Parents

[roseglass6370]

---

Members do not see this ad.

Anyone else have parents who are driving them nuts throughout the whole "pre-med experience"?

My parents constantly tell me how supportive they are of my wanting to go to med school but half the time I feel like they have no faith in me. EVERY TIME I talk to them about anything academically related the topic immediately turns to, "You need to know what you're going to do if you don't get into med school. You need to look at nursing programs..." I know they just want me to have a stable job but half the time these convos sound like, "You need to know what you're going to do when you don't get into med school."

They also are absolutely clueless about what you need to do to get into med school and think the only thing that matters are academics. CONSTANTLY I get, "You need to stop working and volunteering so much and focus on your studies." (I have a >3.7 GPA, work at a hospital as a nursing tech maybe twice a week for 4 hrs, and volunteer at a nursing home one day a week for about 2 hours.)

It makes me want to pull my hair out. The fact that I live at home only amplifies the problem, but I can't afford an apartment right now.

Anyone else have this problem? I honestly don't know how much more of this I can take. It's nearly constant. If they mention nursing again I'm going to blow up. Literally -->

 

[UofT9919]

I get the same thing. Just let it go, as long as you know that you are doing the things that need to be done to make you happy. You have the rest of your life to find a stable job. I could understand if you have a 3.5 or something where you are just at the point where it becomes much harder to get in but 3.7 is pretty good.

 

[Drrrrrr. Celty]

They just want whats best for you really, tell them its ok I got everything under control.

Personally my parents are very supportive of what I want to do as long as I'm happy and get a decent job.

 

[roseglass6370]

My parents are a hairdresser and a drunk by trade. They've thought I was a super genius since 6th grade.

My mom is a nurse with a masters in management and my dad is a college professor with a PhD in leadership who teaches and designs courses. 🙁

 

[specter]

a 3.7+ gpa puts you in a great position to get into med school, along with your solid clinical experience. just keep pushing along, prepare well for the mcat, and you'll get in somewhere. I know it's difficult to ignore parents sometimes, but I think it's best you keep focused on what you're doing right now, because you are doing a good job.

 

[searun]

My mom is a nurse with a masters in management and my dad is a college professor with a PhD in leadership who teaches and designs courses. 🙁

My parents are great and I love them dearly. They were supportive through the application process.

But moving out of state for college was the best decision that I ever made. Why in the world are you living at home? Your parents are highly educated professionals, probably in the top 5 or ten percent of household earnings.

Surely, they could support you living away from home. You need some personal space and independance. I would have gone crazy living at home during college. If your family is dirt poor and there is no alternative, then live at home, but that does not appear to be the case for you, unless your parents are cheap screws who won't support you while you are pursuing your education.

 

[auburnO5]

My parents are great and I love them dearly. They were supportive through the application process.

But moving out of state for college was the best decision that I ever made. Why in the world are you living at home? Your parents are highly educated professionals, probably in the top 5 or ten percent of household earnings.

Surely, they could support you living away from home. You need some personal space and independance. I would have gone crazy living at home during college. If your family is dirt poor and there is no alternative, then live at home, but that does not appear to be the case for you, unless your parents are cheap screws who won't support you while you are pursuing your education.

I agree living at home is not ideal. My parents are great and really supportive, my I had to move home after my undergrad and apply for a second time, but it has been hell. They don't really understand the whole application process (I don't think anyone really does unless you've been through it) and I am just exhausted from answering questions from them, and the rest of my family for that matter. I can't wait to move out!

 

[morning]

Parents just don't understand.

 

[Slowpoke]

Parents just don't understand.

Amen.

I feel its a waste of time trying to explain anything to my dad, he always has some smart-alick comment of "oh, well I've heard so-and-so's kid did this", "oh well I over-heard someone talking about so-and-so"

😡

 

[JoshUNCW]

No parents. I'm actually on my own. But I'm extremely thankful for this. Life is easier on your own (despite the slow start up).

 

[roseglass6370]

Amen.

I feel its a waste of time trying to explain anything to my dad, he always has some smart-alick comment of "oh, well I've heard so-and-so's kid did this", "oh well I over-heard someone talking about so-and-so"

😡

Sounds like my dad, only he gets info offline and says, "Well, I read on this website that blah blah blah..."

Thank you for the advice though, I really just needed to vent.

 

[silverhorse84]

Parents just don't understand.

Yeah, my parents didn't understand anything - mainly because they didn't go to/apply to medical school and just didn't know the process.

Luckily for me, one of our close family friends is a physician, so instead of bugging me, they tended to bug him. The fall out of that though was that I got a lot of calls that started with, "so I was talking to _____ and he did this when applying, you should do that to." Eventually they learned to just let me do what I wanted to do (I'm fairly strong willed and stubborn) and leave me alone in terms of advice.



Just try not to let it get to you. I know it's hard because our parents have known us long enough to know exactly what buttons to push and how. But, usually its because they care and just want what's best for you - different parents have a different idea of what that is.

 

[morning]

Sounds like my dad, only he gets info offline and says, "Well, I read on this website that blah blah blah..."

Thank you for the advice though, I really just needed to vent.

Expect a lot of this when you're a doctor. A lot of your patients are going to counter you with "well, I read online that..."

Just try not to let it get to you. I know it's hard because our parents have known us long enough to know exactly what buttons to push and how. But, usually its because they care and just want what's best for you - different parents have a different idea of what that is.

I'm not even planning to tell my family at all. Well, if I get into med school I'll shout it from the rooftops, but until then I'm keeping a lid on it. Easier for my sanity that way.

 

[ahmcadams]

Just take their support for what it's worth and try not stress about whatever faux-advice they offer. Most people have no idea what a med school app entails, how competitive the process is, or how medical education progresses once one is accepted. A lot, or perhaps even the majority, of older MDs are now completely out of touch with the application process as well. Try not to burn too many calories dispelling misconceptions if it's not something you enjoy. And honestly, who would enjoy that?

 

[roseglass6370]

A lot, or perhaps even the majority, of older MDs are now completely out of touch with the application process as well.

I've noticed this as well....

 

[ruiner]

I've had many say "I wouldn't have gotten in had I to apply now." Or similary "wouldn't have gotten into the school I got into."

 

[bravofleet4]

It's especially worse with immigrants parents. It's hard to blame them b/c outside of the US, extracurriculars are considered "fluff" and have no bearing on the admissions process. This is true not only in Asia but also in Europe. Admissions to your school and by extensions your profession is determined by rigorous standardized testing. The reason so many foreign students are attracted to US education system is because it's remarkably flexible with community college options with eventual transferring to 4 year colleges.

Being Chinese-American, I can tell you my dad was telling me I was completely wasting my time volunteering. Fortunately, I didn't pay too much attention to him and kept doing what I needed to do. In the end, I was right. My advice to you is not to feel you have to prove your parents wrong and try to necessarily convince them you're right. That's not the point. The point is getting into medical school and doing what you feel is necessary to do that. You're in college now, even if your parents disagree with you, what can they do and how they would they know? Sometimes it's best not to say anything.

 

[ScronCron]

Dealing with parents through this process is frustrating. My mom was happy that I was applying but provided absolutely no words of encouragement. She's very religious and everything was just about hope. She'd pray for me and hope that things go well for me. It really got me on edge. I'd update her on my interviews throughout, and instead of congratulations or encouragement, she'd tell me I need to prepare, blah blah blah or "we'll see what happens". She would never validate any of my accomplishments, wish me luck, or say things like "I'm sure you'll get in". Her attitude was more like "What's done is done and whether you get in or not is by the grace of God".

After I got in, now she's proud of me and brags about me. Sort of contradictory, no?

So for me, I have a parent who is proud of me for what I have accomplished but has no faith in me for what I'm capable of.

 

[Mackey]

You should dye your hair and listen to rock music.

 

[wordswordswords]

No parents. I'm actually on my own. But I'm extremely thankful for this. Life is easier on your own (despite the slow start up).

Seconded. Being able to create my own type of family out of people who love and care for me, who are sincere and generous and patient, has also been a blessing.

 

[morning]

I've had many say "I wouldn't have gotten in had I to apply now." Or similary "wouldn't have gotten into the school I got into."

I've read that medical schools increased enrollment a lot during the '70s, but that enrollment was stagnant from the early '80s to the mid '00s, so there might actually be a nugget of truth in that statement.

Enrollment is increasing now, which can either be a good thing or a bad thing depending on how you think about it.

 

[obgyny]

Anyone else have parents who are driving them nuts throughout the whole "pre-med experience"?

My parents constantly tell me how supportive they are of my wanting to go to med school but half the time I feel like they have no faith in me. EVERY TIME I talk to them about anything academically related the topic immediately turns to, "You need to know what you're going to do if you don't get into med school. You need to look at nursing programs..." I know they just want me to have a stable job but half the time these convos sound like, "You need to know what you're going to do when you don't get into med school."

They also are absolutely clueless about what you need to do to get into med school and think the only thing that matters are academics. CONSTANTLY I get, "You need to stop working and volunteering so much and focus on your studies." (I have a >3.7 GPA, work at a hospital as a nursing tech maybe twice a week for 4 hrs, and volunteer at a nursing home one day a week for about 2 hours.)

It makes me want to pull my hair out. The fact that I live at home only amplifies the problem, but I can't afford an apartment right now.

Anyone else have this problem? I honestly don't know how much more of this I can take. It's nearly constant. If they mention nursing again I'm going to blow up. Literally -->

My parents drive me crazy too. I've never really applied myself and have never gotten great grades my whole life, so when I told my dad I wanted to become a doctor, he had a hard time believing me. My parents were trying to convince me to become a veterinarian, dentist, or pharmacist instead. He kept telling me, "Oh, but students constantly change their minds and majors throughout college," thinking my premed thing was a phase. He finally changed his mind when he saw I turned around my grades in college (gpa >3.9) and now claims he's supported me all along. Now he likes to mention to everyone how I'm going to be a rich doctor and financially support him the rest of his life.... parents 🙄

None of my family is in the medical field or have gone to any kind of grad/professional school, so they really have no idea how the application process is. My dad was a business major with straight Cs and in a frat. More times than I care to count, I've had to re-explain why I have to take 2 years off after college to take the MCAT and apply. My dad keeps asking me why I just couldn't of applied last year and why wouldn't I matriculate this fall if I applied this June. He also thought I wasted my time with the unpaid volunteering and research I did. And of course, he thinks he knows more about the process than I do, telling me my grades are guaranteeing me a spot. He also assumes getting my grades was a breeze for me and I spent all of my nights partying it up, when in fact I worked my butt off for those grades, held a job, and was involved in ECs that took up a lot of my time (my senior year, I had to work/go to school/ECs 7 days a week!).

Then I get the mixed messages, "You worry too much!," and "You need to stay focused and keep on track!"

My solution: ignoring everything he says and just doing my own thing. He has no understanding of how the application process works. I'm not doing this for my parents, I'm doing this for me. I have been living on my own since I was 19 and now fully supporting myself financially (med school and application $$ is completely on me too). So luckily, I don't have to deal with them on a daily basis. I have a lot of friends who moved back home after college, that was definitely not an option for me.

That's the thing about parents, they think they're helping us when they're really just driving us crazy. OP, hang in there and don't listen to you parents!! You know what you need to do and that's all that matters (I guess I needed to rant too 🙂 )

 

[2na]

yeah..I totally understand you. I didn't get into any med schools by the time I graduated, had to move back to my parents' house and started reapplying to med schools. I was invited to only one interview, so I told my parents that I might not get in this year's cycle as well.. Then i started applying to grad schools while waiting for the results from this one med school I interviewed at. I worked very hard to complete phD program applications and luckily I was invited to interviews from every school I applied to. I was really proud of myself that I was actually able to get into PhD program and told my mom with great excitement. I said "Mom!!! I just got an interview invitation from XX university (which is a medical school)" My mom's immediate response was "Oh..it's a grad program, not medical..right?" with expression of disappointment. Then I started bursting out of tears because I wanted her to sincerely support WHATEVER I'm doing. I received admissions from couple of PhD programs before I got my med school match result. My parents are now happier than ever that I finally got into med school, but I still wish that they trusted, understood and emotionally supported me when I was going through the hardest time than anyone in my family.

I would advice you to talk to your parents that you are going through harder time than they could possibly imagine, and let them know that you definitely know what you are into and have backup plans. I cannot remember how many times I cried in a dark room because of my parents and feeling of self-worthlessness. There will be light at the end of the tunnel, so cheer up!!

 

[Abby_Normal]

I would agree that a lot of frustration stems from the fact that the med school admissions process is relatively foreign to most family members (assuming they aren't doctors) and, in general, it's not something they can provide much direct help with, beyond emotional and financial support (not that either is unimportant).

My parents have been quite supportive, but sometimes a bit unrealistic in that they tend to think that odds are better than I think they are. I think I understand where this comes from--I have a longstanding tradition of insisting I'm not doing well enough and then getting good grades/competitive academic programmed/etc, so they're probably trying to make their optimism make up for my tendency toward self-doubt--but it has a way of making the process more terrifying.

What I've found has been best, aside from explaining to them as much as I can about the admissions process, is to refer them to articles or encourage them to chat with friends/family members who are doctors. I think getting information from these outside sources has been valuable because they can't write off as many of my concerns as '___ being pessimistic again.' Anyway, I've noticed a marked difference insofar as them being more willing to listen to my concerns rather than saying 'you worry to much' out of hand.

To the OP, your situation appears to be the opposite of mine, but I think a similar strategy of encouraging your parents to consult outside sources might be helpful in your case as well.

 

[Morsetlis]

My parents are a hairdresser and a drunk by trade. They've thought I was a super genius since 6th grade.

This is not so helpful because those types of parents won't motivate you, and they definitely know jack **** about medicine :X

 

[searun]

This is not so helpful because those types of parents won't motivate you, and they definitely know jack **** about medicine :X

But they do know jack about Jack Daniels and their hair always looks good, so that is a fair trade off.

 

[ILikeDrugs]

My parents don't annoy me. Haven't seen one in ~21 years and the other in ~9. 😀 Perhaps you should stop giving a damn about what they think. Self-motivation all the way. 👍 And while you're at it, let them know how you feel about their condescending remarks. They'll just keep doing it if you don't let them know how you feel about it.

 

[auburnO5]

yeah..I totally understand you. I didn't get into any med schools by the time I graduated, had to move back to my parents' house and started reapplying to med schools. I was invited to only one interview, so I told my parents that I might not get in this year's cycle as well.. Then i started applying to grad schools while waiting for the results from this one med school I interviewed at. I worked very hard to complete phD program applications and luckily I was invited to interviews from every school I applied to. I was really proud of myself that I was actually able to get into PhD program and told my mom with great excitement. I said "Mom!!! I just got an interview invitation from XX university (which is a medical school)" My mom's immediate response was "Oh..it's a grad program, not medical..right?" with expression of disappointment. Then I started bursting out of tears because I wanted her to sincerely support WHATEVER I'm doing. I received admissions from couple of PhD programs before I got my med school match result. My parents are now happier than ever that I finally got into med school, but I still wish that they trusted, understood and emotionally supported me when I was going through the hardest time than anyone in my family.

I would advice you to talk to your parents that you are going through harder time than they could possibly imagine, and let them know that you definitely know what you are into and have backup plans. I cannot remember how many times I cried in a dark room because of my parents and feeling of self-worthlessness. There will be light at the end of the tunnel, so cheer up!!

I can relate, I didn't get in my first time so I had to move back home and now I am in the process of reapplying while living with my parents and it is hell.

 

[bravofleet4]

I can relate, I didn't get in my first time so I had to move back home and now I am in the process of reapplying while living with my parents and it is hell.

That should be something we should always tell pre-meds who are thinking about taking the year-off to consider. The fact is moving back home after living relatively independently can be hell...

 

[URHere]

They also are absolutely clueless about what you need to do to get into med school and think the only thing that matters are academics. CONSTANTLY I get, "You need to stop working and volunteering so much and focus on your studies." (I have a >3.7 GPA, work at a hospital as a nursing tech maybe twice a week for 4 hrs, and volunteer at a nursing home one day a week for about 2 hours.)

I remember spending one of my college summers in a bitter, 3-month argument with my parents because of a similar lack of understanding. That summer, I opted to spend half of my time volunteering and the other half as a lab tech making barely enough money to cover gas and parking downtown. My parents told me daily how foolish I was for not resuming my job as a cocktail waitress and making good money. The rest of my family just laughed at me and proceeded to tell me that I didn't "need to go to medical school to marry a doctor". They finally apologized for this a few months ago, which was more than I expected.

 

[MB333999]

bro i know EXACTLY how u feel...
the worst part is i have an older bro who basically they want me to be. everything he does is right and everything i do = automatic fail. To top it all off they are like why dont u look into the Caribbean, It might be your only choice... (even tho im chillin with a 3.9/32) honestly sometimes i just wanna scream stfu but lately i've just been ignoring them.

 

[circulus vitios]

My parents think I'm a genius and that I'll have no problem getting in because they know a few people who went to the same (garbage) school as I do and got in.

If only it was that easy.

My parents told me daily how foolish I was for not resuming my job as a cocktail waitress and making good money.

Yeah, same here. My parents want me to keep working in retail while I'm in school (as opposed to getting a tutoring or some other academic job at college) because "it pays well and stay at the same job makes you look reliable." Yeah except the competition for medical school isn't ******s who have been stocking the shelves for 20 years.

 

[chman]

My parents took a little while to come around. You should have seen the looks on their faces though, especially when I told them I was majoring in psych or anthro and planned on going to med school. They wanted me to do the B-school thing, and my interests were just not in it. The first thing my dad said was; "How do you plan on getting into med-school with a psych degree."

Anyways, they came around because they are smart enough to realize that if you force someone to do something they don't like they are going to resent you for it.

 

[chman]

That should be something we should always tell pre-meds who are thinking about taking the year-off to consider. The fact is moving back home after living relatively independently can be hell...

I moved back home once and will never do it again. You develop your own habits after living on your own and it just does not jive anymore. It is a fight almost for sure.

 

[Hifey]

My parents are actually mostly supportive but I was driven crazy a couple of times. My parents were/are DEAD SET on my attending med school this fall. My mom started nagging me full time back in November to apply to carib schools ASAP because she was worried I wouldn't get in. Only problem is: I had been waitlisted at three schools at that point, had yet to hear back from one school, and still had one interview to go. A week later, I got accepted and she backed off. However, all though the app cycle my parents were extremely supportive. They paid for all my primaries, secondaries, and all the flying out to interviews and they came with me (one parent per trip). I thought it was kinda lame at first that they insisted on coming with me but then I discovered that its really nice to have someone to always pick you up from the interview, and hang out with while you're waiting for your flight etc. Anyways, they were just really supportive and didn't pressure me too much about the applying stuff (my older brother had gone through it before and I kept them much more involved lol)

During the pre-med years though...they thought/still think that my volunteering is an absolute waste of time. My mom keeps nagging me to quite everyday cause I was already accepted. When I argue that I like it, she lets it go but yeah...my parents (and I) are immigrants and where we come from academics rule and ecs are useless.

Summary: My parents = awesome =)

 

[wholeheartedly]

I'm sooo not looking forward to this problem.... though I am expecting to have it.

There's a rather long and humorous thread on this from some other folks as well. It's definitely not just you.

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=41935

 

[Hope4Ever]

I'm not even planning to tell my family at all. Well, if I get into med school I'll shout it from the rooftops, but until then I'm keeping a lid on it. Easier for my sanity that way.

Haha, this is great advice. When I was applying to college, I didn't tell ANYONE what colleges I was applying to. I only revealed what college I was going to attend. 😀

 

[JFK90787]

But they do know jack about Jack Daniels and their hair always looks good, so that is a fair trade off.

*nods* my hair is flawless

 

[FloatOn]

Sometimes you just have to block out the negativity around you, trust yourself, and do what feels right to you.

 

[roseglass6370]

Wow! Thanks for all of the responses everyone. Yeah, it's a tough situation to be in but I know at the end of the day they just want whats best for me and that helps some. 🙂