Moving in with SO + starting medical school

[realDrSeuss]

---

Members don't see this ad.

Hi guys, long time lurker here. I recently got accepted to my state school (hallelujah!) and now I am in the process of looking at places to live. My significant other and I have been talking about living together one day for awhile and I feel so lucky that we have this opportunity now to take our relationship a step forward. Could someone who has lived with their partner in medical school shed some light on how it has affected your relationship, especially in first year?

Also, I do plan on marrying her someday and we have lived together for a short while (went extremely well). I think she knows what she is getting herself into as she has been there for me while I have been tirelessly studying for the MCAT and doing well the last couple years of my undergrad. I am not worried that she would disrespect my studying time, as she knows how much effort I will be putting in. It helps too that she has a full time job in the area. Just curious if there are any unexpected obstacles that arose while essentially taking two steps at once.

Or if anyone is in the same situation, what are some things you are worried about? I want to make sure we talk about everything to ensure we are on the same page. Thank you for your time!

 

[deleted800674]

Similar situation here but my SO and I are moving half way across the country together. We have already been living together for the past two years but this is on a whole new level so kind of nervous. Am interested in the input of current students!

 

[DO2015CA]

There is no telling how it'll fair. You just have to try it out. Make her a priority. In OMSI, 80% of relationships will fail. The ones that succeed are those that make their significant their priority. You will be under an immense amount of stress and they will understand that but just don't take advantage of their understanding.

Sincerely,
The guy that didn't make her a priority lol

 

[mw18]

You just have to make sure she realizes how much work you'll be doing. Tell her every day. Because eventually you'll get to a point where you can pace yourself and know what it takes, but it doesn't come quickly. Encourage her to make friends with people from work or whatever and spend a ton of time with them. Also, let her know that if your priority is medical school and second is spending time with her, then a lot of the daily life duties will fall to her (shopping, keeping things up to date, bills, etc).

 

[realDrSeuss]

You just have to make sure she realizes how much work you'll be doing. Tell her every day. Because eventually you'll get to a point where you can pace yourself and know what it takes, but it doesn't come quickly. Encourage her to make friends with people from work or whatever and spend a ton of time with them. Also, let her know that if your priority is medical school and second is spending time with her, then a lot of the daily life duties will fall to her (shopping, keeping things up to date, bills, etc).

I know each person differs, but how long did it take to adjust to a schedule that has worked for you?

 

[mw18]

I know each person differs, but how long did it take to adjust to a schedule that has worked for you?

When you first show up you have no idea how hard it will be and you just work all the time until the first test. After that, you survive but you don't feel like you could afford to do any less so you do the same thing. For me in the first few months, every time I would get a feel we would switch classes and it would take a new level of adjustment. By Thanksgiving/Winter break, you can have a good feel. So much of it is curriculum and person dependent. In second year, it's much easier for me schedule wise. School doesn't feel nearly as hard.

Some advice: I've never regretted doing something fun after the test/course was over. I've always had time to study enough to do well enough. You can't do that every day and take every night off, but occasionally it's worth embracing fun and taking a night or two off, even if that means you'll get behind and have to start working extremely hard to catch up.

Feel free to message me about these types of things if you'd like.

 

[realDrSeuss]

Thank you mw18! I really appreciate you taking the time for an in depth response!

 

[jazzcartier]

it will be tough, but i think if your foundation is strong (looks like it!) then it can definitely work if you 2 put the work in to sustain it. might not be the best years of your relationship, but it will test the partnership in a good way.

 

[realDrSeuss]

I agree, I see it as if we want to make it work and last together, we will.

 

[Scrubs101]

There is no telling how it'll fair. You just have to try it out. Make her a priority. In OMSI, 80% of relationships will fail. The ones that succeed are those that make their significant their priority. You will be under an immense amount of stress and they will understand that but just don't take advantage of their understanding.

Sincerely,
The guy that didn't make her a priority lol

Yo I hope this isn't too personal of a question, but how did handling a break up in med school go over? Especially if you were living together?

I'm in an incredibly similar situation to OP, and while I'd fully intend on giving it my all I think it's only fair to myself to imagine the worst case scenario. Even if the chances were 1/1,000,000.

 

[DO2015CA]

Yo I hope this isn't too personal of a question, but how did handling a break up in med school go over? Especially if you were living together?

I'm in an incredibly similar situation to OP, and while I'd fully intend on giving it my all I think it's only fair to myself to imagine the worst case scenario. Even if the chances were 1/1,000,000.

I was so busy focusing on school and knew it wasn't fair to her that it didn't really affect school. Knew it was the right thing to let her go. You'll make sacrifices for medicine and I just knew it had to be one. I was lucky that it was towards the end of spring semester. Went into denial until that summer

 

[Scrubs101]

I was so busy focusing on school and knew it wasn't fair to her that it didn't really affect school. Knew it was the right thing to let her go. You'll make sacrifices for medicine and I just knew it had to be one. I was lucky that it was towards the end of spring semester. Went into denial until that summer

Thank you for your response, you sound like an understanding good person and im glad it didnt effect your school life too negatively!


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile

 

[DO2015CA]

Thank you for your response, you sound like an understanding good person and im glad it didnt effect your school life too negatively!


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile

You probably already know you'll sacrifice a lot for medicine. You'll see your friends getting married, having kids, buying houses and you'll still be in school. I just add it to the list.

 

[realDrSeuss]

Sorry if I missed this in your post (I'm 3 scotches in) but what is your SO doing? My wife is doing a PhD program so she knows the deal. Studying. Books. Reading. Research. Etc.
but most importantly we have time to chill. Watch some stupid show. Watch movies. Date night. All that. It's really ultimately a small time commitment but it makes us closer between the craziness of going to school and trying to make a life in this crazy world. All the people saying "make her a priority"....they are not wrong. How much time that requires will be different for everyone. But sometimes it might mean sacrificing an orthopedic neurosurgery spot at MGH. Is it worth it? Only you can know that. As I've said elsewhere there are probably more important aspects to living the good life than a tier 1 professional career. Medicine and life in general is all about the long game.

Honestly bud, I completely agree with you on that. My idea of a good life is practicing medicine and having my lady by my side. My perception is that life is too short to work it away and lose those relationships that got me here in the first place. You know, I'm building a life to support the both of us and I know she is too. My SO works in software development so she too studies and works long after her 9-5. I am hoping that there will be enough of a balance that I don't feel overwhelmed and isolated in my studies. It will be nice to know that she is just down the hall if I need a pep talk and a kick in the balls to keep pushing forward. Now if she did not have a job and did not understand this lifestyle I have chosen, that would be an instant deal breaker. But I think I picked the right person to take this journey with. Sounds like you did as well!

 

[JB50]

Sorry if I missed this in your post (I'm 3 scotches in) but what is your SO doing? My wife is doing a PhD program so she knows the deal. Studying. Books. Reading. Research. Etc.
but most importantly we have time to chill. Watch some stupid show. Watch movies. Date night. All that. It's really ultimately a small time commitment but it makes us closer between the craziness of going to school and trying to make a life in this crazy world. All the people saying "make her a priority"....they are not wrong. How much time that requires will be different for everyone. But sometimes it might mean sacrificing an orthopedic neurosurgery spot at MGH. Is it worth it? Only you can know that. As I've said elsewhere there are probably more important aspects to living the good life than a tier 1 professional career. Medicine and life in general is all about the long game.

To the opie, just realize that no relationship will survive if it is ignored on a regular basis for four years. Just aint gonna happen. I got married during my gap year so I'm in it for the long haul regardless. Med school is gonna be a lot of work and so is a healthy relationship.

 

[Mad Jack]

There is no telling how it'll fair. You just have to try it out. Make her a priority. In OMSI, 80% of relationships will fail. The ones that succeed are those that make their significant their priority. You will be under an immense amount of stress and they will understand that but just don't take advantage of their understanding.

Sincerely,
The guy that didn't make her a priority lol

Most of the strong relationships that nontrads had going in are still going strong- I think out of a couple dozen we've had only one breakup. The traditional students though, they are about 50/50.

 

[jazzcartier]

I agree, I see it as if we want to make it work and last together, we will.

Honestly bud, I completely agree with you on that. My idea of a good life is practicing medicine and having my lady by my side. My perception is that life is too short to work it away and lose those relationships that got me here in the first place. You know, I'm building a life to support the both of us and I know she is too. My SO works in software development so she too studies and works long after her 9-5. I am hoping that there will be enough of a balance that I don't feel overwhelmed and isolated in my studies. It will be nice to know that she is just down the hall if I need a pep talk and a kick in the balls to keep pushing forward. Now if she did not have a job and did not understand this lifestyle I have chosen, that would be an instant deal breaker. But I think I picked the right person to take this journey with. Sounds like you did as well!

these posts make me so happy, for you and your lady. i wish you nothing but the best!

 

[Wcm21]

I like the comments at the end of this thread much more than the beginning lol (80% of relationships fail stat). As for me I'm praying my bf will be able to get a good job where I'll be attending so we can finally be done with long distance. I might be studying all day but at least we'll get to see each other every night!

 

[JB50]

I like the comments at the end of this thread much more than the beginning lol (80% of relationships fail stat). As for me I'm praying my bf will be able to get a good job where I'll be attending so we can finally be done with long distance. I might be studying all day but at least we'll get to see each other every night!

I started "dating" my current wife when I was a freshmen in high school. We did long distance in undergrad (10 hour drive apart) and got married this past year. You can make it work 🙂

 

[Skynnyrd]

It is doable. I got married after the first semester of MS1, currently half way through MS3 and we are doing great. It takes a conscious effort to make sure your significant other feels loved. Sure they will say that they understand but secretly they will be hoping you will blow off studying to hang out with them for a few hours. For me I just switched up my schedule so that evenings were dedicated spouse time. I would wake up around 4:30 (head to the school to study), study until 8:00 go to class, get out in the afternoon and study maybe an additional 1-2 hours then go home around 5-6. This worked for me because it allowed me to set clear boundaries between home life and school life. If you expect a relationship to survive based on when its convenient for you, you're kidding yourself and will end up unhappy.

 

[realDrSeuss]

Thanks all for your responses, have definitely eased any pessimism I was feeling. We have signed on a place together today!

 

[medstar11]

I will go along with people and say it is hard. OMS1 here who moved with my fiance across country and will be getting married summer between OMS1 and 2. We have had some ups and downs mainly about trying to live on a tight budget but he understands that I am super busy and need to study. What has worked for us is he has found a pretty time consuming hobby of his own that helps take up some of his time and also we always eat all our meals together (he gets to come home for lunch) and use that as time to talk about our days and any other current event we can think of. Just try to set out time like meals or something consistent so your SO knows that you still love and care about them. It is completely doable but it does take some work! Good luck