Please critique my personal statement

[Jamesdd]

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[medicalCPA]

Look at the "Personal Statement 2008-2009: Proofreading and Help" sticky thread conveniently located at the top of this forum.

 

[UES Girl]

I would say remove your statement for your own benefit and security - you never know who is reading these forums and what they might decide to do with your statement. Someone could plagiarize it or even use as their own. It's better be careful than sorry - there has to be some kind of free tutoring service at your school either in the English or Writing department, perhaps they could read over your statement and offer some good constructive feedback.

 

[kevintech]

I can guarantee you someone already used this as a template for their personal statement.

 

[HurricaneKatt]

Hey everyone, this is the first draft of my personal statement that I just hammered out. I'm sure its still very raw, as i only spent about an hour writing it. A little background on me: I just graduated college this past May and i'm applying for this upcoming 2009 year. My grades in college were not very good (2.92 GPA), and i have few extracurriculars and no pharm tech experience. However, i did extremely well on the PCAT (97 composite) and i'm currently working for a pharmaceutical company as a chemist. Anyways, heres my personal statement. Please help me make chances

Your beginning is definitely rough and VERY redundant as far as wording goes (bold OR underlined). The bold AND underlined parts are some suggestions (change time. However, to time; however, it's more professional looking and shows you have good writing skills). I challenge you to completely eliminate the words excel and outstanding. Great ending, you definitely build strength as you go. Good luck with your applications!!!!

 

[HurricaneKatt]

I would say remove your statement for your own benefit and security - you never know who is reading these forums and what they might decide to do with your statement. Someone could plagiarize it or even use as their own. It's better be careful than sorry - there has to be some kind of free tutoring service at your school either in the English or Writing department, perhaps they could read over your statement and offer some good constructive feedback.

Definitely

 

[mrblah]

I'd take this off the forum. There are some shady people lurking on this forum.

 

[apteryx]

I'm sure there are people searching google for sample essays (hell, we get people asking for them here!) that will get directed here to this. You got a critique, now for your own good take it down!

 

[PharmD321]

Your beginning is definitely rough and VERY redundant as far as wording goes (bold OR underlined). The bold AND underlined parts are some suggestions (change time. However, to time; however, it's more professional looking and shows you have good writing skills). I challenge you to completely eliminate the words excel and outstanding. Great ending, you definitely build strength as you go. Good luck with your applications!!!!

lol you have his essay up as one of your quotes....everyone can still see what he wrote....so please delete it!!

I would say remove your statement for your own benefit and security - you never know who is reading these forums and what they might decide to do with your statement. Someone could plagiarize it or even use as their own. It's better be careful than sorry - there has to be some kind of free tutoring service at your school either in the English or Writing department, perhaps they could read over your statement and offer some good constructive feedback.

Every school has a writing center (people who will edit your papers) and I haven't been to mine yet but will do next week!!

 

[medicalCPA]

OP, you also have to PM HurricaneKatt and ask her to remove your essay from her quote.

 

[fenixtnlfan]

HurricaneKatt and Jamesdd, I went ahead and deleted the PS from HurricaneKatt's quote. I can of course put it back if you want, but I figured you would appreciate it being deleted. http://forums.studentdoctor.net/member.php?u=204936