Med Students Dating Residents - in Same Specialty?

[Call2Call]

I know similar threads have been posted, but I haven't found any addressing romantic interest within the same department. So...

Female MS3 interested in male intern in my specialty of interest. I just wanted to weigh in before I lead him on and then decide it's not worth the risk. So, I would love to match to the program here. I've never been his med student, but the residents here will have strong input on my residency application.

Pro: He seems awesome! (And, of course, he's ridiculously attractive.)

Con: Obviously the issue of professionalism. I know I'll be judged by the entire department if anything comes out of this. I feel I am currently in good standing in the department, have every intention of earning respect via merit, and I would love to match here. If it's a good relationship, I feel like the department will think it's sweet. But of course if it's not, anytime between now and next February (when rank lists are due), it could certainly work in my disfavor. And if I match here, he'll be a senior when I'm an intern. (Although, I think the latter isn't quite as crucial an issue.)

Of note: my sub-I is in July, and after that no one in the department will be grading me on a clinical rotation, although I am hoping to do an elective with one faculty member in October. I'm about ready to ask for LORs, so hopefully those will be in prior.

Thoughts?

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[DrArete]

I know similar threads have been posted, but I haven't found any addressing romantic interest within the same department. So...

Female MS3 interested in male intern in my specialty of interest. I just wanted to weigh in before I lead him on and then decide it's not worth the risk. So, I would love to match to the program here. I've never been his med student, but the residents here will have strong input on my residency application.

Pro: He seems awesome! (And, of course, he's ridiculously attractive.)

Con: Obviously the issue of professionalism. I know I'll be judged by the entire department if anything comes out of this. I feel I am currently in good standing in the department, have every intention of earning respect via merit, and I would love to match here. If it's a good relationship, I feel like the department will think it's sweet. But of course if it's not, anytime between now and next February (when rank lists are due), it could certainly work in my disfavor. And if I match here, he'll be a senior when I'm an intern. (Although, I think the latter isn't quite as crucial an issue.)

Of note: my sub-I is in July, and after that no one in the department will be grading me on a clinical rotation, although I am hoping to do an elective with one faculty member in October. I'm about ready to ask for LORs, so hopefully those will be in prior.

Thoughts?

Don't **** where you eat.

Don't fish off the company pier.

Don't get your honey where you get your money.

 

[vin5cent0]

He's a doctor, seems awesome, RIDICULOUSLY attractive.. and he's single?

If something seems too good to be true, it probably is.

 

[Deanis]

I can't see any harm in getting to know him better and seeing if there's actually anything really there. A little extra caution (and time) might be prudent to be a little more certain of each step, but why the hell not? He's likely got a decent level of self-worth and intelligence so you probably aren't leading him on as long as you're honest.

 

[sugeny]

I'm gonna have to go with a HELL NO!! A few years ago this situation went down at my med school - chick dating a resident in the specialty she was applying to - and they are still telling legends about it. I actually think they were happily dating during the whole match process, but it just totally stigmatized her, made the other residents not take her seriously, or some crap like that, and she didn't match. Sorry girl, it's one of the first things they tell us now...NEVER date a resident in your future specialty.

Of course, people say not to date classmates and everyone always does anyways, sooo... who knows

 

[njbmd]

If this goes sour (and believe me, it will), you will be on the losing end. Not only do you risk being the "butt" of jokes for the rest of the people in the department, the attendings will likely find out about you too. Keep your personal life out of your business life and your business life out of your personal life. Hook up outside of the hospital (in a different city would be better).

Hospitals and departments are "fish bowls" and you can't win this game. Don't be an idiot. I listen to interns, residents, nurses and other attendings joking about medical students every single day. Even the nurses will get in on putting you down for no other reason than they might want to date this person too.

Are you really this stupid???

 

[smq123]

If it's a good relationship, I feel like the department will think it's sweet.

Ummm....suuuuure. Sure they will.

Don't be stupid and shoot yourself in the foot.

 

[Call2Call]

Duly noted. Thanks for talking some sense into me.

 

[lovemesomeTJ]

If this goes sour (and believe me, it will), you will be on the losing end. Not only do you risk being the "butt" of jokes for the rest of the people in the department, the attendings will likely find out about you too. Keep your personal life out of your business life and your business life out of your personal life. Hook up outside of the hospital (in a different city would be better).

Hospitals and departments are "fish bowls" and you can't win this game. Don't be an idiot. I listen to interns, residents, nurses and other attendings joking about medical students every single day. Even the nurses will get in on putting you down for no other reason than they might want to date this person too.

Are you really this stupid???

Seriously, how lazy can you be? I've never understood this phenomenon. Hit a grocery store, head to the gym, a freakin' bookstore...anywhere but work. Please.

 

[christina30]

To be fair - med students/residents/whatever are notorious for hooking up. The problem here is hooking up with a resident in a department you want to apply to as a med student - it could kill her chances.

Unfortunately for med students and residents, practically all of their time is spent either at school or in the hospital. It's only inevitable that people hook up, especially when they're under significant amounts of stress. It's not smart, obviously, but it always happens.

 

[NAGNAM]

1) hit it
2) quit it

 

[christina30]

1) hit it
2) quit it

 

[footcloud]

I know this is a really bad idea but after being on the same team and on call with one of my seniors in the specialty I want (note he never graded me ever), I developed a crush on him, and he did give me his number afterwards (not necessarily in that context....I asked him some random stuff) and we talked for an hour or so. Then he kinda started to pull back, and nothing else happened.

I know the arguments that this is a horrible idea and stuff, but I guess at the end of the day, I have more to lose than him? I guess for closure's sake, I just want to know if he's not interested in me as a person or it's because of all the complexities. I'm entering 4th year and he's a third year resident.

I tried to get over him for months but it's been half a year since I met him and I still can't get over it. I guess I can hold off until I match and then see what happens.

I guess it's just super silly to want closure? Like I don't need to date him, I kinda just want to know why. But I guess in life, you often don't know.

 

[speedyk]

I know this is a really bad idea but after being on the same team and on call with one of my seniors in the specialty I want (note he never graded me ever), I developed a crush on him, and he did give me his number afterwards (not necessarily in that context....I asked him some random stuff) and we talked for an hour or so. Then he kinda started to pull back, and nothing else happened.

I know the arguments that this is a horrible idea and stuff, but I guess at the end of the day, I have more to lose than him? I guess for closure's sake, I just want to know if he's not interested in me as a person or it's because of all the complexities. I'm entering 4th year and he's a third year resident.

I tried to get over him for months but it's been half a year since I met him and I still can't get over it. I guess I can hold off until I match and then see what happens.

I guess it's just super silly to want closure? Like I don't need to date him, I kinda just want to know why. But I guess in life, you often don't know.

Just take a hint and leave him alone. Honestly to be so fixated on a guy who you never even dated a year and a half later seems a little kooky to me.

 

[Vee]

Just take a hint and leave him alone. Honestly to be so fixated on a guy who you never even dated a year and a half later seems a little kooky to me.

Psst...she said half a year, as in 6 months.

OP - Are you trying to match at that program? I'd say go for it if not, otherwise wait it out. It's not worth hurting your career over and at some programs residents have a lot of say in the selection process. Besides, maybe you'll feel differently by March.

 

[footcloud]

It's a program I'm backing up at. Well my third choice probably and it's a huge program so I don't think he individually has a lot of say (doubt he's on the committee or anything). But yeah I gave it more thought and think I should be focusing on my career versus thinking of this.

It's just that I ran into him on call last weekend and stirred up a lot of stuff. But I'm getting over it again. For residents out there, is it really embarrassing to date a med student? (and yes, before people try to point it out, I know that's very unlikely the reason he doesn't like me, just wondering in general).

 

[MilkmanAl]

I'm not sure why it would be embarrassing. You'd almost certainly take some (good-natured) heat for it, but that's no big deal. Who cares what other people think of your relationship if it's a healthy one?

 

[smq123]

It's a program I'm backing up at. Well my third choice probably and it's a huge program so I don't think he individually has a lot of say (doubt he's on the committee or anything).

Even if he doesn't have a lot of say, I wouldn't go after him or anything. Unless he's uncommonly discreet and wouldn't talk about it with anyone, gossip will spread like wildfire.

It's just that I ran into him on call last weekend and stirred up a lot of stuff. But I'm getting over it again. For residents out there, is it really embarrassing to date a med student? (and yes, before people try to point it out, I know that's very unlikely the reason he doesn't like me, just wondering in general).

I'm a (female) resident who dated a (male) med student. It wasn't embarrassing at all. Most of my co-residents knew about him and met him at various points, and no one ever gave me any weird looks or asked any awkward questions.

 

[footcloud]

Even if he doesn't have a lot of say, I wouldn't go after him or anything. Unless he's uncommonly discreet and wouldn't talk about it with anyone, gossip will spread like wildfire.

Grrrreat....well I haven't blatantly gone after him or anything. Like I never asked him out or anything. I just called him once because HE gave me his # and told me to call if I had questions (about something non-work related but nothing too personal either). I'm hoping he didn't go and tell all the other residents. Oh well, no use crying over spilled milk?

 

[smq123]

Grrrreat....well I haven't blatantly gone after him or anything. Like I never asked him out or anything. I just called him once because HE gave me his # and told me to call if I had questions (about something non-work related but nothing too personal either). I'm hoping he didn't go and tell all the other residents. Oh well, no use crying over spilled milk?

I'm sure that's fine. It's fine to be friends with your residents. But calling and giving off the appearance that you're chasing after someone who hasn't really given any indication that he's interested in you at all (i.e. calling and asking why he's not interested)...that could look a little awkward.

 

[footcloud]

Oh I never meant I was actually gonna go straight up and ask him that. I think that's a rule for ANY interaction, you never go to someone and actually ask them why = awkward even if they're not your superior/resident. I guess I just wanted to know for myself, but there really is no way of knowing.

Like the only thing I COULD do is like ask him out to "catch up"/"hang out" but meh. I don't have a lotta guts in the first place. So I'll just leave it. And on the plus side, at least I'll be a resident in a year's time. Actually less than a year's time. And won't have to deal w/ this crap anymore. Unless there's still this whole junior vs. senior resident business. Meh. I think I'll go find a lawyer ha.

 

[jdh71]

I know this is a really bad idea but after being on the same team and on call with one of my seniors in the specialty I want (note he never graded me ever), I developed a crush on him, and he did give me his number afterwards (not necessarily in that context....I asked him some random stuff) and we talked for an hour or so. Then he kinda started to pull back, and nothing else happened.

I know the arguments that this is a horrible idea and stuff, but I guess at the end of the day, I have more to lose than him? I guess for closure's sake, I just want to know if he's not interested in me as a person or it's because of all the complexities. I'm entering 4th year and he's a third year resident.

I tried to get over him for months but it's been half a year since I met him and I still can't get over it. I guess I can hold off until I match and then see what happens.

I guess it's just super silly to want closure? Like I don't need to date him, I kinda just want to know why. But I guess in life, you often don't know.

 

[Frozen]

I know similar threads have been posted, but I haven't found any addressing romantic interest within the same department. So...

Female MS3 interested in male intern in my specialty of interest. I just wanted to weigh in before I lead him on and then decide it's not worth the risk. So, I would love to match to the program here. I've never been his med student, but the residents here will have strong input on my residency application.

Pro: He seems awesome! (And, of course, he's ridiculously attractive.)

Con: Obviously the issue of professionalism. I know I'll be judged by the entire department if anything comes out of this. I feel I am currently in good standing in the department, have every intention of earning respect via merit, and I would love to match here. If it's a good relationship, I feel like the department will think it's sweet. But of course if it's not, anytime between now and next February (when rank lists are due), it could certainly work in my disfavor. And if I match here, he'll be a senior when I'm an intern. (Although, I think the latter isn't quite as crucial an issue.)

Of note: my sub-I is in July, and after that no one in the department will be grading me on a clinical rotation, although I am hoping to do an elective with one faculty member in October. I'm about ready to ask for LORs, so hopefully those will be in prior.

Thoughts?

Bag em and tag em! Just don't make it public. Most of my attendings look the other way on that business.

 

[dor333]

if you have to ask if it's ok to date somebody, you're too young for him bro.