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Discussion in 'Spouses and Partners' started by justme123, Aug 9, 2004.
If it's meant to be it'll work out. If not don't worry there are many other fish in the sea......at least I hope so
Hmm...I must be using the wrong bait...
You transferred schools to be with your boyfriend?
You said it yourself: it's because of the huge adjustment. Speaking as a pre-med who just took a big road trip to visit my soon-to-be-school with my girlfriend, I can say it's overwhelming to realize that the plans are starting to come together and become real. He's probably freaked out; he likely feels not just the stress of having to do well in school but also responsibility for you, because you've moved to be with him.
It's no excuse for his behavior, but it could be an explanation: what if the worst thing possible in his mind wouldn't be screwing up at school, but screwing things up for you because you made the sacrifice to come out to be with him? It's not unusual for people to push their partners away out of fear of failing somehow. And there's a certain shock when you realize the sink or swim situation you're in affects more than just you. I bet that's why he's being a dork right now. And/or, maybe you're doing something unintentional that makes it seem like you don't know or care about this aspect of things.
Maybe you should just talk to him; let him know you understand this is really stressful right now. But at the same time, you're in it together and you'd rather he let you be part of the solution, as opposed to treating you as if you were part of the problem.
Good luck to you -- I'm a little bit in awe of anyone who would pack up, transfer schools, and generally go out of their way to stay with someone in a health professions school.
As a medical student, I see this issue come up time and time again with my fellow classmates and friends. The road you and your boyfriend chose is definately going to be a long and difficult one. With that said, I think that if the two of you make it through this period of time, you will have a stronger relationship in the end. There's certainly a ring of truth to the high divorce/break up rate during medical/dental school, however, I don't think that the school is the cause. I believe that the intensity of school only magnifies the issues that underly your relationship already. People that breakup during school, would of probably broken up anyway. The school just speeds up the process.
Once you start your own classes and make new friends (basically have your own life/interests) then things should get better. For women, it's so important to have a sense of independence. Have a life outside of your relationship. Do things that make you happy. You can't change him, but you can change yourself and how you react to him. I'm sure that he must be a wonderful person in order for you to move for him. So, be patient and understanding. And if all that does not work, then, it's not meant to be. But you will be just fine with or without him.
As someone who's husband started medschool last week, I'll chime in here. It IS a huge adjustment for the both of you. The most important thing to me is for me to find my place with his classmates, studying, free time, etc. As long as you are realistic about everything up front and work hard to keep the lines of communication open, it will work out the way it is supposed to. And just remember that every couple has bad days and even weeks but they just make the good ones that much more special.
There are parts of your post that I could have written myself at different times throughout our relationship. Even being married, it's still difficult sometimes to look at all the cute girls in his new class, but I just have to remind myself that he comes home to me very night
As far as not feeling welcome at any of his events, etc. that is something I would talk over with him. Explain to him in the nicest way possible that ya'll are embarking on this journey TOGETHER and that for you to be comfortable about everything and to be excited about what he's doing that you need to meet some of his classmates, get a feel for things, etc. Make him understand that this is important for your peace of mind and for ya'lls relationship. I know how important it has been to me to go to all the events this last week. If you need anyone to vent to or just chat, PM me.
Could you post your picture?
WTF? CoffeeMug, what does her picture have to do with anything? What, you want to evaluate her looks? Is that how you decide if she has anything to worry about? Nice, so ****ing thoughtful of you.
I'm guessing because you've erased your post, either the situation has been resolved or you don't want to discuss it. Either way, good luck. Any kind of move like that can be rough on a relationship.