My PS: Welcoming any and all feedback

[Dr Buddy]

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Removed the PS per comments of everyone else. If it is quoted please edit your post. Thank you!!!

 

[loveoforganic]

I really like it. The only thing I'm not so sure about is the "no back-up plan" bit. It only makes sense to have a plan in place should medical school not become a possibility for some reason or another.

 

[runrunrudolph1]

Hey all,

It's now July 5th and I still haven't submitted AMCAS...it's time to step my game up but I just can't get the personal statement to say what I want. Here it is: if you have any striking thoughts or opinions please let me know. I don't offend easily, so bring on the blunt honesty. If this sucks, don't be afraid to say so.

It was a rough week. I hadn’t been getting much sleep and was running a high fever. A friend of mine had been going through hard times - simply said her lifestyle hadn’t blended well with her epilepsy which was often stress induced. She called me crying after her husband left with her children and had four seizures upon my arrival. I stayed up most of that night counseling her and practicing first aid for seizures to the best of my ability - knowing then that my skill was limited was a frustrating and humbling experience. The next morning, as I waited tables on two hours of sleep, I realized that despite my exhaustion I had not felt more alive in months. I had made a sacrifice for the sole benefit of another human being and took pride in it. It made me thankful for what I had and reaffirmed my desire to pursue medicine, feeling at my core the inexplicable satisfaction of knowing I am capable of bigger things.
Medicine wasn’t always the career I had in mind. When I began college I had ambitions of being a successful businessman, but after three 6-month corporate internships I discovered my heart wasn’t in it. During my stint in “Big Pharma” I studied my surroundings and tried to envision how my career would unfold. I saw two types of people: those who loved their jobs and those who didn’t but gave their best anyways. The first group found their jobs rewarding and it showed. It was no surprise that they were often senior personnel or young up-and-comers. The second group was hard to distinguish from the first; they were often successful and worked hard but after getting to know them I sensed that there were some intangibles missing. The best summation I have come up with is that the second group works hard because they have to, while the first works hard because they want to. While this may be an over-simplified perspective, it did help me reach an important conclusion – the people who are best at their jobs and enjoy life are usually the ones who are passionate and love what they do. Until then I had spent my working life in the second group and I knew it was time for a change.
I began to consider why I had this empty feeling and looked back upon my life, considering my priorities. I tried to recall the things I had done that felt worthwhile. I remembered being on a beach, furiously trying to stop the bleeding of man who had put a surfboard fin through his leg as we awaited help. I remembered the times my parents and I took in friends who had been kicked out of their homes. I remembered the times I helped someone through a class or test and the kids whose lives I enriched by teaching martial arts. I remembered years of playing “counselor” for friends and trying to be there for my parents during their divorce even though I didn’t really know how. These are the memories that have stayed with me over time and I realize now that these experiences trump many “standard” life achievements such as grades, money, jobs and awards. It is not what we accomplish for ourselves, but what we accomplish for others, that defines us as human beings.
It was after this introspection that I decided to pursue a medical career and began taking pre-med coursework. Since then, my exposure within the field has confirmed to me that medicine meshes flawlessly with my personal values and desires for a career. As a hospital volunteer and more recently a medical assistant I have begun to see my passion for patient care and thirst for medical knowledge. I will never forget the first significant injury I helped treat – second degree burns on a 10 year old female. I watched with awe as the wound was cleaned and bandaged and felt a nervous anticipation when asked to assist. In the subsequent days the patient came back to have the wound re-treated; each time I was permitted a bigger and bigger role until eventually I was able to complete the process myself. This and the other skills I have learned have satisfied for me an innate curiosity I haven’t felt since I was a child. Every procedure I learn and every condition I am exposed to adds something to me, like a small piece of a very large puzzle. Perhaps most exciting is how much there is still to learn and how, over many years, I will be able to treat diverse groups of people with a myriad of conditions.
Now, three years since leaving the business world, that fateful epiphany has evolved into the core of my self-identity; I feel my path towards medicine defines me. After failing to earn admission in my first year as an applicant, I haven’t become dejected, but rather inspired. There is no back-up plan; there is no alternative. I have chosen this path and pursue it fully. I spend my mornings as a medical assistant in an effort to begin the ongoing process of developing clinical skills; I spend my nights as a Kaplan instructor, teaching pre-med academics and helping others to gain entrance into medical programs. Each day when I find something rewarding during work or study, I am reminded how this transformation from finance major desk-jockey to medical school hopeful has been a somewhat surreal experience - as if “destiny” is revealing itself to me in retrospect. Now, with the road well lit, I plan to follow it with all that I have.

kudos for not giving up. pretty sweet ps

 

[URHere]

Are you really sure you want to post your PS in a public place? You never know who is going to read this, like it, and potentially use pieces of it on their own applications. What if you apply to the same school as someone who decided to "borrow" your essay?

I'm just saying...if I were you, I would send the PS as a personal message to people you know won't be applying this cycle and delete this thread.

 

[loveoforganic]

also agree with the above post!

 

[Eurekaa]

Hey, I like your concluding paragraph, quite powerful. You may want to reconsider some of your wording, like instead of 'capable of bigger things', say 'capable of greater things'.

Also, you don't want your PS to be a rehash of all the activities you've put (and in greater detail) in the work/activities section. I think you should focus less on listing stuff you've done, and more on explaining how your past experiences have set you on this path to medicine. You mentioned how your inexperience in first aid proved frustrating and humbling, so perhaps elaborate on how strongly you desire to obtain the expert knowledge to do all you can't now.

 

[jamesq]

Looks like a very good essay, now you and a few other thousand premeds will have the same hook. In my advice and echoing what other posters have said before, delete your essay before it becomes someone elses!

 

[BlueElmo]

Don't post this in public, OP. Take it down and PM individual members!

 

[ensuii]

Agreed with replies: good PS but ask for readers and PM/email them indvidually. By doing this, depending on who you work with, you can get very specific feedback about what stylistic/content qualities of your PS need to be changed. I'll have a lot of free time this last month before school starts so if you want, you can PM with your e-mail address and I'll send you a file with comments/suggestions.

 

[jdtx]

wow man, great ps

 

[YouNeverKnow22]

good PS, but take it down you don't want people copying your stuff.

 

[pakola]

Overall, very good idea. I think after the second sentence you need a transition, in between where you talk about being sick and about your friend with epilepsy. I also think that you need to expand on your desire to pursue medicine. I had this same problem. You mention an activity that, clearly to you, has gotten you really interested in medicine. But you simply say that it has gotten you interested, you haven't elaborated about what went through your head during that activity, or linked certain events to certain aspects of medicine. Most importantly, you mention an interest in medicine, and you mention trying to get into medical school, but you don't explicitly mention a desire to be a physician, nor do you really show that you know what a physician does. I know that it may seem obvious to you that what you wrote implies that, I think you need to be specific. It's important to let adcoms know that you know what a physician does, what it takes to become one, and how becoming a physician will satisfy you personally. Now, of course, as premeds they don't expect us to know everything about what it takes to be a doctor, after all you do have 4 years of medical school to start figuring that out. But they do want you to know what you're getting into, because you're approaching the point of no return. Overall, good body of work, work on some transitions and fleshing out your examples a bit, and tying everything together more, and you'll be good.

 

[sleepy12]

I think the part about knowing people that love and hate their jobs is too detailed. I think it could be summed up because you say alot of stuff about it before you mention anything about you. Its too long before you see the relevancy to you.

 

[phospho]

wait!!! before you take it down, let me just copy and paste it really quick... i have a paper due tomorrow, and I can really use some of this...

j/k

now get it off the public forum!

Great essay by the way

 

[sshashid87]

I do like the PS, and while your motivation for medicine is mentioned, it's not fully explained...you have an opportunity for a really powerful paragraph but you simply say this motivated you...other than that i did really like the essay, very solid, great experiences...

now take it down, and ask runrunrudolph1 to delete his post too...you obviously worked very hard on this, don't let someone steal your hard work ...but great essay, good luck this cycle

 

[DrReo]

Hey all,

It's now July 5th and I still haven't submitted AMCAS...it's time to step my game up but I just can't get the personal statement to say what I want. Here it is: if you have any striking thoughts or opinions please let me know. I don't offend easily, so bring on the blunt honesty. If this sucks, don't be afraid to say so.

It was a rough week. I hadn’t been getting much sleep and was running a high fever. A friend of mine had been going through hard times - simply said her lifestyle hadn’t blended well with her epilepsy which was often stress induced. She called me crying after her husband left with her children and had four seizures upon my arrival. I stayed up most of that night counseling her and practicing first aid for seizures to the best of my ability - knowing then that my skill was limited was a frustrating and humbling experience. The next morning, as I waited tables on two hours of sleep, I realized that despite my exhaustion I had not felt more alive in months. I had made a sacrifice for the sole benefit of another human being and took pride in it. It made me thankful for what I had and reaffirmed my desire to pursue medicine, feeling at my core the inexplicable satisfaction of knowing I am capable of bigger things.
Medicine wasn’t always the career I had in mind. When I began college I had ambitions of being a successful businessman, but after three 6-month corporate internships I discovered my heart wasn’t in it. During my stint in “Big Pharma” I studied my surroundings and tried to envision how my career would unfold. I saw two types of people: those who loved their jobs and those who didn’t but gave their best anyways. The first group found their jobs rewarding and it showed. It was no surprise that they were often senior personnel or young up-and-comers. The second group was hard to distinguish from the first; they were often successful and worked hard but after getting to know them I sensed that there were some intangibles missing. The best summation I have come up with is that the second group works hard because they have to, while the first works hard because they want to. While this may be an over-simplified perspective, it did help me reach an important conclusion – the people who are best at their jobs and enjoy life are usually the ones who are passionate and love what they do. Until then I had spent my working life in the second group and I knew it was time for a change.
I began to consider why I had this empty feeling and looked back upon my life, considering my priorities. I tried to recall the things I had done that felt worthwhile. I remembered being on a beach, furiously trying to stop the bleeding of man who had put a surfboard fin through his leg as we awaited help. I remembered the times my parents and I took in friends who had been kicked out of their homes. I remembered the times I helped someone through a class or test and the kids whose lives I enriched by teaching martial arts. I remembered years of playing “counselor” for friends and trying to be there for my parents during their divorce even though I didn’t really know how. These are the memories that have stayed with me over time and I realize now that these experiences trump many “standard” life achievements such as grades, money, jobs and awards. It is not what we accomplish for ourselves, but what we accomplish for others, that defines us as human beings.
It was after this introspection that I decided to pursue a medical career and began taking pre-med coursework. Since then, my exposure within the field has confirmed to me that medicine meshes flawlessly with my personal values and desires for a career. As a hospital volunteer and more recently a medical assistant I have begun to see my passion for patient care and thirst for medical knowledge. I will never forget the first significant injury I helped treat – second degree burns on a 10 year old female. I watched with awe as the wound was cleaned and bandaged and felt a nervous anticipation when asked to assist. In the subsequent days the patient came back to have the wound re-treated; each time I was permitted a bigger and bigger role until eventually I was able to complete the process myself. This and the other skills I have learned have satisfied for me an innate curiosity I haven’t felt since I was a child. Every procedure I learn and every condition I am exposed to adds something to me, like a small piece of a very large puzzle. Perhaps most exciting is how much there is still to learn and how, over many years, I will be able to treat diverse groups of people with a myriad of conditions.
Now, three years since leaving the business world, that fateful epiphany has evolved into the core of my self-identity; I feel my path towards medicine defines me. After failing to earn admission in my first year as an applicant, I haven’t become dejected, but rather inspired. There is no back-up plan; there is no alternative. I have chosen this path and pursue it fully. I spend my mornings as a medical assistant in an effort to begin the ongoing process of developing clinical skills; I spend my nights as a Kaplan instructor, teaching pre-med academics and helping others to gain entrance into medical programs. Each day when I find something rewarding during work or study, I am reminded how this transformation from finance major desk-jockey to medical school hopeful has been a somewhat surreal experience - as if “destiny” is revealing itself to me in retrospect. Now, with the road well lit, I plan to follow it with all that I have.

I really like the 2nd paragraph. I'm going to impliment that into my PS. Thank goodness I didn't submit yet!

Thanks for the ideas!

 

[not respect]

I think it's great, I read through it a couple of times and wouldn't really change anything. I also don't think you would have to take it down because all your experiences seem pretty unique. But it might be safer though.

 

[Dr Buddy]

Thank you all for the feedback! I was running into a bit of writer's block and it's great to see thoughts from others in my position.

And yea, I just took it down. Honestly didn't think about the privacy issue. Good looking out everyone.

 

[BlueElmo]

People who quoted the OP's essay, please edit them out.

 

[Evergrey]

OP should get a mod in here and ask them to do it, they would probably be happy to help out I would think.

 

[ksmi117]

OP should get a mod in here and ask them to do it, they would probably be happy to help out I would think.

OP, PM the people who quoted it and ask them to remove it from their posts.