My PS Starting Sentence

[doomknight]

Starting paragraph, Take Two:

I slowly crept toward a gloomy room near the end of the hallway. For a brief moment, the thought that the room might contain ghosts flashed through my mind, the action potentials dazzling along the my youthful axons. I quickly remembered, however, that my parents assure me many times ghosts only existed in myths. Nevertheless, my ventricles and atria accelerated, my legs felt stiff, and adrenaline rushed into my bloodstream. I paused and checked behind me to make sure the hallway was still empty. Taking a deep breath and holding it, I hesitated about whether to cross the threshold, until curiosity finally took over and urged me to step into the room.

I lived in...........
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[jebus]

yeah, um, no...
wait, really?
no.
i'm hijacking your thread because it's silly.
instead: smilies.

 

[jebus]

 

[greg1184]

Does this have anything to do with why you want to pursue medicine?

 

[MirkoCrocop]

ugg... where to start...

1. dont use anything resembling a curse word in your PS, much less the 1st sentence.
2. make sure its grammatically correct...

 

[bozz]

Yo what's your username on Frozen Throne.. I'm on.... hit my name up:

ibsallies ... playin some 4v4

South Korea!!?? aren't you white.. from your MdApps

 

[doomknight]

ok thx for the suggestions I think I will think up of a new opening sentence that's catchy

 

[doomknight]

Yo what's your username on Frozen Throne.. I'm on.... hit my name up:

ibsallies ... playin some 4v4

South Korea!!?? aren't you white.. from your MdApps

4v4 is for newbs imo, no offense.....

I listed ethnicity as white cuz I didn't want people to think i was URM. But there are alot of koreans here though, but most of them don't study medicine

 

[Raryn]

4v4 is for newbs imo, no offense.....

I listed ethnicity as white cuz I didn't want people to think i was URM. But there are alot of koreans here though, but most of them don't study medicine

Asians aren't URM. You cant swing a dead cat in a hospital without hitting six or seven Asian doctors.

 

[jebus]

Edit: removing due to fear of getting palgirised (however it's spelled

Really? you might want to rethink all those reaches you're applying to.
oh, and

 

[doomknight]

not all of them are reaches. I think my life story will dazzle during interview, like in "21", provided that I get an interview of course...

 

[jebus]

why do that to yourself? "provided that i get an interview"? give yourself at least one or two "when i get an interview" opportunities.
and just for you:

 

[greg1184]

Edit: removing due to fear of getting palgirised (however it's spelled

I really doubt you have to worry about anyone plagiarizing that sentence.

 

[doomknight]

ok stop makin fun of my spelling. I thoroghly check my spelling in word, and I'm decent with grammar. you guys are makin me look like some newb who doesn't know english (which is somewhat true, i guess)

 

[iduwanna]

"What you say, biotch?!," I demanded ever austerely as I swung my leather-gloved right hand back over the opposite shoulder in athirst preperation to deliver a quintessential backhanded pimp-slap to my pretentious third-favorite *****.

Go with it (after fixing the obvious spelling error). It will catch the readers attention and give them something to remember you by.

Anyone would want to read on.

 

[decafplease]

Go with it (after fixing the obvious spelling error). It will catch the readers attention and give them something to remember you by.

Anyone would want to read on.

 

[doomknight]

Go with it (after fixing the obvious spelling error). It will catch the readers attention and give them something to remember you by.

Anyone would want to read on.

Just to be clear, that was NOT my original PS sentence, he wrote it for fun...

kthx

 

[aster]

Go with it (after fixing the obvious spelling error). It will catch the readers attention and give them something to remember you by.

Anyone would want to read on.

 

[GoldShadow]

Aw, come on I want to see the original sentence!

 

[BoredMD]

Aw, come on I want to see the original sentence!

Same here, I'm very curious.

 

[hal9000]

Go with it (after fixing the obvious spelling error). It will catch the readers attention and give them something to remember you by.

Anyone would want to read on.

I agree. OP should definitely go with it.

 

[Myuu]

4v4 is for newbs imo, no offense.....

I listed ethnicity as white cuz I didn't want people to think i was URM. But there are alot of koreans here though, but most of them don't study medicine

Did you miss the front-page expose in the Chosun Ilbo about MCATs, reach schools, and chances?

 

[SaveThisLabRat]

Edit: removing due to fear of getting palgirised (however it's spelled

Dude. I guarantee nobody is going to steal anything you write.

 

[olemissbabydoc]

This idea is fun! However, I doubt most of the neurotic premeds around here would post theirs... at least until after AMCAS closes this year.

So I'll make one up.


"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times"

 

[LikeClockWork]

How about we all post the 23rd sentence from our PS?


"Once I had mopped up all the blood, I had to use my extensive medical knowledge to take care of what I knew the medical examiner would look for."


See? See my dedication to medicine?

 

[olemissbabydoc]

"After the examination, the patient began asking questions he had previously avoided. "

Wow. It sounds way more intelligent in context. LOL.

 

[pianola]

What? You're writing about prostitution???

 

[Lacheln]

"The botched diagnosis was, in part, due to the fact that I was at the hospital alone - clearly a suboptimal situation - and did not advocate for myself."

Oh yeah, I'm breakin' out the malpractice. ;-)

 

[kronickm]

Trying to decide between these two sentances to start my PS.


"My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina."

Or perhaps.


"You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me. Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon... with nail polish"

 

[doomknight]

My wish to help people led me to volunteer at the admissions desk at my local hospital, allowing me to greet and interact with hundreds of patient each week.

 

[rowerlauren]

This:
"Out rowing alone I saw an object fall into the water in front of me. As I turned my boat around and drew closer, I realized the object was a man, unconscious, facedown in the water."


Or this:
"My life started in a test tube as an In Vitro Fertilization baby, and from those first moments my life has been leading me to a career in medicine."

Who knows what's really my first sentence?

 

[jebus]

My wish to help people led me to volunteer at the admissions desk at my local hospital, allowing me to greet and interact with hundreds of patient each week.

Again, no. you sound dorky, boring, and mechanical. Would you talk like that? God help us. Here's your litmus test: would it make you cringe if you heard someone talk that? Let's make it into something that you would actually SAY:

I wanted to help people so I volunteered at the admissions desk at [insert name of hospital] as a [insert normal sounding title - they know what you do].

your experience sounds shallow.

one safety, that's all i ask.

 

[LikeClockWork]

"As I began sliding down the birth canal, I thought of all the poor, helpless people in the world who would need my copious talents in order to live rich, full lives."

 

[Handy388]

I was sipping a beer and listen to the 9th when I clicked submit on my AMCAS, so dear reader, I hope you do the same when you wander upon my essay.

 

[LittleRocker]

"The botched diagnosis was, in part, due to the fact that I was at the hospital alone - clearly a suboptimal situation - and did not advocate for myself."

Oh yeah, I'm breakin' out the malpractice. ;-)

If it's "clearly a suboptimal situation" why do you have to tell us? This sentence is verbose.

 

[rowerlauren]

And using "suboptimal" just sounds like you have a broomstick up where the sun don't shine. Yes it's a formal essay, but it's not an essay to show how excellent a vocabulary you have...

 

[8744]

Here, try these just to get started. Jeez. It's not rocket science:



http://pandabearmd.com/blog/2007/02/10/how-to-write-your-amcas-personal-statement/

 

[Bond8204]

I was sipping a beer and listen to the 9th when I clicked submit on my AMCAS, so dear reader, I hope you do the same when you wander upon my essay.

If I were an adcom, I would not grant you an interview.


...I'd admit you directly.

 

[Lacheln]

If it's "clearly a suboptimal situation" why do you have to tell us? This sentence is verbose.

And using "suboptimal" just sounds like you have a broomstick up where the sun don't shine. Yes it's a formal essay, but it's not an essay to show how excellent a vocabulary you have...

Holy unsolicited feedback batman. Simmer down, I was just sharing for fun. Although I'm sure I have every reason to take your anonymous pre-medical opinion to heart, I think I'll stick with advice from people a little more involved in the process.

 

[LittleRocker]

Yeah I guess in the end you're trying to be a doctor, not a writer.

But seriously: "In part, due to the fact that..." could be changed to "partly because" and it means the exact same thing and reads much better.

 

[Lacheln]

Yeah I guess in the end you're trying to be a doctor, not a writer.

But seriously: "In part, due to the fact that..." could be changed to "partly because" and it means the exact same thing and reads much better.

Thanks for the extra dose of snark. You apparently want to be an editor.

The sentence is from an early draft. I don't disagree with your comment, but I didn't ask for it, and therefore don't appreciate it, especially since you are only participating in the thread as a critic. To me that sort of behavior is such a sad part of SDN.

Done with the discussion.

 

[jelly476]

The 23rd sentence of my PS is "Walker told me I have AIDS"

 

[schismal]

The 23rd sentence of my PS is "Walker told me I have AIDS"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdsTUcuD7YA

 

[SaveThisLabRat]

"Hi u guys i liike to help ppl & i lyk sciinse alot so doctering is my dream. i wnt to help ppl all over teh world thru docters w/o borders. i luve werking 4 free. k guys i reeeeally lik ur scholl plz admit me thnx."

I have 15 reach school and 1 safety.

 

[bozz]

never ever use the term "help people" in your essay... it makes premeds go >.> , and it'll probably make adcoms want to die

 

[TehDoc]

Lol

 

[ButImLETired]

How about we all post the 23rd sentence from our PS?


"Once I had mopped up all the blood, I had to use my extensive medical knowledge to take care of what I knew the medical examiner would look for."


See? See my dedication to medicine?

My 23rd sentence is annoyingly telling.

"And unfortunately for my dubious reputation as the cool and mysterious foreigner, the more comfortable I became speaking English, the more I became that annoying kid in class that asks all the questions."

 

[GoldShadow]

"You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me. Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon... with nail polish"

"As I began sliding down the birth canal, I thought of all the poor, helpless people in the world who would need my copious talents in order to live rich, full lives."

"Hi u guys i liike to help ppl & i lyk sciinse alot so doctering is my dream. i wnt to help ppl all over teh world thru docters w/o borders. i luve werking 4 free. k guys i reeeeally lik ur scholl plz admit me thnx."

Here, try these just to get started. Jeez. It's not rocket science:



http://pandabearmd.com/blog/2007/02/10/how-to-write-your-amcas-personal-statement/

 

[MichiganEMTInt]

"Just to let you know, I'm in it for the money."

 

[doomknight]

Starting paragraph, Take Two:

I slowly crept toward a gloomy room near the end of the hallway. For a brief moment, the thought that the room might contain ghosts flashed through my mind, the action potentials dazzling along the my youthful axons. I quickly remembered, however, that my parents assure me many times ghosts only existed in myths. Nevertheless, my ventricles and atria accelerated, my legs felt stiff, and adrenaline rushed into my bloodstream. I paused and checked behind me to make sure the hallway was still empty. Taking a deep breath and holding it, I hesitated about whether to cross the threshold, until curiosity finally took over and urged me to step into the room.

I lived in...........