Opinion on my SMP personal statement?

[premedgrl1]

Hi there - long story but I could really use some advice:

I'm currently working on my personal statement for a SMP. I've written most of it but I'm struggling with the first paragraph about what motivated me to want to be a doctor. I've read all about avoiding cliches, sob stories, etc., which I completely agree with. I am a VERY strong believer in being humble and not whining to get you places in life. But, I've also read that being true to yourself and being honest ultimately make the best personal statements. Please remember, this is NOT a sob story. But I must explain my story in order for you to understand why I'm struggling to write. So, here's my situation:

I grew up watching my father, a doctor, practice medicine. He works most often with underrepresented groups (he's an URM himself) and I'm sure everyone feels this way about their parents or someone in their life but seeing how his humble, kind, and compassionate attitude helped his patients, was honestly where my initial interest in medicine came from. (He never pushed me to be a doctor-he actually told me to pick another career after health care reform.)

Now, the most significant experience I had for choosing medicine also happens to involve my father. While in college, he developed prostate cancer, in which he was diagnosed at an advanced stage (African-Americans are at higher risk.) A year later, he had a procedure during which his left main artery was "accidentally" dissected by a catheter-leaving him in a coma for many months. I won't get into the details, but my experiences with him as a patient during these years have shaped who I am today.

After my father's prostate surgery I started working as a medical assistant for his surgeon because I became very interested in oncology at that point. Here, I've collected some wonderful stories along the way which certainly solidified my desire to be a physician, and is what my the majority of my personal statement focuses on. What I'm having a hard time with is incorporating my experiences with my father into my story without sounding unoriginal. I hear it's best to avoid talking about such things but If I were being true to myself, this is it.

I already discuss why I want to be a doctor, but I'm trying to figure out the best way to convey what initially motivated me without talking too much about my father and sounding like I'm looking for someone to feel sorry for me- I'm not. He's alive today and doing just fine. I just feel that my experience with my father being a patient is important because it made mature into an adult while I was in college and despite all the wonderful patients I came into contact with at work, he truly taught me what it means to be a patient, which in turn complemented my work with other patients, confirming my desire to be a physician. What do you think my opening paragraph discuss?

1. My experience with my father as a patient
2. Watching my father working with underrepresented communities
3. Neither of the above, if so, any suggestions for guidance?

I apologize for the lengthy discussion, but I would very much appreciate your opinions. Thank you.

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[FindMeOnTheLinks]

I would focus on the aspect of watching your father serve the underrepresented community. Maybe talk about how you could really see the connection between them that might be different than an ORM physician interacting with them. It would be ideal if you also have experience serving the underrepresented community because you could tie it in saying how those personal experiences validated the feeling you had when you saw your father at work. There are many ways you could do this but I think you have a shot at a very memorable and meaningful PS.

 

[DokterMom]

'Original' is over-rated when it comes to personal statements. You've got some 'really good ingredients' (so to speak) for a personal statement that while 'conventional', is true, meaningful, and sincere. So forget trying to be original when it isn't even true! Speak from your heart and write what you know.

 

[premedgrl1]

'Original' is over-rated when it comes to personal statements. You've got some 'really good ingredients' (so to speak) for a personal statement that while 'conventional', is true, meaningful, and sincere. So forget trying to be original when it isn't even true! Speak from your heart and write what you know.

Thank you.