Personal Statement Helpline... Seeking Fall09 Applicants

[Shelabo]

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I thought it would be nice for fall'09 applicants to have a place where they can post their personal statements for critique/suggestions/compliments from each other and veteran SDNers.

...yeah I took mine down. thanks fellow SDNers for the advice... any one want to trade for editing?

 

[goinkhead]

ive got a personal statement!!!! ..see below


(take it down!!)

I thought it would be nice for fall'09 applicants to have a place where they can post their personal statements for critique/suggestions/compliments from each other and veteran SDNers.


This is mine so far... I don't have a [well written/completed] conclusion:
I chose to study Pharmacy because....................

 

[RxWildcat]

You can refer here for tips about writing the PS and to find proofreaders for your statement.

 

[LuvCaramelFraps]

If I quote a sentence from a book in my ps, how would I go about citing it? I included the title of the book and the author, do I also have to include a page number? Also, are abbreviations okay to use? Just for the sake of an example, if I already mentioned that I worked at Total Request Live in the beginning and somewhere in the middle I say "what I learned from TRL?" (I didn't really work at TRL or learn aynthing from TRL)

 

[NgoWorries]

It's okay, I guess. I just glanced through it quickly but you should definitely proofread it some more before you send it in and get other people to proofread it also. There are some spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. For example, "a retail pharmacists" should be "a retail pharmacist," "highschool" is two words, pursuing instead of purusing, and "reenforcement" is spelled reinforcement. Not trying to be a jerk, just trying to be helpful =] Content-wise, maybe some of the other more experienced forum viewers can help you with that. I'll maybe post my own when I'm done with finals.

 

[me0wmix]

i think if you include specific examples, like how you did for your chem lab class, it would support why you want to pursue pharmacy. Give an example of when you realized you really made a difference by tutoring. Also, what spefically kept you motivated to continue your pharm tech job? Hope this helps. 🙂

 

[rowerpharm]

I would not post my personal statement here... try to find people already accepted to pharmacy school to read it for you, and PM it to them rather than posting it on this public forum. Just my suggestion...

 

[goinkhead]

limit the use of pronouns..."we" "I"... you use multiple pronouns on almost every sentence...avoiding those will make the essay much better.

also, your thesis statement is that you're "fascinated by the healing process of the human body"....i think. but you dont mention this at any point in the essay....i guess thatd be a nice sentence to include somewhere in the essay...but i dont think it should be the thesis of the pharmcas essay.

dont use "UGH"...or "Pharmacy!" in the essay. avoiding quotations is a good sign of effective writing skills (you should be able to communicate your interest in pharmacy without "Pharmacy!!!!!")

-you write 4 sentences to say that you were lost at the first day of your pharm tech job...this is too much...1 sentence will suffice. and even if you decide to mention taht you were clueless as your first day of work, IMO, i would leave this section out of the essay....


i think the content for a good essay is there...focusing on word choice and grammar will make the essay better.

I thought it would be nice for fall'09 applicants to have a place where they can post their personal statements for critique/suggestions/compliments from each other and veteran SDNers.


This is mine so far... I don't have a [well written/completed] conclusion:
Iow!

 

[pharmpilot]

Check out the sticky about proofreading on the first page. Among other things it suggests, "Use caution when deciding whom to send your PS to - on an anonymous forum, information can easily be plagiarized."

Additionally, the sticky about Pre-Pharmacy FAQ: schools, applications, the profession, useful links, etc has some useful information.

Posting your PS here... maybe not such a good idea.

Oh, and good luck. The process has many painful steps.

 

[UMbryce]

Hi! First I agree with some of the posters above that you shouldn't put your essay on here because ideas will get stolen. But I am curious about what you wrote so I glanced at it. Just some things I suggest:

Upgrade your vocab. You use words that are common in conversations, not academic work.

Have a stronger intro. I think starting out with "I chose pharmacy because..." is like literally answering the prompt. take an indirect, story-telling approach to answer the prompt.

Have an English major suggest writing style ideas to you.

Good luck!

 

[Shelabo]

Thanks for all of your input! Writing has never been my strength, plus i'm dyslexic, so the thoughts are there, it just doesnt come out right.


thanks again!!!