Mentioning a borderline abusive relationship in a secondary?

[yuiness]

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It seems that you've already made up your mind to include this information in your application so good luck. 👍

I'm actually leaning more towards finding another topic... but I think I'm going to write a draft and show it to a few people before I trash the idea completely. I'm also going to write an alternate essay about another topic to see which one turns out better.

By the way, would anyone be willing to take a look at my draft when I'm done?

 

[Jschei]

If you end up feeling that this is the topic you are going to write about, I will not try to dissuade you. I do want to say that you have to be EXTREMELY careful when writing your essay. One of my classmates wrote an essay paritally about her height (shes insanely short) and how it has effected her and helped her become a better person, etc. When she went in for interviews, all she got was height questions and they barely talked about anything on her resume. Needless to say, she didnt get accepted or even waitlisted into the school. I'm not sure how you are using this experience but do your best to make sure they will not come away only thinking about the unhealthy relationship.

But anyway good luck with your secondaries! 🙂

 

[pagemmapants]

Wow, I am just astonished someone would do something like that to an extremely intelligent, young girl like you. I'm going to go against most people and argue that you should definitely include it.

Unfortunately this type of treatment is wa-HAY more common than most people realize, even to "extremely intelligent" girls.

And it doesn't stop when people get to medical school. Abusive *****holes can become doctors just like anybody else.

 

[jka]

There is a lot of misunderstanding about domestic violence and abusive relationships, much of which is apparent by the posts on this board. This idea that you should have "realized" it the second it became abusive (abusers are manipulative and these things don't happen overnight) is ridiculous. Comments that you ran away are similarly absurd. That's how you solve that kind of situation-- by removing yourself. I did a lot of domestic abuse counseling and as others have mentioned, your story isn't borderline. I think you did an admirable job in putting your life back together. And despite what many have indicated on this board, getting involved in that situation doesn't make you weak or unintelligent. Still, I would NOT write about it. The members of the adcom do not necessarily know all the nuances of abusive relationships and they may think the exact same things about you as the people on this board think. They are still people and they still might judge you, no matter how unfair and ignorant that judgement might be. It's a very risky topic to broach. I'd pick another topic, even if it might not have had as dramatic an impact on your life. Good luck.

This is the best response on this thread.

 

[Ginzo]

Yes, you're applying to a professional school...but what's the point of a writing a *personal* statement if these schools weren't somewhat interested in your *personal* life?

When some random stranger asks you, "Hey, how's it going?" Do you lay some depressing story about your brother being in jail or your uncle being on crack on them?

Personal statements, secondaries, interviews, etc. are all about selling yourself to the school, which means presenting yourself in the best light possible. Would you buy a car from a salesman who told you in detail about his struggle with alcoholism and several suicide attempts while you went for a test drive? Would you be more inclined to shop at a store that ran an advertising campaign that said, "We're on the verge of bankruptcy. Please buy some stuff from us so we don't go under."

 

[linguini]

When some random stranger asks you, "Hey, how's it going?" Do you lay some depressing story about your brother being in jail or your uncle being on crack on them?

Personal statements, secondaries, interviews, etc. are all about selling yourself to the school, which means presenting yourself in the best light possible. Would you buy a car from a salesman who told you in detail about his struggle with alcoholism and several suicide attempts while you went for a test drive? Would you be more inclined to shop at a store that ran an advertising campaign that said, "We're on the verge of bankruptcy. Please buy some stuff from us so we don't go under."

I agree you need to sell yourself to a school but I think you can use a, as you put it, "depressing" story to sell yourself as long as you thrived somehow in the face of adversity. Schools wouldn't bother asking you about a significant moral/ethical dilemma if they wanted to see you only at your best all of the time. They want to see how you can deal with a tough situation. If all you do is talk about how fabulous you are all of the time, it doesn't really showcase how you'd handle a less than perfect event, which is undoubtedly going to happen to anyone in the field of medicine.

 

[chessodoc]

I just saw your profile and you stats are superb, hence I woulld not include it.

 

[jka]

I think all these belittling posts are in response to your superb MCAT scores.

 

[bugalow121]

mention how much you studied for your MCAT scores. now THAT's a borderline abusive relationsip (with yourself)

 

[HolyGrail]

I'm sorry but it makes you sound weak and helpless, one would be inclined to ask why an intelligent person would allow themselves to be taken advantage of like this.

I often wonder how women get involved in these relationships 🙁

Before anyone else thinks I'm blaming the OP, it's NOT her fault, it's completely the guy's fault!

I'm just wondering why people don't leave bad relationships...

 

[linguini]

I'm sorry but it makes you sound weak and helpless, one would be inclined to ask why an intelligent person would allow themselves to be taken advantage of like this.

I often wonder how women get involved in these relationships 🙁

Before anyone else thinks I'm blaming the OP, it's NOT her fault, it's completely the guy's fault!

I'm just wondering why people don't leave bad relationships...

Hmmm that's empathetic...

 

[kac714]

I realize this, but then again, no one cares about my roommate troubles either. It's a 400-word essay... If I were to write it, I would spend maybe ~150-200 words setting up the situation, and the remainder talking about how I coped with it-- reaching out to friends, focusing on the big picture/my career goals, removing myself from the situation and giving myself time to heal. I think it was also humbling in a way, because I remember sitting in health class as a freshman in high school and wondering how anyone could be stupid enough to find themselves in a relationship like this. I think it's made me realize that falling into something like that is easier than I thought (allowing me to better relate to patients whose lives have sort of... run away from them in a similar manner). It's also made me realize that I'm stronger than I thought, because there was a time when I couldn't imagine my life without this guy. Also, even though I was a mess during my freshman year of college, I didn't let my personal situation affect my schoolwork (I came out with a 3.85 GPA that year).

I just feel like my essay wouldn't be as strong if I talked about anything else...

my best friend committed suicide right before college graduation. all my advisors said it was ok to mention this as long as i focused on the aftermath... how it made me a stronger person etc. i think if you did this, it would be ok.

 

[capn jazz]

Regardless of your coping mechanisms, you put yourself in such a situation, you allowed it to spiral out of control, and you were the one unable to break the relationship off until well after you originally should have (the second the first argument got physical; the second he cheated on you). What does that tell the adcoms about you, exactly? Your stories need to show strength, moral clarity, confidence, etc., not weakness. Your recovery and turn-around demonstrates little more than the strength that any independently strong, confident human being would have had from day one. "I was a weakling for years, people treated me like **** and I took it laying down. I had zero self-esteem and needed to be loved. Nowadays, though, I behave like a normal person. If a boy hits me, I leave him immediately. Go me, I'm normal!" This is most definitely not something to base an essay on.

You're blaming the VICTIM of an abusive relatonship!? You're saying SHE'S the one who "allowed" it to get bad? I hope you learn some empathy before you go into medicine. And I hope to god there is a good social worker around, because what are you going to tell your patient who comes in with a broken nose from her boyfriend? That's it's her own damn fault for being an "intrinsically weak human being"?

Honestly, I'm not going to be polite - your response disgusted me. You show that you know zero, zilch, nada, NOTHING about abusive relationships. A victim is NEVER to blame for a relationship turning abusive and telling someone that they're weak and stupid for not getting out of the relationship just shows that you have no idea what an abusive relationship entails.

OP, I'm sorry to hear about your experiences. If you're not totally over it, it might not be the best to include.

 

[jka]

You're blaming the VICTIM of an abusive relatonship!? You're saying SHE'S the one who "allowed" it to get bad? I hope you learn some empathy before you go into medicine. And I hope to god there is a good social worker around, because what are you going to tell your patient who comes in with a broken nose from her boyfriend? That's it's her own damn fault for being an "intrinsically weak human being"?

Honestly, I'm not going to be polite - your response disgusted me. You show that you know zero, zilch, nada, NOTHING about abusive relationships. A victim is NEVER to blame for a relationship turning abusive and telling someone that they're weak and stupid for not getting out of the relationship just shows that you have no idea what an abusive relationship entails.

OP, I'm sorry to hear about your experiences. If you're not totally over it, it might not be the best to include.

Thank you! Retsage's response is unbelievable and borderline abusive.

 

[jka]

mention how much you studied for your MCAT scores. now THAT's a borderline abusive relationsip (with yourself)

Is this supposed to be funny? So hard to tell over the internet.