one of my coworkers committed suicide...should I ask to postpone interview?

[rachmoninov3]

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My head nurse (who was the only non-traveler besides myself on a very difficult med surg ward), shot himself before work on friday, christmas eve. My one and only interview is on Jan 5. All my coworkers and I have had psychological debriefing, and I thought I was doing fine, until last night I had my first bought with tears, etc. Since we all know that grief works differently in different people, should I ask to reschedule my interview, or go ahead since I'll probably be too excited to be thinking about work?

what would you guys do?

 

[CarleneM]

My head nurse (who was the only non-traveler besides myself on a very difficult med surg ward), shot himself before work on friday, christmas eve. My one and only interview is on Jan 5. All my coworkers and I have had psychological debriefing, and I thought I was doing fine, until last night I had my first bought with tears, etc. Since we all know that grief works differently in different people, should I ask to reschedule my interview, or go ahead since I'll probably be too excited to be thinking about work?

what would you guys do?

I'm very sorry for your loss and the tough time everyone must be having on your ward.
Although i don't know how you are feeling or will feel in a week, I do think that you should keep your interview if it is a rolling school. If it was tomorrow, I'd say no, but it is a week away and I think you may be feeling up to it at that point. I bet your head nurse would want you to go on and follow your dream, not jeopardize it because of him. Why don't you wait until monday and see how you are feeling? if you are still not feeling up to it then, call to reschedule. I know its your first interview and you are nervous about it but prolonging it really might not be the best move. I'm just saying, if it was me, I'd go to the interview.

 

[docmemi]

sorry to hear it. go to your interview for sure. they told us that most of us would experience loss while in med school and that we should stay strong. look at this as an experience and show yourself that you can handle it. again, sorry and best wishes.

 

[Sarikate]

I'm so sorry to hear about this. A friend or family member's suicide forces one through a very difficult, complex grieving process. Even if you were not very close to your co-worker, you probably feel a profound sense of helplessness. The fact that you ask this question, I think, is a good sign, because you are acknowledging how you're feeling.

Because your interview is in one week, you may find it actually easier to go ahead and keep it at its scheduled time. I don't know you personally, but I do know that for many people, their feelings of helplessness and loss after someone's suicide increase before they fade, and you would not want to postpone your interview only to find yourself feeling worse then. But beyond this, keeping a routine, having something to concentrate on, can work wonders for people in this kind of situation. And this year, for you, that means going out there and showing med schools what you are made of.

Patients' emotional health is something often neglected, but the memories of your friend inevitably will resonate with you and make you a more careful, compassionate physician. I believe, anyway, that these sadnesses in our lives can offer some beautiful clarity. Good luck with your decision...

 

[Freakingzooming]

hey,

I'm sorry about the loss. I just want to relay my experience and hope it helps. my friend took away his life my senior year of college, four days before my August MCAT. I had spent about four months preparing for this test, worked so hard and the moment I was told, I felt so lost. Like as if all my momentum and everything had been sucked from me and I couldn't focus. I felt I was being so silly to worry about a stupid test, when I had more important things to think about.

I had four days to think and to regroup. And I sent a letter to my friend's mother, wishing my condolences.

The horrible thing was that my friend's memorial/funeral happened the day before the MCAT and it was in Raleign, NC while my test was in Chicago. I can't tell you how many times I flipflopped and thought I was a horrible horrible person for writing the test. I felt so guilty weeks after and felt I was not able to gain the closure I needed.

But thinking back, I don't think I could have forgiven myself for missing that MCAT. In a way I felt I made the mature choice after considering the options and talking it over with others. I felt sending the letter was sending my condolences and I was able to later meet my friend's mother to tell her in person how I felt. I don't think there is any real right answers to any of this.

I do think though, if death cannot be talked about openly, the wounds of grief will go unhealed. I have realized that the only way to heal is to mourn. I wish you my deepest condolences and if you need to talk, PM me.

 

[skoaner]

My head nurse (who was the only non-traveler besides myself on a very difficult med surg ward), shot himself before work on friday, christmas eve. My one and only interview is on Jan 5. All my coworkers and I have had psychological debriefing, and I thought I was doing fine, until last night I had my first bought with tears, etc. Since we all know that grief works differently in different people, should I ask to reschedule my interview, or go ahead since I'll probably be too excited to be thinking about work?

what would you guys do?

I'm sorry for your terrible news. It is really how you think you feel about the issue whether or not you should go. However, I know several professors who think applicants should be able to set personal issues aside and stay on target. This doesn't mean they want you to be a cold impersonal robot, just to understand part of your job and lifestyle as a physician is sacrifice of personal time and comforts. Essentially, go rock out your interview and either finish mourning before or wait until afterwards.

Good luck

 

[DubZteR]

My head nurse (who was the only non-traveler besides myself on a very difficult med surg ward), shot himself before work on friday, christmas eve. My one and only interview is on Jan 5. All my coworkers and I have had psychological debriefing, and I thought I was doing fine, until last night I had my first bought with tears, etc. Since we all know that grief works differently in different people, should I ask to reschedule my interview, or go ahead since I'll probably be too excited to be thinking about work?

what would you guys do?

go to your interview!

 

[acl3623]

im sorry for your loss. like other people have said though, your coworker would have wanted you to continue your med school dream and if you postpone, it may hurt your chances. i would encourage you to go...good luck

 

[Psycho Doctor]

hey,

I'm sorry about the loss. I just want to relay my experience and hope it helps. my friend took away his life my senior year of college, four days before my August MCAT. I had spent about four months preparing for this test, worked so hard and the moment I was told, I felt so lost. Like as if all my momentum and everything had been sucked from me and I couldn't focus. I felt I was being so silly to worry about a stupid test, when I had more important things to think about.

I had four days to think and to regroup. And I sent a letter to my friend's mother, wishing my condolences.

The horrible thing was that my friend's memorial/funeral happened the day before the MCAT and it was in Raleign, NC while my test was in Chicago. I can't tell you how many times I flipflopped and thought I was a horrible horrible person for writing the test. I felt so guilty weeks after and felt I was not able to gain the closure I needed.

But thinking back, I don't think I could have forgiven myself for missing that MCAT. In a way I felt I made the mature choice after considering the options and talking it over with others. I felt sending the letter was sending my condolences and I was able to later meet my friend's mother to tell her in person how I felt. I don't think there is any real right answers to any of this.

I do think though, if death cannot be talked about openly, the wounds of grief will go unhealed. I have realized that the only way to heal is to mourn. I wish you my deepest condolences and if you need to talk, PM me.

wow, that is absolutely awful and I'm not sure what i would have done in similar circumstances. Everyone mourns differently, some need closure in different ways than others. There is no right or wrong answer; it's what you feel you can live with and be reasonably at peace with. I was going to explain my situation, but it's really not the same and as I started to type it out, I realized I just couldn't... But you are right, if death cannot be talked about openly, the wounds of grief will go unhealed and that the only way to heal is to mourn.

 

[Psycho Doctor]

So sorry for your loss. I don't think anyone else can tell you what to do; only you know how you are handling it now, but then again that does not project how you will be in a week. There is no timetable for grief and no right or wrong way to mourn; there are ups and downs in the process and you can never predict what will set you off at the most unexpected times. Just be prepared to deal with whatever unresolved feelings you may have. If you can focus on an interview, then go; if you know you can't give it your best and don't feel like you can explain it, then don't go. This is not the same thing but I have a friend who had his Harvard (undergrad) interview the morning after finding out his parents were splitting up...he explained that to the interviewer and he was accepted.

 

[Old_Mil]

I do think that you should keep your interview if it is a rolling school...I know its your first interview and you are nervous about it but prolonging it really might not be the best move. I'm just saying, if it was me, I'd go to the interview.

Sorry to hear of your loss. We had two pilots and one flight attendant commit suicide after the merger, 9-11, and subsequent loss of our careers. One left behind a young wife and kids.

I would tend to agree with Carlene and keep the interview date. The windows of opportunity that life opens are notoriously unforgiving of personal circumstance.

Good luck!