Possible to START relationship during internship year?

[ihsak4health]

My boyfriend recently wanted to 'take a break' or pretty much needed not to be in a relationship b/c he feels overwhelmed by internship. We just started a few months into his internship.... and its long distance too.

So, question for male interns, is this really a 'job related' stress or does it have something to do with me too? I guess for girls, when we get stressed, we don't start breaking relationships. IN fact, I would think we need each other's support more.

Maybe he's just not that into me (that best seller book title). I'm not in medical field btw.

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[LADoc00]

My boyfriend recently wanted to 'take a break' or pretty much needed not to be in a relationship b/c he feels overwhelmed by internship. We just started a few months into his internship.... and its long distance too.

So, question for male interns, is this really a 'job related' stress or does it have something to do with me too? I guess for girls, when we get stressed, we don't start breaking relationships. IN fact, I would think we need each other's support more.

Maybe he's just not that into me (that best seller book title). I'm not in medical field btw.

I dumped my LTR of 8 (gulp) years during the stress of residency completely out of blue one morning. Hell yes it is job related. Im not sure why anyone would date a resident anyway, they are poor as crap, tried all the time and sleep deprived, likely not to have the greatest sex drive, probably dont work out regularly, its like a dating an old fart!!!

 

[bananaface]

I dumped my LTR of 8 (gulp) years during the stress of residency completely out of blue one morning. Hell yes it is job related. Im not sure why anyone would date a resident anyway, they are poor as crap, tried all the time and sleep deprived, likely not to have the greatest sex drive, probably dont work out regularly, its like a dating an old fart!!!

shenanigans.

For the OP, unless there are red flags, you should probably just go with what your ex-boyfriend says is the reason for the breakup.

 

[lovemydrhubby]

My husband and I (fiance at the time-we were together 2 yrs then) took a break" during his 2nd yr of med school. There were a few factors going into the mini-breakup, but he really did start pushing me away as he got more stressed and busy.

Maybe it IS a guy coping mechanism. Although I can see myself doing something similar under stress/pressure. It took about 9 months to build things again and ALOT of communication. We realized there were alot of factors going into the breakup...more than what was on the surface.


I wouldn't beat myself up about it and assume it's something else. (unless like someone else said there is more to the story). Since it's his intern year there are just alot of new things in his life. (did he move for residency- if so that's another really new item!) I would imagine it's quite hard to really establish a relationship during the first several months of your internship.

 

[kassie]

Try not to read into what he's saying. Just move on. If he's ready later and you happen to be available at the time, then what will be will be.

But my impression is that things were moving rather quickly if you were talking about moving into his town just a few months into the relationship (you said you started dating in intern year which only started in July). Things move much slower than that when you're an intern.

good luck!

 

[ihsak4health]

No I did not or do not plan on moving. It is of course too soon to tell.

I guess things will be what will be. It just helps me to get different perspective as I know 'medical dating' is different from 'normal dating'.

Thanks for everyone's input.

 

[kassie]

oops sorry i thought you mentioned moving in another thread. i think i got you confused with someone else.

drop the guy because he's obviosly not willing to put in as much effort as you. his loss not yours!

No I did not or do not plan on moving. It is of course too soon to tell.

I guess things will be what will be. It just helps me to get different perspective as I know 'medical dating' is different from 'normal dating'.

Thanks for everyone's input.

 

[ihsak4health]

So we have broken up. Although its somewhat mutual but it is mostly because he is not ready for full time relationship. We've dated only a few months long distance. But despite the short time, I really like this guy and he said he still likes me too. However, I just can't seem to shake off accepting that just because he is stressed from internship is he not ready for relationship.

There are all these relationship books other there ...and advice;etc. But, I wonder if those do not apply to doctors, especially interns? I mean, forgive me if I'm not getting it, but we don't go and plan when we meet someone. So, how can we say we are not ready for relationship? Is it really that difficult for him to call me everday or do I not get the intense schedule interns face? ... Maybe I have not been that sleep deprived and I'm a girl but I would look forward to calling him at the end of my work day even just to hear his voice. ... I guess i"m looking for your input from the world of medicine. Thanks ...

 

[ihsak4health]

By the way, thanks for your earlier replies. I am trying not to read into his decision too much but as you can see, its not working. I guess bottomline is, a person in medicine, even when they met someone they like and want to continue, may not be able to handle a relationship b/c of time and commitment ---- true or false? I need to wake up, thanks for giving me a glimpse of your world in terms of dating.

 

[Wifty]

I am sorry that you have broken up, but it might be for the best. If it is meant to be, he will be calling you in a while when he learns to deal with the stress of internship.

Being an intern can be very grueling and can leave a person emotionally unable to give anything else to a person in one day. So, a phone call a day might have been too much and might have just added to his stress and guilt at not being able to be what you needed.

I read somewhere that most medical marriages breakup during the intern year over any other. Don't know how true that is, but it logically makes sense.

Btw, my hubby is just a IVth year and there are times when he is emotionally drained and doesn't have as much to give me. I understand that and realize that its those times that he needs me to just understand that he loves me and that what he says is true.

Good luck. Enjoy your life and see what happens.

With smiles,
Wifty

 

[JohnUC33]

One of the worst things you could do is try to make him stay in a relationship he does not want to be in. If he likes you and wants to be with you, he will make it work. You just don't show him that it bothers you, and he'll be calling before too long if he really has feelings for you.

 

[toofache32]

I knew this was a chick asking the question. Why is it always one of those "what are you thinking?" questions?

 

[ihsak4health]

What kind of non-constructive comment is that? Women have emotions, not all of us use it to try to ruin a man's day. The whole reason why I took the liberty to find this website and post this question was BECAUSE I didn't want to ask him.

So, thanks so much for your post.

 

[toofache32]

My point exactly..."I didn't want to ask him." This is where the communication problems begin.

 

[bananaface]

My point exactly..."I didn't want to ask him." This is where the communication problems begin.

You make me want to go to the JuliusHibbert thread and be like, "OMG I knew this thread was by a male!" just to point out that willingful communication breakdown is not a gender specific problem.

 

[ihsak4health]

Thanks bananaface.

 

[toofache32]

Look, I'm just the rooster who wandered into the henhouse. I was referring to the illogical mind-games played by females. I know of no heterosexual males that play these same games. If you don't know what I'm talking about, it's because you play these games too.

 

[bananaface]

Look, I'm just the rooster who wandered into the henhouse. I was referring to the illogical mind-games played by females. I know of no heterosexual males that play these same games. If you don't know what I'm talking about, it's because you play these games too.

Heterosexual men have no reason to play them with you. But, some do play them.

 

[ihsak4health]

I have moved on now from this chapter in my life. It has been fun to learn about medical world through you guys and hopefully next time I post, will be good news about other things.

Thanks!

 

[Poety]

Look, I'm just the rooster who wandered into the henhouse. I was referring to the illogical mind-games played by females. I know of no heterosexual males that play these same games. If you don't know what I'm talking about, it's because you play these games too.

i do, PD's at residency programs across the US!

 

[toofache32]

i do, PD's at residency programs across the US!

Good point. Can't argue there.

 

[ihsak4health]

Male mind games? Let's hear it.