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Most people in med school have obsessive-compulsive personality traits. This is different from OCD.Most people I know of in medical school has at least mild OCD.
I know where you are coming from! I watch the garage door close all the way to the ground to be sure there is no dog being squashed—even though there are two closed doors between the house and the garage door.Most people in med school have obsessive-compulsive personality traits. This is different from OCD.
As I mentioned above, OCD varies in severity. What I didn’t mention in the previous post is that I also have a mild-moderate case of OCD. Since others have shared their experiences, I’ll share mine.
I’ve probably always had some obsessions and compulsions, but they never seriously bothered me until residency. When I was a kid, I had some weird stuff about not wanting to step on the cracks in the sidewalk and a fixation and with even numbers. I think my parents told me that, if I was eating cookies, I always had to eat an even number of them. Either that or a multiple of 5. Still, it wasn’t very interfering and I never really sought treatment for it.
In residency, I started experiencing two phenomena that really bothered me. The first was that my compulsive checking behaviors were getting worse. At a few points, I had to walk all the way back to the garage from my office to check that I locked my car (this was not an insignificant walk).
The second is somewhat related and is that I started having intrusive thoughts related to the welfare of my cats. I would have thoughts that I knew were completely irrational but I worried that, if I didn’t attend to them, my cats would be harmed. For instance, I would have repetitive thoughts that I may not have closed the bottles to my medications or closed the night stand I kept them in and that, if I hadn’t, the cats might eat my medicine and overdose. As a result, I had to ritually check my medication cabinet every morning. I would also have to directly visualize each of my cats before I left the apartment every morning because I worried that, if I didn’t, the cats could have run past me and gotten out. This also made no sense because I live in a high rise apartment with an elevator, so I would see them in the hallway even if they did get out. If I forgot or just doubted whether I had done either of these rituals, I would have to go back and do them. Many times I would get all the way to my car to go to work and then have to go back to the apartment to check these things.
These last few things became giant nuisances, so I asked to try an antidepressant and it has helped a lot. I still have some checking urges but they’re much improved. I also have some obsessive-compulsive personality traits, but those I try to channel productively.
So, yes. There are people who do just fine in medicine despite OCD.
I forgot about the cracks! I have to put the middle of my foot in cracks. I’ve done that since a kid. I dunno why.Most people in med school have obsessive-compulsive personality traits. This is different from OCD.
As I mentioned above, OCD varies in severity. What I didn’t mention in the previous post is that I also have a mild-moderate case of OCD. Since others have shared their experiences, I’ll share mine.
I’ve probably always had some obsessions and compulsions, but they never seriously bothered me until residency. When I was a kid, I had some weird stuff about not wanting to step on the cracks in the sidewalk and a fixation on even numbers. I think my parents told me that, if I was eating cookies, I always had to eat an even number of them. Either that or a multiple of 5. Still, it wasn’t very interfering and I never really sought treatment for it.
In residency, I started experiencing two phenomena that really bothered me. The first was that my compulsive checking behaviors were getting worse. At a few points, I had to walk all the way back to the garage from my office to check that I locked my car (this was not an insignificant walk).
The second is somewhat related and is that I started having intrusive thoughts related to the welfare of my cats. I would have thoughts that I knew were completely irrational but I worried that, if I didn’t attend to them, my cats would be harmed. For instance, I would have repetitive thoughts that I may not have closed the bottles to my medications or closed the night stand I kept them in and that, if I hadn’t, the cats might eat my medicine and overdose. As a result, I had to ritually check my medication cabinet every morning. I would also have to directly visualize each of my cats before I left the apartment every morning because I worried that, if I didn’t, the cats could have run past me and gotten out. This also made no sense because I live in a high rise apartment with an elevator, so I would see them in the hallway even if they did get out. If I forgot or just doubted whether I had done either of these rituals, I would have to go back and do them. Many times I would get all the way to my car to go to work and then have to go back to the apartment to check these things.
These last few things became giant nuisances, so I asked to try an antidepressant and it has helped a lot. I still have some checking urges but they’re much improved. I also have some obsessive-compulsive personality traits, but those I try to channel productively.
So, yes. There are people who do just fine in medicine despite OCD.
Thanks for this advice. My current therapist doesn't know much about OCD, so I think it will be a good idea to find someone more specialised. I asked if she's seen someone like me before, and she hasn't so not sure how much she can help."My psychologist has explained that while recovery is possible, I will likely always have OCD in some form or another."
I suggest working with an anxiety/OCD specialist psychologist who aims to help you not only manage OCD, but also overcome it.
Thanks for the reply! Do you find you're able to control how much your OCD 'shows' to others when at work? Are you able to overcome it when needed in emergencies or critical situations?You’ll be fine. I’ve dealt with severe OCD since I was 3 years old, my parents told me they noticed me counting tiles on walls and having to fill every single hole in a ego waffle with syrup since I was a toddler and eventually you just get used to it.
Is there any point in counting every step, breathe, blink or tongue movement to 20 over and over every second of every day? Or balancing the size of cracks I step on with my feet or taking the last step in a stairway in a jump if the number is uneven? Nope. Sadly I don’t even have the useful OCD of organizing because it’s paired with a big fat ADHD so I’m
a disorganized mess. But I’ve dealt with it for so long that it hardly bothers me anymore.
First step is realizing it bothers you, and then doing something about it like you are, you will be just fine.
I find that I still have the intrusive thoughts but they are less frequent and I’m better able to resist them. I could honestly stand to try a higher dose but it has not been a huge issue so I didn’t really bring it up. I’m also temporarily between doctors right now because my insurance changed when I went from residency to fellowship.Hi, thanks for taking the time to reply. I appreciate you making the distinction between an obsessive compulsive personality and actual OCD. I find people often assume I'm talking about the former and don't understand where I'm coming from. I also have intrusive thoughts about my cats coming to harm! Do you find now with meds if they pop up at work you're able to leave the thought and move on? I'm also worried about my checking behaviors taking up so much time and making me inefficient at work - is this something you've been OK with?
Thanks for the reply! Do you find you're able to control how much your OCD 'shows' to others when at work? Are you able to overcome it when needed in emergencies or critical situations?
I'm glad to hear you're doing well. Thanks for sharing your experience, its good to know there is a possible light at the end of the tunnel.I find that I still have the intrusive thoughts but they are less frequent and I’m better able to resist them. I could honestly stand to try a higher dose but it has not been a huge issue so I didn’t really bring it up. I’m also temporarily between doctors right now because my insurance changed when I went from residency to fellowship.
For instance, I’ll still have the intrusive thoughts about my cats and the medications. I will also, admittedly, still check the drawer if I have these thoughts and am still in the apartment. But once I leave the apartment, I’m generally able to let it go if I have those thoughts. Maybe once every 2-4 weeks, I will still have the thought that the cats got out or that I didn’t close my medications as soon as I leave the apartment and will unlock the door and go back in to either check the drawer or visualize my cats. Still, it’s been a long time since I’ve allowed it to be more interfering than that. It’s probably been at least 4-6 months since I’ve actually gone so far as getting all the way to my car and taking the elevator back to the apartment to check things.
With the car-lock checking, if I have the thought that I might not have locked the car, I’m now generally always able to just let it go.
Honestly, I could probably be doing even better than I am if I had pursued formal ERP, but I’m busy and it honestly just seemed like more time and energy than it was worth. If my symptoms were more interfering, though, I would have definitely done it.