Older applicant. GF is a prof at a medical school. She says she doesn't think I need to inform school b/c she's in PhD program and not MD program.

[PaprikaLeapt]

We're similar in age, I'm an older nontrad applicant. I'd like to go to that school. We live together, alot of my stuff will probably just remain at her place in all situations. Might get married in the next few years, not sure.

1. Should I apply to the school?

2. Should I apply to the school and inform them while applying?

3. Should I apply to the school and only inform them if I am accepted?

4. Should I apply to the school, and if I'm accepted, should I not mention it?

5. If I'm accepted, should I inform the school (after telling her my intention but possibly informing the school against her wishes) and then officially end the relationship? But can I continue living with her? All my stuff is here with her

What are your thoughts on the best options?

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[Darrow O'Lykos]

Interesting situation, but I don't think it warrants mentioning. Until you are engaged or married, it doesn't establish any significant positive tie to the school (i.e.: the "why us?" question). Conversely, I don't think there's any true conflict unless your girlfriend is on the admissions committee. She may need to bring it up with HR once you are a student and document it, but there's a process in place for such things. Plus it's not like she can unduly influence your grade since exams are MC and she might be only one of many profs teaching any given course. And if she were to do something stupid like reveal her upcoming exam questions to you, it'd only be a matter of time before something like that got out and ruin both of your professional careers, so why would either of you even take that risk?

I say fire away.

 

[rdyotz]

We're similar in age, I'm an older nontrad applicant. I'd like to go to that school. We live together, alot of my stuff will probably just remain at her place in all situations. Might get married in the next few years, not sure.

1. Should I apply to the school?

2. Should I apply to the school and inform them while applying?

3. Should I apply to the school and only inform them if I am accepted?

4. Should I apply to the school, and if I'm accepted, should I not mention it?

5. If I'm accepted, should I inform the school (after telling her my intention but possibly informing the school against her wishes) and then officially end the relationship? But can I continue living with her? All my stuff is here with her

What are your thoughts on the best options?

Only do what's asked of you. Most schools do not ask if you are dating someone there, they might ask about family members. If there comes a situation where she is in control over your grades, then you need to tell them. Also, if you are willing to break up with her so you can go to medical school, then you should probably just break up with her now as you clearly have no feelings for her.

 

[deleted1079620]

If you inform the school against her wishes and then break up with her, I would be very surprised if you would still be allowed to live with her.

 

[Bonne Nuit]

I read this not as the OP wanted to break up with GF because they want out of the relationship, but would instead be willing to pretend to "break up" to keep up appearances for the med school - but was having a moment of self-awareness and was like "But obviously if we were still living together, they'd figure it out eventually because I'd be living there with my stuff". But I could be completely wrong, because point #5 didn't make a whole lot of sense.

The bottom line is that this has very little to do with the OP. Virtually 100% of the exposure falls on the girlfriend. As faculty at an educational institution, she is subject to hard-and-fast guidelines about appropriate faculty/student relationships. She probably had some training about it at some point, and if not, it's definitely included in her employee handbook. Some schools ban romantic relationships between faculty and students outright, irrespective of circumstances. What's more common is that students dating faculty is acceptable only if the student and faculty member are in completely different departments.

So, OP: It's your girlfriend, not you, that needs to manage this situation. You don't need to say anything to anyone at any point in this process, but she is in the position of power and needs to handle this according to her employer's rules. And make no mistake, there will be rules about this.

It's likely to be a moot point anyway because of the statistically small chance of being accepted to her school. But she needs to start doing her due diligence if/when you're actually ready to apply to her school.

 

[jhmmd]

We're similar in age, I'm an older nontrad applicant. I'd like to go to that school. We live together, alot of my stuff will probably just remain at her place in all situations. Might get married in the next few years, not sure.

1. Should I apply to the school?

2. Should I apply to the school and inform them while applying?

3. Should I apply to the school and only inform them if I am accepted?

4. Should I apply to the school, and if I'm accepted, should I not mention it?

5. If I'm accepted, should I inform the school (after telling her my intention but possibly informing the school against her wishes) and then officially end the relationship? But can I continue living with her? All my stuff is here with her

What are your thoughts on the best options?

It doesn't sound like you really know what you want, at this point. First figure out your future (medical school). Then figure out if you want to marry this girl or not, and where you're going to keep your stuff.

It shouldn't make a difference if your gf is a professor at this medical school or not, unless she's on the admissions committee. Then it's up to HER to inform the committee, not you. Again, communication is key.

 

[LizzyM]

1. Should I apply to the school?

Yes

2. Should I apply to the school and inform them while applying?

It is optional, if the secondary asks if you have any ties to the school. Your "roommate" is on the faculty. If this person were your fiancée or your wife, that would be a stronger reason to identify this tie to the school, if asked.

3. Should I apply to the school and only inform them if I am accepted?

I'm not sure who you would inform or why they'd need to know that your roommate was on the faculty.

4. Should I apply to the school, and if I'm accepted, should I not mention it?

This is a reasonable approach. Your roommate is not the school's business.

5. If I'm accepted, should I inform the school (after telling her my intention but possibly informing the school against her wishes) and then officially end the relationship? But can I continue living with her? All my stuff is here with her

Don't live a lie. If you are going to be roommates, go ahead. If you are a romantic couple and the relationship pre-dates your matriculation, it can't be said that the power dynamic is/was such that she put pressure on you for a romantic/sexual relationship that was inappropriate due to the power imbalance.

Most PhDs at med schools don't have teaching responsibilities that require them to assess (grade) medical students so that isn't really an issue. If the person were a course director of a module (e.g. gross anatomy or histology) it might be something that she'd need to bring to the attention of the dean of students. (i.e. "My roommate is starting as an M1 here next month and I'm a bit concerned about having them in lab -- I don't want anyone suggesting that I'd be playing favorites....")

 

[LizzyM]

If you inform the school against her wishes and then break up with her, I would be very surprised if you would still be allowed to live with her.

I completely heard this in the Dowager Countess' voice.

 

[Osteosaur]

If she is not evaluating you what's the difference? Its just a tie to the school and area meaning you'll go there.

 

[voxveritatisetlucis]

She could get in trouble for not mentioning it. Not you.

I’m an alumni interviewer, and I need to disclose even if I know a family who has somebody who is applying.