Jan 2, 2017
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0
Status
Pharmacy Student
Hey everyone, I thought I'd reach out to people who actually are in my shoes. Kinda personal but im desperate. I'm starting pharmacy school and I'm so confused. It's been my dream since I was a child and when I finally got there I'm having doubts. I don't know if it's fear or if it's what I want. I chickened out the first time due to my anxiety and now it's my last shot. Another problem I have is my school is 2 hours away from my home, my boyfriend of 5 years proposed to me. He doesn't support the fact that I will be living alone and it took a lot of convincing to bring up the commute process. Is it doable? Is a 4 hour commute 3-4 days a week sane? Along with responsibilities of a husband and passing pharmacy school? I guess I can't have the best of both worlds here but I'm trying to get opinions. My heart is torn between my education and the love of my life. He can't move due to work and it's literally my last shot at my PharmD. I have no emotional support or financial support. I'm depending on loans without him and fear that my focus and concentration will be impacted due to what I've been through. I'll graduate when I'm 30, I really want kids but I don't know where to start. I'm sorry with my sob story but I'm just lost. This the closest school to my home, no he won't wait, please don't be mean with your responses. I'm new to this. Thank you all:/ what do you guys think?
 

GoodWillShunting

2+ Year Member
Feb 24, 2016
116
316
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Medical Student
This is posted in the wrong forum, but here's my two cents:

Marriages often fail because one or both individuals have resentment. Perhaps one spouse settled on living somewhere they absolutely hate, and now have no friends, but they did it for their spouse. Perhaps one spouse gives up the dream career, to suit the needs of the other spouse.

In the end, these situations evolve into a life where every argument between the couple ends with someone saying "I can't believe I sacrificed my career/family/friends/life for you!

Don't let resentment have any chance in your relationship. If he proposed while knowing well that you would have to give up your career (thus assuming you would), then it seems like a clear decision to me.


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile
 
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cbrons

Ratatoskr! *Roar*
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Jul 29, 2007
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Hey everyone, I thought I'd reach out to people who actually are in my shoes. Kinda personal but im desperate. I'm starting pharmacy school and I'm so confused. It's been my dream since I was a child and when I finally got there I'm having doubts. I don't know if it's fear or if it's what I want. I chickened out the first time due to my anxiety and now it's my last shot. Another problem I have is my school is 2 hours away from my home, my boyfriend of 5 years proposed to me. He doesn't support the fact that I will be living alone and it took a lot of convincing to bring up the commute process. Is it doable? Is a 4 hour commute 3-4 days a week sane? Along with responsibilities of a husband and passing pharmacy school? I guess I can't have the best of both worlds here but I'm trying to get opinions. My heart is torn between my education and the love of my life. He can't move due to work and it's literally my last shot at my PharmD. I have no emotional support or financial support. I'm depending on loans without him and fear that my focus and concentration will be impacted due to what I've been through. I'll graduate when I'm 30, I really want kids but I don't know where to start. I'm sorry with my sob story but I'm just lost. This the closest school to my home, no he won't wait, please don't be mean with your responses. I'm new to this. Thank you all:/ what do you guys think?
4 hours per day? (I.e. 2 hours driving there, 2 hours back?) or 4 hours total per week?
 

Warderino92

5+ Year Member
Jun 30, 2014
297
371
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Medical Student
It's your life, not his. Two hours each way multiple days a week will wear on you extremely quickly. Especially when you also have commitments at home to take care of in addition to the 4 hours of study time you are losing every single school day.
 
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Jan 2, 2017
53
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Pharmacy Student
This is posted in the wrong forum, but here's my two cents:

Marriages often fail because one or both individuals have resentment. Perhaps one spouse settled on living somewhere they absolutely hate, and now have no friends, but they did it for their spouse. Perhaps one spouse gives up the dream career, to suit the needs of the other spouse.

In the end, these situations evolve into a life where every argument between the couple ends with someone saying "I can't believe I sacrificed my career/family/friends/life for you!

Don't let resentment have any chance in your relationship. If he proposed while knowing well that you would have to give up your career (thus assuming you would), then it seems like a clear decision to me.


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile
I'm just torn between the two. I'm scared of failing pharmacy school because I'm emotional and then losing both. I'm just a mess
 

libertyyne

5+ Year Member
Mar 5, 2015
10,801
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Why not ask the bf to move half way in-between , both of your commutes should be an hour each way instead of you bearing the brunt of the distance.
No one can tell you if going to pharm school is or is not worth it to you except you. Plus you should sell a little bit of the benefits of going to pharm school. I.e increased salary for you and prn jobs if you decide to have kids which pay well and are super flexible. Good luck.
 
Jan 2, 2017
53
0
Status
Pharmacy Student
Why not ask the bf to move half way in-between , both of your commutes should be an hour each way instead of you bearing the brunt of the distance.
No one can tell you if going to pharm school is or is not worth it to you except you. Plus you should sell a little bit of the benefits of going to pharm school. I.e increased salary for you and prn jobs if you decide to have kids which pay well and are super flexible. Good luck.
Thank you I appreciate your feedback
 

Merely

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Thank you I appreciate your feedback
You can make whatever your situation work. Don't give up or back down. I am in med school and know friends who commute 5 hours a day (2.5hrs each way) to get back to their homes. It can be done and you can do it if you work hard enough. Also, pharm school is much easier than med school so it is def possible.
 
Jan 2, 2017
53
0
Status
Pharmacy Student
You can make whatever your situation work. Don't give up or back down. I am in med school and know friends who commute 5 hours a day (2.5hrs each way) to get back to their homes. It can be done and you can do it if you work hard enough. Also, pharm school is much easier than med school so it is def possible.
Are you serious? How do they manage to do that? Where do they study? How are they sane? Your response just gave me hope. Thank you
 

ncide

5+ Year Member
Mar 2, 2015
1,343
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Dentist
I have a classmate who was accepted to dental school and her boyfriend proposed to her. Now they are married, but he still lives about an hour and a half away and she rents in town so that she can attend school. Very similar situation to yours and they made it work. She goes up to see him every weekend.
 
Jan 3, 2017
3
1
Status
Non-Student
Hey everyone, I thought I'd reach out to people who actually are in my shoes. Kinda personal but im desperate. I'm starting pharmacy school and I'm so confused. It's been my dream since I was a child and when I finally got there I'm having doubts. I don't know if it's fear or if it's what I want. I chickened out the first time due to my anxiety and now it's my last shot. Another problem I have is my school is 2 hours away from my home, my boyfriend of 5 years proposed to me. He doesn't support the fact that I will be living alone and it took a lot of convincing to bring up the commute process. Is it doable? Is a 4 hour commute 3-4 days a week sane? Along with responsibilities of a husband and passing pharmacy school? I guess I can't have the best of both worlds here but I'm trying to get opinions. My heart is torn between my education and the love of my life. He can't move due to work and it's literally my last shot at my PharmD. I have no emotional support or financial support. I'm depending on loans without him and fear that my focus and concentration will be impacted due to what I've been through. I'll graduate when I'm 30, I really want kids but I don't know where to start. I'm sorry with my sob story but I'm just lost. This the closest school to my home, no he won't wait, please don't be mean with your responses. I'm new to this. Thank you all:/ what do you guys think?
just get in touch at [email protected] because I think this is too personal
 
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Jan 2, 2017
53
0
Status
Pharmacy Student
I have a classmate who was accepted to dental school and her boyfriend proposed to her. Now they are married, but he still lives about an hour and a half away and she rents in town so that she can attend school. Very similar situation to yours and they made it work. She goes up to see him every weekend.
Except for her the fact that he doesn't wanna live in seperate households. This is the toughest decision I've ever faced.
 

libertyyne

5+ Year Member
Mar 5, 2015
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Except for her the fact that he doesn't wanna live in seperate households. This is the toughest decision I've ever faced.
Ask him to move half way. I mean relationships are give and take and full of compromise.
 
Jan 2, 2017
53
0
Status
Pharmacy Student
Ask him to move half way. I mean relationships are give and take and full of compromise.
He's wel established where we currently live and he has his business here. That's where I have to sacrifice but I fear doing so and resenting him my whole life so I don't know what to expect.
 

libertyyne

5+ Year Member
Mar 5, 2015
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No one can answer these questions for you. If pharmacy is a calling for you it is. If it is something you are willing to let go of , it is something that you can let go of.

Btw , there is a bit of glut in the pharmacy job market these days so I would research that.


There is a >50% divorce rate in America. What if in 10 years time you look back at your life and you didn't do this and are now divorced ?

What if you complete this at the cost of your relationship and in 10 years you look back and wish you had not?

These odds and outcomes are only something you can answer.
 

libertyyne

5+ Year Member
Mar 5, 2015
10,801
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He's wel established where we currently live and he has his business here. That's where I have to sacrifice but I fear doing so and resenting him my whole life so I don't know what to expect.
Having a business there doesn't mean he can't commute an hour to the business .
 
Jan 2, 2017
53
0
Status
Pharmacy Student
No one can answer these questions for you. If pharmacy is a calling for you it is. If it is something you are willing to let go of , it is something that you can let go of.

Btw , there is a bit of glut in the pharmacy job market these days so I would research that.


There is a >50% divorce rate in America. What if in 10 years time you look back at your life and you didn't do this and are now divorced ?

What if you complete this at the cost of your relationship and in 10 years you look back and wish you had not?

These odds and outcomes are only something you can answer.
I agree with everything your saying, what do you mean glute in the market?
 

libertyyne

5+ Year Member
Mar 5, 2015
10,801
20,828
Status
Medical Student
Maybe we can get the moderators @Ismet to move this to the right forum so you could speak with actual pharm students.
 
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vernhart

5+ Year Member
Oct 22, 2013
468
623
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Medical Student
It sounds like you need to have a discussion with him about how much you want this. If he loves you he will get over not wanting to live separately bc he should want what will make you happy. Or he will find a way to run his business from 2 hours (or less if you commute a bit) away.
 
Jan 2, 2017
53
0
Status
Pharmacy Student
It sounds like you need to have a discussion with him about how much you want this. If he loves you he will get over not wanting to live separately bc he should want what will make you happy. Or he will find a way to run his business from 2 hours (or less if you commute a bit) away.
Thank u for your reply, the 2 hour commute next semester is something I'm dreading. Fingers crossed
 
Oct 19, 2016
43
15
Maine
Status
Pre-Pharmacy
I am in a similar situation. I have a house about an hour away from two different Pharm schools. I live with my girlfriend and her 4 year old daughter. Because her daughter's father lives closeby and we really like the school system, we have decided to stay where we are while I am in school. That means I will be driving 1 hour to and from school 5 days a week. I have a 2014 Honda Civic with payments on it to make the drive possible. In my situation, I am hoping to find someone that I can stay with near the Pharm school in case of a hectic school week or bad weather ( I live in Maine ). Maybe you can do something similar? Do you know anyone in the area? Can you reach out to the school and see if they have a spare bed in a dorm room you could have in case you need to stay one day a week or something? Maybe rent a room and have your boyfriend come visit you half the time? I can't say yet how doable it is, but I wish you the best!
 
Jan 2, 2017
53
0
Status
Pharmacy Student
I am in a similar situation. I have a house about an hour away from two different Pharm schools. I live with my girlfriend and her 4 year old daughter. Because her daughter's father lives closeby and we really like the school system, we have decided to stay where we are while I am in school. That means I will be driving 1 hour to and from school 5 days a week. I have a 2014 Honda Civic with payments on it to make the drive possible. In my situation, I am hoping to find someone that I can stay with near the Pharm school in case of a hectic school week or bad weather ( I live in Maine ). Maybe you can do something similar? Do you know anyone in the area? Can you reach out to the school and see if they have a spare bed in a dorm room you could have in case you need to stay one day a week or something? Maybe rent a room and have your boyfriend come visit you half the time? I can't say yet how doable it is, but I wish you the best!
I wish you the best of luck, let me know how it works for you.
 

Mister Lord

2+ Year Member
Jan 11, 2017
2
0
Status
Pharmacy Student
P1 here. Maybe my perspective and experiences can help. I am a male in my mid-20s. I too am in a relationship with the one I believe to be the love of my life. My pharmacy school is about two hours away from both home and her. Prior to embarking on my pharmacy endeavors, we both knew what we would be getting into with me going to pharmacy school; had I not continued my education, we would have most likely married this year. Getting to the chase, no matter what your decision may be, plan to live life with zero regrets. I am certain you understand the consequences of both options. Therefore, think deeply about the pros and cons of both and decide. More about me, I chose to continue my education because I certainly did not want to live my entire life wondering what it would have been like had I not attended pharmacy school. My partner, I love her to death, understands this, and hopefully your partner understands how you feel as well. The distance is certainly not too bad because we are each other's motivations to get through the days. I typically visit home and her every two weeks, which seems like sufficient time to mend relationships. Now that I am in pharmacy school, the knowledge gained has been extraordinary, and I know I will not only put it to good use in helping future patients, but also helping my future family, especially my wife and children; the only person I want providing primary care on my family is me :), unless there are hindrances. Again, the decision is yours and there is no wrong path. Yes, there are chances of losing our loved ones, but that should not be a reason stopping you from fulfilling lifelong ambitions. Wish you the best!
 
Jan 2, 2017
53
0
Status
Pharmacy Student
P1 here. Maybe my perspective and experiences can help. I am a male in my mid-20s. I too am in a relationship with the one I believe to be the love of my life. My pharmacy school is about two hours away from both home and her. Prior to embarking on my pharmacy endeavors, we both knew what we would be getting into with me going to pharmacy school; had I not continued my education, we would have most likely married this year. Getting to the chase, no matter what your decision may be, plan to live life with zero regrets. I am certain you understand the consequences of both options. Therefore, think deeply about the pros and cons of both and decide. More about me, I chose to continue my education because I certainly did not want to live my entire life wondering what it would have been like had I not attended pharmacy school. My partner, I love her to death, understands this, and hopefully your partner understands how you feel as well. The distance is certainly not too bad because we are each other's motivations to get through the days. I typically visit home and her every two weeks, which seems like sufficient time to mend relationships. Now that I am in pharmacy school, the knowledge gained has been extraordinary, and I know I will not only put it to good use in helping future patients, but also helping my future family, especially my wife and children; the only person I want providing primary care on my family is me :), unless there are hindrances. Again, the decision is yours and there is no wrong path. Yes, there are chances of losing our loved ones, but that should not be a reason stopping you from fulfilling lifelong ambitions. Wish you the best!
That's great, she seems very understanding.
 

xothinkpink

2+ Year Member
Oct 21, 2016
24
2
Status
Pre-Pharmacy
Hey everyone, I thought I'd reach out to people who actually are in my shoes. Kinda personal but im desperate. I'm starting pharmacy school and I'm so confused. It's been my dream since I was a child and when I finally got there I'm having doubts. I don't know if it's fear or if it's what I want. I chickened out the first time due to my anxiety and now it's my last shot. Another problem I have is my school is 2 hours away from my home, my boyfriend of 5 years proposed to me. He doesn't support the fact that I will be living alone and it took a lot of convincing to bring up the commute process. Is it doable? Is a 4 hour commute 3-4 days a week sane? Along with responsibilities of a husband and passing pharmacy school? I guess I can't have the best of both worlds here but I'm trying to get opinions. My heart is torn between my education and the love of my life. He can't move due to work and it's literally my last shot at my PharmD. I have no emotional support or financial support. I'm depending on loans without him and fear that my focus and concentration will be impacted due to what I've been through. I'll graduate when I'm 30, I really want kids but I don't know where to start. I'm sorry with my sob story but I'm just lost. This the closest school to my home, no he won't wait, please don't be mean with your responses. I'm new to this. Thank you all:/ what do you guys think?
If he doesn't support your dreams and aspirations then maybe he isn't for you. I know that isn't probably what you want to hear right now, but it's true. A partner should support you and be your biggest cheerleader. Relationships take compromise. And pharmacy school is hard, so having a great support system helps. I think going to pharmacy school will be the biggest test of your union. I've seen people make it work. But just know everything happens for a reason. Best of luck.
 
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Jan 2, 2017
53
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If he doesn't support your dreams and aspirations then maybe he isn't for you. I know that isn't probably what you want to hear right now, but it's true. A partner should support you and be your biggest cheerleader. Relationships take compromise. And pharmacy school is hard, so having a great support system helps. I think going to pharmacy school will be the biggest test of your union. I've seen people make it work. But just know everything happens for a reason. Best of luck.
Thank you for your kind advice. God bless you always
 
Apr 4, 2013
73
11
Status
Pre-Pharmacy
I believe you should pursue your dreams despite what anyone says including your boyfriend. If your boyfriend loves you he will support you in any obstacles you may have. Plus it is great to have his support cause you need someone to keep you sane since pharmacy school will make you frustrated at times. I have an sister who is making it work with her boyfriend who lives in London, I do not think he will come to the USA to live since his life is there but I see them making it work. They support each other and all you need is that. Also, surround yourself with positivity because it will eliminate alot of doubt you have. It is normal to worry about the future but if your passion is in pharmacy, you really should pursue this career because you will not regret it. I am not in the same boat as you, and I have no idea what that commute will have on your life but just remember whatever happens, god has an way.
 
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Jan 2, 2017
53
0
Status
Pharmacy Student
I believe you should pursue your dreams despite what anyone says including your boyfriend. If your boyfriend loves you he will support you in any obstacles you may have. Plus it is great to have his support cause you need someone to keep you sane since pharmacy school will make you frustrated at times. I have an sister who is making it work with her boyfriend who lives in London, I do not think he will come to the USA to live since his life is there but I see them making it work. They support each other and all you need is that. Also, surround yourself with positivity because it will eliminate alot of doubt you have. It is normal to worry about the future but if your passion is in pharmacy, you really should pursue this career because you will not regret it. I am not in the same boat as you, and I have no idea what that commute will have on your life but just remember whatever happens, god has an way.
Thank you ❤
 
May 7, 2013
30
6
Status
Uhh I wouldn't give up on my dreams for even a husband. I know someone who gave up being a doctor because husband didn't want to move for medical school. They ended up divorced anyways and she regretted it. He needs to compromise, end of story. If for four years you have to move and spend weekends/summers with him then so be it. Or you can move halfway. You could have applied to some online pharmacy schools, but honestly don't compromise.
 
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