Parental pressure and I'm starting to crack please help

[parentalpressurehelp]

My parents throughout my whole life pushed me to be a doctor. Everything in my childhood was set up such that this would happen. To be academically competitive was the bare minimum to survive in my house, especially because my parents grew up under patriarchal households and I'm the only male child in the family. Eventually I attend an Ivy League university but the expectations continue.

In my junior year I took a leave of absence because the pressure from my parents as well as several persisting events related to school created massive anxiety and depression to the point where I nearly committed suicide. I never told them this last final part, but I had to express that I needed to take a leave from my school.

The thing is though, I've actually always been personally interested in medicine. Service to the community is impactful to me. Coming to the city and being able to volunteer in shelters and clinics serving the community is fulfilling. I like working with people. I like solving complex problems that have significant applicability to real lives. I love critical thinking in borderline abstract methods. It's just that the pressures from my parents and in school were beyond impossible to tune out.

Anyway, during my leave of absence I also discover something else that interested me greatly - programming. Also involves critical thinking, intellectual stimulation, and a good living. I came back this past fall and tried it out. I loved it. Unfortunately, I didn't have enough skill to obtain an internship since I have the equivalent skillset of a freshman, but I found a bioinformatics lab to work at this summer.

I mention that I am interested in programming, and I get berated for picking something other than medicine as an interest. They say that I am wasting my time, that I already wasted enough time taking a leave of absence and that I need to gain focus on my life. (For the record, they deny the existence of depression. My school is notorious for numerous suicides and they scoff at each one. It's because of this that I don't think they know the real reason why I wanted to take a LoA).

But I feel as if I have an idea of how to target the next few years. Complete academic year 2016-2017 as a senior. Do a CS internship. Return to school as a part time student in Fall 2017 taking one class to officially graduate (probably Orgo to finish up prereqs) while working in a temporary programming related job. At that point, if I truly like programming, I use my school's name and my experience to find a good paying job, knowing that the road to medical school is there for me if I ever want out of programming. If not, I commit to medicine and continue this path as a non-trad.

This plan is drowned out to their ears. Not even due to whether it's a good/bad idea (and if it's not a good idea please let me know), but just because it's not the path they envision. Honestly I'm having these deja vu feelings that led to me taking a leave of absence two years ago and I'm scared for what's going to happen later.

Sorry if this rant comes off as insipid or contentless, or if your eyes are at the back of your head. I'm in tears and can't really think straight now. I made a throwaway account just to write this so I won't be tracked a few years down the road for whatever reason - I've been having a lot on my mind. For those wondering about finances I've been receiving almost a full ride's worth of aid (no loans), but finances are still tight as my sister's university gives no aid and they are paying in full. I would be paying for the part time semester's cost in Fall 2017 myself. My parents are the most loving beings on Earth and I wouldn't otherwise trade them for anything in the world, but when it comes to my own future it becomes a warzone in the house.

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[trs88]

Your plan seems just fine. In fact, my comment was going to say that med school is still going to be there if you change your mind. There have been many similar type of child-parents clash threads but they all boil down to the fact that you'll have to stand up to them and live the life you want to live. Because it is your life.

 

[Meeehai]

My parents throughout my whole life pushed me to be a doctor. Everything in my childhood was set up such that this would happen. To be academically competitive was the bare minimum to survive in my house, especially because my parents grew up under patriarchal households and I'm the only male child in the family. Eventually I attend an Ivy League university but the expectations continue.

In my junior year I took a leave of absence because the pressure from my parents as well as several persisting events related to school created massive anxiety and depression to the point where I nearly committed suicide. I never told them this last final part, but I had to express that I needed to take a leave from my school.

The thing is though, I've actually always been personally interested in medicine. Service to the community is impactful to me. Coming to the city and being able to volunteer in shelters and clinics serving the community is fulfilling. I like working with people. I like solving complex problems that have significant applicability to real lives. I love critical thinking in borderline abstract methods. It's just that the pressures from my parents and in school were beyond impossible to tune out.

Anyway, during my leave of absence I also discover something else that interested me greatly - programming. Also involves critical thinking, intellectual stimulation, and a good living. I came back this past fall and tried it out. I loved it. Unfortunately, I didn't have enough skill to obtain an internship since I have the equivalent skillset of a freshman, but I found a bioinformatics lab to work at this summer.

I mention that I am interested in programming, and I get berated for picking something other than medicine as an interest. They say that I am wasting my time, that I already wasted enough time taking a leave of absence and that I need to gain focus on my life. (For the record, they deny the existence of depression. My school is notorious for numerous suicides and they scoff at each one. It's because of this that I don't think they know the real reason why I wanted to take a LoA).

But I feel as if I have an idea of how to target the next few years. Complete academic year 2016-2017 as a senior. Do a CS internship. Return to school as a part time student in Fall 2017 taking one class to officially graduate (probably Orgo to finish up prereqs) while working in a temporary programming related job. At that point, if I truly like programming, I use my school's name and my experience to find a good paying job, knowing that the road to medical school is there for me if I ever want out of programming. If not, I commit to medicine and continue this path as a non-trad.

This plan is drowned out to their ears. Not even due to whether it's a good/bad idea (and if it's not a good idea please let me know), but just because it's not the path they envision. Honestly I'm having these deja vu feelings that led to me taking a leave of absence two years ago and I'm scared for what's going to happen later.

Sorry if this rant comes off as insipid or contentless, or if your eyes are at the back of your head. I'm in tears and can't really think straight now. I made a throwaway account just to write this so I won't be tracked a few years down the road for whatever reason - I've been having a lot on my mind. For those wondering about finances I've been receiving almost a full ride's worth of aid (no loans), but finances are still tight as my sister's university gives no aid and they are paying in full. I would be paying for the part time semester's cost in Fall 2017 myself. My parents are the most loving beings on Earth and I wouldn't otherwise trade them for anything in the world, but when it comes to my own future it becomes a warzone in the house.

This isn't anything new, a lot of people like you are struggling with the same problems - some have even posted on here about it. I think you need to understand that you are approaching adulthood and you need to start doing things for yourself. It's your life and your future, don't force yourself into something that's going to make you miserable. Take some time to find out what you would really like to do as a career and remember that you are still young and have a lot of time to explore and experience different things. I'm sure that even if your parents were to be upset with your decision at first, if you find something you love to do, they will be happy and appreciate you no matter what.

 

[thecook]

Your plan sounds solid. Better to find out programming isn't for you and then pursue medicine than to go through medical school and residency to then decide you would rather be a programmer.

 

[Catalystik]

I'm sorry to hear this is the only place you can rant. You need someone to talk to and decompress these feelings of helplessness and loss of control over your life, as well as to address the stress and depression. Surely there is a counseling service at your school that you can tap since you've returned to campus. Alternatively, do you have medical insurance that would cover mental health counseling? Or, can you talk to a religious leader in your faith community (they often have appropriate training for your purposes)?

 

[777137]

My parents throughout my whole life pushed me to be a doctor. Everything in my childhood was set up such that this would happen. To be academically competitive was the bare minimum to survive in my house, especially because my parents grew up under patriarchal households and I'm the only male child in the family. Eventually I attend an Ivy League university but the expectations continue.

In my junior year I took a leave of absence because the pressure from my parents as well as several persisting events related to school created massive anxiety and depression to the point where I nearly committed suicide. I never told them this last final part, but I had to express that I needed to take a leave from my school.

The thing is though, I've actually always been personally interested in medicine. Service to the community is impactful to me. Coming to the city and being able to volunteer in shelters and clinics serving the community is fulfilling. I like working with people. I like solving complex problems that have significant applicability to real lives. I love critical thinking in borderline abstract methods. It's just that the pressures from my parents and in school were beyond impossible to tune out.

Anyway, during my leave of absence I also discover something else that interested me greatly - programming. Also involves critical thinking, intellectual stimulation, and a good living. I came back this past fall and tried it out. I loved it. Unfortunately, I didn't have enough skill to obtain an internship since I have the equivalent skillset of a freshman, but I found a bioinformatics lab to work at this summer.

I mention that I am interested in programming, and I get berated for picking something other than medicine as an interest. They say that I am wasting my time, that I already wasted enough time taking a leave of absence and that I need to gain focus on my life. (For the record, they deny the existence of depression. My school is notorious for numerous suicides and they scoff at each one. It's because of this that I don't think they know the real reason why I wanted to take a LoA).

But I feel as if I have an idea of how to target the next few years. Complete academic year 2016-2017 as a senior. Do a CS internship. Return to school as a part time student in Fall 2017 taking one class to officially graduate (probably Orgo to finish up prereqs) while working in a temporary programming related job. At that point, if I truly like programming, I use my school's name and my experience to find a good paying job, knowing that the road to medical school is there for me if I ever want out of programming. If not, I commit to medicine and continue this path as a non-trad.

This plan is drowned out to their ears. Not even due to whether it's a good/bad idea (and if it's not a good idea please let me know), but just because it's not the path they envision. Honestly I'm having these deja vu feelings that led to me taking a leave of absence two years ago and I'm scared for what's going to happen later.

Sorry if this rant comes off as insipid or contentless, or if your eyes are at the back of your head. I'm in tears and can't really think straight now. I made a throwaway account just to write this so I won't be tracked a few years down the road for whatever reason - I've been having a lot on my mind. For those wondering about finances I've been receiving almost a full ride's worth of aid (no loans), but finances are still tight as my sister's university gives no aid and they are paying in full. I would be paying for the part time semester's cost in Fall 2017 myself. My parents are the most loving beings on Earth and I wouldn't otherwise trade them for anything in the world, but when it comes to my own future it becomes a warzone in the house.

If you have a toxic relationship with your parents it might be best in the long run for you to drop them completely. If all they are is a source of stress, you don't need to make a place for them in your life.

 

[binko]

I'm leaving programming because I find it to be too lonely and you end up too cut off from the real impact on users of your work. If you want to pursue CS that's one thing, but straight up programming is basically skilled labor and my experience is that you end up working on projects you may not be given the context to understand or care about, with requirements that frequently change. If you think you won't be bothered by that, then it's great. It's also a way better way to make money than medicine is.

If your parents are trying to manipulate you, take some time to yourself and don't accept any money from them ever again until they stop trying to control you. I think the advice to cut them out forever is a little drastic, but I had good results when I took about a year off from contact with my family and then re-established contact on my terms. It helped them understand that I had become an adult with my own boundaries and needs.

 

[Astra]

If you find yourself cracking at parental pressure, imagine med school.

If you don't have the drive and motivation as someone who really wants to be a doctor, its gonna be rough.

I think you need to have a hard talk with your parents about YOUR life plans. Not theirs.

Better to have this talk before you start getting med school loans

You plan seems solid IMO

 

[Moose A Moose]

Lol. "Struggle".

Not to sound harsh, but man up. Lay down the law. Are you an adult, or not? You can get federal loans to provide you with the remainder of your educational venture.

Stop living in someone else's shadow. I get that you care about them, but tough ****: you don't want to do medicine and it's on your dime. It's that simple.

 

[Psai]

Stick with your plan. The path to becoming a doctor is too long and difficult for you to waste a decade of your life trying to pursue it. The only person living your life is you. If your parents want a doctor in the family they can go to medical school.

 

[Mad Jack]

My parents throughout my whole life pushed me to be a doctor. Everything in my childhood was set up such that this would happen. To be academically competitive was the bare minimum to survive in my house, especially because my parents grew up under patriarchal households and I'm the only male child in the family. Eventually I attend an Ivy League university but the expectations continue.

In my junior year I took a leave of absence because the pressure from my parents as well as several persisting events related to school created massive anxiety and depression to the point where I nearly committed suicide. I never told them this last final part, but I had to express that I needed to take a leave from my school.

The thing is though, I've actually always been personally interested in medicine. Service to the community is impactful to me. Coming to the city and being able to volunteer in shelters and clinics serving the community is fulfilling. I like working with people. I like solving complex problems that have significant applicability to real lives. I love critical thinking in borderline abstract methods. It's just that the pressures from my parents and in school were beyond impossible to tune out.

Anyway, during my leave of absence I also discover something else that interested me greatly - programming. Also involves critical thinking, intellectual stimulation, and a good living. I came back this past fall and tried it out. I loved it. Unfortunately, I didn't have enough skill to obtain an internship since I have the equivalent skillset of a freshman, but I found a bioinformatics lab to work at this summer.

I mention that I am interested in programming, and I get berated for picking something other than medicine as an interest. They say that I am wasting my time, that I already wasted enough time taking a leave of absence and that I need to gain focus on my life. (For the record, they deny the existence of depression. My school is notorious for numerous suicides and they scoff at each one. It's because of this that I don't think they know the real reason why I wanted to take a LoA).

But I feel as if I have an idea of how to target the next few years. Complete academic year 2016-2017 as a senior. Do a CS internship. Return to school as a part time student in Fall 2017 taking one class to officially graduate (probably Orgo to finish up prereqs) while working in a temporary programming related job. At that point, if I truly like programming, I use my school's name and my experience to find a good paying job, knowing that the road to medical school is there for me if I ever want out of programming. If not, I commit to medicine and continue this path as a non-trad.

This plan is drowned out to their ears. Not even due to whether it's a good/bad idea (and if it's not a good idea please let me know), but just because it's not the path they envision. Honestly I'm having these deja vu feelings that led to me taking a leave of absence two years ago and I'm scared for what's going to happen later.

Sorry if this rant comes off as insipid or contentless, or if your eyes are at the back of your head. I'm in tears and can't really think straight now. I made a throwaway account just to write this so I won't be tracked a few years down the road for whatever reason - I've been having a lot on my mind. For those wondering about finances I've been receiving almost a full ride's worth of aid (no loans), but finances are still tight as my sister's university gives no aid and they are paying in full. I would be paying for the part time semester's cost in Fall 2017 myself. My parents are the most loving beings on Earth and I wouldn't otherwise trade them for anything in the world, but when it comes to my own future it becomes a warzone in the house.

You need to learn to do what makes you happy. Being a physician is a long, hard road, and if you've found something else you love, give that a shot first. As others have said, medicine will always be here. You could conceivably make as much or more in a tech company with Ivy league connections.