Ok here goes..... dating for Atheist and Agnostics

[Lumberjill]

Yikes. I'm not familiar with law, but is the reason "my husband is not religious" good enough for a court to give full custody of children to a woman? I don't know if my feelings will change when I have a kid, but if my future wife is going to use my child as leverage, I'd take split custody to be rid of that nut. Hopefully there are signs beforehand though that she's a controlling monster.

The accusations are a little more extreme than that. A lot of religious people believe wild things about people who identify as atheists. Despite the irony, a lot of religious folk truly believe that atheists are devil-worshipping, baby killing, perverts. So if she decides to falsely accuse you of these things, a judge in the backwoods of Mississippi may be dumb enough to believe it. Like I said, it's happened before. I'm originally from the south and I've personally witnessed judges who let their religious bias determine how they rule. And unfortunately, a lot of those people are either unable to (due to the good 'ol boys) or too ignorant to take the case to a higher-up. These aren't hypothetical; it's just what I have personally witnessed.

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[KnuxNole]

Don't mislead people now. You get north of the Tampa/Orlando area and you are in the deep south.

Tallahassee isn't too bad. Good news is all the FL med schools(save for FSU) are in Central/South Florida. And there are lots of prospective dates in Tallyho!

 

[HopefulSlav]

So...have you tried Atheistmingle.com? (sarcasm)

 

[HughMyron]

HughMyron you've got some competition.

You rang?

 

[Chrys]

So, just my opinion, but I don't think hiding it or avoiding the issue is a good idea if you are talking about serious dating. Sure, it doesn't have to come up right away but before things get too serious, you sort of want to know if your values/beliefs line up with the other person. And also you want to be able to be you with someone your dating, and your beliefs/lack thereof are part of that. Having really different and strongly held religious views can be really hard on a relationship. Generally, I just think being upfront is better. And you never know, if you are in the right atmosphere (agree w/everyone else about getting out of the South), there are people out there who would see that as a plus, esp more in the science/medicine community. I know I would.

So cheesy as it is, I really think the best thing is just to be yourself, atheism/agnosticism and all.

 

[Bangersandmash]

What you viewed as cynicism can easily be viewed as realism. And to answer your question, I date each person with the realization that I just might fall in love with that person. And I know from experience how bad it sucks to fall for a person you have to let go because they've done nothing but bring you down since you've met them. Maybe you haven't experienced this, but I have, and it is the reason why I don't think it's a good idea to date people you would never consider building a life with.

But then again, I think women and men view dating differently. Women tend to view dating as a means to meet a future spouse, and men tend to view dating as a means to sex; the finding a spouse part is usually a freak accident.

I understand what you mean, I just don't understand your timing. How quickly do you have such serious discussions with girls you are interested in? If you're talking after 6 months of serious dating, I get discussing it so you don't invest even more emotion into something that will never work. But talking about how to raise your kids and what kind of religious marriage ceremony you're going to have would scare most girls I know on the first date

The accusations are a little more extreme than that. A lot of religious people believe wild things about people who identify as atheists. Despite the irony, a lot of religious folk truly believe that atheists are devil-worshipping, baby killing, perverts. So if she decides to falsely accuse you of these things, a judge in the backwoods of Mississippi may be dumb enough to believe it. Like I said, it's happened before. I'm originally from the south and I've personally witnessed judges who let their religious bias determine how they rule. And unfortunately, a lot of those people are either unable to (due to the good 'ol boys) or too ignorant to take the case to a higher-up. These aren't hypothetical; it's just what I have personally witnessed.

I never had much faith in America's legal system or government, but personal anecdotes like these certainly lower the bar.

Tallahassee isn't too bad. Good news is all the FL med schools(save for FSU) are in Central/South Florida. And there are lots of prospective dates in Tallyho!

Because the only people that live in Tallahassee are a bunch of lousy liberal college students

 

[ScholarStud]

Does anyone know if I can apply as disadvantaged if I am an atheist going to school in the Midwest?

 

[deleted92121]

In my area outside of Pittsburgh, almost everyone I know or have met in passing is religious. There is a lot of prejudice against those without faith but there is a lot of prejudice against other minority groups. In the scheme of things, we really have it pretty good.

But . . .

Identifying oneself as an atheist can cause a metric crap-ton of problems with friends, families, and more. Dating is definitely more challenging for an atheist but it is not impossible. Get involved with local groups that are built around the shared world view that there is no deity. It does help. And move if you can. If not, move to a metropolitan area with a younger crowd. That is a good place to start.

 

[Lumberjill]

I understand what you mean, I just don't understand your timing. How quickly do you have such serious discussions with girls you are interested in? If you're talking after 6 months of serious dating, I get discussing it so you don't invest even more emotion into something that will never work. But talking about how to raise your kids and what kind of religious marriage ceremony you're going to have would scare most girls I know on the first date

I wouldn't ask those specific things on the first few dates, but I think it's okay to ask basic questions that could help you determine what type of person you are dealing with. I usually find out whether they are atheist/theist and conservative/liberal by the second or third date.

To me, those are the most important things and anything else can wait until later to be discussed. But I don't know... different strokes for different folks, I guess.

 

[487806]

You rang?

Y so jelly?

 

[BigBear123]

Is it really wise to date a religious individual if you're an atheist? What if you get married and she insists on indoctrinating the children? And if you dare tell the children what you believe, she deems you an unfit parent and finds that to be grounds for a divorce where she will try to have your parental rights taken away by a judge who is probably just as religious as she is. It's not like this sort of thing has never happened. I was just reading about it not too long ago (I'll see if I can track down the article).

But no, I don't think I could date someone who is religious. For me, it would be like playing with fire.

Ditto. Though I also think that someone who is religious probably wouldn't want to date me in the first place. I mean, if I believed in heaven/hell, would I want to marry someone who I believe is going to hell? Lol...I don't know how it works for them. I would be okay with marrying a religious man if he was really progressive, which does happen here in Northern California quite frequently.

On a side note, how religious is the NYC area? I'm strongly considering going to school there. I know there's a big Jewish population... are the Jewish people there as progressive as in NorCal?

 

[Long Way to Go]

Ditto. Though I also think that someone who is religious probably wouldn't want to date me in the first place. I mean, if I believed in heaven/hell, would I want to marry someone who I believe is going to hell? Lol...I don't know how it works for them. I would be okay with marrying a religious man if he was really progressive, which does happen here in Northern California quite frequently.

On a side note, how religious is the NYC area? I'm strongly considering going to school there. I know there's a big Jewish population... are the Jewish people there as progressive as in NorCal?

1) People have relationships all the time where both parties are almost 100% sure will never lead to marriage, especially in a college environment.
2) Certainly not all Christians have the same attitude about Heaven and Hell, about who is going there and why, and whether both really exist.
3) The metropolitan northeast and the west coast are basically the same in this respect.

 

[GreenKitsune]

So how do you guys do it? Do you guys just not mention your religious beliefs at all or avoid the subject all together? I'm a young black man who lives in the deep south so of course I keep my religious beliefs a secret. Being an atheist or agnostic in the black community makes you a social outcast, being and atheist in the deep south could literally get you killed. Hopefully medical school will have a better population to choose from. Im asking this question here because there seems to be a lot of people here that would have faced this issue before, and hopefully I can get a few good comments.

OP, I would just keep my beliefs out of discussions in the south or move. I reside in the south too and I just choose not to discuss religion, especially my views on it since I have a fairly complicated stance. You might want to consider Austin; it's a fairly liberal southern city and lots of my classmates were very accepting of different kinds of beliefs. I thinks it's possible for you to have a relationship with a spiritual person as long as you both are respectful of each others differences. Differences of course is not exclusive to religion. I personally would enjoy a SO that has some different beliefs/customs compared to my own, it would make things at least interesting.

 

[gocalbears2010]

WOW. I can't believe this thread.....I don't understand how our country is so prejudice and backwards in some areas, it truly is saddening.

Everyone needs to just move out to California! Broaden your minds, be more tolerant and accepting, and live in the 21st century!!! I can't believe some of you guys are going to be doctors one day...

 

[mmmcdowe]

Closing off topic thread. Feel free to discuss this in a class thread or in the Lounge (Wolf's Den).