Need Advice Please

[Tayrho]

My wife was just recently diagnosed with a serious degenerative condition. This changes everything. I have a couple more years before I am active duty but I cannot imagine leaving her for months at a time. What I am going to do? Do I say something now or do I wait until I am active?

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[chopper]

My wife was just recently diagnosed with a serious degenerative condition. This changes everything. I have a couple more years before I am active duty but I cannot imagine leaving her for months at a time. What I am going to do? Do I say something now or do I wait until I am active?

I would say something now. The military has outs for people in situations like yours. They are called humanitarian discharges. If this is something that really just came up, and will be life changing for you - you need to bring this up with people who can do something about it (i.e. whatever O6 is in your chain).

If you wait until you are active, they may rightly ask 'if it is so bad, why are you waiting until now to bring it up?'

 

[encourageable]

I would say something now. The military has outs for people in situations like yours. They are called humanitarian discharges. If this is something that really just came up, and will be life changing for you - you need to bring this up with people who can do something about it (i.e. whatever O6 is in your chain).

If you wait until you are active, they may rightly ask 'if it is so bad, why are you waiting until now to bring it up?'

I met the wife of a marine corps O-6 lawyer who has a kid with a severe immune deficiency. He can only be treated at a few academic centers in the country. The marine corps allowed the colonel to stay in Washington for multiple tours, rather than having to resign.

 

[IgD]

What condition are you referring to? Check out the EFMP program. My experience is the military takes care of its own (unless you rub people the wrong way like some of the posters here).

For example, a general surgery resident's husband was Army but allowed to do a Navy ortho residency so they could co-locate. Another example is a guy I worked with who developed head and neck cancer without any risk factors. The military helped him get treatment. Another friend of mine had a child born premature about 24 weeks. He was in the NICU for months. The child is now 2.5 years old and doing better but still struggling. My friend did have to go on an 8 month deployment to Iraq.

 

[pgg]

My wife was just recently diagnosed with a serious degenerative condition. This changes everything. I have a couple more years before I am active duty but I cannot imagine leaving her for months at a time. What I am going to do? Do I say something now or do I wait until I am active?

As noted by IgD, you sound like you'd end up in EFMP (exceptional family members program). They might give you an out now, but it's more likely that they'll enroll you in EFMP (which is mandatory for any servicemember who has a dependent with special needs) and park you near a large MTF. In your case, you'd probably be nondeployable as well, if your wife is/becomes incapable of managing daily life without you.

For example, a general surgery resident's husband was Army but allowed to do a Navy ortho residency so they could co-locate.

This is not a common outcome of such situations. Please don't imply that it is, or that simply not "rubbing people the wrong way" is all one needs to do to get an exception like this made. And what does this have to do with EFMP?

Another example is a guy I worked with who developed head and neck cancer without any risk factors. The military helped him get treatment.

Well, I would hope so.

Another friend of mine had a child born premature about 24 weeks. He was in the NICU for months. The child is now 2.5 years old and doing better but still struggling. My friend did have to go on an 8 month deployment to Iraq.

Again, I would certainly hope that the military would offer treatment to the sick kid of a servicemember.

Not sure what any of these examples have to do with EFMP though.

 

[Heeed!]

As noted by IgD, you sound like you'd end up in EFMP (exceptional family members program). They might give you an out now, but it's more likely that they'll enroll you in EFMP (which is mandatory for any servicemember who has a dependent with special needs) and park you near a large MTF. In your case, you'd probably be nondeployable as well, if your wife is/becomes incapable of managing daily life without you.

My family was enrolled in the EFMP while I was on active duty. There was a "Q code" (whatver that means) placed in my file which meant whenever I was up for PCS orders, my future base would need to have facilities to treat my EFM or I wouldn't be assigned there. You can be on non-deployable status and still serve. The military will still want its pound of flesh from you, so if it's in the best interest of the military, they'll keep you and work around the family issues.