Open Position in Boston

Discussion in 'Anesthesiology' started by akmed07, Jun 13, 2008.

  1. akmed07

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    Guys,

    I m about to be CA-1 in July, just got married 6 months ago and now feel that living away from my wife is actually much harder than i thought initially and therefore, would like to transfer to Boston (we are actually thinking about a divorce)

    In case anyone knows about any potential CA1 openings, please let me know. I would really appreciate.

    Thanks
    AKMED
     
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  3. coprolalia

    coprolalia Bored Certified

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    Whatever happened to "for richer or for poorer, for sickness and in health"?

    Man, this case is precisely why I'm not getting married anytime soon!

    -copro
     
  4. militarymd

    militarymd SDN Angel

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    I got married in 1995 (half way through my residency). I didn't even get to live with my wife until 1999...courtesy United States Navy.

    I was overseas for a year where phone calls were 4 dollar a minute, and I did a CCM fellowship the last year before I moved home.

    Suck it up....it's worth it.

    if she's giving you grief....dump the bitch...you're going to be a rich doctor..you can do better.
     
  5. jetproppilot

    jetproppilot Turboprop Driver

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    :laugh:
     
  6. dr doze

    dr doze To be able to forget means to sanity
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    #5 dr doze, Jun 15, 2008
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2009
  7. coprolalia

    coprolalia Bored Certified

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    "For better or for worse..."
    Jeezus. This thread is really bothering me. Are marital vows meaningless these days? Or, are they just contigent upon whether or not each individual is personally happy in the marriage?

    Six months? Thoughts of divorce already? Why did you get married? "Me, me, me." The OP depresses me. Self-fulfillment seems to be paramount in my generation. If you're not happy all the time, then give up. When the going gets tough, bail out. There doesn't seem to be the will to stay true during the inevitable rocky periods to build something stronger together anymore. No one wants to be responsible for their choices in my generation. If they're not happy and content, it's gotta be the other person's fault.

    Man, better pick 'em right the first time. Or, get a rock-solid pre-nup. Congrats to you guys who've stuck it out. I don't think my generation understands the meaning of "committment" anymore. My parents have been married going on 40 years with significant portions of that marriage spent apart and living in different cities even. There were tough times. I remember them. But, they always stuck together and stuck it out. Would've been easy to give up. But, instead they're still going strong.

    I'm with MilMD, though. If you married the wrong girl, just bail now before you get more entangled (assuming you don't have a kid). Walk away. If she's not willing to even think about compromise and move towards you - giving up something to make your relationship work - then dump her. You're going to have a miserable life together, if this is a harbinger of things to come. Sadly, I know my generation too well. You can't change someone else. And, if staying in Boston is more important to her - and equally if your career is more important to you than the marriage and you're not willing to walk away from your current spot without one waiting for you to keep it together, gas spot available to you in Boston or not - then you need to not be married right now. There are going to be more difficult times ahead, and if you can't survive this current test you're doomed.

    Know a dude who was in the exact same situation as you. He tried to change and moved mountains to keep his relationship together. He did everything he could. Know what? His wife asked for a divorce anyway.

    Bad choices up front. I'll tell you this: a lot of high functioning, highly educated 20-something women like the idea of being married, but are unwilling to make the sacrifices that go along with that. They want it all. They want it their way. If they don't get it, they find someone else they think can provide that to them to make miserable. Don't let her torment you. If she's talking divorce if you don't move to Boston (or dangling that over your head), she ain't in it for the long haul anyway. Her life is more important than your life together. You're not on equal footing. She's got the power. And, if I know one thing about a successful marriage, it's that there are no power games. It's about mutual respect, mutual decision making, and mutual unconditional love. Doesn't sound like you have any of those things.

    -copro
     
  8. CanGas

    CanGas Member

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    I agree,

    Chose right from the start. My wife and I did 4 years of 3500 km long distance during med school. We are now going on 8 years. Pick compatible outlooks on life, work, money, kids, religion then toss in a commitment to be open and honest in all discussions and you can make it through anything.

    It also does not hurt that she is a total hottie and I could never do any better than her in a million years. :love:

    CanGas
     
  9. amyl

    amyl ASA Member

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    well said copro.
    our generation has had too many of the repercussions of our actions and choices removed for them.
    to the OP, what is the problem? has there been infidelity? does she work? can she come where you are instead of you move to boston?
    dude, my husband is moving from palm beach, florida to CLEVELAND! with a smile on his face (most of the time) because he knows my career is that important. I only applied to one med school for his career. thats what marriage is supposed to be about. i am not saying its been easy but we have worked it out.... you can too, unless you really think she isn't for you...then bail before it gets worse. but marriage is not supposed to be easy all the time...there will always be tough times...
     
  10. Tenesma

    Tenesma Senior Member

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    there are other options besides divorce or moving to Boston...

    have your wife come and visit you on a regular basis
    you can go and visit her on a regular basis...

    sure it will cost money, but it may be worth it...

    also long-distance relationships are very hard, especially when grueling schedules are involved.... but 6 months is a bit of a joke - i'd understand this thread if you said 2 years...
     
  11. leaverus

    leaverus New Member

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    Amen, brother.
     
  12. scotchnwater

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    As much as I'm sure all the unsolicited advice is appreciated, it seems like a lot of folks are reading a lot into the OP's post. I mean...he's just asking if anyone knows of any open spots in Boston.

    I'm sure there's much more to the story than the 4-5 sentences posted above...so give the guy a break.
     
  13. jetproppilot

    jetproppilot Turboprop Driver

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    Thats the beauty of an internet forum though.

    To expound.

    And Cop once again expounds with some very intuitive words.

    Keep those thinking out loud posts coming, friends.

    I learn from many of them.
     
  14. Consigliere

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    Dump the b#tch!
     
  15. coprolalia

    coprolalia Bored Certified

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    I'm sure there is. And, I apologize for jumping on the guy after one post. But, come on. He's been married six months and the big "D" talk is already creeping into the conversation?

    I think I'm pretty justified in my comments. Dude is willing to drop his spot and move to Boston to save his marriage. My take is that there probably not much of a marriage to save.

    Call 'em like I see 'em.

    -copro
     
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  17. scotchnwater

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    Hey...I sincerely and definitely respect both you and Jet (as you both have clearly made your bones on this forum many times over), I just think the types of judgments that have been passed on this guy without knowing more than 1) they've been married for 6 months; and 2) they're considering divorce are a bit over the top.

    I spent the better part of my Step I prep time on the phone (and then a spur-of-the-moment road trip) with my brother (and best friend in the world) who was going through a divorce in the weeks before his 15-month deployment to Iraq, so I'm a bit sensitive to the fact that there are often a ton of factors that go in to making that decision.

    My only point is that if someone is actually considering that option then there is 1) probably a lot more to the story than "it's just inconvenient to live apart"; and 2) it's probably not helpful to hear things like "dump the bitch" or "our generation doesn't understand committment".
     
  18. coprolalia

    coprolalia Bored Certified

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    Not denying that there is a "lot more to the story". And, I never derogatorily said "dump the b!tch", other people did. I did spell out my specific reasons why I thought he needs to consider strongly what he's attempting to save, especially if they're talking about divorce only six months into the marriage.

    As far as your brother goes, that's a separate issue. I feel for him. He had no choice after he made his committment to the armed services and our country. But, it further proves, though, that many people don't have the fortitude to stick it out during tough times... and this is most often the empowerment to bail out felt by women - they're the ones often asking for the divorce nowadays. Ask yourself how many divorces there were during WWII. There's no stigma - no feeling of personal defeat or social opprobrium - with getting a divorce anymore. It's too easy. (The flip side of that, though, is also a separate philosophical argument about whether or not it's better to stay in a bad marriage, as I'm sure many of those WWII vets did to preserve the institution.)

    Bottom line: if you begin with the thought that divorce is even an option, why get married in the first place? I'm beginning to believe that marriage these days is more a pie-in-the-sky concept that a lot of couples aren't emotionally, financially, and committedly prepared for as far as the day-to-day grind of it once that warm feeling in the genitals begins to fade, and ultimately the institution of marriage itself has no real meaning anymore.

    -copro
     
  19. Gas4Life

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    During our 8 year marriage, my wife has moved with me to pursue the medical dream no less than four times. Neither of those times was to a location which she desired to go. She has had to get new state licenses for her profession three of those times. She has had now four different jobs in that time due to our moves. There have been a lot of times that have been really, really tough in making those moves. In particular this last one, with two kids in tow. But, she has never complained once. That's what marriage is/should be. Not downing the OP, but I am incredibly proud of our commitment to each other and how she has handled this whole process. And she is incredibly, incredibly hot even after two kids and could no doubt have chosen to stay in her hometown and found a mate of her choice. I guess I am just a very lucky guy. Sometimes it takes seeing other situations that are sub-optimal to really appreciate that. I guess I really don't have much more to add. Just kinda patting myself on the back for being so lucky.
     
  20. akmed07

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    Guys;

    I heard all of the philosophical talk from a lot of you but as one of you said, nobody has answered my real question.

    DOES ANYONE KNOW OF ANY OPEN CA-1 POSITIONS IN BOSTON FOR THIS COMING JULY????????????????????????

    Please, for God's sake...............
     
  21. TaiShan

    TaiShan Member

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    Dude, your problem is much bigger than an open CA-1 position.

    Remember, You are not exactly set after residency. How about fellowship, practice locations, etc etc? You may have to go through this again and again.
     
  22. sethco

    sethco Senior Member

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    Have you tried "cold-calling" all of the Boston programs?

    Will your SO consider moving away from Boston to you? Are they making as much effort as you are to find a position where you are?
     
  23. lfesiam

    lfesiam Regional Guy for Hire!

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    I moved once because of an ex-girlfriend for medschool, boy...a huge mistake...didn't work out...personalities were incompatible....the relationship was malignant...i was young at the time.
    .. now older, matured, and wiser :)

    However, I met my future wife due to the move. When you close one door, a new one open. Amazing how things work out in the end. Hind sight is always clearer.

    Good luck!
     
    #21 lfesiam, Jun 17, 2008
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2008
  24. coprolalia

    coprolalia Bored Certified

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    Amen, bro.

    -copro
     
  25. bullard

    bullard Senior Member

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    I don't know of any open CA1 positions in Boston.

    But even if you find one, will it be worth it? Ignoring the marriage/divorce stuff, the open position is more likely to be found at a bad program (i.e. St Elizabeth's or BU) or at a mediocre program (Tufts-NEMC) than it will be at one of the 3 Harvard programs. UMass is good but it's in Worcester. So you might be giving up potentially better training as well. Something to think about.
     

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