a lot of people crushing on me (that I'm not interested in) and a lot of my crushes go unreciprocated. What gives, guys?
Click to expand...


I have no idea what you look like but maybe you're aiming high (physically) and the guys you crush on are doing the same.
 
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Torr said:
I have no idea what you look like but maybe you're aiming high (physically) and the guys you crush on are doing the same.
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Yeah, that might be true... I am a little picky. But I seriously never get asked out by guys I am even a little interested in.
 
Buttermellow said:
Yeah, that might be true... I am a little picky. But I seriously never get asked out by guys I am even a little interested in.
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Drop ridiculously obvious hints. Us guys be stupid, and love obvious hints. Hell a lot of guys will just be like "meh why not ask em out even though I've never considered it" if they think you like them.

As for the OP, drop the M.D. bomb in a bar. Jk, unless you want to date a gold digger... Intellgence, attractiveness, and personality are the things I assume you (and most guys) are looking for from dating chick in med school. Intellegence: med school, check. Attractiveness: You have eyes, check. Personality: happy hunting, you are going to have to get very lucky on this one...
 
SoyRicoSuave said:
Drop ridiculously obvious hints. Us guys be stupid, and love obvious hints. Hell a lot of guys will just be like "meh why not ask em out even though I've never considered it" if they think you like them.
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Hahaha, Ok, I'll try the obvious hints. But what if the guy already has a girlfriend?

Are guys just as thick when it comes to hints that you DON'T want to go out with them? I feel like I give enough indication that I'm not interested, yet still am the object of some affection.
 
Buttermellow said:
Hahaha, Ok, I'll try the obvious hints. But what if the guy already has a girlfriend?

Are guys just as thick when it comes to hints that you DON'T want to go out with them? I feel like I give enough indication that I'm not interested, yet still am the object of some affection.
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Everyone's taught from an early age that persistence wins out.
 
Buttermellow said:
Hahaha, Ok, I'll try the obvious hints. But what if the guy already has a girlfriend?

Are guys just as thick when it comes to hints that you DON'T want to go out with them? I feel like I give enough indication that I'm not interested, yet still am the object of some affection.
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If a guy already has a lady and he drops her for you what do you think he is going to do with you the next time another pretty girl comes around?

If you are not interested in a guy don't drop hints, spell it out.
 
OrangeandMaroon said:
If a guy already has a lady and he drops her for you what do you think he is going to do with you the next time another pretty girl comes around?
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Very true. I really wouldn't do that anyways, I would feel really bad.

It's always cute in movies when the girl doesn't want the guy, be he annoyingly persists and they end up falling in love. In real life, it's just annoying.
 
Buttermellow said:
Hahaha, Ok, I'll try the obvious hints. But what if the guy already has a girlfriend?

Are guys just as thick when it comes to hints that you DON'T want to go out with them? I feel like I give enough indication that I'm not interested, yet still am the object of some affection.
Click to expand...

Part 1: You have two loosing options if they have a gf. Option 1: If the relationship is on the rocks, you can easily destroy it but will forever be that girl and things won't go far. Option 2- they are in a good relationship and they will probably stop hanging out with you (especially if his GF notices b/c she will ensure that you stop hanging out with him).
I suppose the only winning option is be friends and hope him and his gf break up on their own accord.

Part 2: Like I said, guys be stupid. The only hint most guys receives that says you are not interested is the not talking to them/hanging out with them. Some guys are like "holy crap she is hanging out with me! She must like me!"
 
I'm going to start pasting pictures of myself flexing in a mirror on SDN. I wonder if there will be any takers...a simple 👍 or 👎 will suffice.
 
asdf
 
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medzealot said:
preemptive 👍
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I appreciate the moral support med. I don't want to give it all away on the first date though. I'm no tramp. So here is a conservative sneak peak for the ladies. Thank me later.
n648321345_954293_5545.jpg
 
Vandy Premed said:
I appreciate the moral support med. I don't want to give it all away on the first date though. I'm no tramp. So here is a conservative sneak peak for the ladies. Thank me later.
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I can't vote based on this. Keep 'em comin.
 
Vandy Premed said:
I appreciate the moral support med. I don't want to give it all away on the first date though. I'm no tramp. So here is a conservative sneak peak for the ladies. Thank me later.
n648321345_954293_5545.jpg
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Blue eyes and dark lashes? count me in 👍
 
...
 
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docelh said:
Given your level of inexperience, you probably need to discover where your league is: i.e., the types of men you can consistently attract and keep.

Go higher, it gets harder. Go lower, it gets easier. Finding someone just right is tough. IMO, most women tend to aim higher.
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funny and so true.
 
Don't get into a relationship prior to going away to med school. Just date and pass the time. Unless you go into med school in a serious, marriage material relationship, it is going to be really, really taxing. Even if you ARE in a serious, marriage material relationship, it could suffer. I have seen people break up or on the verge of breaking up. From some stories of med and pharm students, relationships can be very hard to maintain. Maybe I am being a back little rain cloud but I speak from experience. Nothing wrong with just "dating" in college or "hanging out", whatever you kids call it these days (hooking up?). As long as you play it safe, ya know 😉 trust me... Jumping into a time consuming relationship just before med school might not be a good idea. With that said, some people do find partners who don't need a lot of time or whatever and something like that could work. Just don't pick the person who is going to make you feel like you are constantly choosing between them and your career.
 
docelh said:
IMO, most women tend to aim higher.
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I always see such gorgeous girls with OK looking guys... I think guys' personalities have a lot going for them (though I shouldn't be basing relationships on looks anyways).
 
Buttermellow said:
Blue eyes and dark lashes? count me in 👍
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OOOO we have a taker 😉. I think these people are on to something...Torr, there is a one day only picture of me in avatar form just for you.

Edit: I may or may not be giving the SDN community the stink-eye. Powerful stuff...
 
Show us your D. Man up. Post your D.
 
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