passing while your friends aren't?

[rachmoninov3]

I have been exceptionally blessed to be doing well my first year of classes. Unfortunately, a lot of the other students in my class are not. Two students who were repeating the first year have exitted. Now my best friend in the class is thinking about exiting rather than having to repeat a year depending on how this last class goes, and it's not going well. Yes, we've studied together, and other than making certain we do more of that, I'm at a loss at what to do.

Is this just part of the hardening that goes on in medical school that will eventually turn us into cold as steel physicians?

Has anyone else had friends who dropped out? Tell me I'm not alone...

I guess I've got a bad case of survivors guilt. But I'm also selfish in that I really don't want to lose this person who not only has kept my sanity throughout first year, but who will make a damn good physician!

any thoughts?

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[Blesbok]

yes, you should feel horrible for passing. you are a horrible person.

 

[AmoryBlaine]

Survivor's guilt is pretty common. It's admirable that you feel so strongly on behalf of your friends.

Here's the deal: no one is owed a medical degree or a license to practice medicine -- you have to earn it. All along the way are people who don't make it, pre-meds who turn to something else, medical students who drop out, etc etc.

It sucks that some people can't hack it but being a doctor is hard and the training needs to be comensurate with the demands.

 

[nogolfinsnow]

I have been exceptionally blessed to be doing well my first year of classes. Unfortunately, a lot of the other students in my class are not. Two students who were repeating the first year have exitted. Now my best friend in the class is thinking about exiting rather than having to repeat a year depending on how this last class goes, and it's not going well. Yes, we've studied together, and other than making certain we do more of that, I'm at a loss at what to do.

Is this just part of the hardening that goes on in medical school that will eventually turn us into cold as steel physicians?

Has anyone else had friends who dropped out? Tell me I'm not alone...

I guess I've got a bad case of survivors guilt. But I'm also selfish in that I really don't want to lose this person who not only has kept my sanity throughout first year, but who will make a damn good physician!

any thoughts?

Don't forget to give yourself some credit for your performance.

 

[thedelicatessen]

I was friends with someone who mysteriously dropped out in the middle of the year. She seemed to be on top of things (more so than I was), so I'm guessing she just wasn't happy with going into medicine. It can seem sad that people you know are leaving the program, but all you can do is be a supportive friend. It shouldn't be your job to convince them to stay because ultimately, they are the ones who know what's best for them. In the end, everything will turn out ok.

 

[clandestino]

just support your friend, even if it means he/she will repeat the year. you can still be friends even if you aren't in the same classroom. also, let them know that you think they'll be a damn good doctor...we all need to hear that from time to time.

 

[doc20]

in life you always lose and gain people for different reasons , some are even very close.
and it can be hard to move on
other than quickly finding a study partner so your studying dont get affected there is not much you can do

 

[Law2Doc]

Is this just part of the hardening that goes on in medical school that will eventually turn us into cold as steel physicians?

No, the hardening comes when you have many patients you like pass away. Your friend hardly is at death's door. So you are being overly dramatic, calling it "survivor's" guilt. He is leaving medicine, and will likely find a happy life doing something else. He feels bad about it now, but will find something else that he can handle, and in a few years will be talking about how he never really wanted to be a doctor anyhow. You are acting like a life of not being a physician is not a good life. You need some serious perspective. In fact he may get the last laugh here. Having come from another career, I can tell you that medicine is but one road, and there are many many others, and happy people and unhappy people on all of them. The key is to find out early which one you belong on, and can handle.

 

[njbmd]

I have been exceptionally blessed to be doing well my first year of classes. Unfortunately, a lot of the other students in my class are not. Two students who were repeating the first year have exitted. Now my best friend in the class is thinking about exiting rather than having to repeat a year depending on how this last class goes, and it's not going well. Yes, we've studied together, and other than making certain we do more of that, I'm at a loss at what to do.

Is this just part of the hardening that goes on in medical school that will eventually turn us into cold as steel physicians?

Has anyone else had friends who dropped out? Tell me I'm not alone...

I guess I've got a bad case of survivors guilt. But I'm also selfish in that I really don't want to lose this person who not only has kept my sanity throughout first year, but who will make a damn good physician!

any thoughts?

I am one of those physicians who plays under "bright lights" with "cold steel" on a regular basis. In my medical school class, two people decided within the first three weeks that medicine wasn't for them. Both were among the most brilliant people I have ever met and now are both Ph.Ds in their respective fields and are doing quite well.

The next group to move out of medicine are those that liked medicine but didn't like the work of medical school. They left at the end of first year and moved into other careers that were less demanding. Both of these folks are PAs today and quite happy. After that, the rest of the class managed to get through and into some form of medicine.

In short, you are surrounded with adults who make choices that they feel will be best for them. Some of your guilt may be just plain sorrow at not seeing your friends every day because they have made choices that will not allow them to continue in your class. My guess is that they had the same opportunities to pass their coursework as you but didn't make the same decisions as you. In the end, the situation is what it is. Everyone can't become a physician for a myriad of reasons. Perhaps your friend's greatest contribution to medicine will be preserving your sanity and you have to let them move on into whatever works out for them. They can certainly still be your friend just not a physician.

 

[rachmoninov3]

thanks for all the replies. yes, my perspective is a little over-dramatic, or at least was when I first posted. Thanks for keeping me in line

I've been praying, and have offered to skip class and review everyday with my friend. Worse comes to worse, my friend doesn't suffer through the next 3 years + post grad training, and I've upped my level of preparedness for the final exam, giving me a shot at the oh so elusive "outstanding" grade in my schools 'pass/fail' system.

 

[LifetimeDoc]

A couple of my friends are failing out of medical school or might be repeating the year. I can tell you that they know as much if not more than I do of the material, and will be better/more knowledgeable physicians than I could ever hope to be. However, I'm better at taking multiple choice tests than they are. It just goes to show that the first two years of medical school don't mean that you won't be a good physician. They are just another of those hoops we have to jump through to get there.

 

[alwaysaangel]

That sucks and no there's isn't much more you can do - they have to be willing to do the work.

May I ask how big your class is? That makes me so sad - we haven't lost anyone - I think I'd be weirded out if we did. The first thing they said to us when we got here was that once you're in you'll get through...scary that some don't. The debt alone would terrify me.

 

[rachmoninov3]

That sucks and no there's isn't much more you can do - they have to be willing to do the work.

May I ask how big your class is? That makes me so sad - we haven't lost anyone - I think I'd be weirded out if we did. The first thing they said to us when we got here was that once you're in you'll get through...scary that some don't. The debt alone would terrify me.

My class started out at 75. We lost one of our own, then lost two from the previous year, and so we're about 72 right now. I was under the false impression as angel, that once you're on the conveyor belt to becoming a physician, you're pretty much going to be one. So I was shocked that we've lost so many already.

"The only thing harder than getting into medical school, is getting kicked out of medical school."---another SDN myth busted.

 

[farnsworth]

"The only thing harder than getting into medical school, is getting kicked out of medical school."---another SDN myth busted.

How is that myth "busted"? Do people fail out? Yes. ~100 times as many more people don't get in at all though, and the attrition rate's still >90% no matter where you go (U.S. MD).

 

[Law2Doc]

How is that myth "busted"? Do people fail out? Yes. ~100 times as many more people don't get in at all though, and the attrition rate's still >90% no matter where you go (U.S. MD).

Yeah, I think this isn't really a myth. Most people who get into med school will become doctors. So it's a lot harder to get in than stay in. About 1% will fail out, about 4-5% will drop out for other reasons. And some percentage will be left back a year. In a previous thread on here, one poster indicated that his US allo school tended to have as many as 8-10% of its class repeating either a course or a year. A large percentage of schools have a few people repeating first year each year. That's just the med school way -- if you fail a course you still get second or third chances to get through. Sure, there are the couple of top schools out there who have never failed anyone, ever, but that is a rarity.

 

[drcopa]

It sucks that some people can't hack it but being a doctor is hard and the training needs to be comensurate with the demands.

I don't know what school you go to but it sounds pretty tough. I had a very good friend who had to repeat first yr- and the best thing we could do for her was encourage her! She's going to be an awesome dr (and is now in 4th yr) and I think we're all glad she didn't get a lot of people down on her for having some struggles because she was someone who should be a doctor and just needed our support. But I think our school has ~1 person per 5-6 years who has to repeat a year, and I know of ONE classmate in my class of 147 who decided to drop out and pursue a different career. Sounds like your school has a much higher drop-out rate- I have to wonder why!

 

[MonkeyNuts!]

A couple of my friends are failing out of medical school or might be repeating the year. I can tell you that they know as much if not more than I do of the material, and will be better/more knowledgeable physicians than I could ever hope to be. However, I'm better at taking multiple choice tests than they are. It just goes to show that the first two years of medical school don't mean that you won't be a good physician. They are just another of those hoops we have to jump through to get there.

QFT

These days I just shake my head at gungho premeds. They work their asses off taking classes that try to weed them out and then take a major exam that determines pretty much whether they can move forward or not. They don't know that once you get into med school, you're pretty much doing the same thing over again. Premed classes and another MCAT.

Really, med school doesn't start for real until third year...

 

[PeepshowJohnny]

The only time I've felt kinda bad is when I see the real all stars succeeding with much less effort than those who struggle just to get by.

Now, in my experience, the majority of people who have trouble either A) don't put the time in or B) don't put in efficiently. For example, those who are at the library for 14 hours on Saturday, but most of it is on Myspace, walking around, doodling, etc.

However, there are some people who do try really hard and put in incredible hours and scrape by barely passing. And some people, through a combination of talent, memory, and efficient studying work maybe half the time and get AOA. That kinda gets me down.

But otherwise, yeah. If this is upsetting to you, wait until you hit clinical years. It's not all ER/Grey's tear jerking tragedy cases, but some stuff does hit you kinda hard.