Med school won't fix you

[PersistentVeisalgia]

When I was a pre-med, my primary reason for wanting to become a doctor was that I wanted to be more attractive to women. I also wanted to attain a position of respect and prestige. I imagined overhearing strangers at parties going, "Whoa, he's a doctor." I fantasized about women propositioning me just for a chance to one day announce, "My husband's a doctor." I daydreamt about putting "MD" on the license plate of my future Maserati, which I would drive with a beautiful woman sitting alongside me, back and forth from luxurious winetasting sessions. I imagined young nurses swooning as I walked past them in my sexy white coat and hospital scrubs. And while these were my true motivations for pursuing medicine, I continually told myself that I really just wanted to "help people" and that medicine was "my calling." Self-deception is a powerful thing.

To understand my thought process, you have to understand my background. In high school, I was a loser who spent all his free time playing video games and studying. By the end of 12th grade, I vowed to become a different person in college—an outgoing, fun individual who has a lot of friends and dances with women at parties. Well, that didn't pan out. Throughout college, I was still the same loser who just played video games and studied. The one thing that I had going for me was that I was fairly intelligent; I had a high GPA, was a good test-taker, and studied far more than many of my classmates. I worked hard, and I had a good head on my shoulders... and yet I couldn't find any potential romantic partners, nor could I make a lot of close friends. The world owed me a girlfriend and a tightknit social group, and I could only come up with one way to receive what I was owed: medicine. I felt that medicine was the way to convert my intelligence and industriousness into social success. By achieving that "Dr." title and getting those letters after my name, I'd be able to compensate for my social shortcomings and find what I was seeking.

Well, fast forward to today: I graduated medical school last week, and I'll be starting residency soon. With the benefit of hindsight, I can say that I was an imbecile and that I went down this path for all the wrong reasons. I'm still introverted. I'm still socially awkward. I'm still romantically unsuccessful. I'm still unpopular. Now that I don't study at all, I just use up the extra free time by playing video games. Medical school didn't change me as I had hoped, and it didn't improve my life in the ways that I hoped it would. I'm still the same person with the same problems I had before, except I now have six-figure debt and a pre-paved future in a profession that I don't particularly enjoy. If anything, medical school robbed me of a ton of free time that I could have (hypothetically) used to actually improve my social life and dating prospects during the past four years.

Why am I posting this? Because a lot of pre-meds go into medicine for the wrong reasons. A lot of pre-meds think that medicine is a panacea that will compensate for all of their deficits and grant them everything they desire out of life. It's not. It won't make you a winner in the dating game, it won't make you better-looking or funnier or smarter, it won't change your parents' default perception of you, and it won't help you find loyal friends. Going to medical school and becoming a doctor won't fix what's broken in your life. You have to fix what's broken in your life on your own. You have to methodically find concrete ways to address your problems and improve yourself; an MD degree isn't going to help you with this, and it might even hinder you.

That's all I have to say at this time. Godspeed.

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[Sea Of The Leaf]

Not to counteract the tone of this very serious post because I agree with most of what was said, but my Hinge profile blew up the second I switched the job from Genetic Research Assistant to Medical Student lmao and some male doctors in my area are definitely in relationships they wouldn’t be in without the job.

I agree with most of this though. At most medical school will make you a bit more of an interesting person, but it won’t change who you are. It’s up to you to develop yourself. Everything else is just a job.

 

[Angler]

Going to medical school and becoming a doctor won't fix what's broken in your life. You have to fix what's broken in your life on your own. You have to methodically find concrete ways to address your problems and improve yourself; an MD degree isn't going to help you with this, and it might even hinder you.

I believe you're a better person than you describe above. Simply posting this implies this.

Physician, heal thyself. Good luck on your journey.

 

[Kierkegaard's Bud]

Not to counteract the tone of this very serious post because I agree with most of what was said, but my Hinge profile blew up the second I switched the job from Genetic Research Assistant to Medical Student lmao and some male doctors in my area are definitely in relationships they wouldn’t be in without the job.

I agree with most of this though. At most medical school will make you a bit more of an interesting person, but it won’t change who you are. It’s up to you to develop yourself. Everything else is just a job.

A win is a win!

 

[Goro]

OP, don't know what you were doing wrong at the time, but the typical unattached male student at my school can definitely attract women.

The greedy ones, that is.

Find your niche, you'll be fine. Love what you do and do what you love.

 

[bonedoc5576]

Very honest and thoughtful response to the let-down of completing 8 years of struggle and not getting the brass ring.
Let me offer some advice from one who has been in practice for over thirty years.
The path to self-esteem is not in winning admiration, but in the performance of estimable acts.
Entitlement, however well-justified, only brings resentment.
Gratitude comes from a place of humility.
As a physician you will have the opportunity to perform estimable acts each day and have ample reason to feel gratitude.

 

[EthylMethylMan]

Not to counteract the tone of this very serious post because I agree with most of what was said, but my Hinge profile blew up the second I switched the job from Genetic Research Assistant to Medical Student lmao and some male doctors in my area are definitely in relationships they wouldn’t be in without the job.

One of my friends in med school found a cards fellow on Tinder, and his profile actually had “Cardiology fellow $$$”. Not sure how successful he was relationship-wise, but I’d bet he gained a few matches he would’ve otherwise never gotten.

You actually probably will have better luck in the dating game when you let people know you’re a medical student or physician. But that approach will attract both good potential partners as well as gold diggers. Being in med school and beyond is a pretty reliable sign that you’re smart, hard-working, and a current or future reliable bread winner. Those are all things that genuinely virtuous people look for. These are also things that a user/abuser will notice and see dollar signs. You gotta have a solid moral compass and ability to sniff out phonies to avoid the garbage people.

 

[Mr.Smile12]

I'll be starting residency soon. With the benefit of hindsight, I can say that I was an imbecile and that I went down this path for all the wrong reasons. I'm still introverted. I'm still socially awkward. I'm still romantically unsuccessful. I'm still unpopular. Now that I don't study at all, I just use up the extra free time by playing video games. Medical school didn't change me as I had hoped, and it didn't improve my life in the ways that I hoped it would.

Only you can change yourself. You are the product of your decisions and the company you keep. It's magical thinking to believe otherwise.

Making lifestyle changes that last

Starting small, focusing on one behavior at a time and support from others can help you achieve your exercise or other health-related goals.

www.apa.org

Do something that actually involves getting to know and meeting other people. Sell or unsubscribe from your video games. Eat healthier. Work out.

Join an improv comedy class. Take dance lessons (salsa, hip hop, tango, whatever). Find a good social group while you are in residency who aren't residents.

Many cultural organizations (symphonies or museums) have social clubs for young professionals. Social issues organizations are also great places to meet people who have similar passions.

It would be a shame if all the calls for more balance and wellness may not have made an impact on you as a medical student. They will matter now that are you really starting out.

And for heaven's sake, unplug from your phone.

If you cannot find peace and satisfaction with yourself, it will be difficult to show it to others. Your future success will be about how you manage relationships, and staying completely socially awkward is going to hold you back eventually.

 

[Moko]

Personally, I did everything in my power to hide that I was a physician-in-training in my online dating profiles. However, I do think that being accomplished and wealthy can make someone more attractive, especially if they were already into you beforehand. I spent several years dating before finding my current partner, and there were many times where I felt like I would be forever single. So don't lose hope, OP. The good things are yet to come, and all it takes is just one lasting match. Just my thoughts.

Also, OP, some food for thought:

*woof*