New to the Forum and looking for smoe advice

[carolina03]

I hope someone doesn't mind giving me a little advice or some insight into my situation! OK My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years now. He is currently in his first year of med school in OKlahoma while I am in South Carolina working. I am planning on moving out there in May since we are talking about marriage and I am not having any luck in the job field here.

Things have not been going well lately. He is exams this week or test block as they call it I guess so I understand he is stressed to the max. I have not talked to him for more than 7 minutes a day if I even get to talk to him and when we do talk he sits there in silence and says nothing to me. He doesn't even crack a smile or pretend that he is glad to talk to me. Like I said I understand he is stressed and I do not know what it is like to be a med student. This leads me to wonder if this is what it will be like when/if I move out there. Am I going to get ingored when I do see him and he will be me rude and just not nice to me? This move for me is huge. I am leaving my family and friends and everything I have known to be with him. Where he will be working long hours so I will be by myself a majority of the time. I am working on going back to school for my masters but am I crazy for moving to be with him? Should I expect this behavior from now on? I mean I am not asking him to call me every hour or email me constantly but a nice 15 mins sincere conversation would be nice.

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[tinkerchick]

I understand where your coming from for the past 6 months my husband has been somewhat the same as your boyfriend....I do not have any solid answers for you yet from experience I wouldnt argue or try to question the situation quit yet...my husband and I have been arguing over "the move" for months and its seems that nothing will change..I have to move to make things work there seems to be no choice..if I want to be with him. With that said I feel you are going to be left alone a lot...it will be more so as it is now. And I guess we are supposed to sit back and stand by our man.....its hard and I still havent figured out the best route to address this situation. This is his dream and if you argue or discuss this everyone thinks your trying to make him stop his dream! And you know you cant live seperate lives b/c that doesnt work..I wish the med students out there would listen to the other half..I know school is hard and long hours yet a few min. a day of "hi hun I love you" just talking to us and making us feel like we are still special can really help in the relationship..yes I know Stress.....on you'll yet its not going to get better so you must address each day as though it is your last...you would never want your wives or husbands be down before so why now.....hope this helps I wish you luck and if you figure out anything let me know....lol....a relationship is 100% from both not 80% non student and 20%student..

 

[Neuronix]

I mean I am not asking him to call me every hour or email me constantly but a nice 15 mins sincere conversation would be nice.

For me it's hard to hold a long conversation on the phone every day, and to me 10 minutes on the phone is a pretty long time. Maybe, like me, he just really doesn't like talking on the phone and wishes you were there and it makes him sad that he only gets to talk to you? When you see him is he more talkative?

I don't know, that's just one possibility. It's possible he's waiting to break up with you too, I know so little about your situation it's impossible for me to tell, but it doesn't seem like that from your post. How does he feel about you moving there? It sounds like it's pretty serious if you're talking about marriage. Have you tried other forms of communication like AIM that wouldn't require as much focus as the phone?

 

[Doctor Bagel]

I'm guessing your boyfriend goes to my school since you mentioned Oklahoma and test blocks. The one thing to say is that test block week is incredibly stressful, especially the first ones, so I wouldn't decide anything based on that. Yeah, he should be able to talk to you for 7 minutes and not be grumpy, but I suspect that will come with time. I'd be more concerned with how he's acting when it's not test block. You're right that if you're not going to be a priority to him, you shouldn't uproot your life and move. It would be too much stress for both you and him. I would suggest waiting out at least the first semester and see how things are going there. I would also be worried about you passing up the opportunity to go to grad school if it's something you really want to do.

Anyway, I just think you should make sure your priorities are also being met.